A Snowy Day In Liurnia

Tell us more about Moby Dick!! :D

Ishmael is a fascinating little specimen let me tell you. He has a reputation for being a “boring narrator” but that’s complete bullshit. Right out the gate he’s like “hello this is my (fake) name, I’m poor, I’m depressed, but luckily when I can tell I’m about to kill myself I hop my ass on a boat because the water can cure whatever’s wrong with you, also we are all being controlled by the puppet strings of the divine and free will is an illusion. It is now Page Three.”

The entire first part of the book is his story of meeting, falling in love with, and marrying a hot tattooed Polynesian man in what may be the first recorded case of the “there was only one bed” trope and it only gets wilder from there. This really caught be off guard tbh, I had no idea that there was so much gay stuff in this book.

I honestly cannot even pick my favorite Ishmael moment. Could it be him being adamantly on the wrong side of the “are whales fish or mammals” debate? That he suggests narwhal’s horns would be good for turning the pages of small books? When he hides behind the mast and eats some spermaceti because he just has to know what it tastes like? When he tattooed himself with measurements of a beached whale but rounded all the numbers because he also needed room for the poem he was writing on his arm? The gay sperm squeezing chapter? When he made his drunk listeners fetch him a priest and a Bible so he could swear he was telling the truth? And then lied????

Ishmael’s musings range from beautiful, lyrical prose that makes you stop and reread the section because damn, and chapters about How Rope Works and encyclopedic writing about the whaling industry. There are lofty theological debates and accusations about the reader being a fish. You spend much of this book wildly seasick because Ishmael’s voice is manic, hilarious, and disorienting. Once you’ve finished this story, you, too, will feel like you’ve spent three years aboard a whaling ship.

Although the unhinged tangents are often amusing, many people complain because they probably account for 90% of the book with only the remaining 10% devoted to the plot. Surely if we just got rid of Ishmael’s Nonsense it would be better, correct? No. This is Ishmael’s memoir. He knows how it ends. These plot-delaying anecdotes are purposeful; he does not want to reach the end because it is The End. The death of his friends and his husband. The inevitable, unforgiving blade of fate that slices the lives of of the Pequod’s crew short and leaves him alone and adrift at sea. Enjoy his journey, because it may seem long now but it ends all too soon.

Y’know, after a certain amount of rent-lowering gunshots, it starts just being a dangerous neighborhood.

Congratulations to Elden Ring for winning the Game of the Year 2022 award in The Game Awards! Elden Ring was a turning-point experience in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful for being able to play this masterpiece! Here's a small fanart of Radagon to celebrate!

Hi my name is Stigmata Divine Suffering Crucifixion Christ and I have bloody stigmata wounds (that’s how I got my name) with fresh blood and a deep gash on my side that reaches my mid-back and pain-filled blue eyes like Our Lady of Sorrows’ tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Mary Magdalene (AN: if you don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Jesus Christ but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a saint but I haven’t been canonized. I have scabbed up skin. I’m also a priest, and I go to an abbey called Montecassino in Italy where I’m a newly ordained priest (I’m seventeen). I’m a catholic (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly vestments. I love the Vatican and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black alb with a matching black cassock, and a black linen surplice, a red stole, and episcopal sandals. I had crimson blood dripping from the crown of thorns wounds in my head, the four nail wounds in both my hands and feet, and the spear wound in my side. I was walking outside Montecassino Abbey. It was storming and raining which made me think about Isaiah 4:6, which I was very happy about. A lot of protestants stared at me. I put up my crucifix at them.

“Hey Stigmata!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Pope Francis!

“What’s up Pope?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard the archbishops call me and I had to go away.

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me thanks be 2 god! amen

Goncharov Lore Thus Far, based on the top tumblr post results

Main cast are Goncharov himself, his wife Katya (née Michailov), and Andrey 

One side character is named Mario Ambrosini. He is described as a “sad boi” and is involved in gambling. 

Set in Naples and involving a drug ring/mafia. The plot seems to involve Russian organized crime attempting to get a foothold in Italy. 

There is a Boat Scene. Katya survives via resourcefulness. 

Andrey and Goncharov have a substantial amount of homoeroticism. Andrey also has an internet in Katya. This forms a true love triangle. 

At some point, Katya threatens to shoot Goncharov. This is framed as a Girlboss Moment. 

There is also a Beer Bottle Scene. 

Katya fakes her death. 

GUYS? Martin Scorsese’s daughter Francesca told him about Goncharov and he said he made that film years ago I’m fucking crying.

Is anyone else obsessed with how subtly important eye contact is in Goncharov?

