Me: *orders Takeout* Me: *drives 5 Hours To The Nearest Large Body Of Water* Me: *lays Open Food Gently

this is the kind of quality content I joined tumblr for 

One of the best out takes from any television show, ever. 

gays are too much. i hate us

im literally always looking at my reflection not because im conceited but because i just think it feels kind strange to have a physical form and im constantly trying to process who and what i am

People keep posting ‘what’s REALLY in your food’ articles like I’m gonna stop eating whatever it’s about lmao Listen, death is coming. Death is coming. Pass me a hot dog.

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen