Haters Be Like

crowfeather left to die of infection becoming real is now my one hope of this arc

Basically Mlp episode 1

reading blue lock and giggling every time isagi says "I'm going to devour him 👺👺👺" with a super serious expression

Here's what weight gain looks like as the after picture

In four days, this picture will have been posted ten years ago. This was me as a 15 year old in high school. I had starved and abused my body to make it thinner. I hated myself. The only value I felt was my proximity to thinness. I was severely depressed and suicidal. I had endured abuse and trauma as a child, and that left me vulnerable to being taken advantage of by my "friend" on the right who abused and traumatized me further before throwing me away as soon as I told her "No."

I look even thinner in this picture, yet my face was still and always will be fat. My face was one of the biggest signs that my body I starved was meant to be fat from the beginning. The "friend" I mentioned in the other photo is cosplaying Nemo here. The 22 year old woman cosplaying Gill in this photo had an intimate relationship with me at this time when I was 15 years old. I was extremely vulnerable and grieving unbearable loss, and she used that to groom me. I look at these pictures and see a 15 year old girl who was suffering and only had her proximity to thinness to feel pride in. There was no happiness. So many points in my life I was close to developing a full on eating disorder because I had been told for two decades that my body was ugly, disgusting, and the physical equivalent of sin.

This is me ten years later at my brother's wedding. I gained back all of the weight I lost back then and am heavier than any past moment of my life. I still have mental disorders that make my life painful and difficult to live, but I am no longer suicidal. I no longer am fruitlessly chasing the thin body I was always told I was supposed to have. I have a healthier relationship with my body than I ever did in the past, and I'm making immense progress on my recovery. I don't starve myself anymore. I don't exercise for two hours a day on high levels that are dangerous for me. I intuitively eat and know that diet culture and fatphobia are wrong. I am closer to fully recovering than I've ever been.

This is what a glow up looks like.

(Fat fetishists, porn blogs, and thinspo blogs: Do not reblog this post or I will destroy you.)

Petitions - UK Government and Parliament

Petition: Do not ban transgender people from receiving care in mainstream hospital wards

The Health Secretary has said that transgender hospital patients in England may be banned from being treated in female- and male-only wards.

more fucking petitions because this clown car country cannot stop with the bigotry for 30 seconds

uk people it takes 5 seconds and you checking your email to verify

everyone else: rebloge please

tumblr removed my header which was literally just this image

I realized I wanted to become a therapist because of a toxic roblox community I was in

pls hear me out onthis ship.please

recently someone rolled their eyes and told me everyone's neurodivergent these days. i once spent 5 hours zoned out staring at my new wallpaper slowly peeling off the wall. i was too burned out to get up and fix it but it was bothering me so i couldn't leave it, either. i just sat there and watched the paper crawl downwards.

that whole time i was thinking about how fucked up the show danny phantom is because i think the kid might have actually died? or is a lich? or maybe exists in a limbo between two worlds? he was just 14! does he ever get to actually pass on? did his particles fry?

the wallpaper remained half-peeled for 3 weeks. also, i have only seen like 3 episodes of danny phantom.

something my therapist and i have talked a lot about is that kids with mental illness and/or neurodivergence almost always know, even before the diagnosis. we just know. we can tell there's something ... different about us. i don't know how to explain it. a sense of displacement, of alienation. like everyone else is getting secret, important messages - and we just can't. like the floor is a laser grid, and everyone else is a gymnast, and we can't even see where the heat is coming from; only feel it cut off the parts of our life that someone-else would have had easy access to.

cut off like how danny died(?) in the portal, i mean. its like you become... not a person, but not a corpse. something like that changes you.

i thought i was possessed. real-life full-of-demons possessed. it was the way i was raised. there was no other explanation for it, because i did the math - i saw how people talked about neurodivergence, and i was at-once "not bad enough" and also "too broken." therefore (obviously) i had let an evil spirit into my body. i guess that's kind of like danny phantom too?

i keep thinking about how when people are experiencing mental pain, they often secretly wish something horrible would happen to them, just for the "excuse". depression and anxiety are some of the more common mental illnesses, so they're treated like a small wound. like if you slap a bandaid on the situation, that person will just-pull-through. they are not seen as life-altering, much less life-threatening. they're a minor inconvenience, like needing glasses or being unable to process dairy. everyone is depressed. being neurodivergent these days is kind of the same.

if everyone is special, nobody is. it's kind of annoying, because - if it's true so many of us exist like this, why not make the world a better place for us? why not have more access to things like affordable testing, learning centers, and outreach programs? why not make adult life more manageable for those of us still struggling? why not acknowledge that adhd medication has been scarce for a while now, and that it is absolutely horrible that it's forcing thousands of people into a sudden and non-prescribed withdrawal? if there's nothing really different about us - why isn't the world shaped to fit us? why would we have to "just get over it"?

and why did his parents even have a death tube in their basement to begin with? the kid is obviously intelligent, just tell him "hey, this is a death tube, it's got death inside of it." maybe put a sign up. or safety railings! that shit was obviously not osha-compliant.

in the show, they frame it as danny's mistake, and then he has to deal with the consequences.

i haven't been able to eat anything but my safe foods in weeks. in my monthly "check in" meeting with my boss, he said - you just seem distractable. like, easily. there are no guardrails on my life. either i keep myself in a stranglehold of perpetual control, or it dissolves in the rain. it's a joke with my friends - well, you know her. she'll forget. it's a joke, and it's funny, and i'm laughing. my boss wrinkles his brow. you're a perfect worker, but you miss that 5%.

it would be nice if everyone did understand, is the thing.

Dovewing powers