Long Time I Have Ever Been This Inactive.

hi

trigger warning: sexual misconduct

i have started school since September and I have been badly sexually harassed and assaulted. I manged to tell my mom and my teachers about it and I got blamed and mocked gossiped talked about, lost my friends including blocked, and I have been feeling really trapped. uncomfortable and I have been hiding alot of what has been going on.

recently, it got worse and i have been hiding everything 3 months ago after i last spoke up was the end of september. i spoke up and just realised nobody really cares or listens and thinks im lying. my sister has been such a bitch recently, she hates me for no reason, and she uses my sexual harassment and assault as a way to mock and hurt me (e.g “you wouldve been the next (another sexual assault survivor name), its ur fault” etc etc

the things these boys did r horrendous and I cannot write it down cause its too much to put on here and I feel like crying if I get reminded as I write them on here.

someone mind helping me?? im really lost and my mental health been fucking up and I have been trying to restrict myself from drinking and isolating myself from everything everyone and I just feel like doing it and my suicidal thoughts got even worse and I just been thinking of doing it before the new year.

I am just so tired. anyone help??

i feel so shit rn. remember the girl i had a crush on but i crushed on her man by accident but fell in love w her instead? there’s two other girls i met at lunch in december last year before christmas and she said she is bi and had an “ex girlfriend”. i told her i was attracted to girls since she asked and she went, “mmh, that’s really cute!! aww” and her and her little friend was acting so nice and sweet yesterday and then out of NOWHERE today, i literally ran to them to say hi and they ran away from me?? i waved hi and they gave me looks and walked away rudely. maybe they were in a bad mood but there’s way more. i went up to them and said “hey” and they got angry and left. i don’t know what i’ve done?? i never did anything to her and there’s this queer boy in my place who keeps being jealous and spreading rumours about me, apparently he heard i kissed a girl and literally nobody is talking to me?? no one wants to be my friend. everyone's making fun of me cause they’re assuming I am “disabled” but, then, they all kept gossiping and whispering to each other each time i walk past. i don’t know what that mf said but every time i walk past, it’s always something. I don’t know what he said yesterday but no one talks to me. like wtf??? he’s jealous extremely but... i’ve heard he’s making fun of me for having same sex attraction when he is GAY and have attraction to men aka SAME. SEX. like?? wtf bruh?? i am going to try talk to the girls on monday and if they keep ignoring me then im just gonna stfu with it.

i am literally. this close. THIS. close. to. fucking. cry. and shout.

my family has a serious obsession w me being gay and keeps forcing me to come out and out the closet. no matter how hard I say no, I REPEATEDLY hear “oh you came out? cant hide now can you?” like no bitch i was basically out years ago at a young age w all those subtle signs of queerness but brushed it off and went w being straight until my queerness became visible to me. i just wasnt so sure and i didnt know this community existed until i was like really old. back then you never knew I was GAY LMFAO.

and they keep saying “you owe me an explanation as to why you’re gay”, “if youre gay why watch kpop boy groups?” (she keeps calling them chinese and i wanna fucking smash a wall omfg), “you owe us a coming out story”, “youre not gay stop lying” etc then I said I don’t owe them shit and they REALLY said “oh but we’re your family? we should know” like.. there’s worser they said but dear god. that house is so lgbtq+ phobic, im suprised. the homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc was REAL and showing in that HOUSE and the whole convo was just utterly disgusting.

i had my own PERSONAL experiences, lemme keep it confidential between me, myself and I.

then she says “oh but do you like 🐱 (down there) or a 🍌 (a guys below)” ? like dont fucking sexualise me??

they kept outing me multiple times,, and keep bringing up that i am a GAY PERSON.

LEAVE ME ALONE?? then my sis had the audacity to say im making up “excuses” like you’re straight? stfu you are not GAY. don’t speak for me. ever heard of unattainable men? oh ofc not cause youre so ignorant lmfao

I hate it here so much...

y’all mfs need to understand, not every person who likes women is a fucking lesbian. People can be bi and have a gf / attraction to girls. and just like how having attraction to men doesn’t mean you’re “being gay” or “straight”. you can be bi, pan, omni, etc even ace and like men. NOT EVERYONE WHO HAS SAME SEX ATTRACTION IS GAY AND/OR LESBIAN. bi, etc people EXIST.

I feel so annoyed and upset, and they SAW my vents in my phone about everything that happened to me. like don’t go through my fucking phone w/o permission??? and then my friend blocked me cause she got jealous AFTER ALL OF THAT.

and this is ALL on christmas. YESTERDAY.

ffs this christmas is fucked up bruh.

