Justa-booknerd - Just A Book Nerd

“It’s a little too late to be doing that, isn’t it?”

“It’s never too late when you’re absolutely jacked up on caffeine.” They pointed to the empty mug beside them and smiled wide, their eyes strangely wild. 

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✿ arm wrestling

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Y'know, whenever people want to talk about why aspec people 'count' as an oppressed identity, they tend to go for the big stuff like corrective rape and conversion therapy. And like, we should absolutely talk about that stuff. Obviously those things are terrible and important and we need to raise awareness and deal with them.

But I feel like people often gloss over how… quietly traumatising it is to grow up being told that there is only one way to be happy— and that everybody who doesn't conform to that norm is secretly miserable and just doesn't know it— and then to gradually realise that, for reasons that you cannot help, that is never going to happen for you.

You're not going to find a prince/princess and ride off into the sunset. Or if you do, then it's not going to look exactly the way it does in fairytales. You're not going to get a 'normal' relationship, because you are not 'normal', and everybody and everything around you keeps telling you that that's bad.

You see films where characters are presented as being financially stable, genuinely passionate about their work and surrounded by friends and family, but then spend the rest of the plot realising that the real thing they needed was a (romantic and sexual) partner, to make them 'complete'.

You absorb the idea that any relationships you have with allo people will ultimately be unfulfilling on their side, and that this will be your fault (even if you discussed things with your partner beforehand and they decided that they were a-okay with having those sorts of boundaries in a relationship) unless you deliberately force yourself into situations that you aren't comfortable with, so as to make uo for your 'defects'.

You grow up feeling lowkey gaslighted because all the adults in your life (even in LGBT+ spaces. In fact especially in LGBT+ spaces) are insisting that it's totally normal to not be attracted to anybody at your age, and then you go to school and everybody keeps pressuring you to name somebody you're attracted to because they can't imagine not being attracted to anybody at your age.

And then you get older and realise that one day you're going to be expected to leave home, and that one day all your friends are going to be expected to put aside other relationships and 'settle down' with a primary partner and you don't know what you're going to do after that because you straight up don't have a roadmap for what a 'happy ending' looks like for someone like you.

(And the LGBT+ community is little help, because so many people in there are more than happy to tell you that you're not oppressed at all. That you're like this because you don't want to have sex, and/or you don't want to have any relationships, that your orientation is some sort of choice you made— like not eating bananas— rather than an intrinsic part of you that a lot of us have at some point tried to wish away.)

Even if you're grey or demi, and do experience those feelings, you still have to deal with the fact that you're not experiencing them the 'normal' way and that that's going to effect your relationships and your ability to find one in the first place.

If you're aiming for lifelong singlehood (which is valid af) or looking for a qpp, then you're going to have to spend the rest of your life either letting people make wrong assumptions about your situation (at best that your relationship is of a different nature than it actually is, at worst that the life you've chosen is really just a consolation prize because you 'failed' at finding a romantic/sexual partner) or pulling out a powerpoint and several webpages every time you want to explain it.

This what being aspec looks like for most people, and it is constantly minimised as being unimportant and not worth fighting against— even in aspec spaces— because we've all on some level absorbed the idea that oppression is only worth fighting against if it's big, and dramatic, and immediately obvious. That all the little incidents of suffering that we experience on a daily basis are not enough to be worth bothering about.

I mean, who gives a shit if you feel broken, inherently toxic as a partner, and like you're going to be denied happiness because of your orientation? Shouldn't we all just shut up and thank our lucky stars we don't have to deal with all the stuff some of the other letters in the acronym have to put up with (leaving aside the fact that there are many aspec people who identify with more than one letter)?

So you know what? If you're aspec and you relate to anything I've said above (or can think of other things relating your your aspec-ness that I haven't mentioned) then this is me telling you now that it's enough. Even if we got rid of all the big stuff (which we're unlikely to do any time soon because— Shock! Horror!— the big stuff is actually connected to all the small stuff) we would still be unable to consider our fight 'over' because what you are experiencing is not 'basically okay' and something we should just be expected to 'put up with'.

No matter what anybody tells you, we have the right to demand more from life than this.

There's over 9 million users on Tumblr now. Reblog if you're one of the few who's never EVER left anon hate in somebody's ask box.

you don’t need to ask for jane anymore: a guide to coming to chicago for a safe, low-cost abortion

A lot of people in the US are super worried about the Supreme Court axing Roe v. Wade, but what they might not know is that some states have laws in place that will protect the right to reproductive choice and abortion if that happens. One of these states is the state of Illinois. In 2019, a law was passed that protects abortion rights within the state even if the federal right to an abortion falls. This means that if Roe v. Wade is overturned, abortion will still be a protected right in Illinois. Even before Roe, Chicago was a haven for safe abortions- you just called and asked for Jane.

Now, safe abortion access is the law of the land in IL, and there are several groups who can help you. This post is long, but I think it’s worthwhile. Even if you don’t read all the way through it, maybe save it for later. You or someone you know might need it. If you want to stop now, the TL;DR is this:

f you’re a minor and you can’t tell your parents, get a waiver of notification from the IL Judicial Bypass program.

Schedule your appointment.

Contact abortion funds to get financial aid. Your home state might have s fund, and the Chicago Abortion Fund can help.

Secure housing for the procedure through the Midwest Access Coalition or by talking to the intake staff at the clinic of your choice.

I’d like to start by saying that the closer to home you get your abortion, should you need one, the easier it will be for you… probably. It depends on your individual situation AND your safety. If I still lived in Indiana and I needed an abortion, I’d probably leave to get it done, even though there are abortion providers in Indiana, because Indiana is super hostile and there’s lots of clinic protestors- for example, when I was taking my GRE my senior year at Notre Dame, the testing center was in this little strip mall in Mishawaka next to Planned Parenthood. Despite the fact that the PP in Mishawaka does not provide abortions, there were protestors who yelled at me for going in there. I wasn’t even going to PP. I’d like to say that I said something devastatingly cool but I just ran in flustered. Point being: It really, really would have sucked if I was there for healthcare instead of a standardized test for graduate school. And that’s a very tame, mild situation! Real abortion clinic protests are often much more devastating! 

ANYWAYS. The less you have to travel, the easier things tend to be, if it’s safe to get an abortion where you are and if your state will have protected abortions if Roe is overturned. If you’re not sure what might happen in your state in that case, this map has a clear, succinct overview of the legal status of abortion in each state and all US territories. You will want to click through to that link, because this image isn’t interactive.

[ID: a map of the US with states and territories sorted by their legal protections for abortion into four categories: expanded access in the case of Roe v. Wade being overturned, protected, not protected, and hostile. IL is highlighted.]

So let’s say you live in any of those red states. (Yellow and blue are safe- abortion access is protected there.) Let’s say, worst case scenario, Roe gets overturned and you get pregnant and you want to terminate. You will be able to do that in IL, and it’s relatively easy to do that in Chicago for a relatively low cost and with the benefit of a robust support network of people who want to reaffirm your reproductive choices.

First, if you’re a minor and you don’t want to tell your parents because it’s not safe for you to do so, get a judicial waiver of parental notification. The IL ACLU has a judicial bypass hotline. This will come at no cost to you. Do this ASAP, because it takes time to get it set up! You can do this by calling the hotline at 877-442-9727, texting 312-560-6607, or emailing judicialbypass@aclu-il.org.

Next, you need to get an appointment set up. You could get a referral from someone local to you, but this can be tricky- 87% of counties in the US don’t have an abortion provider, and google can lead you to a crisis pregnancy center. They will not help you. If you have a local Planned Parenthood, call them. Even if they don’t provide abortions, they can refer you to someone who can. If you’re coming to Chicago, which this post… kind of assumes you are… you can call any of these groups to talk about your options and what clinics can help you. I recommend starting with FPA or PP; those are two actual clinics. MAC and CAF are funds- they can direct you but they can’t schedule an appointment for you.

Family Planning Associates (FPA): 312-707-8988 or use their online schedule tool, found here: https://www.fpachicago.com/schedule-now/ Chicago Abortion Fund (CAF): Phone: 312-663-0338 (note: the helpline is only staffed MWF from 3:30-6:30 PM CST, or email helpline@chicagoabortionfund.org Midwest Access Coalition (MAC): 847-750-6224 or email support@midwestaccesscoalition.org Planned Parenthood of Illinois (PP): 1-800-230-7526

You might want to shop around and see which clinic costs the least, and is the most practical for you to get to. FPA has a lot of patient resources, as does PP. Don’t be afraid to ask for financial assistance. The people staffing those organizations have extensive networks and deep compassion for their patients- if the clinic can’t help, they might know who can.

Once you’ve made an appointment, now’s the time to start gathering financial aid. Some insurance, including IL Medicaid, covers it. If yours does not, or if the copay is still too much, this is where abortion funds come into play. Many states have their own abortion funds for state residents, so you might have to look around to see who can help you. I’d start with the National Network of Abortion Funds.

You also need to figure out transportation and housing while you’re in the city to get your abortion. This isn’t super necessary if you’re just coming for the pill abortion, but if you’re coming for a d and c or other surgical procedure, you will be staying for a couple of days. THIS is why I’m writing this up, because abortion funds typically only are able to help cover the financial cost of the procedure. It’s expensive to stay somewhere and it can be absolutely terrifying if you’re on your own! Navigating while you’re in pain from the procedure can be an absolute devil of a time, too! However, Chicago has MAC (contact info above), which is a practical access fund, which means that they help pay for transportation to the city (bus tickets and train tickets) and around the city (volunteer drivers or volunteers who take rideshares with clients), food, aftercare medicine (painkillers, etc.), and housing, and there’s also free access to emotional support staff throughout your stay. This is not just open to IL residents; it’s open to anyone coming to the city for an abortion. ALSO if you go through FPA, they have a partnership with the Hampton Inn a block away from their location where their patients get a discount. If you go that route, just talk to FPA about housing and they’ll hook you up. This can be super helpful if you need some evidence that you’re on a “business trip” or something like that- if you are in a position where you need an excuse for your safety, that might work well.

Hopefully you won’t need this post- but if you do, I hope it helps. Feel free to share it around. If you have anti-choice opinions and you feel the need to share, don’t. This isn’t the space for it; you will be blocked and your comments removed. And then remember that criminalizing abortion won’t stop abortion. It’ll just stop safe abortions. Also, increased access to abortion, funnily enough, tends to be the thing that lowers abortion rates, because increased access to abortion comes part and parcel with increased access to birth control and general health and sex education.

if you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills.

If you support gay marriage reblog this. If you're on the homophobic side, keep scrolling.

As a bisexual, it sickens me that some people WILL keep scrolling.