So Um WTH UR JOEL FIC WAS SO GOOD!! It Was. A Great Mix Of Serious And Smut Oml- Anyways I Wanted To

“Accidents”

synopsis: after going on a run with joel and ellie despite joel’s request for you not to, you get hurt in the process, and joel helps you recover. word count: 1,4k warnings: smut, female receiving, use of curse words

joel has always had pretty eyes, guess seeing him this close and in the light you truly noticed how pretty and tired they are. the wrinkles in his face that haven’t yet been mirrored in yours—god, that thirty-year age difference was sometimes worrisome. you desperately want him to see you with crinkled eyes and wrinkles; brushing his hands through your grey hair like you did his when he goes—

“darlin, are you even listening to me?” he groans out on his knees, massaging your injured ankle. “this is why i tell your dumbass to stay and not go out on runs with me. i already have to keep myself safe and ellie safe, but you just…” he trails on about safety.

he wraps his thick hand, covering the entirety of your ankle. you can feel his calluses rub against your skin. it makes you wet just thinking of those same hands wrapped around your neck not even a day ago.

“you guys needed help and i didn’t want you to get hurt,” you manage to make a noise, putting your dirty thoughts away. “i’m young, meaning i’m strong… isn’t that a quote?”

on the run, joel, ellie, and you were spotted by clickers. trying to protect him, you jumped in front of him before a clicker got him, but as you killed the clicker, you twisted your ankle.

your handsome man lets out a groan and a laugh. “you’re lucky i put up with you.” he finishes the massage, wrapping it with medical tape. “you’re not going to be able to go to the movie night.”

“man, that blows,” you say, leaning on the pillow he brought out of the bedroom. “i wanted to see forrest gump. i’ve never seen it.”

he smiles, not reaching his eyes. “you and i are going to stay here until i patrol, and ellie will switch. you can see forrest gump another time.”

he grabs a blanket, covering your legs. you hadn’t noticed that it got cold, even though you were only in your panties and his flannel. you mumble a thank you, grabbing a book from the bookshelf next to you.

he picks you up, placing you on his lap, blanket still on you; rocking you back and forth, kissing your neck and biting your earlobe. aw man, what did you do… he always did that when he wanted to either have sex or he was upset but didn’t know how to express it.

“what’s wrong, baby?” you say, putting your book to the side and leaning closer to his touch.

“i just… i was scared… god, you just don’t listen sometimes,” he groans out, still sucking the skin around your ear. “i can’t always protect you, sweetheart.”

you nod against his lips as they travel down your neck. “next time i tell you we’re going to be okay… trust me… me and ellie came here after so much, so we can handle it.” he pulls your legs open, careful with your left ankle.

“i know—i know i’m just a little protective over ellie… i don’t want anything to happen to her.” you moan lowly as his hand finds the inside of your thighs. “i, uh—mhm—uh, i was worried about you too.”

joel's breath is hot on your skin as his mouth trails down your neck. his beard scratches against your pulse point, a coarse drag that makes your thighs twitch. his fingers press into the flesh just above your knee, working higher, the calloused pads teasing the soft skin of your inner thigh. 

you’re still wearing only his flannel, swallowing you whole, sleeves rolled up to your elbows, the top few buttons undone from when you tugged on the collar earlier, needing to breathe.

his hand brushes just beside the wet patch forming on your panties. he doesn’t move fast. joel never moves fast unless he’s angry or desperate, and right now he’s just worried and horny; trying to express it the only way he knows: by touching you.

“you’re real mouthy for someone laid up with a busted ankle,” he mutters, lips curled just slightly as he looks up at you from where he’s pressing soft kisses into your collarbone. “goin’ out there like you’re fuckin’ invincible.”

“i just wanted to help,” you breathe, trying not to writhe against his lap like a bitch in heat. his hand is under the blanket now, pushing it aside, fingers ghosting along your hip, then back down between your thighs again. your panties are soaked, practically clinging to your lips.

“help?” joel chuckles darkly, teeth scraping against the shell of your ear. “you’re damn near helpless now, sweetheart. can’t walk, can’t run. you’re stuck right here.” his fingers hook under the waistband of your underwear, dragging them down your thighs, slowly. the air is cold against your slick folds, but his fingers are warm—he's warm—thick digits sliding through your slit.

