and Behind The Mask Of M A T U R I T Y     

Do you mind if I take my new car for a ride?

© GAIN | Editing allowed, do not crop logo. (1, 2, 3, 4)

anvya‌:

“hey now, don’t make fun of my board games,” she giggles before poking his nose. grabbing a few pieces of popcorn, she tosses one in her mouth before feeding one to kian as well. “my dad always talked about the game nights he had with his parents and siblings and how he really enjoyed them, so he kind of passed that tradition down to me and my sibling. i’m sure most teenagers would rather do anything than play boardgames with their parents, but…i dunno, call me crazy, but i actually really enjoyed it.” of course, her feelings for why she enjoyed it ran much deeper than kian would understand. all she ever wanted was for her birth parents to acknowledge her, to simply say hi or i love you, and never got that. with her adoptive parents, they gave her that and more. they made time for her and her sibling, always making sure they reminded the both of them how important they were. because of that, game nights were her favorite time of the week. 

annya hadn’t realized she got lost in her thoughts until she feels kian kiss her, this time a littler deeper before pulling away, causing the girl to pout for a moment before shaking her head, “mm, as fun as that sounds, i kind of like where we are right now. just…being close and talking…” she blushes, simply because they were pretty close physically, and it was the most physical she truly had gotten with anyone. sure, annya had her first kiss in high school, and even let wandering hands fool around but nothing ever went further than that. despite her relationship with kian still being somewhat new, she actually felt more comfortable around him than she did with anyone else before. it was scary, yet almost comforting at the same time. “that sounds wonderful,” she smiles as he talks about california. “sunshine and warm weather all the time? my flowers and plants could have such a better place to grow. does that mean you’ve never built a snowman before? because if you haven’t, we might have to change that asap.” 

it’s around this time in his other relationships that kian would tune out, only nodding here and there in all the right spots to make them think he was listening. but when it comes to annya, he actually is listening. he wants to know everything about her, every little detail, and experience things that no one else has. he’s treading dangerous waters, but he just doesn’t know how to stop; he doesn’t know if he even wants to. “yeah?” he raises a brow, chewing on the piece of popcorn she had fed him. “which was your favorite?” he asks. he has honestly never once in his life played a board game and can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to sit down with his father and do something so simple. they couldn’t even be in the same house together without wanting to rip each other’s heads off. it tugs on something buried deep within him and reminds him that nothing about his upbringing was normal. and nothing about his life ever will be.

he doesn’t feel sorry for himself though because he’s worked through all that and he’s accepted it. but that doesn’t stop the what ifs from swirling around in his head. “really? i’m kinda boring.” he smiles, watching as the blush blooms across her cheeks. he finds it incredibly endearing, but it makes him wonder. he and annya have never really discussed their past sexual experiences and they also haven’t gone very far together. his endeavors paint a long list, but he’s good at reading people and he has a feeling that hers is much, much shorter. that’s why he has to be careful. he doesn’t want to push her away. he brings his right hand up and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, chewing on the inside of his cheek. he’s used to playing the part of the perfect boyfriend, but he’s never had to worry about what messing it up might mean. “nope.” he confirms, popping the ‘p’. “i mean, i’ve built a sand snowman but never an actual one.” he explains. “to be honest, i’m not a huge fan of the cold. call me a pussy but i’d much—” he pauses to plant a kiss to the corner of her mouth, “rather—” he places another to the opposite side, “stay—” and finally captures her lips with his own, “right here.”

seojvns‌:

just trust me, kian whispers, and seojun does. he trusts him too deeply, willing to follow him anywhere without questioning a thing. he doesn’t voice it, but he’s nervous. even though he knows there’s no one around, he can’t help but glance as kian fiddles with the lock, his heart racing with anticipation and the fear that maybe they will get caught. doing something that felt wrong wasn’t a strong suit of his, but going along with things was. as soon as he was being ushered in first, seojun took the lead, his footsteps cautious as he entered. “you want to get some last minute studying in before we go?” seojun questions in a whisper, a brow raising as he kept his eyes on kian. “yeah, um, it’s kind of the point of a library, to let anyone come whenever they want,” he teases, a slight smile still on his lips.

“yeah,” he breathes in response, and he gets it. the thrill of being there after hours. there’s something ominous about the darkness though, something that leaves seojun unsettled. he watches, but he doesn’t touch anything - mostly because he’s afraid to make too much noise, on the off chance there’s a campus security guard somewhere nearby. it’s unlikely, but his worries get the best of him. he stares, instead of helping, as kian pushes two tables together. as soon as he’s telling jun to come, he obeys, climbing on top as well and lays beside him. “is there something you’ve always wanted to do? or somewhere you’ve wanted to see?” he questions, holding up the flashlight to shine on the book so they can plan their getaway. 

“mhm.” he hums in reply, scooting closer to seojun so the other boy can see the pages as well. “but, since this is a short trip, we won’t be able to do all the things i want. maybe some other time though.” he smiles. “like over the summer or something.” he suggests, flipping the page. his eyes scan the words and look over the pictures, but nothing is really standing out to him. he begins moving his feet back and forth, knocking against seojun’s in impatience, but his face doesn’t read the same. “god, it’s so quiet in here.” he comments. “and, yeah, i do realize how ironic that is considering we’re in a library.” he laughs lightly. he sees a few places close by that catch his eye so he mentally makes note of them before turning the page again. it’s probably rude to do so without asking his roommate because he’s more than likely looking as well, but kian’s selfishness extends to all things. “what about you?” he asks suddenly, flipping around so he’s laying on his stomach. he lets the book close, keeping his place with a finger, as he rests his chin on seojun’s chest. “something you wanna do? somewhere you wanna go?”

seojvns‌:

“i do trust you,” he says, and it’s never about not trusting kian. there are few people that he trusts as much as jun does him. as he speaks, his words make sense, and seojun’s nodding slowly. “that’s true,” he agrees, about it being difficult to see himself as others see him, and how that’s true for everyone. he wishes he could see what kian does though. maybe he’d be able to like himself a little bit more if he did. “i guess i believe you,” he teases, and when kian says he’s not sure if anyone’s worth having him, he laughs as though it were a joke. “don’t be ridiculous,” he says with a soft scoff, gently pushing at his shoulder. “just honest, hmm?” he hums with a grin, choosing not to argue further once kian’s leaning over to press his lips to jun’s cheek. “well, it’s easy to take risks with you,” he admits, because he trusts him so much. it feels like nothing could ever go wrong when he’s with kian. “i guess it’s good i’ve never claimed that i’m not a cliche,” he adds in his own defense, “even if it’s a nineties, or early two thousands, cliche,” he says with a soft laugh. when kian asks him if he wants to, the answer seems obvious to jun, even if he hadn’t thought about it much prior to him asking. “um… not really,” he answers, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “i just don’t know how to do that?” he confesses sheepishly. “what about you? do you wanna take more risks?” he questions in return, head tilting slightly as his eyes remain on kian. “maybe… we could learn how to together.”

a shiver runs down his spine at the words. i do trust you, he says, and kian preens. once someone trusts you, it’s so easy to get everything you want. and seojun has always made it abundantly clear that he does, indeed, trust his roommate wholeheartedly. no matter that kian is probably the last person on earth that should have that kind of power. “no guessing.” he shakes his head. “just have the confidence to believe me.” he says, voice barely above a whisper. it feels more intimate that way. “i do.” he confirms, eyes bouncing between seojun’s. “yeah, maybe we could. maybe we should.” he agrees, the wheels turning in his head. leaning forward, he presses a kiss to the corner of his roommate’s mouth then to his lips. it’s chaste, merely a light brush, but he knows this is the game he has to play in order to keep seojun right where he wants him. though, he can’t deny the tenderness of it and somewhat relishes in the feel of the boy’s soft, plump lips against his own. it’s familiar in a way that kian isn’t necessarily used to; it’s familiar in a way that he can’t pinpoint. “i’ve thought about it.” he says, lips brushing against the other’s as he speaks. he keeps his words vague, slipping easily into the more manipulative side of his game. “about us. together.” he clarifies, his right hand slowly trailing over seojun’s chest to wrap around the back of his neck. “but you’re too good for even me. shouldn’t that tell you everything you need to know? you’re perfect and—” he pauses, licking his lips, “it’s so goddamn annoying.” he smiles.

MINJI: how about you start acting as if you actually care about him, mh ?? junnie adores you for some reasons MINJI: do not call me babe, it’s making me sick MINJI: my morals are better than your … nonexistent ones

KIAN: ofc he adores me...... who doesn’t?? KIAN: right...... keep tellin urself that babe KIAN: nonexistent by whose standards? KIAN: i have my own set of morals

SEOJUN: if anyone believes in you, it’s me SEOJUN: but if you need to take a break… that’s okay too!! take care of yourself 💕 SEOJUN: dangerous territory is my middle name SEOJUN: mr. seojun dangerous territory anything SEOJUN: i don’t know!! you could choose anyone you want to  SEOJUN: i guess i can make an exception for you 😇 SEOJUN: but if anyone asks, i’m sick SEOJUN: i don’t want to get a rebellious reputation 

KIAN: i always wanna take a break tho like when does it become a problem? KIAN: weird middle name....... ur parents good? KIAN: bad joke ik i blame it on my brain bein fried KIAN: what makes u think i can just choose anyone i want to? KIAN: i’d still choose u anyway ya know ur my favorite KIAN: wait so....... u want me to lie for u?? KIAN: u may not want a rebellious reputation but i don’t wanna be known as a liar either 😕

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

*drops down on one knee* will u sin with me

moonsus‌:

on top of the list of moonsu’s traits, being oblivious was definitely leading him through his relationship with kian. it was terribly naive of him to believe he was as special to the boy as he made him feel, but did he think it was the honest to god truth? absolutely. there was nothing, in his mind, that was leading him to believe otherwise. every word that he heard come out of kian’s mouth was taken to heart, and all of it made him fall more and more into the relationship they’d built. for once, moon felt like he wasn’t too much. in most relationships, moonsu felt like he had to tone down his personality to make the other person comfortable, but he’d yet to have that feeling with kian. that mix had been the perfect mess to completely pull moonsu down under, wrapped around kian’s finger and willing to do whatever he could to make sure he felt as appreciated as possible.

