Dominant Power

Dominant Power

A week or two ago I asked @cynicaldom for a spanking. He told me “good girl” and said some stuff about how it was so good of me to ask for what I needed/wanted.

Praise or positive feedback isn’t a rarity here, but I suppose I have a natural tendency to try to dismiss or downplay things in my head. There was something in the way that he expressed himself in this particular instance that has made the conversation really stick with me…I think I could just so easily see that he was proud of me so I couldn’t dismiss it.  

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Yesterday we worked on a soft limit and got really far. It’s something that I’ve always hoped to accomplish in kink, but at times, I wasn’t sure if I’d get there…but I have a couple of times now. And it feels really good (psychologically and physically, haha). 

I think these two things are connecting in my mind because early on, I think that deep down, I thought my greatest accomplishments in submission would be kinks. I thought succeeding physically would make me feel the most successful as a submissive. I am proud of the kink accomplishment, don’t get me wrong. It isn’t quite as deep, though. 

And honestly? I think if CD wasn’t passionate about encouraging me to use my voice and advocate for my needs in our relationship, and/or if he prioritized kink notably more…I think I would experience it that way, too. I think I only manage to “allow myself” to feel proud of advocating for my needs because I see that he genuinely wants me to speak up so I can help him take care of me. I’m able to find pride in myself because I feel it genuinely occurring in him, first. 

I hope that I’d protect myself by not submitting to someone who prioritized kinks and didn’t prioritize taking care of me…but when I think back to when we first started D/s, I’m not sure if I would have, if I’m really, really honest. 

He had already hung the moon in my life by that time…so if he had taken the power of being my Dominant and used it selfishly…I think I probably would have done my best to go along with that. I get why subs can end up in ugly situations when the person they love and respect uses their dominance in selfish ways. 

There can be a lot more power wrapped up in D/s relationships than what you specifically agree to submit to. When a sub has love and respect for their dom, it’s easy for their doms priorities and values to have a big impact on the sub. If something naturally makes the dom proud, or if a dom doesn’t care about something a sub does, that’s likely going to impact the sub regardless of whether you’ve specifically agreed to that being part of your D/s or not. 

Anyway. I mostly got lucky, but I’m really grateful that I have a Dom who has values that I believe in and prioritize me because I don’t have to choose between taking care of myself and submitting. They’re one and the same. 

@sccwriting