“you listening to me now?” he says gruffly, pushing two fingers into your cunt, slow and firm, the stretch making your breath hitch.

“mhm,” you murmur, thighs trembling. “i’m listening.”

“good,” he whispers, pumping those thick fingers in and out of you, the rhythm steady, relentless. “ ’cause i need you to listen when i tell you that if somethin’ ever happened to you, i’d lose my fuckin’ mind.”

your pussy clenches hard around his fingers, the rough rasp of his voice sending sparks down your spine. he curls his fingers just right, pressing against that spot that makes your vision blur. his other hand cups the back of your head, fingers tangled in your hair, holding you steady as he tongues the crook of your neck and bites down hard enough to bruise.

“joel—fuck,” you whimper, grinding helplessly against his hand, your fingers gripping his flannel, knuckles white.

he groans low in his throat, a gravelly, needy sound as his palm presses harder against your clit. “that’s it, baby. let me take care of you, yeah? you need this. after scarin’ the shit outta me.”

“i’m—i didn’t mean to—”

“shhh,” he cuts you off, sucking a mark into your throat that you’ll probaly feel for days. “you can say you’re sorry with your cunt.”

now that makes you moan. the sound rips from your throat as your hips start rocking against his hand without shame, soaking his fingers. he adds a third finger, making your whole body jolt.

“you hear that?” he growls against your ear, lips slick with spit. “listen to how wet you are, baby. drippin’ all over my fuckin’ hand.”

slap, slap, slap—the obscene noise of his fingers plunging in and out of your pussy echoes in the small room. you grip his shoulder, nails digging into the soft flannel, trying to anchor yourself as your orgasm coils tighter.

“i was fuckin’ scared,” joel whispers again, almost broken now, voice cracking as he sucks your earlobe into his mouth. “thought i was gonna lose you. and the worst part? i wouldn’t even know how to go on. not after everythin’.”

“i’m here,” you manage to gasp, barely able to speak as the pleasure crescendos. “i’m here, joel.”

“show me,” he growls.

your whole body jerks when he flicks your clit with just the right pressure, and the dam breaks. you cry out, grabbing at him as your orgasm crashes over you, pussy clenching hard around his fingers, body trembling in his lap. he doesn't let up, fucking you through it until you’re twitching.

joel pulls his fingers out slowly, smearing your slick all over your inner thigh, then dragging them up to his mouth. he sucks each one clean, eyes locked on yours, expression unreadable.

“you’re stayin’ here next time,” he says, voice firm, leaving no room for argument. “don’t care how young or strong you are. if you want to be useful, you stay alive.”

you nod, still panting, chest heaving.

he kisses your temple, soft and slow. “next time, you tell me what’s goin’ on in that stubborn head before you throw yourself into danger.”

you grin, still hazy. “next time, you just fuck me before patrol and i’ll be too sore to even leave the house.”

that gets a real laugh out of him; his hands settle under your ass, shifting you closer on his lap. his cock is hard under you, pressing insistently through his jeans, but he doesn’t move to unzip. but for now, he just holds you, body warm, rocking you gently till you fall asleep.

notes: my first joel writing ahhhhh

special tags: @inbred-eater , @wintfleur , @555aturn

𝓳𝓸𝓮𝓵 𝓶𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓻 smut = ❤︎ request = 𝜗𝜚

well hello 𝜗𝜚 ❤︎

sweet treat 𝜗𝜚 ❤︎

insecure 𝜗𝜚

bad girls get punished ❤︎

accidents ❤︎

Hi lovely person ! Could I request an angst to fluff piece with Joel miller? So I was thinking.. we always see Dbf! Joel smut, but I would really like something angsty with that trope. Maybe something along the lines of the reader and Joel being together in secret because you know being scared of judgment because of the age gap and stuff and not the father finding out. But then there's this woman, more to Joel's age coming into the picture, making reader insecure thinking she's not enough and too young and naive but in the end all turns out good? I'm a sucker for angst loll"

a/n: hi! it's posted here! i hope you like it 💗

Shades Of Cool

Rick Grimes x Fem Reader

Warnings: age gap (reader is in her 20s), dry humping, fingering, oral (m receiving), face fucking, a bit of cum eating, intercourse and a bit of a breeding kink. let me know if I missed anything!

