On Christmas Day Of 2018, I Received A Paperback Copy Of George Orwell's 1984. I Was 12 Years Old.

On Christmas Day of 2018, I received a paperback copy of George Orwell's 1984. I was 12 years old.

I remember the adults - aunts and uncles, parents, grandparents, looking at me cautiously, as if they had handed me a live bomb rather than a book. "That's a very intense book, okay?" my father told me. "If you want, we can talk about it after you read it." 12-year-old me, with only a dim idea of what fascism actually was and an insatiable appetite for books, only nodded.

While my younger cousins and sister played with their new toys, I sat on the couch and read the book in one sitting. When I finished, I looked up to see the adults staring at me with a strange sort of fascination. "Do you want to talk about it?" my father asked.

"No." I shrugged and turned away.

The truth was, I had been expecting a happy ending. Winston Smith was the good guy, wasn't he? Why didn't he win? Evil governments always lost in the end, didn't they? How could Winston have been brainwashed into believing such an evil, awful dictatorship was truly great? After all, when my middle school history teachers talked about dictatorships, those of Hitler and Stalin, it was obvious that they were the worst of the worst. No one actually agreed with them, did they?

Then I remembered my fourth grade class talking about the upcoming election, laughing about how obviously stupid Trump's wall idea was, and how strange it felt to hear someone say Clinton was worse. I don't remember his reasoning, but I distinctly remember thinking it was dumb because what could be dumber than a giant wall around Mexico? I remembered my grandmother arguing against vaccinating children, and I remembered flat Earthers I had seen online. That day was the first time it clicked for me: people believe what they want to believe.

The years passed. I read 1984 again, and again, and again. I watched as Trump shut down the government for sake of a temper tantrum, as he was impeached, as he told Americans to object bleach, as he politicized a pandemic and let thousands die. I didn't know about his SA scandals. I didn't know he had called Mexicans "thieves and rapists." I just knew he could not be allowed to be president again.

Yet, when 2020 rolled around, I was only 14 years old and could not vote. I settled for watching anxiously as the votes came in - I didn't know much about Joe Biden, but he was clearly a better alternative. He actually believed the COVID-19 pandemic was real, for one. So I sighed in relief as the results came through four days later: Joe Biden had been elected president of the United States.

I kept watching. I watched as Trump incited insurrection, as terrorists stormed the Capitol. I stared in horror at the TV. How could this have happened? How were so many people so delusional?

In December 2021, for my sophomore year English class, I read 1984 again. I thought of January 6th.

My classmates thought it boring, confusing, stupid. It didn't make sense. What did it matter? Who cared whether or not we knew the significance of the character of O'Brien?

I kept watching. The summer before my junior year of high school, just before I entered a relationship with my now-partner, Roe v. Wade was overturned, and I felt a sinking pit in my stomach. Six months later, a friend of mine read 1984 for that same English class, and he loved it - we had a few intense study hall discussions about the nature of doublespeak, of totalitarianism, of a surveillance state. My partner agreed, reading it with a terrified fascination.

I kept watching. I realized I was nonbinary, and I watched in horror as the Republican Party made their creeping advances to eradicate trans rights. Idly, I reread 1984. What the right wanted did seem a lot like Oceania's government, didn't it? I wondered if I'd ever be able to marry my partner, who, despite also being trans, was still the same sex as me. If Trump ran again, he'd probably win, and then what would we do?

Then, 2024. Trump won the primaries in a landslide. I turned 18 and registered to vote. In the meantime, I skimmed Project 2025's bits about banning pornography and thought of 1984 and its carefully curated sexless society, created to achieve perfect complacency. I went off to college and voted absentee, carefully bubbling in the circle next to Vice President Kamala Harris's name. I woke up on Wednesday, November 6th to see Trump had won the presidency.

It has been one week. Again, I watch as Trump proposes a Department of Government Efficiency, which sounds euphemistically horrific. I watch as he suggests Musk to head it, a man known for being as inefficient as possible. I think of the Ministry of Truth and how its entire purpose was to disseminate lies. I watch as people celebrate, mocking me and many others who had desperately voted against a fascist, a rapist, a convicted criminal, a man who would kill us and spit on our graves if he was elected to office. I think of Parsons and duckspeak, the practice of simply spitting out the "correct" propaganda the same way a duck quacked. People really did believe what they wanted to believe, didn't they? I realize Trump won because, deep down, people hated minorities more than they loved democracy.

I hope my loved ones and I will survive another Trump presidency. I hope those in Gaza and Ukraine will survive it too, along with so many others - Jews, POC, immigrants, students, disabled, Muslims. At the very least, I hope to live long enough to watch as the bigots are forced to eat their own words and come to terms with the fact they gleefully voted in their own downfall.

At the end of the day, 1984 taught me something I could not have comprehended at age 12, 14, 15, or 16, but can understand now: democracy dies not with a bang, but with a whimper.

More Posts from Lumni-chan and Others

lumni-chan

6 months ago

Hello dear friends! ❤🤍🖤💚

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Our lives are harsh because we lack all the basic necessities of life. Everything has become scarce and unattainable. There is no food, no water, no medicine.

So, I ask you to help me keep my family safe and alive, especially after we had lost all our sources of livelihood.Please do not leave my family to struggle and suffer these difficult days alone. You can support my campaign by donating whatever you can or by sharing my posts to reach others who can help us survive the war to safety and peace. You are helping the lives of many people with your small contribution. Every donation makes a difference in our very difficult lives. But this is a legitimate campaign and has been checked by 90-ghost.

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Please,if you can, donate.

If you can't, reblog or share. Even a small contribute can make the difference

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lumni-chan

1 year ago

Crows Name Meanings because why not?

🐦‍⬛ Kaz:

Meaning: Destroyer of peace; One who declares peace; Child of peace or harmony

Kaz is an incredibly dynamic name popular for boys and has Slavic origins.

Kaz comes from the name Cassius, which means “hollow”, and was famously worn by one of the conspirators against Julius Caesar. This may be why it has gained the meaning “destroyer of peace.”

However, Kaz has an endearing connotation, too! In Japanese, Kaz comes from Kazuko, which means “harmony” and “child of peace.” This powerful title will find a home in a soul who is unafraid of forging their own, unique path.

Baby Kaz will undoubtedly stay true to themselves as they journey through life, carrying a remarkable presence everywhere they go.

🌺 Inej:

Meaning: Faithful, The faithful one

Inej is a girl's name of Spanish origin.

Meaning "faithful" or "the faithful one", this name is for the parent intending to raise baby in a life of faith.

🎲 Jesper:

Meaning: King of the treasure; Treasurer

Jesper is a masculine name of Danish, Dutch, and Persian origin.

A variant of the Persian name Jasper, this name translates to “King of the treasure” or “treasurer.” Wealth comes in many forms, whether it’s gold, knowledge, or moments with your loved ones.

Of course, baby is going to be a priceless new addition to your family. If you want to always remind baby how invaluable they are, the name Jesper makes for a bountiful choice.

🎼 Wylan:

Meaning: Wayside land; Crafting one; Brave in battle

Wylan offers a dapper appellation steeped in cool kid vibes. A form of Waylan and Waylon, masculine Wylan is a topographical name meaning “wayside land.” Wylan’s origins don’t stop there, as the name also has Germanic and Old Norse roots, where it derives from Wayland.

Wylan adopts the meaning “crafting one” from Wayland the Smith, a mythological master blacksmith who escaped the king’s custody by flying away with a winged cloak he crafted. He is mentioned in several Germanic and Old Norse poems, including the Old English classics, Waldere and Beowulf.

Wayland may also mean “brave in battle,” equipping baby with a warrior-worthy title. Not only is Wylan effortlessly chill for the cool-as-a-cucumbers, this handsome title comes steeped in ancient lore and ingenuity.

🫀Nina:

Meaning: Little girl

Nina is a girl’s name with various possible origins, arguably the most well-known being Spanish.

Aptly meaning “little girl,” this simple title never seems to go out of style.

Sharing her name with the Incan goddess of fire, Nina can be inspired to let her flame burn bright. Also connected to a Babylonian goddess, there is no shortage of heavenly influences for this little girl.

🐺 Matthias:

Meaning: Gift of God; Bear

Matthias is a refreshing twist to the ancient masculine name Mathew sure to give baby a distinctive edge.

Emerging from the Hebrew Matityahu, meaning "gift of God," Matthias bears this definition with all the swagger of a rock star.

As much as Matthias seems to push against tradition, its very sound directly links it with the Ancient Greek translation of Matityahu, Mattathias, which pre-dates even Mathew.

Touring overseas to Celtic shores, Matthias finds an intriguing kinship with the Irish mathúin, which means "bear." A relic with a rugged appeal, as names go.

Matthias serves up stage presence before baby has even taken their first steps.

Do with this what you will

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lumni-chan

5 months ago

Hey remember when Ranpo threatened (chapter 56) to become a demon worse than Fyodor himself if anyone in the Agency got hurt again?

All because Kunikida got arrested and now Kunikida’s….Along with Kenji, Junichiro and the man who bought colour back into Ranpo’s life.

I don’t think Fyodor knows what he’s unleashed.

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lumni-chan

10 months ago

This is beautiful

Guess Who Loves The Season 3 Op So Much They Redrew It In Timeskip (this Guy)

guess who loves the season 3 op so much they redrew it in timeskip (this guy)

Tags

haikyuu hq!! hq fanart i do not want to tag the entire cast of haikyuu

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lumni-chan

10 months ago

WHERE THE FUCK IS RANPO!!!!

Tags

bsd ranpo edogawa where is he i'm losing my mind over the new chapter I don't want to wait until the next month Fukuchi the giant spinner Bram is alive Chapter 116 Poor Fukuzawa The agency is back

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lumni-chan

9 months ago

Nevermind, I figured out.

Is for the RDJ return.

I can't wait to see Doomsday.

Every six months I fall in a huge Marvel fixation.

Usually is because a new film or series I'm interested is coming, but the nearest film I'm excited for is Thunderbolts*, so I don't know why I'm so fixated now.

Tags

marvel the avengers doomsday robert downey jr

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lumni-chan

6 months ago

This is heal

A remake of an animation I did in 2020 because I apparently said I was never going to animate after that so I thought it'd be fun to prove past me wrong hah

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lumni-chan

4 months ago

pm game night - fuck marry kill edition

tachihara: okay!! chuuya-san, fuck marry kill, akutagawa, dazai, kunikida

chuuya: marry akutagawa

akutagawa: ew

chuuya: fuck kunikida

akutagawa: ew

chuuya: kill dazai

tachihara: fair enough

higuchi: what about u tachihara, fuck marry kill - akutagawa-senpai, weretiger, gin-san