A List Of Things I've Done That Pissed My Mother Off, But As Batfam + Team Phantom Edition

Jason's body jerked on reflex when he felt someone grab his hand. Unable to pull away he swiftly looked down to face his assailant. The curses he was going to yell died on his tongue when he saw a little kid trying to pull him somewhere by his arm.

Dumbfounded, he asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm kidnapping you!" The kid growled, feet skidding on the ground where his ratty sneakers couldn't gain enough traction to help the poor kid. "How are you so heavy?!"

Jason, in all his 6ft and 200+ pound glory, just stared at the kid whose hands were too small to even cover one of his, what was he? Five? Jason lifted his arm taking the kid up with it. The kid looked so shocked by this and Jason took the opportunity to start asking questions, "So what did you wanna kidnap me for?"

Snapping out of his shock the kid replied with, "You are very dad shaped."

"What."

The kid seemed to realize what he said and backtracked a bit, "I don't need you to be my dad-dad just my fake dad."

That clarified things a little, "Why do you need a fake dad?"

"To avoid the foster system! I heard Gothams is really really bad and I've been living just fine on my own!" on his own?! A kid this small?! "But im pretty sure someone called the child cops or something cause people in suits keep trying to catch me or talk to me."

Aka Danny finds out hes a clone and is deaged to his actual age and is roaming around Gotham in the DC universe as a homeless farel child who keeps doing deranged things.

Shit Keith does.

Lex Will never live this down

out of context things heard in wayne manor:

bruce: i understand, but pretending you cooked jerry the turkey is not a proportionate response to damian calling you a peasant again

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jason: look there’s a right way and a wrong way to make food. there’s also the bruce way, which is the wrong way except faster and worse

duke: *frantically scribbling notes*

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tim: do you think our relationship was kinda like incest now?

steph, horrified: never open your mouth in my presence again timothy

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dick: so then he’s like—guys. guys are you seriously signing about me in front of my face. i learned it too—hey i do NOT have a butt chin take that back—

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damian: i don’t understand, why does he wear such a ridiculous hat? is it like that margaret poppins woman grayson showed me?

tim, who watched the live action cat in the hat too much as a kid and is about to violently infodump: well you see-

dick: oh god it’s too late

jason: yeah the brats on his own for this one i’m not fucking dealing with that again

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bruce: are you lying?

tim: always. anyway, like i was saying—

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steph: hey what’s up with you and all the redheads

dick: …i’m not discussing this with you

steph, starting to chase him: gingervitus is a serious affliction! you cant run from this

dick, sprinting away: yes the fuck i can

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duke: so is anyone gonna talk about the elephant in the room…

dick:

dick: look i was feeling sentimental and zitka jr. really isn’t any trouble

damian: she is magnificent

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tim: so i dropped out and

duke: wait we can drop out of high school??!!?

bruce: NO.

duke: please bruce ap biology is beating my ass right now

jason: nah tim just got to drop cause bruce was dead and he’s a loser. the real problem is what you’re reading in ap lit right now, because i have thoughts on that curriculum—

duke: i’m not even gonna use half that material in the real world

tim: actually most of our villains have PhDs so their plans are based on pretty real science

duke: not helping timothy

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cass, signing: why are brothers on the ceiling?

jason: tims in timeout from working on his caseload

cass, still confused: yes but why taped to the ceiling

duke: listen if you know a better way of restraining his psycho ass then i’m all ears

cass: and damian?

jason: oh he saw this as free range target practice so he had to go up there too

cass: they are plotting revenge up there

duke: think of it as brotherly bonding

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damian: it’s not my fault he got in the way

bruce: you threw an eclair at lex luthor

damian: i was aiming for drake

tim: bruce we can’t take him anywhere

dick, holding back laughter: timmy you paid four separate people to come to the gala solely to ask lex if they could use his head to see if they had something in their teeth

tim: you have no proof that was me

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duke: look steph, it’s not that we don’t want to help with this

jason: i don’t want to help

duke: it’s more that i don’t think we can physically fit that many people in a shopping cart, and your whole plan kind of hinges on that

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alfred: i’m not mad, just disappointed in you.

every batkid, near tears: sorry alfred

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jason: HE HAD DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY AS THE FUCKING WHAT—

bruce: listen—

tim, mouth full and brain empty: the ambassador to iran. crazy right?

dick: tim please

Hahahaki AU Klance fic (link) commission for anon~

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@dp-crossover-angst-week-event

JUL.7 GIW EXPERIMENTATION

tfw u raid a GIW compound and find somebtign in a tube of goo.