A/n: so this fic is inspired by this pic and there’s no walkers nothing just regular shmegular Rick Grimes because I just had to make a fic for this picture!!!

You and Carl were friends. The two of you actually met on your 21st birthday and you two had been inseparable ever since; but that’s all you were, friends. Carl wasn’t really your type, but you know who was? His father. Rick Grimes.

The first day Carl brought you over and his father was home, you weren’t expecting your knees to wobble at the sight of him. From that day onward, anytime you would come over, you’d steal little glances at Rick when he wasn’t looking and you thought he hadn’t noticed but each and every time you stared at him, practically undressing him with your eyes, he felt it, and it made him smile every damn time.

You had begun dressing in the skimpiest of clothing every time you went over to the Grimes household; one time you were dragging Carl with you to a festival and you came to pick him up. You had a bikini top on that barely fit, a bit of under-boob peeking out, paired with your favourite low-waisted jeans. You knocked on their door expecting Carl to answer since you had texted him that you were here but to your surprise, Rick had answered the door. His eyes almost popped out of their sockets that day as he looked at you, his eyes quickly looking down at your chest and back up to your face. He invited you in and you couldn’t stop smiling to yourself as you waited for Carl, as that little look Rick took of you had not gone unnoticed by you.

You were currently on your way to their house right now. Carl had asked his father if he could invite you to the little vacation they had planned and Rick said yes.

You arrived at the house and spotted Rick at his car, loading some bags into the trunk. You had parked your car into their garage and soon moved to the back of your car to get your bags. You were just about to grab them and bring them over to Rick when he took them from your hands.

“I’ve got em.” He said as he looked at you, raking his eyes over your figure before giving you a smile and making his way over to his car.

“Thanks Mr. Grimes.” You said as you made your way to him, handing him a bag that was on the ground to put into the car.

“You can call me Rick ya know?”

“I know, I just like teasing you.” You said as you smiled at him, your attention moving to the figure behind him.

“Hey stink!” You said as Carl came into your view, handing his father the last bag before making his way to you.

“Out of all the names you call me, that’s gotta be my least favourite.” He said as he brought you in for a hug.

You pulled away from Carl and crouched down to the little girl next to him, hugging her before lifting her into your arms.

“Hey Judith.” You said as you smiled at her, handing her a lollipop you brought specially for her.

“So we all packed in?” Rick said as he looked to you and Carl. Both of you nodded your heads before you all made your way to the front of the car.

You lowered Judith into her car seat before looking back at Carl.

“So where ya gonna sit?”

“I’ll sit at the back with Judith, you can sit in the front.” He said as he slid into the back seat.

You smiled to yourself at the thought of sitting in the passenger seat with Rick, blush creeping onto your cheeks. You quickly calmed yourself down before opening the passenger side door and sliding in.

Rick looked at you and let out a little laugh to himself before looking back at his son.

This was going to be a long ride.

****

The four of you soon arrived at the holiday house you’d be staying at. You grabbed your bags and made your way to the room you picked, you picked this one because it was really pretty and it had a great view (it was right next to Rick’s room).

You were just about to start unpacking when Carl barged into your room, plopping down onto the bed.

“We’re all going to the beach so get dressed. ”

You gave him a thumbs up before shoving him out of your room to get dressed in your bikini, placing a crocheted skirt over.

You grabbed your beach bag and made your way outside, waiting for the rest of them to come.

Rick was the first to come through the door, his eyes moving straight to your ass in the bikini you were wearing, that left little to the imagination.

You turned to face the door as it closed, eyes landing on Rick as he held a surf board and placed it against the wall.

“You can surf?” You said as you turned to face him, your eyes raking over his body. God he was hot.

“Yeah, I learnt when I was younger.”

“Cool. Maybe you could teach me one day.” You said before the door opened again, revealing Judith and Carl.

“Well don’t you look pretty.” You said to Judith as she made her way over to you, grabbing your hand. Rick smiled at the little interaction before the four of you started making your way down to the beach.

