Laaajlaaa - Unbetitelt

no matter what i do, I still ache. I still yearn for your touch, and every time i wake up I pray that it was all a bad dream - but im faced with the awful, painful, gut wrenching reality that: it isn’t a dream. it’s all real and you don’t love me anymore.

Do I ever cross your mind?

Excerpts of a book I’ll never write

“You are what I have been waiting for, the person I should have been with. But I stop myself from having feelings. I stop myself from thinking we have something special. Because not only do I not want to lose you, but I don’t want to lose myself again.”

— not for another heartbreak.

I never really understood why kissing was such a big deal. But then you kissed me. And oh boy, I never wanted to stop. Feeling the sparks through my entire body, that feeling was surreal. I could do that for days and days on end. You tasted so good, kissing you was one of the most addictive things I’ve ever done. But now you aren’t here to kiss me. You’ve got me wishing that we’d never kissed.

What if nobody makes my heart flutter the way you did?

I will not wait for you

to regret losing me.

Does the sun wait for

the earth to regret turning?

Does the moon wait for

the night to regret ending?

The sun remains the sun,

and the moon remains the moon.

I will remain myself

with or without

your acknowledge of my value.

“You’re not invited back into my life. You can’t just keep coming and going. If you’re going to leave, then don’t come back. I’m done holding on to promises that you aren’t going to keep. But just remember, you decided to leave.”

—

“Do I mind texting first? No, I will show that I care about you. Do I mind texting first for weeks and basically talk to myself for a whole conversation? Yeah, I kinda do. So forgive me if I’m done trying.”

— you had your chances

“I’m addicted to you. I’m not sure what it is but you keep me sane. You manage to silence my demons. You know me. Every single time something is up, you know. No matter how high my walls are, you see through. I can’t hide myself from you because you know me. You know me and that scares me. I’m addicted to you and maybe it’s because for the first time someone actually knows me. I can’t fake a single smile no matter how hard I try because you know me. You’re my addiction and I don’t know how to stop it. You know me so even if I try to let you go you would know, so I guess… Don’t let me go because I need you, but it’s not just that… just like you know me, I know you. I know you just as well as you know me, and I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing.”

— 12:14 AM thoughts