Turns out to be ur long lost brother lmao getfukd

HEHEHRHRRR here’s the sketch and ideas

I managed to contain the need to catboyify him but only barely.

I even came up with an inlore reason for it! The GIW captured him and used ectoplasm to reverse engineer beast boy’s power and idk soemehifn soemthign i needed to catboy him.

DC Super Hero Girls has given me many things. But by far my favorite thing is they have the best incarnation of Bruce Wayne. And I say that not as like oh this is 10000% who Batman is.

No. I mean they have the best version of billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. Better than even the movies have gotten for one sole reason;

I want you to take one look at this bougie himbo, one fucking look,

And tell me who in their right mind would believe this man is the goddamned Batman.

He is too pretty. Too well put together. Too big a himbo. Too covered in fucking camera crews and groupies to ever pull it off. No one would ever even fucking consider this gem of a man could do it!

But he does and it works so fucking well.

And, oh my God, it's my new favorite thing.

Danny gets bullied a lot. Everyone knows this. The town knows this. Danny knows this. Hell the ghosts in the zone know this. But what most people don’t know is that the bullying doubles as like, a secret protective service for one Daniel Fenton.

Daniel, who grew up in a small town and knows his classmates intimately because they have all grown up together. Danny, who despite the sometimes harsh treatment, never says no when someone asks him for help with math or science. Who has more than once taken apart and repaired someone’s phone at the cafeteria table. Who helped secretly distribute small ecto weapons that he put together in his room for his classmates because they deserved to feel safe and be able to protect themselves.

Danny is a good dude, and Vlad gives everyone the ick. Despite Amity being a small town, there is a significant number of incredibly wealthy people who live there. The Mansons and Paulina’s family being ones of notice. So like, they know wealthy people are kinda Essentric , but not Vlad essentric.

Vlad who they regularly hear Danny complain about (wants to kill my dad marry my mom and turn me into the perfect son). Like all the red flags have been waved. Full steam ahead boys, good kid Danny is uncomfortable and possibly in danger and no one fucks with out emotional support tutor/mechanic.

It’s a whole system. Secret tech genius Star creates a tracking app that specifcally tracks Vlad sightings. Everyone in the school has it. You have to be invited to even download it.

Once Dash shoved Danny in a locker conveniently before Vlad walks down the hall because he’s the mayor and doing a surprise inspection of the school.

Paulina forces her dad to pull over when she see’s Danny arguing outside a limo that the mayor is definitely sitting in. It’s pouring rain and Danny clearly wants to be anywhere else. Paulina calls out to him asks if he wants a ride to the nasty burger because they decided to do the homecoming planning there instead because the weather is trash and they’re all hungry. Danny’s not on the committee but he nods and hops in the car with a grateful smile and says if they need his help with anything to let him know. He could probably modify some of his parents tech into harmless laser lights if they wanted something cool.

All and all, there is a system, so when Bruce Wayne shows up in their little city (because wtf?) with a letter, medical records of dna matching (also wtf how did he get Danny’s dna?) and a declaration that he’s Danny’s biological father, they are ready to add another billionaire to the system.

I mean, the first time Danny got cornered by this dude with a “son I just wanna talk,” the kid literally jumped out a second story window to get away.

Paulina and Sam share a look because they recognize a rich boy mask when they see one and it’s suspicious. Star and Tucker do a bit of digging because millionaires with interest in Danny have always been super sus. Danny is panicking because he knew he was adopted but fat fucking chance it’s Bruce Wayne. Not to mention he knows he’s the bat. Clockwork has sent Danny on enough time stream correcting mission caused by the flash family that he sorta figured out all the JL secret identities.

No fucking chance Bruce “I’m Batman” Wayne just happened to discover a long lost biological child. Nu uh. That vigilanti is not getting Danny to no secondary location because the secondary location is probably the GIW’s dissection table.

Meanwhile Bruces kids are fucking howling because somehow this kid is giving actual Batman the fucking run around. Oracle because she’s a tech goddess, knows that this entire high school of teens has a system around protecting Danny from suspicious billionaires, which is weird that this is apparently a normal thing.

