BRB, Just Inserting Myself Into All Of @cultofdixon’s Fic Quotes With My Boyfriend Daryl.

Just finished the final chapter Justified and what a whirlwind! ❤️❤️❤️ I am confused as to whether Y/N loved Negan or not. Whether she'd choose him over Daryl or not. Is another story coming? How does this end for Y/N? Sorry for all the questions, I just really loved the fic!

🫶🏻

Thank you for reading it, I’m so glad you loved it!

There’s one more installment coming, I think it’ll wrap it all up nicely and answer all of your questions. So hang in for one more with me!

He’s my current hyper fixation and I’m good with it.

I'm coming to you sweetheart... 🖤

Found on Pinterest

AI

I think I know where this is going, and I’m not mad about it.

Loving this series!

Look for the Light - 2

Masterlist

Summary: Four years ago, Joel saved you from certain death. In return, you followed him faithfully. Always ready to do and give him whatever he asked, despite the hurt it inflicted on you, body and soul. Agreeing to go with him to deliver Ellie to the Fireflies… this would be the last time you’d follow him… After this, your debt would be paid.

Relationships: Reader x Joel Miller, Joel Miller & Ellie, Reader & Ellie

Warnings: Like AO3, I choose to give none. Read at your own risk. 18+ (So excited to share this with you. So much to come folks! 🙊😍)

Series Masterlist - Part 1

"He hates me!" Ellie grumbled to you under her breath as she ate the last of the sandwich from her pack.

"He hates everyone." You snorted as you nibbled on your ration of jerky.

"He doesn't hate you."

"Doesn't like me." You grumbled in reply, a little louder than you'd intended but Joel made no sign of hearing you.

"So what's the deal with you two anyway?" She asked as she pulled Joel's coat closer.

"Nothing." You replied with a shrug.

"Bullshit."

"What do you-"

"I catch you looking at him all googly-eyed when he's not looking and I've seen him do the same when you ain't." She stated and you scoffed at that "It's true." She defended "He clearly cares about you and you clearly care about him so what's the issue?"

"I owe him my life." You stated plainly "He saved me and I have followed him ever since." Ellie gave you a bemused look as she waited for you to continue "He keeps me around because he saved me... All this is."

"You mean more to him than that." Ellie argued but you simply shook your head.

"No... I don't." You grumbled before eating the last of your jerky "Get some sleep. Got a long walk ahead of us tomorrow."

Ellie didn't argue. She ate the last bite of her food before laying down on the hard forest floor and pulling Joel's coat over her small shoulders. You watched her a moment before your eyes drifted to Joel again. The man was standing in the same spot he'd been a few minutes ago, eyes scanning the forest for any sign of movement.

You knew telling him to get some rest was futile. The man was as stubborn as they came so instead you let your head fall back against the tree you were leaning against and closed your eyes. The sound of the forest lulling you to sleep.

Joel meanwhile was replaying what he'd heard, over and over in his brain.

He keeps me around because he saved me... All this is

Did you really think that's all you meant to him?

Had he really given you no other indications of how important you were to him? He knew he wasn't good at showing any sort of real emotion. He'd shut that side away the day his daughter had died. He hadn't cried since that day either but he had hoped that the small things he did had given you the smallest indication that you were more than just a sidekick to him.

Then he remembered what you'd said to him back at the hotel.

So you're not fucking us both?

Truth was... He and Tess had broken things off the moment she realised that you meant more to him than just a casual fuck. She'd been okay with him sleeping with you occasionally. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't been sleeping with other men occasionally but when it had come to light that his feelings for you ran a little deeper. That was it.

Her words to him just before they'd left her there to die amongst those monsters still echoed in his head.

I never ask, you for anything! Not to feel the way I felt.

Joel had known, deep down, that Tess' feelings for him were a little more than just friends. But she had never pushed him for more than he was willing to give and he had always appreciated that. So it hadn't come as any surprise that when she'd figured out that he had feelings for you, she hadn't wanted any part of it. He was sure that it had hurt her more than she let on but you can't help who you love. And he didn't love her.

Save who you can save... And tell her the truth... Before it's too late.

He was sure though, as he turned to look at you and Ellie, that if he told you what you meant to him. You'd laugh in his face"

I owe him my life

That's the only reason you'd stuck around. The only reason you'd let him lose himself in you when he needed a distraction. You felt that you owed it to him. The truth of it stung more than he'd expected but he couldn't let it distract him from what he needed to do. Get Ellie to Bill and Franks.

That was his mission now.