You and Carl had found a great spot on the beach and set your things down on the blanket you brought with. You handed Judith a slice of watermelon before removing the crocheted skirt. As the skirt slipped down your legs, Rick couldn’t take his eyes off of you, moving his gaze along your legs as the skirt slipped off.

He quickly cleared his throat as you looked at him, rolling your eyes before settling back down onto the blanket.

“I’m gonna head in, watch Judith okay Carl?” Rick said as he made his way to the water, giving you a once over before getting into the water.

You watched as he surfed a few waves, your eyes never leaving his figure.

Carl passed you a bag of chips, taking one out before popping it into your mouth.

“Dude you need a haircut, right Judith?” You said looking towards the younger girl. She nodded before looking at Carl, smiling as she placed herself down onto your lap.

“Woww, so you’re not going to be siding with your brother Judy?” Carl said as he looked at his sister.

She shook her head before Carl grabbed her and began tickling his sister, causing her to burst into a fit of giggles. You smiled as you watched her writhing around as she laughed.

You looked back up and saw Rick coming out of the water. His hair was wet and the second skin clung to his toned body as he walked towards you with the board under his arm.

God he looks amazing, you thought.

Rick immediately caught you staring before smiling at you, causing your cheeks to heat up.

“I want ice cream.” You heard Judith say as she looked at her brother.

“I’m gonna get her some, just let my dad know where we went when he gets here yeah?” He said as looked at you before grabbing his sisters hand and walking off.

Rick soon got to the little spot you guys had, looking at Carl and Judith as they walked off to find an ice cream truck.

“Where they headed to?” He said as he looked down at you, grabbing a towel and drying his face off.

“Judith wanted ice cream.” You said as he sat down next you.

“Hey uh do you mind helping me with sunscreen, I can’t get my back.” You said as you held the sunscreen out. Rick looked at you before smirking, grabbing the sunscreen from you as you turned around, sitting on your knees in front of him.

You loosened your bikini top strings, bringing your hands to your front to keep the fabric on your breasts.

Rick spurted some sunscreen on his hands before placing them on your back. You immediately jerked at the touch, causing Rick to laugh.

“Relax, it’s just me.” He said as he moved his large hands all along your back, massaging along your neck.

His hands moved down to your lower back, spreading the lotion all over before moving back up to your neck, applying pressure in all the tense areas. This caused you to relax against him, letting out a barely audible moan that went straight to Rick’s dick.

He wondered what other sounds you could make.

He tapped your shoulder once he was done, tying your straps for you too.

“Thanks Rick.” You said as he gave the sunscreen back.

All he did was nod his head towards you, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth as you got up and made your way to the water. Rick threw his head back against the blanket, groaning and muttering a quiet, ‘fuck’ under his breath.

He immediately sat up as he heard his daughters voice, straightening himself as he looked at Carl and Judith.

“Where is she?” Carl asked his father, looking towards you as Rick pointed your way.

“I’m gonna join her.” Carl said as he rushed off towards you, almost knocking you to the ground as he ran to you.

Rick watched the two of you mess around in the water, mainly just watching you and your gorgeous body. His attention was quickly pulled to a guy approaching the two of you.

You and Carl stopped messing around once the guy said hi, mainly looking at you.

“So you’re really pretty and I was just wondering if I could get-”

“Nope.” You said as you grabbed Carl’s arm and the two of you went running back, laughing at the previous interaction.

The both of you plopped down onto the blanket, clutching your stomachs as you were laughing.

“What was that about?” Rick asked as he watched the guy walk past you all.

“This dude tried hitting on her and all she said was nope, she didn’t even let him finish!” Carl said as he continued laughing.

“Well he wasn’t my type we all know that.” You said as you looked at Rick, slowly calming down.

“Yeah she’s into the old dude’s.” Carl said, causing you to shove him against the shoulder.

All Rick did was smile at this revelation, looking at you as you brought a water bottle to your lips.

****

You were all currently back at the holiday house, you changed into something more comfortable as the four of you had just gotten back from dinner.

You made your way into the kitchen, grabbing some fruit you had bought earlier on.

You began cutting them up into smaller pieces and placing them into a bowl when your attention was pulled to footsteps approaching the kitchen.