These teens are running Bruce ragged. Danny’s walking down the stairs and Bruce is waiting to try to talk to him when one of the drama kids runs up and loops their arm through Danny’s. “Omg, Paul broke his arm yesterday because he got caught in the GIW’s crossfire with a ghost yesterday and he was out lighting manager. I hate to ask this of you, but could you stand in for rehearsal today?” She asks already dragging Danny back into the school.

Bruce talks to Danny’s parents and is waiting for him at home when half the football team comes barging in behind him. “Danny is tutoring us for the test tomorrow and if we don’t pass then we won’t be able to play next weeks big rival game.” And then don’t wait as the drag Danny to the ops center where he usually hosts tutor sessions.

Danny himself just disappears when Batman tries to approach him as phantom or flys into the ozone, like try to follow me up here you dark furry.

The reason Bruce knows about Danny at all is because the GIW branched out and ended up in Gotham where they target Jason Todd/Red Hood and Batman was not gonna let that slide. He originally showed up in amity for investigative reasons but he clocked Danny as a literal bruce Wayne teen look-alike and his suspicions led him to confirm for himself via DNA that yeah Danny was his. Completely by accident he assures, but also why the fuck does this keep happening to him? Are there more secret children in the world?

Anyway, Bruce has no plans to like, remove Danny from his life. His adoptive parents safety  parameters are questionable at best, but it’s clear they love both their kids very much (this is a good Fenton’s au). Mostly he just wanted to get to know him, see if he wanted to visit Gotham every now and then, and let him know that financially if he ever needs anything that Bruce will 100% foot the bill.

Instead he’s spent a month being misdirected by the teenage secret services and avoided by Danny Fenton/Phantom (because Bruce connected the dots the first time he saw Phantom fight let’s be real).

Not to mention Vlad Master’s really really doesn’t like Bruce. Danny Phantom (before he realized Bruce actually knew his identity) gave Bruce the Spector deflector and said never take it off. Ghosts will possess you and you have money they will take.

The shift in perception happened when Bruce clocked Vlad across the face in a solid punch that probably left the mayor concussed. No one knows what was said, but their was murder in Bruce’s eyes and the low growl of his voice was terrifying.

Literally the next day Danny shows up in his hotel room all smiles. “Any Enemy of Vlad’s is a friend to mine and my own.”

An idea:When Danny uses ghost power,the lichtenberg scare will light up.

:T Hello there, Thought(tm) of the day...

I? Just remembered that Constantine's "Laughing Magician"(?) title is... f*ckin HEREDITARY?

Like?? As in The Constantine Meances have been out here, harrasing divinity and demons alike for GENERATIONS on behalf of a Good Time, the Lols, and probably Humanity if they can be arsed and you make a good case.

W... What chance would there even BE of at least like? HALF those f*ckers(conflicted but affectionate) NOT becoming Realms Ghosts? With the sh*t they're exposed too? With THEIR luck??

You think DEATH can trick them? Take them away for good? Take away the local Rat B@stard, Tricks Gods Just To See If He Can, Fate Is My Second Mistress and I Cuckold Glory On Your Mother's Bed, Constantine?

They run down main street, *ss in the breeze, wearing someone else's shirt and two shoes that don't match, not a stitch else, like run away lovers. Let Death TRY and catch them. Sorry, Luv, it's not them, it's definitely you.

..........I bet they're the wooooorst~~✨️

No joke, I bet they set up a whole *ss TOWN of Constantine.

Where the odds are in THEIR favor, gods fear to tread, and reality straight out stops working right. Like Diagonal Ally for B*stards, extended to a whole floating island. Everyone's related. It's Chaos. They can barely stand each other. Would sell each other for a toothpick.

Mess with ANY off them... and you can kiss your afterlife good bye.

They have NO neighbors because both no ones dumb enough to get NEAR them AND no one can stand to be around that many Constantines at once. The physical Manifestation of Fate wants to take the whole LOT of the handsy F*CKS to court for child support and a restraining order.

Somehow... they keep getting Earth Booze.

They SHOULDN'T have access. It's been anywhere from decade to centuries since they died. Millennium for a few. Howms't The F*CK, do they keep getting cheap gin and vodka? Bourbon and beer? Even the odd fruity cocktail for funnies.

Please... PLEASE! Tell the Zone at large, that their innate birthright powers STOPPED at Death. They... they are just REALLY good at smuggling right? Excellent con men?