Have you noticed how many times he says some form of “look at me” to katya? How, whenever andrey is in a scene his eyes seems to slowly maneuver from object to person to object, as if he’s scanning meaningless information, UNTIL goncharov is in the scene and suddenly his eyes follow him like he’s something worth studying? And what gets me most, how katya, the person who refuses to look at goncharov in the eye unless he all but begs, the woman who has never had the opportunity to yearn for a man because the men do all the yearning for her, looks at sofia like she’s hung the stars and moon, to the point sofia even says something!!! THE DIRECT PARALLELS BETWEEN GONCHAROV’S “look at me, why can’t you ever look at me” AND SOFIA’S “you can’t look at me like that, why do you insist on stopping my heart,” like yeah it was probably meant as a throwaway gag, the way it was said after sofia found katya drunk (don’t even get me STARTED on how katya hid the fact that she was prescribed medication for a preexisting condition from goncharov because she refused to be seen as weak but as soon as she sees sofia’s face in her weakest moment she collapses into her arms and sobs, like???) but that aside it paints such a lovely picture i can hardly stand it.

Heteronormative speculation in the film critic industry has always painted that scene as proof that katya really does care for goncharov because of the flashbacks to him in the middle of her talking to sofia and moments before The Kiss™️, i’ve seen the same take so many times “she was hallucinating that it was goncharov in front of her, not sofia,” but that makes literally no sense considering the way she acts around him for the rest of the film.

The flashbacks were all times that we’d already SEEN in the movie, except the beginning few which were of a younger goncharov, before the beginning of the movie, perhaps before they’d fled russia even. It showed a story, each change in memory was one of him mentioning her always being in her own head, or not paying attention, or even the one scene everyone knows and loves where he asks her what she’s thinking about. The way the first few were grouped together, then became broken up by glimpses of sofia, because the answer to the question “what are you thinking about,” changed as soon as sofia stepped into the picture. She used to dream of freedom from familial pressure, from her husbands line of work, from her countries political agenda, but recently freedom feels less like a pair of wings and more like long brown hair and warm eyes that she can’t help but stare into.

Katya’s character being so underdeveloped in favor of goncharov and andrey mentally fucking for a few more minutes is absolutely deplorable, all i want is for her to find gay peace!

(Btw if you remember any scenes that have to do with the importance of eye contact in the movie that i forgot to mention here, feel free to add on!)

i hope ebony dark’ness dementia raven way, age 33, is enjoying the my chemical romance comeback and live tour,

Elden ring or God of war for game of the year?

Oh boy, it's a close close call. I’m gonna rant. 

In some ways, Ragnorok is an infallible game, it’s so perfect that poking holes in it seems so nit-picky that you just come off looking like a little jackass creature. I loved every second I played of it and I can't think of a better written, better performed, more charismatic experience. I've seen morons complain that the game has too many cutscenes, as if they didn't know what type of game they were buying into. I would whine about the cutscenes more if they sucked or if the game lacked actual gameplay but it most certainly does not. This game is CHOCK FULL of things to see and do, and all the flavor-text and optional dialogue is insane, on top of that, the game feels amazing to play and the move-set is sexy. When everything is going crazy, there are few games as exciting as this one. At the end of the day I can't think of a more satisfying experience, with one of the most thematically satisfying endings ever in a game.

Elden Ring on the other hand has its problems. It has a difficulty-scaling issue, it's buggy on every platform, it most certainly looks worse than Ragnorok, it has less endearing characters, and what little dialogue it has is pretty mediocre. That being said, Elden Ring is my GOTY. This game is kinda like my dream-game made real, an open world souls-like made by Hidetaka Miyazaki the legend himself - a game with the mystique of Breath of the wild without the shortcomings of content and variety. This game, in my eyes, is the single best example as to why a game should be open-world. So often in games I feel like an open world is a crutch. -- In ghost of Tsushima the open world disconnected me from the pacing and character-growth of our MC, the objectives felt so systematic and ubisoft-esque that it 'gamified' itself as you played, removing the atmosphere and experiential qualities of the experience over time - this effect can also be seen in Horizon Forbidden West, and Dying light 2. Elden Ring uses the open-world to surprise you, you learn so much, you need to be aware of your surroundings, understand the lay of the land, and find things without guidance. It does what Dark Souls did to adventure games and it removes the handrails from the experience, in this case, Elden Ring unlocks the open-world experience. As a result, there aren't many games that evoke such a CANDID experience in me. I've never had so much fun exploring a world, and I've never been so surprised by a game's sheer amount of content. I could go on and on but ultimately it removes the burdensome systems that typically plague games of this scale. I think the game has the best reward-feedback-loop ever, where every item is invaluable, versus the generic inundation of materials in other games, etc etc etc... At the end of the day, Elden Ring just another valuable lesson for the gaming industry; I feel like Fromsoft pops up and teaches the whole industry a new lesson every once in a while - like they know what people want at a fundamental level.

On paper, Ragnorok could be seen as the better overall package but as a result of it being linear, it lacks the candid experience that Elden Ring delivers in spades and I think, despite Ragnorok being one of the best-ever narratives put into a game of this caliber, Elden Ring captures what it means to be a video game better.

after 1000 years, the complete mouthless catt compilation