It was Rick.

He made his way to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and drinking some of it as he leaned against the counter opposite you.

You could feel him watching you, turning around as you held an uncut strawberry in your hand.

“I can feel you staring, so do you want one? They do taste really sweet.” You said as you approached him, lifting the strawberry to his mouth. He took the sweet fruit between his lips, his beautiful eyes piercing yours as he took a bite.

You lowered your hand and placed the stem of the strawberry into the trash.

Turning back to Rick, you watched as he swiped some juice that was left on the side of his mouth to bring to his lips but you quickly stopped him, bringing his index finger to your lips and taking the digit into your mouth.

Rick was stunned at your bold action, watching you closely as you sucked on his finger. The filthy images that came to mind went straight to his crotch, the fabric of his shorts tightening as his cock got hard.

You lowered his hand once again, moving back to the fruit you were previously cutting and cleaning up the mess.

You were about to leave when you felt Rick behind you, pressing his hard on against your ass and using his arms to cage you in.

You turned around in his hold, looking up at him as he shoved your legs apart with his, moving his thigh against your core and smashing his lips against yours.

You immediately deepened the kiss, letting his tongue invade your mouth as his hands roamed your body.

“Fuck, I’ve been wanting to do this for so long.” He said against your lips.

His kisses slowly moved along your jaw, going down your neck and reaching your collar bone. You unknowingly began grinding your hot core against his thigh, throwing your head back to give him more room.

You were both quickly pulled back to reality when you heard another set of footsteps, Rick moving to the opposite side of the kitchen where he was previously standing and you pretending to continue cleaning up.

Carl made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water before moving to you and stealing a piece of fruit from your bowl, causing you to smack him against the head.

“G’night.” He said to the two of you as he made his way back to his room.

Just as he left, Rick was on you again, attaching his lips to yours before you pushed him away.

“Come find me later, preferably when he’s asleep. I’ll probably be in the shower.” You hinted as you grabbed your bowl of fruit and left the kitchen.

Rick ran his hands over his face. You were going to be the death of him.

****

You set your underwear and an oversized shirt on the bed before moving to the bathroom. You climbed into the large shower once the water was warm, running your hands through your hair as you tilted your head back to let the warm water cascade down your face.

You were about to reach for your body wash when there was a knock on the bathroom door, followed by the sound of the door opening.

You opened the tinted shower door, peeking out and seeing Rick, a white towel hanging low on his hips as he made his way to you. The towel dropped as he got closer to the shower, your eyes immediately bulging at his size.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth, watching him as he got into the shower with you, placing his body right under the stream of water and letting out a barely audible moan as the water hit his back.

He reached out towards you, grabbing you by your waist and pulling you flush against him.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said as he looked down at you. You connected your lips to his, deepening the kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

He once again let his kisses trail down your neck, the roughness of his beard sending shivers through your body as he trailed his kisses down your body towards your chest, taking one of your stiff peaks into his mouth. Sucking harshly onto the bud, he looked up at you as you moaned out in ecstasy.

Moving his hands down your body and towards your core, ghosting his fingertips over the area where you needed him most.

“Please..” You said as you moved closer to him, trying to get him to bring his hand where you wanted it, needed it.

“Please what baby?” He said as he looked at you, a smirk spreading over his features.

“Please just- just touch me please.” You begged.

“Where do you need me sweetheart?” He said as he held you, a faux sympathetic look on his face.

You grabbed ahold of his hand, leading it towards your core. Rick wasted no time, applying pressure on your clit.

You moaned out, your head hitting the wall behind you as you let the pleasure consume you.

Your breaths were getting heavy and you let out a particularly loud moan once he sunk two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Fuck, feels so good.” You said as you closed your eyes, the pleasure combined with the steam from the hot water becoming all too much for you.

“Yeah, it feels good baby?” He said as he sunk down onto his knees, his mouth latching into your clit.

Your knees buckled at the feeling, looking down at the man between your thighs as his free hand moved to your hips to steady you.

“I’m so close.” You breathed out as you grabbed onto your left breast.

Rick quickened his fingers inside you, reaching a special spot your own fingers could never reach. This combined with his hot mouth on your clit sent you over the edge.

