Humans Are Space.. Pets?  (Entry 8)

Why I haven't been posting

I know this post is old but I've always wanted to do an illustration for it and I didn't have the skillset before so here's this

living in the countryside really strikes the fear of god into you at the most random moments. you’ll just make eye contact with a cow or stare for too long into a brook and all of a sudden you’ll think something like “these are old bones and i am merely a passing occupant” and then you have to go and put the kettle on to cope

Hi! I was just reading your humans are space pets story and I really like it and was wondering if you have a tag list that you could add me to? I don’t want to miss any updates it’s sooo good 😭💕

Hi!!! I am so overjoyed that you like my story! I don't have a tag list yet as I was wildly unprepared for my story to get as much traction as it has, but I am considering starting one for all the lovely people like you who are interested in keeping up to date :)

I’m going to make a masterpost to collect all the humans are space pets entries & I’ll have people comment to be added to a taglist for the story.  You’ll be one of the first people on there!  

Ask for the corvid captain: How are y'all doing? Y'all planning on letting the aliens (I failed at spelling the name) know y'all are sentient and sapient? Via pictures maybe?

Ask for the lovely author: I love the story! What made you choose Cptn. Crow as narrator? Are you considering posting the story on AO3? (Let me know if ya ever do, I will immediately sub)

Peek at the Humans are space pets Masterpost to catch up! :)

First question response!  You can expect a couple more of these in the days to come, I only request some patience as drawing the panels is a process :p

I hope you enjoy this little minicomic response thing!  I will be doing these for any and all questions y’all send in as soon as I’m able to get to them.  

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(you can comment or message me to be added or removed!  Thank you all so much for your support!)

@fishtale88 @anactualvelociraptor  @dyn-mellt​  @ace-cat-nerd @thatquietkid108 @arataya @klltsun-25 @librowyrm @und3rta13tra5h @felicityroth @crystalalice99 @walk2574 @spindler-spider @automated-engineer @soren1830 @funfey @opened-rootbeercan @sataninsparkles @demon-cat-goes-woof @alwaysaslutforfic @tyltos @wolfdragonzjedimaster @questionmarksys @armourawk @nerdneeniya @princessaurax

Humans are space.. pets?  (Entry 6)

Masterpost

I apologize for the emotional tone of my last entry.  I have since rested and eaten a sufficient meal and will hopefully come off as less pathetic now.

The sapients returned shortly after my little mental break bearing gifts; I suppose they went off to gather the supplies necessary to keep a human happy and healthy according to their research.  I was hiding under their bed at this point, and they left some food and water on the floor at the edge of the bed.  After they left, I examined the provisions and found them to be the same type of rations my crew & I usually pack for long distance travels.  I appreciated it nonetheless and decided to eat my fill.  (The only rations I had managed to get off The Dutchess’s wreck was a couple of granola bars and a few canteens of water, most of which were split up amongst my crew shortly after the crash.)  I already felt much better after eating and rehydrating, so I decided to go see what else they were up to.  You’d be surprised how much a good meal and adequate hydration can do for your psyche.  

Both sapients had exited the dwelling out of a side door in the ‘bedroom’ by the time I was finished eating.  There wasn’t any way for me to get this door open and follow them, as the handle is above my head by a foot or so and also seems to operate differently than human made ones.  There are, however, windows.  I quickly plotted out a path to jump up to get to a windowsill, via the storage unit and a couple of miscellaneous pieces of furniture that I don’t know the name or use of.  The windows are narrow and horizontal, at the sapients eye level.  I’d say the windows themselves are about a foot tall and three or so wide.  I was able to peer out while standing on the storage unit.

Outside was strange to see after being stuck in this dwelling for over 20 hours (my best estimation).  The inside of the dwelling is furnished mostly with black stone, the furniture is a dusty reddish-brown, and the kitchen area is furnished with silver-colored metal(?) and the black stone present throughout the house.  The outside is all dusty, a lighter shade of what the furniture appears to be made of.  There are hardly any native plants in view of the window, and what I can see from there are all shrubby and short.  The ‘backyard’ to this dwelling is fenced in, in a sort of split-rail style.  From this distance, I assume it’s made of the same composite as the ‘couch’ inside, and most of the other furniture.  There aren’t any tree-like plants around anywhere nearby, so it would make sense for them to utilize the sand.

Aside from the main yard being fenced in, there are also two separate pastures.  These appear to be empty, with nothing but sand and a few twiggy plants.  There does seem to be holes in these enclosures, but it’s hard to tell from this distance.