I’m never coming out.

and then the way I said people can change lgbtq labels of their sexuality, nothing bad and then my family goes “but you aren’t cake? how the fuck can you change labels lmfao stop lying”

Well done, thanks for forcing a fucking person to come out and out me numerous times.

the only way I’ll come out in when I leave this fucking dungeon. now I can’t even like women anymore now cause i feel so disgusting....

i really need help to feel comfortable in being queer. im really going through a hard time and I need some support please.

itaewon tragedy was so messed up :(( i cried yesterday

i’m actually fuming like so much right now

my family saw my gallery w how much I liked women and that im queer

and NOW they’re fucking outing me???

my sis is calling me a lesbian as a fucking insult and my WHOLE family is forcing me to come out

“oh you just came out of the closet” no i fucking didn’t?? i chose to stay closeted bc y’all wouldn’t stop labeling me and calling me horrible insults.

now i have to spend my WHOLE christmas going to cry because im being OUTED. AGAIN.

AGAIN??? and I even said I don’t own them shit and now they’re just outing me completely. telling all my family members about it, even my mom assumes i “ like ” pussy like wtf??

“you didn't even try yourself out w a man yet” I don’t need to knowing that im gay already?? how about you do it to know if youre gay too??

I just didn’t like men from a young age and I would force myself to. no matter how I would try to, I just fucking COULDNT get it.

now youre assuming im turning myself gay just because i chose to stay closeted??

“i saw your snaps and it mentioned that you like women so dont be scared”

tf you mean ”don’t be scared” bruh you out me every time to people putting me in danger.

now I have to fucking stand there, worrying im faking this and hoping to god NONE of my mates from the place I work at, TELLS them that i am QUEER.

oh my fucking god.

and whats worst is that i literally got outed yesterday and I can no longer hide from it cause it’s true and they know?$^%!^!)

i HATE people.

i shouldn't have fucking done any of this.

next time im never putting gay shit in my gallery AGAIN.

i feel so shit oh my god.

but merry fucking christmas guys.

the one time i wanna have an animal crossing theme for my birthday, i had to be told off and wont be getting it cause it’s too “childish” 😨

HAPPY HALLOWEEN YALL ♥️♥️♥️

i need to rant and please don’t ignore all my posts, please pay attention to them.

warning : // homophobia, bullying, r4p3, assault, and a few things.

1), i feel like people don’t understand that i have a hard time liking men and being w men. when i say, i can’t get used to it, they think it’s a joke. they think i’m “joking” when i say, i cannot feel comfortable around them. every time i always think they’re gonna hurt me or beat me up.

2), i also feel like no one is listening to me. i can’t feel attracted to men. i can’t imagine myself having a boyfriend. i can’t picture myself being friends with them. i can’t do ONE thing without thinking negatively. i know not all men are like this and i am NOT generalising them either, it’s just that since i’m severely bullied by most of them, i get really scared thinking they’ll hurt me.

3), due to issues, i don’t understand the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. i know this is stupid but im really confused and i have hard times understanding stuff so im just really ugh. i am sure i identify as aroace bc i just don’t like the attraction and it feels disgusting to me.

4), when boys have a crush on me, i get a ick really quick. when most boys would go up to me and say they got a “crush” on me, i fr cant tell if they’re being fr or lying. most of them don’t even say they’re serious but next thing I know, they talk shit and say horrid things about me. and most of that counts as s3xųal bullying (?) cause they harass me everywhere, hurt me, give me bruises, etc. this is why i cannot imagine myself w a man. i’m frightened.

5), when they act all sweet or when i reject them. if one comes up to me and i say no. they get all angry and start saying “you’re so [remark on how i look]” or “i never liked you anyway [horrid name]”. most of them call me that cause apparently i identify as neurodivergent. even worse. they knew about it somehow???”

6), i HATE how i can’t be w men. i get sometimes board when i only like girls and wish I can ditch labels but I don’t FEEL like that. yesterday, I went hotel and saw this white boy who was attractive. lesbians can find men attractive without wanting to date them right? you know when the realisation hits you cause you can’t feel like that cause that isn’t who you are.

7). i want male validation ofc but i identify as sapphic cause i only like women. but how to become friends w a man without having to feel like you wanna date him but that’s truly how you don’t feel? yeah. pain. comphet is getting my ass 😹

8). i am currently planning to stay single forever. i literally cannot handle myself being scared w men. what happened to me? i used to feel so comfortable w them but the bullying... 😕 + i’ve seen how women get abused and rap3d which scares me even worse. i’ve been sexually touched before by a man and at that same night, i dreamed of being rap3d. for no reason. deadass.

so when that my irls be saying, “you turned yourself gay”, “your fault”, la la la, it ain’t my fault. fuck them and tell them to fix up.

but end of my rant, thank you for listening to all that racket 😹 .

i think i could be bi.

THANK YOU NINTENDO BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE W SONIA SHES SO CUTE ???

Everyone say thank you Nintendo for giving Hyrule the hottest founders