You let out multiple short breaths as you came, your body feeling hot to the touch as Rick rose back up, his fingers sinking into his mouth.

Moaning at the taste of you on his tongue, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing his lips to yours before pulling back.

“You taste better than I imagined.” He said, causing you to bury your head into his neck.

“Now don’t get all shy on me baby, you were just moaning my name like a whore and now you’re all shy.” He said as he grabbed ahold of your chin, tilting your head up and pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Want you in my-” You said against his lips, stopping as you were unable to get the filthy words out.

“What do you want baby?” He said, his grip on your chin not letting up.

“Want you in my mouth please.”

“Oh do you now?” Rick said, a smile tugging at his lips.

You nodded your head before sinking down onto your knees. Taking his cock into your hand, you pressed his tip to your lips, taking it into your mouth, the salty taste of pre-cum hitting your tongue.

You moaned around his tip, looking up at him as you took more and more of him into your mouth. You started bobbing your head, savouring the taste of his cock on your tongue.

Rick was losing his mind, his hands leaning against the shower wall behind you, loving the sight of you kneeling in front of him.

You tapped his thigh, causing him to look down at you. You quickly reached for his hand, placing it at the back of your head.

Rick immediately caught on, wrapping your hair around his hand to create a sort of makeshift ponytail.

He began fucking your face at an ungodly pace, your nose hitting his pubic bone.

The most sinful noises left his lips, his hips staggering as he got closer to his high.

You could feel him in your throat, tears prickling in the corners of your eyes due to the shear force of his thrusts.

“Fuck.” He moaned out, his load shooting onto your tongue.

“Swallow it.” He said as you nodded your head, swallowing his seed as you stood up.

He brought you back in for a kiss, swiping his tongue across your lips. You allowed him to enter, his tongue dancing with yours as he claimed your mouth as his.

He tapped your thigh as he kissed you, causing you to jump up and wrap your legs around him.

Wasting no time he slipped his cock into your pussy, both of you moaning out at the feeling of him inside you.

With your back pressed against the wall, Rick’s one arm supporting your body and the other next to your head against the wall. His hips snapped against yours, desperate to get you to cum again.

You were a moaning mess, your mind occupied with Rick and only Rick. You grabbed onto his face and brought it from out of the crook of your neck, desperate to feel his lips on yours again.

The kiss was rough and needy, teeth clashing, the feel of his beard rough on your lips; your hips meeting his thrusts as your tongue explored his mouth.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” You said against his lips, causing Rick to slip out of you for a split second, turning you around and pressing your chest to the cold tiles. He slipped back into you, his thrusts speeding up as your pussy clenched around him, sucking him in even deeper if it was possible.

Pornographic like moans left your lips as you came, the pleasure making your body tingle all over. Your body went limp as Rick continued thrusting into you, chasing his own orgasm.

“Where do you want it?” He asked as his hips snapped against yours.

“Inside me please.” You begged, your body needing everything he had to offer.

You could sense his smirk at your words, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he was nearing his orgasm.

“Want me to fill you up huh?” He said between thrusts, his hot cum spilling into you as his thrusts slowed down.

He slipped out of you, turning you around to face him and placing a chaste kiss to your lips.

You smiled into the kiss but quickly gasped when you felt his fingers entering you again, shoving his cum deeper inside of you, making sure none of it dared to slip out.

“Too much Rick.” You whined as you grabbed onto his wrist.

“ ‘m sorry baby.” He muttered, wrapping his arms around you.

The two of you cleaned up, Rick washing your hair for you and washing your body too.

You both stepped out of the shower, brushing your teeth before you got dressed.

He slipped under the covers with you, wrapping his arms around you as he placed a kiss to the top of your head.

You knew this moment wasn’t going to last forever but for now you’d pretend it was.

Leaning up, you pressed a kiss to Rick’s lips before sinking back down into his arms.

****

@catt-leya

let me know if anyone would like to be added to this taglist as I’ll have a separate taglist for any rick grimes fics I write :)

requests are always open!