You’re probably getting tired of my ‘apparent’ observations, nameless reader who is probably just me in the future, but you’ll have to cut me some slack.  It’s hard to see anything from this little window across the entire space, and hindsight is 20/20, if you ever get out there and see it all closer up.

In the middle space between the gates to either enclosure, the two sapients were making something.  It’s the same black stone used in most of the house.  It seemed to be clicking together with magnets, but once again it’s hard to tell from this distance.  It popped up, after a few minutes and some work from the sapients, into a quaint little doghouse.  Or that’s my best description of it, at least.  A box with a triangle roof and a little door in the front.  I could assume it’s for me, but the sapients haven’t even let me outside yet, and I doubt they trust me not to run off.  This begs the question; what it is for?  Perhaps these sapients have decided to try to adopt another intelligent species and are going to try to coop them up out there.  Time will tell.

 After setting up this little dwelling outside, the sapients returned inside.  I decided to stay where I was, sitting on top of their storage unit, purely out of curiosity as to how they’d react and also doubt that I’d be able to hop down in time without running into their legs.  They both seemed bewildered to see me so blatantly out in the open and mostly ignoring their presence (I was keeping an eye on them but acting uninterested) but they did not approach me.  They went back into the front room, and after a minute or so, I hopped down and followed them.  They were unpacking rations of human food into the cabinets above the counters, out of baskets made of the sand-composite (which seems to be a prominent structural/multi-use feature here).  They had also acquired a huge pillow- queen size mattress sized.  I hadn’t thought they would have such a thing in supply on this planet at all, as their bed was barren of anything resembling human bedding and the plants, few that there are, don’t seem to be suitable for making things like fabric.  

Apparently this was a gift for me, as upon spotting me, the smaller sapient took the pillow in their paws and placed it on the floor a few feet from me.  After they stood back up, I bolted over and grabbed it.  This may surprise you if you’ve gotten a good rest in the last 24 hours, but when you’re sleep deprived and you see the equivalent of a cloud placed in front of you, you’ll do almost anything to commandeer it as your own and drag it off somewhere to sleep.  And thus I did.  It was somewhat heavy, but lighter than an actual queen sized mattress would be, and since I could’ve dragged one of those around for a while, this was a breeze.  I got it all the way to under the sapients’ bed and passed out almost right away.  It was practically heavenly.  I’m almost positive I slept for at least 10 hours.  When I woke up, I actually felt good for the first time since the crash.  I was rested, fed, and hydrated, and I felt like I could take on the challenge of finding a way out.  The first thing I’m doing, of course, is updating this journal.  I do feel a little embarrassed about the tone of my last entry, so hopefully this one will redeem me.  Next, I’m making a plan.  I still have that human fighting spirit, I promise.

---Captain Crow.  [There’s a crude doodle of a bird next to his scribbled and underlined signature]

Entry 7

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Humans are space.. pets?  (Entry 1)

So.  I read a lot of Humans are Space Orcs and I’ve seen a couple things recently speculating on what if aliens thought humans were cute (in a puppy way) or adopted them like pets.. and I thought it was funny.  So I’d like to finally make my contribution to the content I enjoy consuming so much.  I may or may not continue writing this I honestly don’t know

...

The ship crashed on this planet I’d estimate a week ago.  It’s hard to tell time here.  From what we managed to document before the engines malfunctioned, this planet is a part of a solar system with two mother stars; the planet does a sort of figure eight around both stars.  Because of this, there isn’t any apparent nighttime.

Sorry, I’m getting sidetracked.  I suppose it’s a good idea to document what we know, but there are more pressing issues to document at the moment.  Most notably, the sapient species that inhabit this planet seems to think my crew and I are suitable housepets…  

When we crashed, our main focus was obviously trying to survive and find a viable way to contact home.  While we were scoping out the area, we came across the dwellings of the native sapients and tried to ask for help.  They had no translators though, and don’t seem to be a part of the Galactic Federation, at least in this settlement.  One simply picked our ambassador, Sarah, up & cradled her like a baby.  Not wanting to start any conflicts, we gently tried to explain that we were a civilized species and this was all rather impolite.  They ignored us and instead of putting Sarah down carried her off.  We had no choice but to follow.  The sapients are about twice the height of us, so trying to wrestle her back wasn’t a viable idea at the moment.  

