I Suddenly Forgot How To Beathe

Old man Rust

Your face is all fucked up from taking the world by the teeth

And there's blood on your hands you don't know whose it is

Basia.

Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus (Carme 5, Catullo) Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus, rumoresque senum severiorum omnes unius aestimemus assis. Soles occidere et redire possunt; nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux, nox est perpetua una dormienda. Da mi basia mille, deinde centum, dein mille altera, dein secunda centum, deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum; dein, cum milia multa fecerīmus, conturbabimus illa, ne sciamus, aut ne quis malus invidere possit, cum tantum sciat esse basiorum.

Under water. Body immerged in the ocean, seeking for an opportunity to near the after life. Because everything was useless without him in my life. Indeed, I didn't know where he was.

I decided to let my body die. For, without him in my life, I wouldn't know how to thrive.

Want to feel again his soft lips on mine, to bring him back in my life. And, someone held my body. Brought me to the land, caressed my hair but didn't try to revive me.

The touch was strikingly abusing my consciousness. because my body had gone limp in the nowhere.

I was feeling the stare of its presence, it was abnormal and I paradoxally wanted to open eyes and see who that was.

But, it was nearly impossible. And yet, I could see without seeing.

It's unexplainable but, my body knew who that was.

Now, I might have had a guess and I think I did know who that was. Because, those soft, plump lips , were on my skin. My body recognised him.

He was there for me.

Had I not immerged myself in the deep waters of the Atlantide, I would have seen him again.

I coulnd't move, neither speak. I couldn't open my eyes, neither breath. So, how was it possible that I could hear his voice?

I was screaming in my head. Meanwhile. he shushed me.

"My bunny. Don't panic. Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur. I'm here now with you, thats all that matters" , he said.

My Henry was here.My cold and freezing winter had come again to help me. There was an happiness inside me that nothing, not even Hades, could ever diminish it from me.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior. That was all I could think of.

We choose to love, we do not choose to cease loving .

“I hate and I love Why do I, you ask ? I don't know, but it's happening and it hurts”

Thunder only comes when it’s raining.

Recap: Katerina Angel Kennedy or “Arrow” is a Texan patriotic girl that loves her few friends and having fun with them during their high school years. She will handle a lot of pain and difficult situations in her life but her friends will always be there for her. We don’t know but maybe some new relationships will start and some old relationships will end.

Tw: #attempt suicide #depressing thoughts #depressive character #toxic friend #heartbroken character #substance use #drug use #weed mention #weed use #reefer character

Part 1

And I screamed.

Her POV:

High school boys just give me the ick. They’re disgusting.

I only have some high school guy friends and they’re kind of different from the others. I have Benny, Don, Slater, Tony, Mike and Kevin. There are other guys in my school but I don’t really talk to them, like I say “hi how are ya” and that’s it.

Benny is my best friend since kindergarten. Our parents are friends and every where I go he is there. I used to have a weird crush on him ( I still don’t get why I liked him in 8th grade but thank god I don’t like him anymore ). But we are really close to each other. I know everything about him, and vice versa.

Don instead is kinda my big brother that I’ve never had. Being an only child, he thought I felt lonely so he always stayed with me. He is sweetly overprotective of me, and it’s obvious that he loves me. Don’t get any idea! This is all platonic and he is an enormous play boy. I don’t know how Shannon likes him. Ew.

Slater is my reefer friend. My bestie. The one who makes me feel comfortable whenever I smoke blunts or weed. Kevin too. Pickford tho is the hottest of the whole world. Like man how can I smoke weed and not confess my love to you-

Tony and Mike are my friends and they are literally the only ones I can have a decent conversation with.

Now getting to the main point. I’m a picky person. If I want to have friends, I study them before having that intimate relationship with them. Instead the girls are a different subject. I talk to all of them. Even if some of them are bitches, I still respect and adore them.

The one who I seriously can’t stand at this school is Pink. He thinks that he can fool every girl in this school or in this town. Fuck off man. Arrogant son of a bitch. (I actually respect his mother very much.)

I hate him because one day he wanted to kiss me. Bro had never talked to me before and one day he thinks he can fucking kiss me? Nahhhhh man you got the wrong girl. I fucking slapped him. And since then we had this mutual hate relationship.

