I Refuse To Date Again Unless Someone Cares To Know Every Detail About Me. Someone Who Listens On Bad

and when he looks at me, fuck, i just lose it every time.

12:34 (via heartacxe)

i know i was treated wrongly. hell, every trait about me is a product of abuse. the way i cry when i get yelled at, no matter who it is or the situation. how i see myself as worthless, despite my achievements and talents. how i tear up and hyperventilate when im frustrated and how my anger is becoming uncontrollable, and im scared to have kids because what if i become just like my parents? and despite all that i always think. it could be worse. this is not abuse. im just dramatic. nothings wrong

You have to understand that when I’m attached to you, it is not the same as you saying that you like someone. Being attached means that I need you. Being attached means that I think about you, way more often that I should. Being attached means that I look at the clock and immediately thinking what you could be doing. Being attached means that I’m doing something and wishing you were with me. Being attached means that I’m doing something and I’m thinking of your reaction if you were  with me. Being attached means that I care. I genuinely care about you. Being attached means that I overthink of our conversations. Being attached means that I’m constantly worried if you are okay. Being attached means that I want you to be proud of me

Being attached sets me up for disaster. Being attached means that I’m constantly anxious. Being attached means that I want to talk to you constantly Being attached means that I need your undivided attention. Being attached means that I become needy and clingy and possibly annoying. Being attached means that I’m calculating the days and hours till i next see you. Being attached means that I burst into tears the minute I leave. Being attached means that I CAN’T BREATHE. Being attached means that I-AM-SCARED.

I am scared that i’m boring and not good enough. I am scared that you will find me uninteresting I am scared that you will forget me the hours that we don’t talk or see each other. I am scared that I will unintentionally say something that will offend you. I am scared that you will leave, like everyone else. And instead of waiting for you to walk out of my life, for whatever reason, I prefer to leave first. Whatever that takes. Even if this means that I should take my life just so I won’t see you or hear your voice again. Just so you won’t hurt me or cause me pain and suffering when you leave.

*Being attached (or having a favorite person, fp.) doesn’t means that you are in love with the person or you are attracted sexually to them. The person could be anyone, even a stranger.

“I am yours, when the sun sets to the west and I am yours, when the birds migrate to the east. I am yours, when the winds of change go north and I am yours, when the feathers of hope glide south. I am yours, everywhere you choose to wander and I am yours when you’re lost in the crowd feeling sonder. I am yours.”

— j.d

Me: *has talent*

Someone: *has talent too*

Me: Oh look I have been replaced

This post is made specifically to shame mothers who tried to convince their child that their abusive, cold, distant, aggressive, controlling, violent, you-are-never-good-enough-for-me father actually loves them. This is made to call out every single mom who sat their child down, and told them “Your father isn’t good at showing it, but he loves you.” Or any other complete, utter LIE. 

Because how could you fucking live with yourself after teaching your child to doubt their own senses when they’re being hurt and to call it love? How could you not drown in a pit of shame after telling your child to accept abuse as love! What do you think will happen when they get a spouse who abuses, neglects and hits them? How do you think they’ll feel when they hear your repeated words “they’re bad at showing it but they love you.” How could you take action to make SURE your child keeps living in abuse?! Your children are dead right to think they’re being despised and abused and you went and messed with their fucking sanity. This is unforgivable.

And I fucking know why you did it, you wanted your family to stay together, AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR CHILD BEING ABUSED! Abusive families should NEVER STAY TOGETHER! Not at expense of any member! And especially not the most vulnerable, most defenseless human in it, who you were supposed to be protecting from abuse, not aiding abuser in brainwashing them! 

I will never forgive any one of you. You’re an adult and you stood there and watched your child be abused and took the abuser’s side. If you loved your child you’d be jumping out of your body to try to make sure they’re away and protected from all and any abuse. You all ain’t shit and you don’t deserve your children. Fuck you. 

And of course the child will latch to any hope that they can somehow earn their father’s love and they’ll be filled with completely false hope and then try harder and work harder to please their abusive dad which is exactly what he wants and then he will go and break their fucking hears over and over again because abusive dads are not capable of loving their children and they never fucking will be. Setting your child for even more pain than what they’ve already endured at the hands of their father is fucking evil. What you should be telling to your children is “That man is complete garbage and nothing he ever said about you is true, his approval isn’t worth shit, he is incapable of love, you go and live free of that bullshit, and never think that you’re not good enough because doesn’t know shit about who you are.”

so how can i hate her?

…. am I the monster?

“But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.”

— Lemony Snicket

“I thought I was over you, but my walls slowly crumbled to the ground the moment I saw your face for the first time in a while.”

-Anonymous

You may have left me physically, but you never left my thoughts. I still ache, waiting for your presence. I would do absolutely anything to have you in my arms, I don’t see you coming by, so I let you live on inside my imagination. The sad truth is that I love someone that I could never be with. That’s what hurts me the most.