The sapient took Sarah to what seemed like a sort of animal shelter, which is when the rest of the crew and I pieced together what they thought of us;  they weren’t hostile or ill-intentioned, but seemingly thought that we were ‘strays’ in need of rescue.  A few of us were rather offended at this whole ordeal, while others found it endearing.  Nick proposed we may be able to take advantage of this potential relationship, and I had to agree it was probably ideal for our safety and possible study of the sapient species to play along.  

Our arrival seemed to cause some interest in the sapients community, and not long after we were brought to the shelter a group had gathered outside.  The one who looked to be in charge was communicating with the rest.  We decided to establish our game plan while we had the chance, as it seemed likely we would end up separated.  Luckily we all already were equipped with radios, so communication wouldn’t be an issue.  I split up this notepad into equal parts so we could each document our experiences, and thankfully I had enough writing utensils for us each to use one.  

Our engineer, Lily, is going to keep an eye out wherever she ends up for potential communication home.  She’s always been handy with unfamiliar terrain & tools, I have faith that she’ll be able to macgyver something.  Until then, we’ll be saving our radio batteries for emergencies.  If this species turns out to be hostile after all, well, I suppose we’ll have to deal with that when we come to it.  Until then, we’ll just have to play up our ‘cuteness’ to keep the situation in our favor and document valuable information while we have this.. strange opportunity.  

Captain Crow signing off for now.

Entry 2

Hello all!! I wanted to thank you for all the support I received on my last post! I do plan on doing more with this idea, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! While I'm working on the next couple of entries, here's my little sapient guy & the mini comic I doodled that loosely inspired this story :)

Humans are space.. pets?  (Entry 10)

Masterpost

It’s noon number two.  The Lumarians are back.  I jogged four laps around the house and then fell asleep under the couch earlier.  Then I woke up and jumped up onto the storage unit again and realized I’d left my journal up here.  That could’ve been bad.  Good thing I was the only creature in this house.  Speaking of creatures; the Lumarians have shown me what lives in those enclosures out back.  They also seem to have procured some human energy drinks while they were out.  I’m not usually one to drink lots of caffeine but I’ll take what I can get here.  It was next to my food so I drank it.  What do they put in here I don’t know.

Before dinner (I’m calling it that because noon number two is closer to pretend nighttime and this meal was nearer to noon number two than noon number one.) the Lumarians took me outside to show me the yard again.  They got home closest to what I’m gonna call 5 pm because that makes sense to me.  I’m trying to clear up my timeline because I realize now I’m writing very fast and it’s kind of hard to read.

At noon one the Lumarians left.  I watched the sky out the window until around 3 pm.  Then I ran around to regain my sense of self and fell asleep under the  couch.  At 4 I woke up and got back up onto the storage unit to retrieve my journal.  I hid it back under the bed.  At 5 the Lumarians came back and found me and let me outside to show me the yard.  I’ll tell the story from there now that I think I made it make better sense.

Okay, so, the Lumairans let me out into the yard again.  It’s a big space;  imagine a large backyard, and then multiply it by at least three, and then scale it up times two to account for the size of the Lumarians compared to humans.  Closest to the house they have a garden, all along the back wall where the door is.  I went to go look at it, but they gently guided me away from that direction.  Maybe there’s something poisonous growing there or maybe they just already had their plans to show me the enclosures on the other side of the yard.  Maybe both, I don’t know.  It’s almost amazing the amount of things I don’t know yet.

The Lumarians let me take the lead, perhaps to allow me my independence, but they kind of flanked me from behind to make sure I didn’t wander or run off I guess.  I wasn’t sure where they wanted me to go, but I could tell where they didn’t want me to go, so I simply made the executive decision to head for the enclosure on the left.  This was apparently the right decision, as they didn’t redirect me.  When we got to the enclosure, which still looked empty to me, they opened the gate and guided me in.  I was suspicious at this point that they were going to lock me out there, but that didn’t make any sense and luckily is not what happened.  Instead, after closing the gate behind us, they went out into the enclosure and opened a little trapdoor-gate-thing built into the ground that I hadn’t been able to see before.  The taller sapient went down into whatever space was under the ground there and returned a few minutes later with a creature-  Imagine one of those sea slugs that look like cartoon rabbits.  I think they’re called sea bunnies.  Anyway, this creature looked like one of those, except the size of my torso and less fuzzy.  It was more blobby than fluffy.  The sapient brought it over to me and let me pet it, and it felt kind of like a water balloon someone had dropped in a tub of grease.  With little blobby ears and protrusions down its back.  I suspect it has the intelligence level of a water balloon as well, as it did not react to my touch at all.