Another person that I “hate” is David Wooderson. He actually isn’t in our school anymore. And he is older than all of us.

He was my first and only true love. He was my first kiss.

We were very close friends. At the beginning I used to get weed from him and from then we just clicked. He would always meet with me, stay with me, smoke with me, go to parties with me, hang out with me and on and onnnnnnn. God damn. He was the best guy I had ever met. He was my true AND ONLY LOVE. But all of a sudden he started acting weird.

Everytime I used to hang out with Benny or Slater, Wood would always get upset. He would say things like “You don’t hang out with me anymore” or would straight up act mad at me. I didn’t know if he was jealous or something. But still, that doesn’t justify his behavior. Yes we had kissed before. As a joke. And yes, I loved him. But he didn’t know this. I’ve always been jealous of the times he hung out with girls. He was a fucking player, god damn he’s still a player. And yet, I never behaved like that. So, one day after I was out with Benny at his house, I go to meet Wood at his place. I knock at his door. He opens it after a long time, and I see him with disheveled hair, no shirt on, and a naked girl behind him. And he says : “Who tf are ya, man?”

I didn’t even respond. I turned around and went away.

That day I had thought of fucking killing myself. I felt so heartbroken and I felt treated like a fucking toy. I got back home. I had cried all the road to my house. Once up to my bed room, I couldn’t fucking breath anymore. He had been treating me like shit for like forever and I had always respected him because he was my friend. I had his my feelings from everyone for three years because I didn’t want to break the relationship I had with him. And he treats me like shit?

I was panicking. I was in shock and so tired of life. I got up and started searching for weed but I didn’t have any. Or i couldn’t find any, I don’t know. But I remember going downstairs to the phone and calling Slater. He answered and I was crying and saying how I so needed weed and I couldn’t find any. He was so worried behind the phone, I could only imagine his confusion.

After not getting any solution to my problem, still crying and panicking I closed the phone.

I got to the kitchen and I was searching for something that even I didn’t know what. I get a knife from a drawer and I don’t know but I think I stabbed myself with it. And I screamed. I cried and I screamed.

I don’t know what happened after that. But I know that when I woke up, in front of me was Slater. He was fucking crying and on the phone. He was saying something but I couldn’t hear anything. I was dazy as shit.

After that day, I was a different person. Slater got closer to me. And he was always worried but I indulged to drugs and weed, getting my mind out of shit.

I started picking the friends I hung out with and the things I did. I couldn’t trust anyone anymore. And David Wooderson was nothing to me.

Only Slater knows what happened between me and Wood. All the others don’t know a thing. Or i think so. Slater might have told to Benny something about it because I noticed how Benny started ignoring Wood and talking about him.

How can a girl go through so much and still be alive? Only God knows it.

Katerina “Arrow” :

Unrequited love

I feel you around me. You’re everywhere and I can’t get you out of my mind. I love how red your face gets all the time. I love it. The only thing I admire most in this world. I was out with my friends, one of them was all red in the face because of the cold weather but the first thought that came to my mind was exactly you, with a red face. It’s so unique to me.

I don’t know if this is love. I don’t think so. I’ve never even talked to you.

You stare at me. You continuously look at me. But I don’t know why. You don’t talk to me. You don’t dare make the first move. You observe me from afar.

And I think: “What if he’s only curious about me? What if he’s only looking absentmindedly?…”

But I know too well that none of that is true. He isn’t curious.

But I don’t know how to define this.

I attempted making the first move. But he turned it down immediately.

And the next day. I see him again. I had left my glasses in my class, I was having a terrible headache and I just wanted to go meet my friend. So I go downstairs and walk towards my friend’s class. He comes close to me, I stare quickly at him and then I avert my sight to the other side, avoiding him at all costs.

I’m talking to my friend, and she tells me: “He was looking at you!”

I bewildered look at her.

I need help. He is making me go out of my mind. Can’t God help me with this. Or remove him from my life to stop tormenting me, or just make him do something that makes me at least have a talk with him, so I know what his intentions are.

I can’t live like this.

He makes me anxious. Conscious of myself. Before I get out of class, I fix my hair and my makeup. And while going to my friends, I always look around for him. Even if i’m blind. I find him somehow.

cutie

Literally Me and him (I literally have no clue what he would look like without a beard and the thought of him without one gives me nightmares)