When I Was A Teenager I Used To Feel Shy About Eating In Public, I Didn't Like To Eat In Front Everyone

When I was a teenager I used to feel shy about eating in public, I didn't like to eat in front everyone at school so It was common to me skip meals. I remember that when I travelled with some friends I skipped meals a lot, sometimes I just didn't eat a whole day. Today I look to my pics from that time and a think my body was ok even if it was a little bit weight for my age. I miss that time, it was easier to skip meals, to not eat at all because I was to ashamed about eating. Now it seems everything I try it's not enough, I'm still fat and not losing weight. I'm aware that I'll be alone and unlovable because of it, I'm too fat and ugly for being loved even if it is by my friends or family. My mom clearly hates me because I'm not skinny like my sisters. Every day I get more depressed about my weight and everything it comes with it. I'm trying, I really am, but sometimes I don't know what to do anymore.