Majexs03 - Aprilph

4 Types of guys I will not date:

1. Guys who are in love with love They are obsessed with the feeling of being in love than the person they're with. They chase the honeymoon phase, the high of attention and connection but when the relationship becomes real they check out. It's not about you, it's about their addiction to fantasy and when they are done with you, they will jump to someone else

2. Guys who want a wife This sounds good on paper until you realize they don’t care who the wife is. They’re in a rush to plug someone into a role, not build a life with a specific person. These guys want the optics of commitment without the emotional maturity or compatibility required to sustain one. A man who wants to get married < a man who wants to marry you

3. Guys who want kids These guys aren't necessarily looking for a deep connection with a partner—they just want the title of "parent" or the idealistic perception, not really about being a father. It’s more about the next step in their life plan than the emotional bond that should come with it. A man who wants to be a father > a man who wants kids

4. Guys who don’t love themselves, so they’re looking for love outside of themselves These people are searching for validation, comfort, security from others because they haven't learned to give those things to themselves first. They look for relationships to fill the emptiness or fix their own internal struggles. Without self love, any love they find is only a temporary fix

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After writing this, I realized that these are typically all the same type of guy. Also this should have been gender neutral cause it applies to everyone

Fr lol I’m not judging though but……wow

Hi Elle,

Did you take any etiquette classes, or red any books about etiquette? If so what did you take away from it? In general what is some basic etiquette everyone should know?

Yes, my mother made my sister and me take etiquette classes when we were growing up, where we learned how to make small talk, use cutlery properly, do the fox trot, and all that. It felt like torture at the time, but now that I'm an adult, I'm incredibly grateful for it. There are countless teachings I believe everyone should know, but I'll keep it simple and list the basics:

Socializing:

Greetings and Introductions:

Initiate Greetings: In formal settings, greeting the host and senior individuals first is polite.

Introduce Yourself with Confidence: When introducing yourself, make eye contact, smile, and offer a firm (but gentle) handshake.

Remember Names: Pay attention to names during introductions, and try to use them in conversation to show attentiveness.

Conversation Etiquette:

Avoid Monopolizing Conversations: Engage in a balanced dialogue exchange; avoid dominating the conversation.

Graceful Interruptions: If you must interrupt, do so politely with a soft “Excuse me” or “May I add…?”

Ending Conversations: Close conversations gracefully, e.g., “It was a pleasure speaking with you,” before moving on to another guest.

Small Talk and Topics:

Safe Topics: Stick to light, neutral topics like travel, the arts, or current (non-controversial) events.

Avoid Over-sharing: Keep personal matters private; maintain an air of mystery and sophistication.

Dining:

Seating Etiquette:

Wait to Be Seated: Wait until the host signals to sit, or until you’re guided to your seat.

Seating Order: If you’re hosting, guide guests to their seats based on seniority or guest of honor status.

Table Manners:

Utensil Use: Start with the outermost utensils and work your way in as the courses progress. After you've cut your food, make sure you move your for to your left hand even if it feels counterintuitive,

Bread and Butter: Tear off a small piece of bread, butter it on your plate, and eat it, rather than buttering the entire slice.

Resting Utensils: When pausing, place utensils on the plate in a “resting” position, such as crossed or angled.

Handling Courses:

Soup Etiquette: Spoon soup away from you and sip from the edge of the spoon without slurping.

Pacing: Match your pace to the host or the most senior individual at the table. Don't rush or lag behind.

Events:

RSVP and Invitations:

Timely Response: Respond to invitations promptly and never bring uninvited guests unless explicitly allowed.

Respect Time: Arrive on time, especially for formal events, but not more than 15 minutes early.

Host and Guest Responsibilities:

Host Etiquette: As a host, introduce guests to each other, especially if they don’t know anyone else.

Guest Behavior: Engage with other guests, but don’t cling to one person for the entire event. Mingle politely.

Handling Alcohol:

Moderation: Drink alcohol in moderation. Know your limits and avoid overindulgence.

Toast Etiquette: Stand if a toast is being made in your honor, and wait to drink until after the toast is given.

Dressing:

Dress Code Adherence:

Understand the Code: Whether it’s black tie, cocktail, or casual, always adhere strictly to the dress code specified on the invitation.

Subtle Elegance: Opt for classic, understated pieces that are elegant but not overly flashy.

