I'm Bragging About My Friend ;)

I SCREAM INTO THE PILLOW, TRYING TO SUFFOCATE MYSELF WITH IT

Lust at first bite

FUCKING GOD, IT STUCK IN MY HEART LIKE A REFLECTION OF MY OWN FEELINGS, IT WAS IMPRINTED IN MY BRAIN LIKE A WHISPER OF THE SAME REASONING, IT LEFT MARKS ON MY BODY LIKE SCRATCHES FROM DIGGING NAILS INTO MY SKIN WHILE I WAS TRYING TO HOLD BACK MY SCREAM TO FINISH READING IT, AND ONLY THEN DO I LET MY FACE SINK INTO THE PILLOW AND SCREAM. I WILL PRAY FOR THIS, AS WELL AS FOR THE SPEEDY RELEASE OF THE CONTINUATION OF THIS MIRACLE. JUST LOOK AT WHAT A MASTERPIECE FRIEND I HAVE, SHE IS LITERALLY MY CHANCE OF SALVATION, AND I AM SO PROUD OF HER BECAUSE SHE DESERVES MORE ATTENTION TO HER POSTS, EACH OF WHICH MAKES MORE SENSE THAN IN MY LIFE..

— 2nd Chapter: Not over you.

"I can't escape, I can't erase you."

★ Fem!reader x Bill Kaulitz 2016.

★ Tags: Angst, fluff.

| Summary: Bill gets back to his roots; he leaves the city in which he had fallen in love for the first time, trying to forget his now ex-girlfriend—But soon he understands he's not over her yet.

• Bill narrates;

I've left California—moved away from what I've loved most in my life... the excuse? that I did it just for her, to not dig in the wound any further. In reality? I did it to get away of it all, exactly as selfish as it sounds.

I try and search for a meaning, for something that would keep me alive through this insanity, but when I close my eyes she's all I see.

I wish I could lose my other me; this has really messed me up this time.

While I was saying my last goodbye to her, picking up my last few things from her place; I repeated in my head over and over that I wouldn't regret this, none of it. But now it's been months of this back and forth of feelings that I can't even put a label on myself.

'I need to put an end to this.'

I've never felt this way before.. lost, you could say. I can't even recognize me—yeah, when I was with her it wasn't easy, but at least I knew what I wanted, her love.. her warmth. Being able to have someone to go to when I felt like I wanted to hide away from the world.

I need something to ground me, someone, whatever it is. While I was in my high, promising myself that everything would be fine—I've hung in the club on weekends, gotten home with different girls every night, hooked up with them.. but right after, they'd leave and there was nothing else behind that.

It felt empty, far from what I've been looking for: to feel the same way I've felt with her before everything got this fucked up. Because no matter what, I still search for that feeling in someone who isn't her.

Even though, as much as I try I can't get involved emotionally with anyone else. 'Cause everytime, the graphic memory of that beautiful smile appears at the back of my mind as well as all our time spent together.

And god knows I've felt guilty, like it was something I wasnt supposed to be doing, like I was betraying her.. she was still sacred to me somehow.

But I can't get home to her, and I definitely can't face my broken heart.

I stand in front of the bathroom sink, the dim lights and the foggy mirror making it hard for me to look at myself—my hand wipes it down, the clinking sound of my golden rings against the glass.. and I take a deep breath.

'I need a change' I talk to my reflection. That was it, I had to try to get rid of everything that was linked to her, and that also meant myself at some point.

I run a hand through my silver locks, while with the other, I quickly reach for the electric shaver that I've been eyeing all week.. so I plug it on, taking a deep breath before I make it land on my head after hearing the buzzing noise coming out of it when I pressed the little button—I don't even hesitate, I know what I've got to do.

From one moment to another, I see big lumps of hair starting to fall into the sink in front of me.

My eyes wet, I don't know if it's from the despair I feel or how angry I am at myself.. but I never stop, not till I have no sight of who I was before.

Right after, I have the need to light a cigarette; I make my way back into the room, with my shaky hands I grab the pack laying on the vanity—and I let out the smoke after one long drag, and for the first time I think I'm satisfied with what I see..

And no vision of her.

Inspired by the 'Not over you' MV. For a better experience, listen to the song while you're reading.

[ I made this, everything written here are original ideas by me. ]

OH MY GOD MY LUNGS AND HEART HAVE FAILED.. THIS IS THE SPIRIT OF GOD THAT I AUTOMATICALLY FELL TO MY KNEES

I want to see you break like porcelain,

I want your breath to be taken out of your lungs when you see me appear in front of you.

Look at me; fear in your eyes as I'm cooing in your ear.

'It's alright, I'll be done soon.'

IT'S SUCH A BAD TIME..

━╋ He's such a pretty thing, I'd do anything to have him under me, to hear him try to call my name but all that comes out of his mouth are incoherent babbles by how good I'm making him feel.

I wanna know the taste of his skin; I wanna fuck him till everything he thinks about is me, intoxicating every thought, like a drug. I wanna know the way the expression of his eyes changes when he's about to unveil in a million pieces under my touch.

I want to swallow him whole—to devour him, till there's nothing left anymore.

DAMN REAL, BILL + LADY GAGA = MY DEATH

— Bill is so G.U.Y coded.

I'm gonna say the word

And own you

You'll be my G.I.R.L

Guy, I'm romancin' love's to hold you

Know you'll wear my make-up well

I'm gonna wear the tie,

want the power to leave you

I'm aiming for full control of this love.

SO FUCKING REAL

Where my girls at..

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CUTE!! I'M CRYING!! YOU CAN'T SHOW ME THIS!! YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT!! I'M DYING WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?? YOU'RE MAKING ME BLUSH!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MWAHH

—Appreciation Post for my dear Muffin,

To who I never want to stop talking to, and with who I want to reincarnate in my next life as two silly cats, doing whatever we want, whenever we want.

𓊆ྀི @kaulitzily. ⊹ ⁺

OH MY GOD, IT'S A PICTURE OF BILL.. MY HEART STOPS BEATING PROPERLY. I REALLY NEED HIM SO BAD!!!

I'm not special till it comes to you;

You spin around inside my head, your fingers closed tight around my heart, reminding and intoxicating me of your need for love.

Want me to the marrow—pull me close, bite down on my weak knees so I can't go anywhere.

God, how can I forget?

When all I can think about is how your devotion compels me.

I fear I have something inappropriate to say.

Tom's expression.. dilf dilf dilf. And Bill's black short hair, yum. I love this era so bad. Safe to say it's one of my favorite ones!

Perfection, if you ask me

—Bill with spikes & black fur, my favorites