Moments Of Alex Being Vulnerable With Henry: An Essay

Moments of Alex being vulnerable with Henry: an essay

Warning: This one is very special to me and very close to my heart. This is going to be a LONG read because I’m in love with Alex and I dissect his every move, in the book and in the movie. I loved getting into Alex's head and writing this. Grab a drink of your choice and join me as I go meta.

Alex is your typical wild single-child undiagnosed-ADHD boy with latent bisexual tendencies. He is flamboyant and outgoing in a charming way. Fucking eyelashes!! He buzzes with unbridled energy, and he channels that energy into action. He makes sure he has enough things to occupy him and expend his energy. He has no time to analyse his emotions and be vulnerable. That’s why he doesn’t really think about his bisexual tendencies till Henry came along and made him question everything he knew about himself. Henry was his wake-up call. His sexual awakening.

Gif from @userstede

The first time we see Alex being vulnerable with Henry is right when he is having an epiphany about his sexual orientation. Talk about a watershed moment! Alex is not surprised that he can be low-level into guys. But Henry? That is a surprise for him. He thinks back to his rendezvous with men earlier and now he looks at them with a different perspective. You can say he is a bisexual man with a strong affinity to women till Henry came along. Well… we know that. Alex doesn't know it yet. Poor oblivious sweet Alex. So, you see him parse his emotions in real time with Henry. It’s the very first time he is saying out loud that he is bisexual, more to himself than Henry. And Henry gets to share that moment with Alex.

Gifs from @alexshenry

Once he gets the epiphany out of the way, he knows he wants to see Henry again. He has never asked a man out till then. It is HENRY!! He disliked him till a month or two ago. Gone is the confident and suave Alex replaced by an unsure and vulnerable Alex who is trying to ask a man out for the first time in his life. I am sure his heart was beating out of his chest. He reaches out to take Henry’s hand, pauses, looks down at their joined hands and says he wouldn’t mind doing it again. He hopes Henry would agree. And Henry does. Talk about sweet sweet relief.

Gif from @noahreids

They are going out ‘casually’ now and try to have clandestine rendezvous whenever their busy schedules allow. They are in Paris and Henry wants to consummate their relationship. Alex is ‘down’ for it. Only he has never gone all the way with a man. He has a moment of doubt and then remembers it is Henry. He knows that Henry will take care of him and he has nothing to fear with Henry. He could’ve pretended to know what he was doing but he didn’t do that. In the end, Henry is his first and only man he experienced in the most intimate way.

They keep in touch through emails and phone calls. Alex is out campaigning for his mom in Texas. He puts up a brave front during the campaign, mobilizing the grassroots trying to sign up new voters. Behind the façade is the Alex who is having a bit of impostor syndrome. He tells Henry that he is afraid that he will let his mom down. He says that he will admit this to no one but Henry. Because he knows that he can be vulnerable with Henry without feeling naked and exposed.

The lake scene! Oh! I can write a thousand word essay about this scene alone. Alex has realized that he is in love with Henry. He is a man of action. He doesn’t hesitate to let Henry know his feelings. But, he sure takes his own time collecting the words and stringing them in a way that makes sense to him. Henry! Poor Henry is seeing his worst fear come alive. He thought he could have a fling with Alex and satisfy his forbidden needs without getting tangled in emotions. He never imagined Alex would love him back and he’d be faced with a choice he can’t make. Just because Alex had the absolute audacity to love him back. ( sorry! I digressed into Henry’s mind. I love him too!)

Back to Alex! He is sitting behind Henry on the pier… doodling on Henry’s shoulders and back.. while trying to confess his love to Henry. He has no clue of the absolute panic Henry is in. He is caught up in his own feelings and he is ready to bare his heart in the most intimate way and, Henry? Henry jumps off the pier. That’s the only way he could handle this situation. By locking himself up. By running away. And Alex still hasn’t confessed his love. But words aren’t needed between them, are they?!

Storming of the Kensington Palace. And how?! Its much different from the book but equally good. Alex is a man on a mission. The man he loves has ghosted him and he is out to get answers. It takes great courage to be the first one to confess love(Been there. Done that!) and, that too when you know you may not hear it said back. This is the most vulnerable Alex has been with Henry. “I stormed a fucking castle to look you in the eye and tell you that I love you knowing that you wouldn’t say it back.” Oh Alex! My sweet darling Alex. You are one brave little thing. You had no fear baring your soul to Henry even when faced with the HUGE risk of having your heart broken.

Alex: “What do you want?”

Henry: “I want you---"

Alex: “Then fucking have me.”

Mic drop.

Well... That’s my essay folks. If you’ve read till here, I’m so fucking grateful to you. If you loved reading this, pls reblog so that it reaches many RWRB fans. Alex is so much more than a loud obnoxious happy-go-lucky guy and Henry brings out the best in him. I love them both so much. I hope you all find your Alex who loves you unapologetically and unequivocally. We all deserve love. Love is love.