I Hope She Misses Me So Much That A Part Of Her Dies

favorite word to abuse is percieve

going on a walk to clear your head is OUT. going on a walk to make yourself upset on purpose is IN

yippeeee !

nevermind im mad at her again

i need to hug my mother and cry into her neck because i miss the warm embrace of her womb and this bed is too cold for me; i just wish she held me. i just want her to care for me forever, no matter how bitter and painful loving me is

behind the scenes of hirokazu kore-eda's monster (2023)

i like playing dumb about not knowing things so someone who cares about me will gently explain it to me and i will feel loved once in a while

i also enjoy peoples faces lighting up when they get to explain something to me

this white guy in our neighborhood's HOA is trying to dissolve it because nearly all the members are indian including the president. but our neighborhood's 90% all indians so ... is it not accurate

i love by sharing my entire life with you i'm sorry i didn't realize it was a burden to you

i keep telling myself and others that i never thought i would make it to 18 and its true in a way but i never thought i would be the reason behind it. the future remains illogical to me, like unscrewing a laptop and attempting to dissect the complicated mechanics when i'm no expert and do not even know the linguistic term of someone who specializes in laptops. i am not even a beginner, i was chosen in a random lottery by a greater force that i vaguely and barely believe in (i probably don't) and i had to be here as a creature, a specimen riddled with anxiety and pressure and stomach aches that come and go before the mental breakdowns. i can't even imagine what lies ahead of me and i'm too scared to. i wish i wasn't this old i wish i could just curl into my mothers arms and kiss her cheek and let her caress my face as the afternoon light shines but fails to interrupt my well deserved nap. i wish i could just love the four people i was aware the existence of and not explore the crevices of my social life and remain clean of all emotional ties that cause further pain because i'm sure heartbreak would ruin me. i wish to remain in a jelly form, floating away into the unknown ocean that i am terrified of but cannot help having a bit of curiosity for. i wish i wish i wish. i wish i didn't have to turn 18 as it serves as an unfair reminder for the ill preparation i have planned for my next steps, i wish i could make my parents proud.

i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do care i do.