The Lumarian tried to get me to learn the name of this creature, but I was mostly focused on trying to remember and mentally document its appearance and texture to write down here.  I think I’m going to start a field guide as well, since now I know I’ll be able to get better looks at some of the flora and fauna here.  

I probably should pay better attention to the names of things if I’m going to document things, now that I think of it.  But I was distracted by the strange appearance of this creature.  It begs the question of how and why any animal on this desert planet would be so.  Moist?  I mean, when I say this planet is a desert, I mean it’s all sand and hot and dry.  It’s always daytime and so far there have been no weather events.  Maybe that’s why these creatures live primarily underground-  maybe there’s a pool of water down there or something.  I didn’t go down, so I don’t know.  Maybe I’ll explore that in the future too.  It just depends on how long I’m stuck here, I suppose. 

After I pet the creature and failed to learn its name, the Lumarians ushered me back inside to eat dinner.  Today was real food-  I haven’t had actual fresh food in months, so that was very exciting.  I’d been living off of rations, which are always vacuum packaged or preserved or dry.  But on the other hand I have no idea what I ate.  It sort of reminded me of the one time I had squid ages ago, like, raw squid.  It was a little squishier and had an interesting texture, but it didn’t taste bad and I was happy to have something with some chew to it instead of nutrient-rich blocks of nothing.  They seem to have procured some human foods as well as the native food they fed me, which I think they’re rationing out as ‘treats’.  As I said earlier, tonight it was an energy drink.  I think I’ve worn myself out at this point, but I hadn’t had caffeine in a long time before today, especially not in that amount or concentration, so I apologize if my writing is somewhat illegible.  After I finished dinner I returned to my little refuge here under the bed and wrote this entry.  Which I am writing right now.  But not anymore!  Goodnight.

-Captain Crow.

(psst, hey, you.  Yeah you.  It’s me, the author.  I want to celebrate you all supporting my story and hitting double-digits!  So, send in asks to or about Captain Crow & I’ll have him answer for you!  To the best of his ability and non-canon to the direct storyline currently.  No spoilers.  Thank you for your support and Crow looks forward to chatting with you all!)

Entry 11..?

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Humans are space.. pets?  (Entry 4)

Masterpost

Captain Crow here to say, there is a way to clean off the sand, and it is very unconventional and VERY startling when you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.  I’ll start from the beginning, but just know on a planet where water is scarce they will find other ways to do tasks that usually require water.  

After my last entry, I decided it would be a good idea to try to explore my environment some more since the sapients were not posing any immediate threat to me.  I still brought my swiss army knife just in case, and though I will not specify whenever I’m carrying it because that would be redundant, just assume it is implied.  I won’t risk my own safety by leaving it behind anywhere, plus it’s useful for things other than defending myself anyway.  

I emerged from my hiding spot once again to face the sapients, but instead of paying them any mind I just scurried along back into the room I started in.  (It seems to be the equivalent of a living room.)  There really isn’t much to see, unfortunately, at least not from my vantage point.  From the doorway of the room I just left, which I assume is the bedroom, I can see the ‘couch’ I hid under earlier, a table, and a sort of kitchen area.  All these descriptions are generalizations of course, and comparisons to objects that I personally would recognize.  I could be entirely wrong in my assumptions of what these objects are or what they’re for.  The table and couch are relatively uninteresting to me at the moment, as they appear to just be solid blocks of material shaped for their purpose.  The kitchen area captured my interest the most, so I decided to try to explore it first.  

It really is interesting how many ideas are universal.  Drawers, for instance.  They’re simply a tray with holding space and a handle, and they slide into a space that’s out of the way.  They’re also perfect for opening up into a set of makeshift stairs.  These drawers are a little wobblier than human-crafted ones, which gives me the impression that they slide on an alternate system than the wheels & tracks that we use.  If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say some sort of magnet system.  This has its benefits for me though, as the drawers were amazingly easy to slide open.  I managed to climb up onto the counter with little difficulty.  I considered taking off my boots out of politeness but decided against it in case I needed to make a quick escape.  I wandered along the counter and tried to memorize my surroundings to write here; and here is my recollection to the best of my ability.

Knives are another universal thing, though I would’ve had an easier time using the ones I saw as swords, rather than their intended purpose.  There was a set way up high out of reach, on a sort of magnet strip.  It seems like magnets are a cornerstone of kitchen architecture on this planet.  There was cabinet space above me, but I couldn’t open any without the likelihood of hitting myself in the head.  The counters are made of black stone.  I noticed some appliances that I cannot name the use of as I have no idea, but I can tell you there were appliances that were there.  It looked like four, but honestly, a couple of them probably could have fit together somehow.  

