You’re All Monsters

Hairpin by .monodrift on Flickr.

Me On Chopped

Judges: she's just, she's just shoving food into her jacket, she's literally just here to steal food,

https://www.youtube.com/user/JimmyKimmelLive/search?query=plizzanet+earth

Snoop Dogg narrating planet earth is what the world needs

Greenland is farther east, west, north, and south than Iceland.

Once upon a time I worked in this little burger/coffee/ice cream shop and a lady came in one winter and asked if we had a caramel apple drink and we were like ‘well we have cider’ and she was like ‘no I don’t remember what it’s called but this place made a drink that was chai tea, apple cider, and caramel’ and Breezy offered to try and make something for her but she changed her mind and left so Breezy and I were like ‘alright let’s try this’ because we had chai tea, instant cider mix, a shit ton of caramel, instant hot water from the espresso and too much free time. 

And let me tell you it was delightful. It tastes like watching the leaves changing color and dancing in the wind. It tastes like picking out pumpkins and gourds and fresh apples at the farm up north. It tastes like witches and freedom.

I make it every year now and this year I walked in the house on the morning of October first with all the ingredients and shouted ‘FALL DRINK’ and my roommates were like ‘????’ so I made them Fall Drink and now every time they get home from work they’re like ‘Fall Drink pls?????’

Anyway I remember literally nothing else about that woman but I’m very grateful to her. 

boy: wow the moon looks beautiful tonight

me: um…wow 😂 tell that whore she can have u. 👋 bye ugly 😂 hope she was worth it

so today i (sort of) had sex with this guy and i thought he cared about me and i was happy and it was intense and whatever but when i asked him how he felt about me he sort said like eh i don't really know and I'm really afraid i just gave this guy a really intimate piece of myself and he doesn't even really like me... the worst part is that i still really really like him

dude yeah i hate 2 b like this but most guys are like this and it is really shitty like boys suck

planetfatness:

overheard a girl’s phone conversation on the bus where she angrily asked the person on the other line why she had to call on someone else’s phone - “why did you block my number?? yes you did! then why didn’t you answer my calls or texts???” and i was like damn, this girl is mad, i kinda feel bad for whoever she’s talking to. then she said “no, grandma, LISTEN” and i was like grandma, the fuck? how could you?

I was pretty much indestructible as a baby but there was a nursary rhyme vhs tape my mom used to play for me and there was one at the end with a creepy marionette that would freak me out and id have to cover my eyes and ears until it was over but one time i walked in from the kitchen after getting my juice and it came on and i freaked out because i knew what was coming and i panicked and ran away but i ended up sprinting straight into the wall leaving a toddlers head sized hole in the drywall and i had to go to the doctor