Tell us they can't f*ckin PREDICT AND INFLUENCE Natural Portals!!!

*smug sipping noises from a large room full of Dead @ssholes*

Okay... They Won't Tell You~ 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*

Now! I hear you ask? Why are John's Terrible, Terrible, God Awful Ghostly Relatives relevant? Absurdly powerful as they are... they seem to take the afterlife as an extended "Ha! GET F*CKED, DEMONS WHO WANTED MY SOUL!" Vacation/Family get together.

Minded their business and expected everyone to mind THEIRS, or ELSE.

Didn't give two solitary SH*TS that Pariah woke from his little nappy-poo to cause a tantrum. After all, in their family? When DOESN'T some "great and terrible Power That Be" get itself in a snit? Meh... it's baby Johnny's turn to clean sh*t up. Best of luck to 'im~I'm!

But THEN!

They must've been drinking... making out with their equally terrible and bamf trainwreck significant others... sitting around playing "who can cheat best at cards"... when? Huh.

Never seen the Fate and The Odds... STRANGLE like that.

Billions of billions of What-Ifs, Maybes, Could-bes, and more... suddenly YANKED towards a single spot. The allowance of Only One Outcome. Almost like what they can do, but... not, WRONG, per say...

Just... impossible.

There's NEVER.. JUST one way this plays out. You can control the big notes. The script. But the details and set dressing will always decide themselves.

NO ONE can just... Decide What Will Happen. And yet?

...............was....... was that Little Johnny? Has to be. Right? Where's his old man? Oi! Was that your Kid??! John's closest relatives are baffled. Nope. They can still feel him laying a beat down on some demon in Norway. So then? Who?

How?

Well mark them CURIOUS(tm).

They decide to actually get up. Put their various drinks and cards down. Put pants on. Somebody's done something... INTERESTING(TM) and they want to know what's up. So? Off they trot.

It's traumatizing from everyone who sees them. The Constantines have breached f*ckin B*stard Containment and are spilling into the Zone. On this! The DAY Pariah Waged A War! THEY JUST GOT RID OF HIM!

And Danny? His everything hurts. The Eyeballs are starting to come out of the woodwork and ARGUE about him like he's not even there. He's DANGEROUS blah blah blah. Give them the crown. Right now! Etc etc.

Somethings telling him not too.

It's... it's HIS isn't it? Has been for centuries and seconds. And... and... everyone one of him is King. There is only one of him. The Zone covers all the multiverse and all of the Hims that were and aren't here and helped and... and...! His head is starting to hurt.

But the more they try to push him to hand it over, the less he feels like unhanding the dang gaudy thing. No. His now. He'll use it as a DOOR stopper if he dang well feels like it! Stop yelling.

Then all these blonde ghosts saunter in... and all he can think is "F*ck. I think they noticed."

Huh?

@stealingyourbones @cyrwrites @bjurnberg @the-witchhunter @hdgnj

Damian Wayne / Danny Fenton Masterlist

Complete

Incision by DizzlyPuzzled :

Healing takes time, as much as is needed Word Count: 45,191 Completed

He is Halfa My Soul, As The Poets Say by Rose_Finch :

Danny stops by a 7-11 while on a drive.

He meets his soulmate.

- He furrowed his brows before looking down at their connection. The same connection he abandoned every time he went ghost. It shimmered, green turning into blue. Damian had a bag of chips in his hand, some sort of spicy Doritos.

He looked casual , for some fruitloop's kid. All soft green fabric and faded black sweats.

Damian looked like a deer in the headlights, entranced.

He did not deserve him.

He couldn't do this.

Word Count: 1,037 Completed

Cat's Cradle by DisillusionedDanny :

After Danny's sister throws him into the portal for his own safety, the halfa feels lost, alone, and without a haunt. That is, until Clockwork gives him a new purpose. Somehow this new purpose thrusts Danny into his new life as the protégé of one Catwoman and the new pain in the ass for a certain sword wielding Robin. Damian Wayne didn't know what to think about the new Catboy that was following behind Catwoman. On one hand, he was a nuisance that caused him nothing but grief. On the other, he was charming and made Damian smile like no other. Word Count: 57,234 Completed

You'll Find a Rainbow by DisillusionedDanny :

Hurt and on the run after telling his parents the truth, Danny and Jazz go to the only person they can trust to keep them safe from the Fenton's.