That’s about all I managed to commit to memory before one of the sapients came into the room and saw me on the counter.  It looked stunned for a moment (probably at the stairs I had made out of the drawers, mostly), then I assume called for the other, as that one came into the room as well.  I made a run for it, aiming to jump down off the counter and run under the couch again, but the shorter sapient was too fast and caught me in mid-air.  I fussed for a second, trying to pry my way out of its paws, but the struggle was fruitless and its bigass fingers were concealing my knife.  I decided to save my energy to bolt as soon as I got a better chance.  

The sapient seemed as startled to be holding me as I was to be caught by it and looked to the other for guidance.  While they were busy staring at each other in bewilderment, I sneezed at all of the dust that had been shaken out of my uniform when they grabbed me.  My uniform is supposed to be blue, by the way;  at this point it was closer to a dusty reddish brown.  Spaceship crashes on sandy planets tend to do that to clean clothes.  

Neither of the sapients seemed to know how to react to my sneeze at first.  Then the taller one seemed to connect the dots between the dust and me sneezing and began to chatter with the one holding me. --  I still have no idea how much knowledge these sapients have of humans.  Only time will tell if they are able to provide sufficient care or if I'll have to fend for myself entirely.  I only hope they don't keep me holed up in a situation where I'll be unable to care for myself. 

They seemed to at least make the connection that dust = sneeze and sneeze = bad.  I guess that's one way to communicate I need a shower.  They carried me over to the other side of the counter, across from the one I had infiltrated, and set me in a basin built into the stone.  It resembled a sink, but there was no faucet, and the entirety of the bottom had little tiny holes- think like an air hockey table.  I did try to scramble out, as I was not particularly interested in the idea of being stuck in a glorified splash pad, but the sapients stopped me from getting out long enough for me to realize this was probably my only shot at getting a shower, even if I would end up sopping wet and miserable for a while.  I resigned myself to sitting down and looking pathetic as I braced myself to be sprayed with water.  

That is not what happened though, interestingly enough.  It didn’t occur to me until this moment that on a desert planet like this they probably wouldn’t use water to wash things if they could help it;  instead of being soaked with water, I was instead shocked by a burst of air from above.  It did sufficiently get a lot of dust off, to be fair to this odd design.  The basin itself was somewhat of a modified vacuum system, sucking all the dust away as the sapients blew it out of my uniform with an air hose that had previously been embedded in the counter.  

I explain all of this fairly matter-of-factly in hindsight, but I can tell you that in the moment I was not nearly as levelheaded.  I will admit to startling and jumping up, trying to climb out of the basin multiple times while I was still figuring out what was going on.  It’s a very scary experience to suddenly feel like you’re falling and the floor is trying to suck you up when you aren’t expecting that exact sensation.  I wish I could say it was over quickly, but it was not.  The sapients had to pick me up to try to get all of the dust out of my uniform, hair, and beard, and though they were gentle, it was still rather dehumanizing to be handled like a kitten getting a flea bath.  Although I suppose I was behaving like one, so, fair play.

After they had finished with the air-bath, they set me down on the counter.  I stood there bewildered for a moment, still processing the experience I had just had and the scientific part of my brain working out the mechanics of it all.  While I was pondering how my life had led me here, they sprayed me over with what I assume was some sort of disinfectant and then toweled me down.  Oh, the indignity.  As soon as they released me again, this time onto the floor, I ran off to hide and journal all of this.  I am thankful that they have a way to wash me and my clothes at the same time though, I suppose.  Although I would prefer it if they weren’t involved at all.  

So now I have caught up on writing down my experiences thus far.  I will be looking more into this technology and seeing if it’s possible to utilize it myself without the sapients' input, or at least to replicate it for the settling of desert planets in the future.

End of Entry.  Capt. Crow.

Entry 5

Hello yes welcome

My name is Sabian! I hardly update this blog, but since tumblr doesn't let you change which blog is your primary one, this is the one everyone sees when I like posts and such. If you want to see what I'm actually up to, please check out my real blog, where I post my art!

SabianandOCs <-

Now, I know what probably 90% of you are here for- My silly little Humans are Space Orcs fic I made years and years ago. You're in luck! Even though I totally abandoned it for a while, it's sort of back with a new entry! Here's the masterpost, since this will replace it as my pinned post:

Humans are space.. pets? Masterpost!

Thanks for sticking around, if you're one of those fans, and thanks for checking me out if you're new!