a lot of firsts. the words catch him by surprise, but moonsu doesn’t call it out. maybe he just doesn’t understand the obvious implications behind it. he was a theatre student - it wasn’t like his smarts had gotten him all that far, anyway. “of course it’s all for you… i mean, i’d like half the pizza and some of the wine, if you don’t mind, but the rest of it? all yours.” he nodded excitedly, watching the other boy take it all in. the kiss was enough for the tension in moon’s shoulders to fall - the confirmation that he’d done a good job and made him happy satisfying enough to make him forget the few mistakes that were rolling around his brain. as if kian would look him dead in the eye and say, ‘sure, this is great, but you couldn’t light all the candles? i think we should break up.’ that didn’t stop moonsu from thinking it, however, his dramatic head and heart making things like that seem far too realistic. 

he focuses more on the pizza until the three words fall past kian’s lips, and moonsu is pretty sure his heart just stops altogether. there had been plenty of ways he dreamed of his boyfriend reacting, but a declaration of love hadn’t been much more than something he fantasized happening further down. it was such a stretch - such an impossible reality, really, and yet moonsu took every single word that came out of the other’s mouth and made sure it all went directly to his heart. “you couldn’t scare me away,” he assured after a moment, embarrassed that he felt himself fighting off a threat of tears. no one had ever said that to him, let alone first, and one would think the feeling of it all being too good to be true would clue him in on the truth. instead he was nodding his head and shifting closer to kian, cupping his face in his hands and forcing eye contact. “i’m in this for the long haul,” he repeats back, leaning down to kiss him with far more passion behind the two from before. “i love you, too,” he mutters against his lips, nodding in assurance, because it just makes sense to him. it fits the fantasy world that kian built up for him, and he has no problem completely falling into it. he doesn’t think there should be anything stopping him. “i don’t know how i’m supposed to focus on anything else, now,” he mutters with a small pout, pulling back enough to look down at him again. “i just wanna kiss you… maybe give you the rest of your gifts.”

the reaction that moonsu grants him is infinitely better than anything he could have ever imagined. it’s almost as if kian can see, feel, smell the adoration and love pouring out of him. it’s overwhelming, but he drowns in it. he loves this feeling; he loves being at the very center of people’s universes. and now he can mark step one off of his list. moonsu has already fallen for him whether he’s fully accepted it or not and now all kian has to do is make a home in the spaces between his ribs. he wants the other to not be able to listen to certain songs (whether sad or happy) and not think about him, wants little things like the fountain in the middle of the park to remind him of the times they spent together, and, most of all, he wants moonsu to feel like he can’t live without him. he wants him to swear up and down to himself that he would rather die than be without kian. he wants to kill him in the most legal way possible — by ripping his heart out and stomping all over it. he wants to humiliate him, make him feel worthless, yet, somehow, he’ll still want kian. he’ll hate him, but he’ll long for him day in and day out for months and months, wishing that things could go back to the way they used to be.

when he feels his boyfriend’s hands cupping his cheeks, he melts into the touch, and smiles. it’s genuine, but not for the reasons that it should be. in his head, he’s thinking i can’t wait to destroy you but on the outside he’s conveying i’m so in love with you. and when they kiss again, he does so fervently; but he’s unable to push it a little further before the boy is breaking it. it’s worth it to hear the confirmation of reciprocated love though because he knows moonsu means it. and, despite everything that he is, kian loves to be loved. “the rest of my gifts?” he quirks a brow, curiosity getting the best of him. he leans over a little closer, placing his hand on moonsu’s thigh, and smiles innocently. “there’s no rush, we have all the time in the world.” he tells him. “but i’d love a hint to tide me over.” he says, batting his eyelashes as if he were pulled straight out of a corny romantic comedy. though, he supposes, everything with moonsu kind of feels that way; he definitely has a way with turning the most menial things into something extravagant. it’s an art that kian sort of respects.

“let’s not take too long though, you know i’m impatient when it comes to these things.” he laughs, pulling back to reach for a piece of pizza. but he stops himself and digs his cracked phone out of his pocket. he lines it up best that he can and takes a couple of pictures. “plus, i have a few gifts for you as well.” he grins, scooting closer to moonsu so that their thighs are touching. “say cheese.” he instructs, holding his phone up. he presses his lips to the other’s cheek and snaps a quick shot. he looks it over and hums in approval before setting it off to the side and reaching for a slice again. he grabs two for himself and two for moonsu because he’s generous like that. “can i ask you something?” he questions, though he’s going to anyway with or without permission. “have you ever been in a serious relationship?” he asks, popping the bottle of wine open. “before me, i mean.” he clarifies, sucking some of the liquid off of his hand that had spilled out before pouring each of them a glass.