Grooming and Accessories:

Impeccable Grooming: Make sure your hair, nails, and makeup are neatly done and appropriate for the occasion.

Minimalist Accessories: Choose simple, elegant accessories that complement but do not overpower your outfit.

Do you have any reading recs about perfumes?

I haven’t read most of these yet— but here’s my current perfume reading list. Enjoy! I might update this with more as I move along. 

ARTICLES

‘Smell, Memory’ by Rachel Syme

‘The Ugly History of Beautiful Things: Perfume’ by Katy Kelleher 

‘In 1902, Audiences Turned Up Their Noses at the First Perfume Concert’ by Allison Meier

‘Kazimir Malevich’s Little-Known Perfume Bottle’ by Jillian Steinhauer

‘Getting a Whiff of Perfume’s Illusions’ by Sonya Vatomsky

‘LAYERS: Pushing Through the Arts to Perfume’ by Dannielle Sergent

‘Scenting Shakespeare’s Tragic Heroines: Cleopatra and Lady Macbeth’ by Lauryn Beer

‘Some Thoughts on Scent Criticism’ by Miguel Matos

‘Scent and Healing: The Transformative Power of Perfume’ by Ida Meister

‘Here’s Why Perfume Description Are Never About Smell’ by Elyse Hauser

‘Heaven Scent’ by Danielle del Sol

‘Ann Haviland, Forgotten Mastermind of the Signature Scent’ by Jessica Murphy 

‘Perfume, Power, and God’ by Arabelle Sicardi

 ‘How to Pick a Perfume When You Can’t Smell’ by Alaina Leary

‘People Are Buying This Perfume Because They Think It’s From Killing Eve’ by Rebecca Jennings

‘Meet Chandler Burr, the World’s Foremost Fragrance Expert’ by Chavie Lieber

‘Making Perfume From the Rain’ by Cynthia Barnett

‘Can Perfume Sabotage a Budding Romance?’ by Jesse Frost

‘The Scent of True Love’ by Cari Romm

‘Perfume: An Ethereal Corset Trapping Everyone in the Same Unnatural Shape’ by Kasia Cieplak-Mayr von Baldegg

The New York Times archives on Perfume

FICTION

The Song of Solomon from The Bible

Das Parfaum by Patrick Süskind

NONFICTION

Essence and Alchemy: A Natural History of Perfume by Mandy Aftel

Fragrant: The Secret Life of Scent by Mandy Aftel

Throughsmoke by Jehanne Dubrow

The Emperor of Scent: A True Story of Perfume and Obsession by Chandler Burr

The Perfect Scent: A Year Inside the Perfume Industry in Paris and New York by Chandler Burr

Dior: The Perfumes by Chandler Burr

Folio Columns 2003-2014 by Luca Turin

Perfumes: The Guide by Luca Turin

The Secret of Scent: Adventures in Perfume and the Science of Smell by Luca Turin

The Perfume Lover: A Personal History of Scent by Denyse Beaulieu

The Diary of a Nose: A Year in the Life of a Parfumeur by Jean-Claude Ellena

A Scented Palace: The Secret History of Marie Antoinette’s Perfumer by Elisabeth de Feydeau

Coming to My Senses: A Story of Perfume, Pleasure, and an Unlikely Bride by Alyssa Harad

Perfume: The Alchemy of Scent by Jean-Claude Ellena

Floating Gold: A Natural (and Unnatural) History of Ambergris by Christopher Kemp

The Foul and the Fragrant: Odor and the French Social Imagination by Alain Corbin

A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman

Fragrance: The Story of Perfume from Cleopatra to Chanel by Edwin T. Morris

Cult Perfumes: The World’s Most Exclusive Perfumeries by Tessa Williams  

The Ephemeral History of Perfume: Scent and Sense in Early Modern England by Holly Dugan

Perfume: Joy, Scandal, Sin: A Cultural History of Fragrance from 1750 to the Present by Richard Stamelman 

The Aroma of Righteousness: Scent and Seduction in Rabbinic Life and Literature by Deborah Green

Scenting Salvation: Ancient Christianity and the Olfactory Imagination by Susan Ashbrook Harvey

Scent: The Mysterious and Essential Powers of Smell by Annick Le Guérer 

Encyclopedia of the Exquisite: An Anecdotal History of Elegant Delights by Jessica Kerwin Jenkins

Aroma by by Constance Classen

Flowers and Fruit by Colette

Coachella 2024 🌴