I hope everyone enjoyed lol!

joel miller cum in my mouth

۶ৎ dbf!joel miller’s sweetheart 🍓🍥

moodboard made by me 🍓

۶ৎ special tags: @littlemillersbaby @lowrisemiller @cherrygirlfriend @travismrrtinez @heyyitscate

request: Hi lovely person ! Could I request an angst to fluff piece with Joel miller? So I was thinking.. we always see Dbf! Joel smut, but I would really like something angsty with that trope. Maybe something along the lines of the reader and Joel being together in secret because you know being scared of judgment because of the age gap and stuff and not the father finding out. But then there's this woman, more to Joel's age coming into the picture, making reader insecure thinking she's not enough and too young and naive but in the end all turns out good? I'm a sucker for angst loll" word count: 1,2k warnings: cursing!

you were supposed to be past this by now. the self-doubt. the little pinpricks of anxiety you never used to feel before joel. the kind that bloom right in your chest; it hadn’t always been this bad. at the start, it had been electric—hiding, sneaking, the way his hands used to shake the first time he touched you like he couldn’t believe what he was doing. what you were letting him do.

but that was when it was new. now it’s just uncertain.

you came home early. you tell yourself you’re doing it to surprise him, but deep down, it’s selfish. you missed him, wanted to see him and hear that voice all rough and possessive. you were gonna kiss his neck and make him groan like he always does when you wrap your arms around his middle from behind.

but, once you get there, the front door’s already open. maybe he forgot to close it all the way? no way not joel.

within that small moment of you questioning why the door was open, you hear his sweet laugh and a woman’s voice.

you freeze in the entryway, sneakers still on, keys tight in your hand. you see them before they see you.

he was in the kitchen, leaning on the island like he lives here. it’s an image you always love—him comfortable in your house. like it’s his too. but next to him is her. she’s got one elbow on the counter, her whole body tilted toward him, her legs crossed while she’s laughing at something he just said, flipping her shiny brown hair off her shoulder with practiced ease.

your throat goes dry seeing him grin widely at her..he was yours for fucks sake.

your feet move before your brain decides where to go. you make a little too much noise, keys clattering on the hallway table, and the door clicks harder behind you than it should. you know you should smile. a joke, maybe? just say something.

joel turns around fast at the sound.

“hey, baby,” he says, but it’s careful, like he’s trying to read your mood before you’ve even said a word. he straightens up, steps away from the island.

the woman turns to you too. she’s prettier up close, older too. just right..like if he wasn’t with you, she’d be the natural fit. not your frayed little heart that’s too young to have any right wanting something this serious.

“hi,” you say, and it’s clipped and fake.

you try not to look at him. because you know if you do, it’ll all show. how suddenly, irrationally fucking insane your brain’s gotten.

joel must see it anyway, because his eyes narrow, not angry. just—watching, somewhat worried. the older woman pushes off the counter, smoothly. “i should head out,” she says, glancing at joel. “thanks for the help. you’re a lifesaver.”

joel nods, kind of tight-lipped now. “no problem. let me know if it doesn’t start again.” she smiles at you on the way past. you can’t bring yourself to return it. your face feels frozen in place.

joel waits until the door clicks behind her before he speaks.

“you good?” you’re still standing by the entryway, arms crossed like you were cold.

“who was that?” you ask, and it comes out cooler than you meant.

he runs a hand through his hair, sighs, steps toward you, rushing out the words. “her name’s elena. neighbor’s cousin. she’s in town for a bit; had some car trouble.”

you blink at his simple explanation. “oh.”

he studies you. “okay darlin', what’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours?”

you almost laugh—but it’s bitter and sharp in your throat.

you walk past him toward the living room, not sure what you’re doing. you feel stupid, childish, pathetic. and still—you can’t stop. it’s gnawing at you. inside your chest, inside your bones.

you don’t sit down, just turn to face him.

“nothing. just…she’s pretty and normal. and probably not some big secret.”

he flinches. “what the hell does that mean?”

you wrap your arms tighter around yourself. “you know what it means. i’m the one you sneak around with. the one you don’t talk about. and then i walk in and you’re laughing with her like..like you’re not ashamed to be seen with her.”

his jaw works, tightens, then softens again.

