We Must Be Anthro Cheetah Girls The Way I’m Going 80 Miles An Hour And You’re STILL Riding My Ass

No fucking way I found my little rubber fetus

reblog to pet the sad cat 　　　　　　 ＿＿ 　　　　　／＞　　フ 　　　　　|  　_　 _ l 　 　　　／` ミ＿xノ 　　 　 /　　　 　 | 　　　 /　 ヽ　　 ﾉ 　 　 │　　|　|　| 　／￣|　　 |　|　| 　| (￣ヽ＿_ヽ_)__) 　＼二つ

Tehran tonight.

People are protesting the forced hijab laws and the murder of a woman in police custody.

The internet is down in Iran. Please help spread the news.

𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘯 (𝘪 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦) | 𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘹 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬!𝘧𝘦𝘮!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

summary | eddie munson, lead singer of corroded coffins, is reading thirst tweets with buzzfeed and the last one, the most vulgar and detailed one, has a username that looks a little familiar.

pairing | eddie munson x black!fem!reader

wc | 1,650

warnings | modern!eddie, thirst tweets, banter, references to sex: free use, face fucking, unprotected sex, creampies, cervix-fucking.

a/n | i’ve had shitty writer’s block, but i saw aubrey plaza’s thirst tweets + remembered folake aina’s apology to skepta, so now we have this :) not beta read.

[ 18+ | minors, blank, ageless blogs: do not interact ]

–

“Okay, so I know the format has been explained to you multiple times, but I’m just going to review it once more and then we’ll get you started,” Eddie gave the thumbs up and the director continued. “So you’ll be reading some tweets we have lined up for you. The first few will be pretty tame and then it gets a bit more “thirsty” as you can guess. If you read one and you start to get uncomfortable, feel free to stop, okay?”

Eddie smiles, “Do your worst.”

“Good!”

The cameraman counts him down and Eddie grins.

“Hey there, I’m Eddie Munson, lead singer and guitar player for Corroded Coffin, and today I will be reading your thirst tweets,” Eddie laughs and sets up the phone they have with the tweets lined up. “I’m hoping for some real metal shit, so let’s go.”

He takes a quick breath and reads the first tweet they have written.

Eddie Munson is a gift from God.

“Thank you, while I think there are many people who would disagree with you, I like that line of thinking. I think I’m a gift from Ozzy, maybe? Y’know, like the music gods.”

need to know eddie munson’s shampoo and conditioner. immediately. purely for “research” purposes

Tilting his head back, Eddie chuckles when he looks into the camera. “Yeah, you sound like you’ve got the best intentions. I’m not sure actually, it’s whatever my girlfriend buys and puts in her shower. I trust her judgment, she has good taste apparently.”

In desperate need of the lead singer from Corroded Coffin to break his guitar over my head multiple times.

This one elicits a large guffaw out of him, “Holy shit. I love my guitar so much, I don’t think I’d be able to do that. Maybe with, like, an acoustic though, something that’s not my favorite guitar. But that sounds cool, sounds like a fun night out.”

just came back from corroded coffin’s show. i would let eddie munson back his tour bus over my body multiple times a day.

“I’m actually not allowed to drive the tour bus anymore. I’m banned, forbidden, prohibited, all that great stuff. One little accident, barely a scratch, and suddenly I’m an outlaw,” Eddie shakes his head in disbelief. “But I was completely sober! Driving drunk is not metal, as my girlfriend would say, it’s only something a half witted, selfish, asshole would do."

This earns him a few chuckles and claps from the camera and sound crew before he moves on to the next tweet.

As the director explained, the next few tweets get raunchier in nature. They now request that Eddie use and abuse various parts of their bodies, or even offer parts of their bodies for his pleasure. But by the time they near the end he’s laughing too hard and needs a glass of water.

“I’m not sure if you need two kidneys to live, but I think you’re worth more to me alive than dead. But selling your organs on the black market is pretty fucking cool, if you ask me.”

 i will offer any hole eddie munson wants or desires. i am nothing but a set of willing holes for him. please take me up on this offer.

He’s cackling now, trying to swallow the water and catch his breath. “I appreciate the enthusiastic offer, and the free use implications, fans like you are why we do what we do.”

The director breaks up the laughter, by speaking to Eddie. “The last tweet is a bit long, and has two parts.” Eddie nods his understanding and clears his throat to read.

Below the tweet is a picture of Eddie on stage, shirt open, guitar perched right over his crotch, hair drenched in sweat.

eddie munson. please, just 10 minutes of ur time, i would suck u dry.  i would require reconstructive throat surgery from my actions. i would hold my ankles while u touch my cervix because momma didn’t raise a quitter. i could take u totally raw, no lube, no condom, just me taking u deep like i was born to.

“Fucking Ozzy.”

The next tweet is a picture of text from the Notes app.

I would like to sincerely apologize for my actions last night. What I wrote in the heat of the moment was extremely inappropriate and was not the image that I would like to cast of myself online or in person. I truly hope that my prior moment of weakness does not sully my honest, innocent image. I should’ve known better. I used my Bachelor’s degree for evil, not for good, and for that, I am sorry. To everyone who had to read and witness that, I cannot express greater regret. And to Eddie Munson, the subject of my previous tweet, I am hoping that you will be open to receiving your apology in private.

“What the fuck?” Tears well up in Eddie’s eyes as he laughs. “This is what I meant when I said I wanted something metal.” His eyes scan over the tweet and he locks in on the user name, shaking his head when he realizes that he recognizes it. He’s not sure if it’s on purpose, but he keeps the information to himself.

