Yeah Right, He Fucking Loves Me.

OH!

wild west prairie chic 𐚁₊⊹‧.*

anna sui spring 2005 // dolce gabbana spring 2010

BLah

I thought that I was really in love with you.

But, lately I found out that it was a temporary feeling. I never loved you. You've always left me disappointed, confused and obsessed.

Why obsessed?

Because, I have never loved you. I don't know you. I love the idea that I created of you. It's hard to realise it, in fact, I took too long to understand this. I could have ended everything since the beginning and I wouldn't have been here worrying about stupid feelings. I'm obsessed with the idea that I created of you. The you that doesn't exist. A dangerous guy, with anger issues that hates everyone except me.

And I told him: Look, I've been playing with you from the beginning and I don't love you.

I didn't talk to him from that day. But I think of him even if I don't know him. Does this have an explanation? Is there a philosopher who has got theories that are going to help me discover what I'm feeling? I've studied for years philosphy and psychology but I never seem to understand myself. I am a big mess.

I've went to different psychoanalysts but they found no way of comforting and helping me.

I've read thousands of books, specifically romance books, but do you know how bored they have made me? They annoy me now. But I continue reading them. They're full of fantasies and utopic worlds but I so believe them, I don't know how to get out of that illusion.

How do I turn off my reasoning and consciousness? I want to disappear. I want to be free. I want to live with someone that I truly love.

How do I learn how to love? Is there someone that teaches this? Are there theories or books that talk about this?

I want to know how to actually ,love someone with all my heart and to get to know that person for everything they have and possess and follow them till they die because that's what my mission needs to be. I want to be there for someone till the day I die. Is there a way to find this? Is there a way to believing in love? I'm desperate to know.

But you know what puts me in a crisis? That is understanding love. From what I've understood about myself, I am a person that views love as a love with violence and aggression, sacrificies and problems, imperfections and perfections, optimistic point of views and cosy touches, physical connection, spiritual connection, sexual touches, sweet words and harmful words that push you to hate the person you "love" and finally hating yourself for loving them.

How can I think this way? Who do I think I am? A goddess?

What if I got to know this guy and actually fell in love with him, what would really happen?

I would be desperate and heartbroken and hate myself for falling for somebody that I don't deserve and that I shouldn't waste my time with and not waste my life for neither energy. I would hate myself for falling for someone who isn't who I idealised. This is unacceptable.

I wanna be free. I wanna love someone and suffer forever. You know what I want to suffer because that's what I live for. That's how I've learnt to survive. I have been raised with violence and anger issues and problems. I need someone that treats me how I think he should treat me.

I don't know how my idealised man is. I have no idea how he is. I literally don't know. Like can you imagine that I wrote this whole story and bullshit for something that I don't really know or believe or think or reason about, oh my god I am truly crazy. I talk noonsense. I am a bullshiter and I accept it. Thank you for today.

K.M.

"Mommy! Mommy! Look what I got! Some peaches... for... free...." - A Bronx Tale quote

Clip.Cafe

'Mommy! Mommy! Look what I got! Some peaches... for... free....' - A Bronx Tale quote

Calogero 'C' Anello: Mommy! Mommy! Look what I got! Some peaches... for... free. [he sees his parents about to confront him] Lorenzo: [sho

And near the opening C down into an underground area below the buildings it's a seller really not a basement and it looks very odd it looks old and it looks like a cave opening and it doesn't look like concrete and that's because it is and somebody put it there it's an ancient ancient cave opening and it's too in the area in Greece where his dad is kept

Thor Freya

Basia.

Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus (Carme 5, Catullo) Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus, rumoresque senum severiorum omnes unius aestimemus assis. Soles occidere et redire possunt; nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux, nox est perpetua una dormienda. Da mi basia mille, deinde centum, dein mille altera, dein secunda centum, deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum; dein, cum milia multa fecerīmus, conturbabimus illa, ne sciamus, aut ne quis malus invidere possit, cum tantum sciat esse basiorum.

Under water. Body immerged in the ocean, seeking for an opportunity to near the after life. Because everything was useless without him in my life. Indeed, I didn't know where he was.

I decided to let my body die. For, without him in my life, I wouldn't know how to thrive.

Want to feel again his soft lips on mine, to bring him back in my life. And, someone held my body. Brought me to the land, caressed my hair but didn't try to revive me.

The touch was strikingly abusing my consciousness. because my body had gone limp in the nowhere.

I was feeling the stare of its presence, it was abnormal and I paradoxally wanted to open eyes and see who that was.

But, it was nearly impossible. And yet, I could see without seeing.

It's unexplainable but, my body knew who that was.

Now, I might have had a guess and I think I did know who that was. Because, those soft, plump lips , were on my skin. My body recognised him.

He was there for me.

Had I not immerged myself in the deep waters of the Atlantide, I would have seen him again.

I coulnd't move, neither speak. I couldn't open my eyes, neither breath. So, how was it possible that I could hear his voice?

I was screaming in my head. Meanwhile. he shushed me.

"My bunny. Don't panic. Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur. I'm here now with you, thats all that matters" , he said.

My Henry was here.My cold and freezing winter had come again to help me. There was an happiness inside me that nothing, not even Hades, could ever diminish it from me.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior. That was all I could think of.

We choose to love, we do not choose to cease loving .

“I hate and I love Why do I, you ask ? I don't know, but it's happening and it hurts”

LANDO -- SUNDAY, HUNGARIAN GP 2023

According to the experts, men are very fragile. They can get crushed down if you assert yourself in any way.

THE LOVE WITCH (2016) dir. Anna Biller

love this one

Hungarian GP '23 // SF Full Access