It was a five-hour hike to Bill and Franks. Five hours and then you could have a shower and eat some of Bill's amazing food. But for now, Jerky would have to do. You were sat nibbling on your measly ration, and Ellie sat silently beside you.

"Where's Joel?" She asked having woken up to just you.

"Gone to freshen up down by the river." You stated and she gave you a slight nod before returning to her own meal.

A few bites in, you were overcome with the sudden urge to hurl and you managed to throw yourself sideways in time before you were emptying the contents of your stomach onto the forest floor.

"Whoa, you okay?" Asked Ellie as she looked at you in shock.

"Yeah." You replied as you shook your head weakly and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

'What's going on?" Joel asked as he appeared.

Wonderful You thought to yourself as you looked up at the man.

"Nothing." You replied meekly as you shook your head.

"She just hurled!" Ellie exclaimed and you cursed the teenager's honesty.

"Really?" Joel asked as he stepped closer to you, his brows drawing together in what appeared to be genuine concern.

"It's nothing." You waved off as you got to your feet "Probably about to start my..." You didn't finish your sentence. Didn't get a chance before a wave of dizziness washed over you and your knees gave out.

Ellie and Joel were quick to catch you but you didn't thank them. You shrugged them off before tossing the last of your jerky to Ellie and stalking away.

"Just got up to fast." You growled before making your way out of view so you could relieve yourself.

"She okay?" Ellie asked as she watched you disappear behind some trees.

"How should I know?" Joel grumbled and the teenagers scoffed.

"You can pretend that you don't give a shit but I can see that you do." She snapped, eyes boring into the side of Joel's head.

When she realised she wasn't going to get the reaction she wanted out of the man she dropped it. No point in fighting a losing battle.

"You want your jacket back?"

Nothing.

"I've never been in the woods." She said then, changing the subject completely "More bugs than I thought."

Still, the man said nothing. She knew he was probably upset about Tess but it wasn't your fault or hers. Yet he'd been nothing but cold towards you both since it happened.

"Look, I've been thinking about..."

"I don't want your sorries." He growled, still not looking at the teenager.

"I wasn't gonna say I'm sorry." She snapped back and this grabbed his attention "I was gonna say that I've been thinking about what happened.

Nobody made you, her or Tess take me." She said as she motioned in the direction you'd walked in "Nobody made you go along with this plan. You needed a truck battery or whatever and you made a choice." She paused a moment, staring him down "So don't blame me for something that isn't my fault." Joel nodded, his eyes dropping to the forest floor "And don't blame her either!"

"I don't blame her!" Joel defended and Ellie scoffed.

"Well, you've been a dick to her since we left the city."

"It's complicated." Joel grumbled and Ellie just rolled her eyes at his reply.

"Whatever."

An awkward silence fell over them both for a moment. Neither party knew what to say never so your return brought them both to sigh in relief.

"How much longer?" Ellie asked as she watched the man finish packing his supplies.

"Five-hour hike." He replied plainly and the teenager nodded.

"We can manage that." She replied before looking at you and smiling. "You've gone this way a lot?"

"Yeah." You replied, as you grabbed your own pack and slung it onto your back.

"No Infected?"

"Not often, no." You replied before looking over at Joel. "Let's get going."

You didn't wait to see if they were following. You silently trekked in the direction of Bill and Frank's. You didn't want to talk to either of them about the fact that you'd thrown up again. You didn't need to add to their burdens. Once you were at Bill and Frank's, you'd be able to rest, freshen up and lay all this to rest.

So you walked. You walked as fast as you knew Joel could handle with his bad knees. You tried to tune out Ellie's chatter but the girl was a chatterbox.

"How'd you get that scar on your head?" She asked Joel but he didn't answer, his eyes fixed on you as you walked ahead.

"What? Is it something lame?" The girl pushed "Like you fell down the stairs or something?"

"I didn't fall down any stairs." He grumbled finally and you smirked.

"Okay, so what then?"

"Someone shot at me and missed."

"See, that's cool." The teenager gushed as she glanced up at Joel "You shoot back?"

"Yeah."

"You get him?"

"No, I missed, too." He grumbled in reply and you almost turned your head to look back at him "It happens more often than you think."

"Cause you suck at shooting or, like, in general?"

"In general."

"You know, seeing as it's just the three of us, I was thinking I should pro-"

"No."

It amused you how persistent the child was when it came to having a gun of her own. You knew it wasn't unusual for kids to be curious about firearms but she was bordering on trigger-happy. You wondered if she had ever fired one outside of the FEDRA school shooting range. You hoped she'd never have to.

