She's The Death You Chose You're In Terrible Danger

I also found this series of books by Carver Edlund. Did those books really happen? Wow, that is some meta madness. Thanks for saving the world and stuff.

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my take on the whole "dean was parentified" narrative and where that slippery slope usually takes people ("sam was spoiled as a kid and dean shielded him from all harm") is that many people can't comprehend that dean was in fact parentified, but that doesn't mean he was sam's father. sam had a father, and it was john.

nor does it mean sam was spoiled or babied by either of them. canon doesn't support this interpretation despite it being so popular in the fandom.

dean was parentified in the sense that he had responsibilies and stressors that weren't appropriate for his age and his role as a son... but that doesn't change the fact that his relationship with sam was that of a brother, not a parent.

at one point dean says "I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father, and I had to be a mother." and his feelings of overwhelm and resentment are valid—their childhoods were difficult, stressful, and abnormal.

however, this doesn't mean "john was absolutely useless and neglectful, so he was completely out of the picture. dean was indeed sam's father and mother. and he fulfilled those roles so well that sam had a happy, easy childhood and he was freed from any parent-related trauma, since dean was his parent, and he did a stellar job at it"... you know?

parentified siblings are siblings after all (and sam and dean only have a 4-year age gap). and dean did "fail" in his parentified role—sometimes he fucked up, sometimes he was the one hurting sam. in many ways, he didn't understand sam's needs or how to fulfill them. which is understandable. and he definitely couldn't shield sam from the difficulties they both had to face. that was well beyond his capability after all

on top of that, sam was taught self-reliance from a young age and he was exposed to the hardships of their lifestyle just like dean (hardships in general since he was born, and hunter-related ones since he was eight). and most of the glimpses we get of sam as a child/teen show a lonely, sad, troubled person. where's the pampered and unconcerned child!sam people keep hallucinating?

deep down, the issue is that people seem to put sam and dean on a seesaw and weight their problems and traumas against each other. if we say sam had a shitty childhood, then we're somehow denying dean's traumas and sacrifices. and if we believe dean suffered a lot in his youth, then that must mean sam had everything served on a silver platter. and that makes no sense.

is this a safe space. I have something to say about john winchester

the whole "dean knew it was the demon cuz john would never say he's proud of dean" fanon idea bothers me

for one, that's not what dean says in the scene. he says that john would be mad wasting a bullet and not be proud of him for that specific thing, not that he wouldn't be proud of him ever. secondly, john goes on to say that he really is proud of him when he's back to himself.

fanon likes to villianize john and I just can't get on board with it :/ like john at his core LOVES his family, would and has killed and died for them.

and besides, isn't it much more delicious to think that the reason dean thinks john wouldn't be proud of him is because they leave it unspoken? that instead of telling their love for each other, they show it, and assume that the others would also kill and die for them. all that tension and miscommunication..... yummm

people in fanfiction are so good at identifying v specific smells. I literally struggle to identify vanilla when I’m sniffing a candle labelled “VANILLA” how are these kids getting woodsmoke, rain, mint, and a whiff of byronic despair from a fuckin tshirt

Think about Sammy and he's five years old and he says "Spicy water!" when the waitress at the diner asks what he wants to drink. And she laughs and looks at John for an explanation but he doesn't have one and can't bring himself to admit that his nine year old is the one who usually takes care of the kid.

She brings a seltzer water and Sammy takes a sip and makes a face, because it's not the spicy water but the fizz is good too and he loudly declares that to the waitress. She smiles and gives the family a free slice of pie because the kids are so cute.

Later that night, back at the motel, John sees Dean pouring holy water into Sam's sippy cup and saying "you can't tell Dad that the water's spicy" and his heart shatters all over again.

1x14 Sam on my mind tonight

for my fellow lds folks, check out emma nissen!! you are obviously also welcome to check her out if you’re not, but she is lds iirc so that’s more where her music is based. she does christian music in a jazz style, and i love it!! these are some of my favorites of hers:

you don’t hate modern religious music, you hate megachurch worship bands that play to packed stadiums and roll in cash while writing the most stereotypical and soulless lyrics imaginable

Every episode of Supernatural they ask, "How will we defeat this new and unique monster?" and the answer is "shoot them with guns," mostly.