Confessions From An Emotional Abuse Victim:
Confessions from an emotional abuse victim:
#2 Tough Love
Recently, I've been finding myself thinking about the concept of 'tough love'. That is one of the terms I used to describe the abuse and manipulation before I fully accepted that I had been abused. But the thing is, what he did was not love.
Love is not being judgemental. Love is not being brutally 'honest' about someone else's flaws because they should fix them.
Love is making sure someone is cared for even if they don't ask for it or are a bit apprehensive. Love is when my friend noticed I was acting a bit different and asked me when I last drank something. After I told her I didn't know, she told me I should drink something. I refused and said I was fine, but she still went and bought me a bottle of water and made me drink it in front of her.
I feel like the term 'tough love' isn't really a term that should be used in the first place though. Even though there are situations like that, where it seemingly fits the term and is actually okay, it's still a slippery slope into justifying abuse.
If people would point out that my abuser was being really harsh to me, I could say it was just because he cared. It was because he wanted me to improve as a person so I could do better. His punches and kicks and yelling and degrading were just his way of saying he cares. It's 'tough love'. This term helped catch me, and I'm sure many others as well, into the cycle of justifying the actions of my abuser. It let me believe it was my fault for feeling hurt from what he did.
I think it might be time to retire this concept. Yes, sometimes you need to be a little pushy to make sure someone you love is cared for, but even then, you still should be kind. Honestly, that doesn't need its own term. It's just being caring. We don't need any more ways for victims caught in the throes of abuse to try to justify it.
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I don't know yall, but I genuinely wish you the best of luck in your endeavors! We're in this shit together...
Adults are always so concerned about me doing extracurriculars.
But-but you have bad grades because you don't do your homework!
Hate to break it to you, but that homework wouldn't be done even if I didn't have rehearsal
But you keep complaining about being in pain!
Yes, and I handle it. I'd still be in pain anyways.
But you aren't sleeping or eating enough!
True, but I'm working on it. It would be the same if I weren't in theatre
But you obviously shouldn't be doing this thing you like because you're a mess and you have other things that you should do!
Look. If I weren't doing theatre or extra choir stuff, I still would be mostly the same. I wouldn't do my busy work homework that I don't need to do to learn. I would be in pain having to move around and do things and live my life. I would have problems with self care, and mental health, and schoolwork.
But one thing that would be different? I wouldn't be as happy.
Theatre and singing have always been the best things in my life. I've made so many friends and become so much more confident in myself. I feel so amazing getting to do all these things. The only thing taking that away would accomplish is making me miserable.
I wouldn't be focusing more on my schoolwork. I'd be focusing more on the big chunk of my soul that was just ripped out. I wouldn't be magically cured of my physical and mental ailments. I would just have no reason to get out of bed in the morning anymore, or do anything productive or meaningful.
Trying to take away my happiness is not an effective solution. That's how I end up back in and out of the hospital every two months.
saying “i want him” about the character but not in a romantic or sexual way . i just Require him i need to Obtain him
When you look up at the time on your phone and remember school exists
canonical
so one of the high school buses flipped over and this was the picture they used in the newspaper
I decided to write a bit about learning disabilities and my opinions on how they are handled in schools. I handwrote it as a demonstration of how my dysgraphia still affects my writing, but I also typed up a translation for anyone who might have trouble reading that.
Me: literally just chilling about to sleep
My brain: cooking up the most disturbing, detailed, horrible, gut-wrenching intrusive thought ever
Me: don't do it...
My brain: here's an image of your abuser sitting over your motionless body and eating through your flesh and organs. I made it myself.
When the thought patterns are getting a little too recognizable:
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alizjay liked this · 4 months ago -
justateenworkinglifeout reblogged this · 4 months ago
I have absolutely no idea what this blog will hold. random thoughts? art? stories? probably just whatever comes to mind. you can call me Iris. she/her
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