Borrowed Time

“Perhaps it is the greatest grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone”

— Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles 

Does anyone need someone to read the first chapter of their WIP/ book and receive honest feedback?

I can read a 500 page book or 100k word fanfiction in one sitting, but the moment I have to do a required reading for uni I suddenly don't know how to read

"this reminded me of you" okay and you remind me of my future spouse, let's get married

I’m love u ❤❤

What do yall think cuz its for a competition and i need the 1k

-

I am not okay

Why?

I have a nice life

A good school

Good grades

A good family

So why?

Is it the fact that no matter how many positive things I have, there'll still be negative things?

Is it the fact that I serve no purpose?

Is it our misogynistic society and that I, as a woman, can never do anything about it?

I always knew that, but I still can't get it in my head

I can't accept it

I won't accept it

Regret is something all of us have experienced

I've regreted many things

And talking about my feelings is one of them

You might say

"Get a therapist" or,

"Talk to your guidance counselor"

or better yet,

"Talk to your parents"

I can't trust any of them

I'd rather talk about my feelings to people the same as me or I'd rather not talk about my feelings at all

People were raised differently, in different places, and by different people

You can't talk about loving the same gender to someone homophobic

can you?

The system is flawed

I know that

Yet I don't know why

Living is the most beautiful yet cruelest punishment

I wish I was aborted

You wouldn't like that

You would say

"Don't say that! Abortion is a sin"

Wouldn't you?

Please don't say that

There are people you can talk to

You feel bad for them

Because the fact you can talk to them

Means they've gone through the same thing

Don't help people when you can't help yourself

I've seen people do this

You aren't bound to anyone

Don't let them force you to help them

Pretty privilege is something that I would never have right now

You would probably say

"Don't mind them! You are beautiful"

I'm not

I know it

I don't mind

I'd rather have money

Do I disgust you?

Don't tell me

I'd rather not know

Nothing can hurt me that way

Friends are hard

I don't have friends

Friends are people you can talk to

Laugh with

Play with

I don't have friends

I talk to people, of course

I would go insane if I didn't

But I don't have friends

This poem is all over the place

With no main point

I don't know how to organize things

I'm sorry

Please forgive me

Please don't say I'm silly or being dramatic

Please respect me

Please don't make fun of me

Please

I am sad

I feel sad alot

But

I am also happy

I also feel happy alot

I am

Me

I can get through this

I can endure it

I am satisfied

I am okay

When Bram Stroker penned, ' despair has its own calms' I realised the beauty behind hopelessness and helped me make peace with the flow of life.

Break it take that mold you poured me from, that box you put me in will no longer hold me. This life has not been kind to this old stubborn fool but I have gotten back up each time. Today as I lay here admiring the views contemplating my next move your voice is all around me, your message rolling through my head. Rise up and take flight, let go of yesterday's fight. Free yourself from within and accept who you have always been. A beacon of guiding light like the fiery phoenix, you light up the night.

After I am finish this treatise I will definitely have to go over all that I have ever posted again, so that I can delete things that aren't aligned with my present understandings.

She was just a mere photograph

In black and white

Only 17 and not a clue in life

He two years older

He showed her colours like gold and white

So she explored them with him

But she was gullible and blind

Trouble tied to his name

Little did she know he was just in it for the game

She had beauty and grace

But this wasn’t his first rodeo race

Lacking in self love

She thought she’d find in him

Ignoring flags of red

Because love isn’t a sin

Soon to learn the cold hard truth

That love is not always as it seems

He had a plan all along

To leave her crying on her knees

Asleep in the night

Oblivious he was gone

One shot from a gun

One cruel hit and run

He took all the money he could possibly carry from the store

Before placing the gun next to her

He wiped his fingerprints off

She wakes with fear in her eyes

To sounds of sirens and flashing lights

She wasn’t the first to pay for his mistakes

Because after all

This wasn’t his first rodeo race

-tamara-catherine