Danny's birth mother.

Harley Quinn

Word Count: 62,674 Completed

Ghost In Gotham by ArcticVulpix :

When the Anti-Ecto Acts result in Danny being driven out of his home, he's got to build a new life in the Ghost Zone. But just his luck, he gets an unexpected war thrown at him and just as that settles, a summoning brings him to Gotham and into the lives of the Bat Clan. What to do until he can get back to the Ghost Zone? And will he ever get to go home to Amity Park again? Word Count: 28,605 Completed

On-going

Ancient Deals by Bewitched_Forest :

A long time ago, Ra's Al Ghul made a deal with the dead. In exchange for the secret to the Lazarus Pits, he was to offer up his heir to the Ghost King for an arranged marriage. But, when rebellion leads to Pariah Dark to be captured, the deal goes on unfulfilled. Now, with a new Prince crowned, to become the Ghost King when he is of age, Danny Phantom is left having to accept Ra's half of the bargain. In the form of his grandson, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne.

Day 1 of DPxDC Ship Week 2023 Prompt: Arranged Marriage Au

Word Count: 5,981 On-going

Astrobleme by SpicyTossSalad :

“Antares, can I ask you something?” Danny’s gaze is fixed on the sky, as it has been for two hours now, but a subtle tension in his face betrays his nerves. “Of course.” Danny steels himself with a deep breath. “I want you to bite me.” "What?" Word Count: 2,177 Complete

Baby Fever by Die_Erlkonigin6083 :

Damian wants pups. He wants a mate. He just wants a family. It’s not something he thinks he can have at the moment. A mission gone sideways might just prove him wrong.

Day 1 Nesting Accidental Child Acquisition

Word Count: 1,700 Complete

Of All the Things My Hands Have Held by DisillusionedDanny :

Upon learning that her son is in a relationship, Talia decides to create a clone to gift to her son as a gift to celebrate finally settling down. Now Damian and Danny are stuck trying to figure out how to raise a baby when neither of them had the best examples growing up. Word Count: 17,066 On-going

Fate is a Bitch and Her Timing Sucks! by OnlyHereForTheSnacks :

In theory, everyone on earth is supposed to have a soulmate. Someone who is perfect for them in every way. A storybook romance, or a best friend you can always confide in. Fate is supposed to pull them together at the right moment. Real life is never as easy as the stories though, and Fate has always had a way of fucking with vigilantes.

Danny always wanted a soulmate. At least he did before he died, now his life (afterlife?) is just starting to get manageable. He’s settled into his new role, doing what he can for both the ghost and human world and is looking forward to a quiet (if excruciatingly boring) summer vacation when his life is literally turned upside down and he is forced to confront parts of his past that he’d rather remained buried.

Damian has been resigned to the idea that he will have to protect his soulmate since he was a child. A soulmate is a weakness that others might choose to exploit. Nothing could have prepared him for the reality that is his perfect match. Perhaps he should have listened when his mother said his soulmate would have to be anything besides ordinary to compliment him.

Word Count: 39,377 On-going

Artificial Wingman by TheSleepyKitsue :

Prompt fill for im-totally-not-an-alien-2 on Tumblr After finding a spell book in his aunt's attic, half ghost Danny Fenton decides to become a Disney Princess for a day in another dimension by using a love potion on the local wildlife. Fate has different plans, however, in the form of a Gotham Vigilante landing directly in said love potion. Now, with a love-struck Damian Wayne and no immediate way home, Danny must try to make a cure while dodging the cities best detectives. Meanwhile, a very concerned Batfam are trying to track down their missing member. Word Count: 106,859 On-going

Press Heart to Subscribe by Die_Erlkonigin6083 :

Brown shows Damian a viral video of a twitch streamer, named UndeadNebula, passionately defending the current Robin from his critics. Intrigued, he begins watching the streamer.

UndeadNebula is smart, kind, funny, and Damian could listen to him talk for eternity.

The streamer might have wormed his way into Damian’s heart.

Word Count: 101,086 On-going

Rated M

My Pet Robin by Die_Erlkonigin6083 :

With the world starting to fall into the hands of evil, Damian uses an ancient spell he stole from Constantine to call forth the Ghost King. However, it comes with a very steep price… one the King does not want him to pay. Yet Damian finds himself wanting to pay it. Word Count: 44,964 On-going