Feeble Though Sweet

“I can’t tell you exactly what I’m looking for, but I’ll know it when it happens. I want to be breathless and weak, crumpled by the entrance of another person inside my soul.”

— Aimee Bender, The Girl in the Flammable Skirt

The voices won't leave me alone,

Crawling out the shadows,

Like vines that have overgrown,

Blocking out the windows

To sanity, to reality

I'm not sure if I want them to leave me

Because atleast they stayed

Unlike the people with empty words and hollow promises

I feel like I'm digging my own grave.

Maybe I've always been desperate for some company even if it destroys me.

“Maybe, the only thing that has to make sense about being somebody’s friend is that you help them be their best self on any given day. That you give them a home when they don’t want to be in their own.”

— Elizabeth Acevedo, The Poet X (via thebookquotes)

Tranquility engulfs me;

to breathe

feels redundantly inadequate.

The sky

urges my meekness

to come forth.

As a sombre feeling

now lays itself on my heart,

a forlorn memory

makes its way

across my walls.

A nurtured wish;

A longing for the unattainable;

A void wishing to be filled.

No more than an instant,

yet unreachable from this well.

And as upon me

the start begin their show,

I have but two choices:

drown,

or rushing into a dead sprint.

Though I am keen

on embracing my wish,

I luck the strenght

to get on my feet.

James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk

Start,start,start...where to start....

The vibe around me has changed since the New Years.

Being aware of oneself is hard although seemingly doable as far as I've tried.Nonetheless,being aware of the people around you as well as everything that comes with the everyday life is not a joke.

Empathy makes part of it seem right,despite how much hurt I feel afterwards.

It's so tiring honestly.

The good thing turned to be that I actually accomplished the most important (almost everything) goals that I had set for myself in 2020.I'm a new person as a result of that.

There's still so much going on but my giddiness is obfuscating every thought.

Well,looks like I'll have something to ponder over the next month.

2021/01/06

She finally voiced  her deepest desires in vivid detail, she just disguised it all as a distant dream.

- G.L. Angelone

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰────────────⊱◈◈◈⊰─────

➵ Jibaku shounen Hanako-kun

➵ Toilet-bound Hanako-kun

⊱ Hanako-kun (Yugi Amane)

⊱ Yugi Tsukasa

⊱ Nene Yashiro

⊱ Kou Minamoto

⟿ Author's Official Art

──────⊱◈◈◈⊰────────────⊱◈◈◈⊰─────

On Suffering

It seems evident to me that all living creatures must, in some form or another, suffer. So ubiquitous is the evidence for this, that I am forced to believe that the ability to suffer is a requirement for life. Even the most basic life forms who have no mind or complex thought to speak of are able to feel or experience discomfort. This, I presume, is a necessity to ensure the continuation of the individual and of the entirety of life. The modern scientific definition of life is quite in agreement with this, in that it recognizes that for a something to be termed alive it must respond to external stimuli, pursuing that which promotes its well being and avoiding that which has an opposite effect. 

The complexity of a species, or of a being, determines the complexity of its problems. The most basic of life also has the most basic of needs and adversities. Our species, like all others, began with the simple task of surviving, procreating, and expanding. Harsh climates forced us to create clothes, hunger transformed us into better hunters, gatherers, and eventually cultivators. We learned and adapted but our problems did not disappear, they were only replaced. As society began and grew, so too did many new issues as a result. As we learn to solve those and in so doing manage to progress our way of life, new challenges arise creating a constant need for improvement. All life follows this pattern. Certain struggles are presented and life must either adapt or perish, and, in the case of the former, what follows are brand new challenges equal in complexity to the new and improved life. Following this mode of thinking, it becomes clear that our modern way of life, indeed all of human greatness, is only a direct result of constant adversity and our attempt to overcome it. 

In this way, it may be said that all of life has been leading to us now. That many of our comforts, luxuries, and joys are the result of countless others who underwent more basic struggles than ourselves. And so we believe that suffering is a necessity for life and as such cannot be called evil or wrong in any inherent manner. If it has been through adversity that life has progressed as it has, then the true evil is found not in suffering but in suffering pointlessly. And since suffering is indispensable to life and its forward progress, then it must be that insofar as suffering may be called evil, it simultaneously represents an equal good found in the potential for improvement and the bettering of life.

I don't know how many times I survived myself without telling anyone.

-V. J.