“Fuck,” He cackles. “No lube, no condom? Holy shit. This person means it, fuck, I mean reconstructive throat surgery. How are they taking me so–” he cuts himself off to giggle. “That they need surgery? Born to do this? Where did you guys find this tweet?”

–

You toss off your white coat, making sure your stethoscope is still tucked neatly in its carrying case. When you move into the kitchen you find your boyfriend leaning against the counter, eating takeout from the container.

“Hey baby,” pressing a quick kiss on to his lips, you swipe a noodle from his chopsticks. “How was it today? I know you were doing some press, Buzzfeed right?”

Eddie nods, swallowing his mouthful before grinning at you. “Yeah, interviews, thirst tweets, you’ve seen them.”

“Yeah! They always get some of the weirdest tweets on there,” you chuckle. Reaching into the bag, you grab a set of chopsticks and open the second takeout container. “Read anything good?”

He does his best to contain his smile as he swallows another mouthful of food. “The usual, y’know? Kidneys, bussy, and semi trucks.” Shoveling food into your mouth, you confirm your understanding, but Eddie doesn’t stop there. “The last one was pretty interesting though. Like this person put time, thought, and detail into writing this tweet. The entire set was laughing.”

You look up with interest, “Oh really? What’d it say?”

“Just how they would only need ten minutes with me, reconstructive throat surgery, cervix-fucking, raw sex. Any of that sound familiar?” You freeze in your spot, shutting your eyes as you try to ignore your boyfriend’s words. “They even issued an apology afterwards, but they left the tweet up, which I thought was funny.”

Words were locked in your throat as you pretend to be wholly interested in your lo mein.

“Sound familiar?”

“Not at all!” you lie, setting your container on the counter. “Well, I’m going to go shower.”

You hoped that Eddie wouldn’t follow you in the bedroom, but you know better than that.

“Written by munsonsslutlife…that username doesn’t sound at all familiar to you?” You continue undressing as he speaks, attempting to block out his words. “I think I’ve heard it before. I remembered you showing me–”

You whip around, half naked and frantic as you look at your boyfriend. It has only been about 7 months into your relationship and you didn’t want to freak Eddie out with how much he consumed your thoughts before you even spoke to him.

“It was before I met you! It was from a spam account, and it was like over a year ago and I didn’t want to be weird and seem like some obsessed, sex-crazed fan or something,” you explain, eyes everywhere but on your boyfriend.

A beat of silence passes before Eddie shuffles over to you. He cups your cheeks, pulling your face up towards his while he leans into you.

“Why, baby?” he murmurs, breath puffing against your lips. “You didn’t want to be my little groupie bitch?” 

You stiffen in his arms, cheeks warming up at the filth falling from his lips, you try to hide away like you normally do, but his grip on your face hampers that. “You talk big shit on that account baby. Wanted me deep in your cunt, wanted my cock fucking up into while you hold your ankles because what? Your mom didn’t raise a quitter. C’mon baby, you said you’d take me raw. No condom, no lube. What happened to all of that?”

Heat gathers up in your palms and settles in your stomach as you take in Eddie’s heated look. So far, mostly at your request, the sex has been vanilla. Not at all bad, just very tame. Not like what Eddie was used to, but he made no complaint. Unbeknownst to him, it’s not like what you were used to either.

“Played innocent with me this whole time, but that’s not you, is it?” Eddie smiles, shaking your head in his palms. “You’re fucking dirty. The whole fucking world knew you were born to take my dick and you couldn’t even tell me? I’m so hurt,” he’s fake pouting at the end, but your gut still twists at his words.

“Eddie,” you start, reaching up to touch his chest. “I’m sorry.”

He tsks lightly, pecking your lips before he goes back to sit on your bed.

“Lucky for you baby,” Eddie spreads his legs and leans back against his palms. His bulge is large and prominent in his jeans and you feel your mouth watering a little at the sight of it. “I’m open to receiving my apology in private.”

This too shall pass (x)

On Monday, 26-year-old Daniel Penny was acquitted after killing Jordan Neely, a desperate Black homeless man on the subway, on the grounds that he was trying to protect others. On the same day, police detained 26-year-old Luigi Mangione, who is suspected of killing the CEO of a company that has denied thousands of life-saving healthcare claims.

Penny walks free after killing a man victim to the system. What will be the verdict for Mangione, who is suspected of killing a man symbolic of it?

As many have remarked, Brian Thompson’s tenure as CEO of insurance giant UnitedHealthcare was grisly. Thompson (alongside other higher-ups) allegedly conducted insider trading, selling millions of dollars of stock upon learning that the Department of Justice re-opened an antitrust investigation into UnitedHealth. While the company was on an upward profit swing, it has been awash in allegations and revelations of limiting mental health care coverage via algorithm, denying healthcare services needed after hospitalization at drastic rates via artificial intelligence, and denying insurance claims at a starkly high rate.

A gun killed Thompson. Paperwork has killed thousands.

Each case, obviously, is its own. But in each, contradictions of who is human, questions of who merits sympathy, and inquiries of what sort of society we tolerate, ring loud and clear.

(continue reading)

All I hear about is this submarine, but no one is talking about the 3000 Pakistanis drowning at Sea

Capri sun is childhood, Lucifer!

Lucifer: who the fuck took my demonus i just wanna talk

the brothers knowing that whoever did is fucking dead:

MC: it was me.

Lucifer: what.

MC: it was me.

Lucifer: why??? you literally can’t even get drunk off it????

MC: it tastes like capri sun and i miss it you whore

Lucifer: what the fuck is a capri sun

GUYS 😭😭😭😭 have you seen this? 😭 i'm going nuts just-----

can't believe i'm having a baby fever over a FICTIONAL CHARACTER!!! even added his cool tats in this one to look even more like him 🥺🥺