“ashamed?” he echoes, incredulous. “is that what you think this is?”

you don’t answer. you just keep going because now that you’ve started it, it’s like you can’t stop. every thought you’ve shoved down in the last few months starts rising like bile in your throat.

“sometimes i just wonder how long this’ll last, you know? how long before you realize i’m too much or not enough. that this is all some dumb phase and you’re just waiting for a reason to bail. like maybe you wake up one day and look at me and wonder what the fuck you’re doing wasting time with some girl barely out of college who still calls her dad to ask how to fix her tires.”

joel walks to you, leans over you in an endearing manner. “hey..hey..look at me.”

you don’t want to. your eyes are wet and you feel like an idiot. but he cups your face in both hands, rough thumbs brushing your cheeks, and you have no choice.

he leans down, rests his forehead against yours.

“i love you,” he says. “i’m not goin’ anywhere. and don’t you ever—ever—talk about yourself like that again.”

your lip trembles as his grip tightens.

“you think i don’t wish i could take you everywhere? shout it from the rooftops that you’re mine? i do, baby. every fuckin’ day. i just…” he sighs, jaw clenching again. “i worry, alright? i know how people see me. old enough to know better. and you? you’re this bright, gotdamn beautiful thing, and i don’t wanna drag you down into all my mess.”

you shake your head, fast, angry now. “you don’t get to decide that for me, joel.”

he smiles fondly, even with the tension thick between you.

“i know. you keep remindin’ me. but this? this ain’t a fling. you’re not some secret i’m ashamed of. you’re the best thing in my life, i swear.”

you swallow. “then why does it feel like you’re always waiting for it to fall apart?”

he pulls you in—both arms around you, holding you so tight it aches. his lips press to your hair.

“’cause i don’t deserve you. but i’m selfish enough to keep you anyway.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, burying your face in his chest.

his voice rumbles in your ear. “you’re not too young. you’re not too much. you’re not anything but exactly what i want. every second. every day.”

you’re quiet a long time. his hand strokes your back comforting you.

“you smiled at her,” you whisper. “like it was easy to do.”

he leans back, just enough to look at you. “and you smile at bartenders when they spell your name right on your smoothies. doesn’t mean you wanna fuck ‘em.”

you snort against your will.

he grins. “see? there she is.”

you wrap your arms around his waist and hold on tight.

“i hate how much i love you,” you mumble into his shirt.

“nah,” he mutters, kissing your temple. “you love how much you love me.”

you roll your eyes, but you don’t let go. and never will.

special tags: @inbred-eater , @wintfleur , @lowrisemiller

who do i write for? pedro pascal.  the last of us.  jensen ackles.  art donaldson. patrick zwieg. challengers. dodge mason. panic.  mike faist. harry castillo. the materialists jon bernthal. shane walsh. mikey berzatto. frank castle. hayden christensen. anakin skywalker. clay beresford.

ᥫ᭡ about me — mari (friends call me mar), 21 (my b-day is march 23), aries, black/native, sentimental, hopeless romantic, flower child, lover, old soul, avid dreamer, spiritual!

ᥫ᭡ i love — reading, drawing, sleeping, vanilla and cherry, milkshakes, silk pjs, dark and milk chocolate, wedged heels, jensen ackles, fruits, lace clothing, tea, fries, walking, pinterest, necklaces, dramas, posters, driving with the windows down, drew starkey, nature, wellness, learning random and new things, meeting new people, pizza, new and different cultures from my own, learning new languages.

ᥫ᭡ tv shows/films — supernatural, new girl, monte carlo, uptown girls, coyete ugly, burlesque, outerbanks, rebelde, friends, wildfire, girls next door, girlfriends, gossip girl, one tree hill, the o.c., i love lucy, revenge, h2o: just add water, saved by the bell, found, fresh prince, i dream of jeannie, virgin river,…etc (will be adding to this!).

ᥫ᭡ music — anything lana, tyla, pop, xtina, tate mcrae, marina, sabrina carpenter, FKA twigs, no doubt, hailey knox, janet jackson, nessa barrett, SZA, leon bridges, ALT, kacey mustgraves, leAnn rimes, indie, madison beer, jennie, JMSN, newjeans, leigton meester, aaliyah, sarina, britney spears, beadoobee!