Going Over A Year Without Suicidal Thoughts Brings A Lot Of Awakenings. I Am Lovable, People Can Like

Going over a year without suicidal thoughts brings a lot of awakenings. I am lovable, people can like me, although now I guess I have to plan for the future I never thought I could make it to. 13 year old me never gave a thought into high school classes, but now I'm being told to start thinking about what I want to do for college... It's so crazy to think that I've made it farther than I ever thought I would. And there's still more to look forward to. If you told 13 year old me that she makes it past 15, she'd probably break down at the thought of having to live that long. What she wouldn't think about is all the good things that have happened since.

I remember leaving my middle school for the last time, the best feeling ever. I remember going to summer camp. I remember going to my high school orientation and feeling hopeful for once. I remember the crash soon into the school year, yes, but I also remember how that led to the first moment of me feeling fully loved and accepted by my peers. I remember being comforted through a panic attack in the hallway at the Halloween dance. I remember my first audition at this school, I remember when I didn't get in. I remember trying again the next time and seeing my name on the cast email. I remember getting to be closer to all the people I had been admiring from afar all year. I remember all the fun outings, and the sleepovers, and the silly conversations that I get to have every morning. If 13 year old me knew I grew up, she'd think I'm still miserable. But now, even through the hardest times, I am loved and cared for.

Keep living yall. Things can work out.

Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends