I Need To Be Thin.

this is the good luck tanaka

reblog in the next 15 seconds for the best luck of your life

List of my personal reasons to lose weight

1. Thigh gap 2. Flat belly 3. Jawline 4. Contour 5. Looking good in changing rooms 6. Self-esteem 7. Be the skinny one 8. Prove everyone wrong 9. Demonstrate my strong will power 10. Control 11. Nobody likes a fatty 12. Fatties live in denial 13. Get healthy / get away from junk food 14. Chubby childhood 15. Bones look nicer 16. Hip bones 17. Petite features 18. Eat to live, don’t live to eat 19. Model body 20. I can motivate others to look good 21. Working out 22. Changing my lifestyle 23. Saving money on food 24. Food does not run my thoughts 25. Be pretty 26. Be happy with my body 27. Setting goals 28. Rib cage 29. Potato fingers are ugly 30. Stop jiggling 31. Everyone likes me better skinny 32. People will try to stop me, I am stronger than their opinions 33. Doing this for myself & nobody else 34. Sense of accomplishment 35. Everything will look good on me 36. Big eyes, lips, & small face 37. Long hair looks better on skinny girls 38. Educate myself about foods 39. I can do what I set my mind to 40. I am stronger than my cravings 41. I am stronger than my body 42. Defined collarbone 43. Bikini body 44. Every angle is flawless 45. To be perfect 46. So my small extremities fit my small body 47. To be others’ motivation 48. 00 = no problems 49. To sit down and not roll over 50. Feel comfortable in crop tops 51. Defined chin 52. Mini skirts

I keep adding to this list and looking at it when I feel weak and about to cave in. STAY STRONG!

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PAUL LAHOTE  | Forbidden Imprint PT2.

‘’ On another love, another love, all my tears have been used up.  ‘’

PT1 LINK (READ FIRST)  :  PT1.

Paul was visibly frustrated with everyone. He spent more time as a wolf than a human for the past week, and avoided direct conversation with anyone if he could, and of course that was easy, especially with a lot of people fearing to get on his bad side and to set him off, more so in a situation like this, where Paul seemingly no longer cared whom he went against. Your perspective like such was proven by when Paul faced off with Jared, who insisted that Paul should be happy about finding his imprint, no matter the inconvenience of the time it had come.

Of course, he was shortly provoked by Paul mockingly suggesting he’d exchange the appearance of his imprint, with the disappearance of Kim, Jared’s imprint. Jared, taking this as a direct threat, had nearly lunged at the eager Paul had it not been for Sam’s alpha commands that kept them at bay. 

You no longer felt in control of the situation; Paul ignored your previous attempts of convincing him to leave you blatantly, he only talked to you if he had to, and seeing as you were no longer in a relationship, you felt relieved.

You loved him more than anything, but you had to release him off the leash you held onto him, he wasn’t yours anymore; his imprintee was here. Even so, you couldn’t look at Paul anymore without feeling a thickness in your throat, and a throbbing in your heart that you knew earned for him. You hated how this all happened.

No matter how many times you whispered to yourself that it was okay, that you shouldn’t be feeling these feelings of jealousy and envy, there was a thought in the back of your mind that wished that the new girl, Paul’s soulmate, had not moved to Forks, that she wouldn’t have destroyed the bliss you felt here. But, you couldn’t let such negative thoughts overwhelm you, as long as you could be nearby Paul to some extent, you would be fine.

You drove up to the pack house slowly, parking your car on the pavement as you stepped out, noting that Laura’s car was already there. Of course. She must be worried about Paul, after all, she understands she’s his imprintee. You thought. Sam must have explained everything to her, and the situation you were all in. In the end, the pack went along doing what they usually did. 

The weather was growing increasingly colder and worse, ice surfacing the pavement roads and solid surfaces, freezing the vibrant green grass into coloured, unmoved ice. As a human, you felt the bitter cold bite at your naked skin and cause shivers to run down your back, your warm breath only a puff of mist in the low temperature.

‘’ Y/N, i’m here! ‘’ You heard Laura yell out to you, as you saw her standing by the large house, waving her hand to more visibly attract your attention. She had said she wanted to talk to you, to resolve the clear tension between the two of you. Despite this conversation being inevitable, you hoped you could have prolonged it further, because you didn’t feel ready to hear whatever she had to say. ‘’ Sorry for taking so long, the road was too icy to drive on quickly and i forgot to change my tires this morning. ‘’ You apologised quickly, wrapping your coat only tighter around yourself as you gazed at the quiet female.

It was true, she was pretty, with flowing brown hair that cascaded over her shoulders in waves, and shimmering emerald hued eyes, she was compatible to stand against Paul as someone worthy of him, a soulmate. You weren’t. 

‘’ It’s fine, don’t worry, i was with the pack and Paul for most of the day anyway. He refuses to talk to me, but i managed to get a few words out of him today. What i wanted to talk to you about - i’m sorry, really, for this and that i know that you already understand what you have to do but, ‘’ Laura breathed in momentarily, as if preparing for what she was going to say. ‘’ You don’t have to worry about him anymore. ‘’

Your heart dropped in the slightest, like a crack unveiled and shattered a part of you. You expected this, these words, you knew you were going to hear them; you had to get a hold of yourself and realise your place in this.

‘’ In a few weeks, we’ll be talking normally, i’m sure. I’ll do my best to treat him as well as you have, i won’t hurt him or take advantage of the fact that he’ll only ever love me. ‘’ They stung. More than anything she said, or anyone else had, the sentence was like a slap in the face. She’s right. You told yourself assuringly, dismissing the mass in your throat as an effect from the freezing cold that engulfed your body further than it ever had before.

‘’ I just want to make sure me and you don’t have any harsh feelings towards each other, i’m so sorry for the heartbreak you’ve been caused, but we both want him to be happy, and he won’t be if he’s not with me. It’s a small town, this is, please stay a close friend. ‘’ She smiled warmly as she spoke to you in a light-hearted manner. You only nodded, your throat felt far too dry to mutter a single word, let alone an audible and distinguishable response. 

‘’ Tonight, Sam invited me to go along with Paul and everyone else to the beach. I suggested you come, but Sam said it’d be better for you not to be there. I want to tell you beforehand so nothing troublesome comes out of it.’’ She finished with a light, comforting smile. 

‘’ I understand. I hope everything goes well. I just want him to be happy. ‘’ You replied softly, giving in, finally, to her words. ‘’ I’ll be leaving now, and taking one of Jacob’s motorcycles. He told me he’d change the tire’s on my car to ones that can deal with the ice, so i can use the motorcycle for the while. I’ll be back later. ‘’ You dismissed yourself fairly quickly, waving your hand briefly with a brief smile, earning an ‘’ okay ‘’ from Laura, who seemed to smile as you turned around, and walk back into the house. 

You felt frustrated for the the variety of different feelings that grasped at you, attempting to organise your frantic thoughts as you brought the motorcycle out of the garage. A part of you wanted to fight for Paul, to tell her matter of factly you loved him more than anything, and that Paul was still picking you over her, so why force him into something he hadn’t entirely accepted? And yet, another part of you constantly reminded you that what he felt now probably wouldn’t be what he felt later, once his emotions calmed down and he sorted his priorities out, he’d accept his soul mate rightfully as he should have already. It was the adrenaline rush, the rush of feelings that kept him attached to you.

If Sam, the alpha of the pack, couldn’t restrain himself from his soul mate over Leah, whom he still felt feelings for even now, how could Paul?

You arrived home quickly, eager to step into the warmth of the house instead of remaining in the blistering cold, that made your cheeks flush with scarlet and your fingers go numb with lack of sensation. 

‘’ Is everything alright, honey? ‘’ Your mother questioned from the living room, her voice loud and worried, to which you replied as you stepped upstairs towards your bedroom. ‘’ Everything is fine. ‘’ You reassured her with a pleasantly fake tone, a wave of relief washing over you at the fact that your voice hadn’t cracked and revealed any bit of distress. You didn’t need to get your mother involved in this, in fact, all you wanted now was to finish off whatever homework you had to complete, and simply go to sleep for a few hours; that felt like the most distracting activity of all. 

____

After several hours of doing nothing even relatively interesting besides reading, finishing off homework and getting in touch with your friends, with intentions of plan making to distract yourself from the emotions that ate away at you, you imagined everyone would be home by now after the beach. After all, it was growing rather dark now, with a few, faint stars littering the darkening blue sky and even a thin layer of snow coating the swaying trees and grey roofs of houses. Your mother was asleep, you could tell by the silence coming from the house, and the lack of lights or electricity used at all.

Slipping your coat on, you left the house silently and drove to the pack house on Jacob’s motorcycle, aiming to get your car before tomorrow, seeing as you did have school then and knew the ice in the morning would only be worse than it was now. However, as you hopped off of the motorcycle, you noticed your tires were still the same as they were the last time you had been here.

Frowning slightly in confusion, you approached the pack house swiftly and knocked on the door. Maybe they had forgotten, or possibly weren’t even home yet, as you knew Jacob had went along with the pack to the beach. ‘’ Come in. ‘’ A deep, familiar voice spoke out, and you immediately knew who it was as you stepped inside.

‘’ Do you know where Jacob is? ‘’ You asked naturally, remaining composed, unreadable as you gazed down at Paul, whom was sitting at the table, his steel, cold eyes not once leaving yours the moment they settled on you. 

‘’ In the garage, preparing to change your tires. ‘’ The male replied in a monotone tone. Maybe this was progress, maybe he understood that there was no longer anything remotely romantic between the two of you. Quickly nodding, you turned around and stepped forward to unlock the door to leave, but the word’s that left Paul’s lips had frozen you.

‘’ Did this make you feel better? Has it done anything to prove to you how i feel? ‘’ His words weren’t warm, or affectionate, instead they were frustrated and accusing, impatient almost, as if the anger that tugged at him wanted out. Swivelling around, you stared at him, bewildered. 

‘’ Make me feel better? What, the fact that you refuse to even look at me, or maybe that you’re making this so much harder for everyone else when you’re denying your feelings? You know what’s going to happen, i’m so sick and tired of having to repeat myself with this, Paul. This annoyance with me, this rush of emotions and denial is what is keeping you from accepting who your soul mate truly is, you’ll be over me the moment you get back with me. ‘’ You stated, growing more distressed and irritated. He knew how you felt, how much this pained you, and yet he still pulled on the same heartstrings of yours. You thought that you could do this, you could go through this, but how could you when all he did was act persistent?

‘’ This rush of emotions, that you say keeps me from accepting my mate, is love. If you just fucking understood that, if you stopped trying to force someone onto me, if you just, for one damn second, listened to what i was saying - maybe you’d realise that these weeks, you’re the only one i want. But me accepting her will make you happy, right? Me leaving you to finally accept Laura, to finally give in to your wish, will make you feel better?’’ Paul questioned harshly, narrowing his eyes in a scolding manner and the familiar, animalistic snarl pulling agains this lips as he spoke more forcefully.

‘’ Yes. ‘’

You could tell from the briefly taken back expression on his face that he wasn’t expected what you just said. But, just as quickly, his cruel grimace returned. ‘’ Fine, then. Tomorrow, i’ll accept her, i’ll make her mine.’’ His words were quick and ruthless, and every little letter, every vowel and concept behind those words only stabbed you in the back. Your heart felt heavy, like it would fall and shatter like an untouched glass, released from the grip Paul held around it for all this time. All this time you loved him. ‘’ It physically hurts to stay away from her, that’s how much power an imprint has on you, but what surprised me for a bit was how much it hurt or me to stay away from you; you left me, Y/N, after all these months. I wanted you, i wanted you so bad and you pushed me away because you thought she was good enough. Now you can have what you want, you can leave and become happy with another human. Did you ever really hold feelings for me, Y/N? Or was it a trick, was i just a fucking puppet to be played with, and you were waiting for the right person to throw me away to? ‘’ His words spilled out powerfully, seeping into your mind bit by bit, every word was like a ton of bricks created to hurt you, to provoke you, to show you just how much you had hurt him. At your lack of response, Paul snarled, the finishing straw that would have drawn the line.

‘’ I hope you disappear. ‘’

That was all it took. All it took for you to release a sob, to finally realise you had tears streaming down your face, and to run out of the house not a second later. You hadn’t seen the instant flash of regret spread all over Paul’s face at the realisation what he had just said, because he meant none of it, and yet, caught up in the misery, in the untameable desire he held so horribly for you, his sorrowful words spilled out uncontrollably. This wasn’t what he wanted, no, he wanted to tell you how much he adored you, how he had plans to move away with you to prove that you meant more than anyone, and that he was ready to talk this out civilly as long as it made you happy.

Yet, with the pain in his eyes and the aching in his heart, Paul wanted nothing else than to express his anger, somewhere, anywhere. but certainly not on you.

The next few moments seemed to happen in a misty haze, uncaught by anyone. Running out of the house, with Paul closely on your heels, Jacob had just left the garage with most of the pack at the noise, but it was too late. 

Paul wasn’t quick enough, he wasn’t quick enough to reach out and grab you as you ran out from under his grasp, to the unprepared, untouched car. No one expected what had happened that night, especially Paul.

No one expected to hear the screeches of an unruly, frenzied unfamiliar car, with a driver whom could not control it upon the icy road just as much as you, smash straight into your car right as you drove into the road without warning; your vision blinded by tears. Screams, pleads and yells all mixed into chaos from everyone who ran to the two totalled cars. Only yours lay upside down, with a driver who wasn’t breathing.

Maybe Paul was right. Maybe you should disappear.

Funny, it was, how he was the first to say that and yet he was now the first one with tears in his eyes and effort like no other to get to you.

[ Should i make a part three? ]

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