When the rest stop came into view you slowed your pace a little. Knowing that Joel would want to stop and restock his munitions.

"Hang back a minute." He said as he made his way over to the entrance of the derelict store "I gotta grab some stuff I stashed."

You stopped by the door, waiting for Joel and the teenager to catch up. You couldn't help the quirk of your lip at Joel's obvious misery at the child's constant chatter. He wasn't one for talking much. Only when he had a few drinks in him would he loosen up and hold a conversation with anyone. But even then, they were short.

"Stashed?" Ellie questioned as she looked up at the run-down building "Why do you have stuff stashed here?"

"You ask a lot of goddamn questions." He griped as he stepped past you and inside.

"Yes, I do." Ellie replied, smirking as she looked up at you "So, are you gonna answer me or what?"

"We hide supplies on routes." You piped up as your eyes scanned the room "In case we find ourselves short on gear..."

"Which I currently am 'cause-"

"No way!" Ellie squealed out as she ran across the store "You ever play this one?" She asked as she turned her head to look at you and you shoot your head "I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There's this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones." You grinned at her excitement.

Your eyes scanned the pilfered shelves as Ellie played around with the long-dead game. The frames, dirty and bare.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna take a look around, see if there's anything good." Ellie stated as she looked over at Joel and then at you.

"Trust me, it's all been picked over already." Joel grumbled as he kicked at the floor.

"Maybe, maybe not." Ellie shrugged as she made her way over to the back of the shop "Is there anything bad in here?" She called out as she looked through the dark doorway.

"Just you." Joel replied and you smirked as Ellie rolled her eyes at the man's reply.

"Getting funnier." She grumbled before stepping into the back.

"Where are you going?" He asked when he noticed you step away.

"Keep an eye on her." You replied with a shrug before slipping into the back.

Joel was right about the store being pillaged but there was still the odd item here or there. You shone your torch over the bare frames, hoping that you might find something of use.

"Check this out1" Ellie exclaimed and you turned to see her dropping down through a trap door on the floor.

"Ellie I don't think-" She disappeared before you got a chance to finish.

You turned your head and shone your torch down the remainder of the shelves, stopping in your tracks when it hit a familiar-looking box. You couldn't believe your eyes when you picked the item up to look at it better and without thinking you stuffed it in your pack.

"You all right back there?" Called out Joel and you turned to look back at the room you'd seen Ellie in a few minutes before, squinting when you noticed some movement at the trap door.

"Yep!" Ellie called and you smiled as you made your way towards the trap door, stopping when you saw that Joel had finally found what he was looking for.

"All there?" You asked as you stepped towards him and he nodded.

"Looks like." He replied "She being awful quiet all of a sudden." He said as he looked up at you and then at the door "Ellie?"

"She's fine." You said but he didn't listen to you, his brow pulling together the longer the girl didn't respond.

"Ellie!" He called out again but still, the girl didn't respond and suddenly you started to worry also.

Getting to his feet, Joel took a few ginger steps towards the doorway, ready for anything that could potentially come through it.

"Ellie?" He called out one more time and that's when the girl appeared.

"Picked over, my ass." She announced as she waved a box of tampons in his face and you smirked at her before looking back at him again.

"Told you she was okay."

Joel then finished swapping out the gun he had for the one he'd stashed and then, hid it all away again. A short while later you were walking again, dust kicking up behind you as you followed the dirt road to your destination.

"Holy shit." Expelled Ellie as she spotted a wrecked plain on the hillside "You fly in one of those?"

"Few times, sure." Replied Joel as he came to a stop at the girl's side.

"So lucky."

"Didn't feel like it at the time." Joel grumbled and you smirked, remembering your own experience of flying.

"Get shoved into a middle seat, pay 12 bucks for a sandwich."

"Don't forget the cramped ass toilets that always seemed to be occupied."

"Dudes, you got to go up in the sky." Ellie groaned.

"Yeah, well, so did they." Replied Joel grimly and your face fell.

Your walking on prompted the other two to follow. You zoned out the conversation when Ellie asked about how it all started, not wanting to be reminded of how one minute you were sleeping soundly in your bed and the next, you were being carried to the car so your family could flee the town you'd grown up in. The walk passed by more or less wordlessly on your part. Stopped only to look at the mass grave that sat at the side of the road, a sobering reminder of how the army had dealt with people they hadn't had space for.

You were an hour out when your stomach rolled again and you silently dashed for the treeline before emptying what was left of the contents of your stomach. Joel and Ellie watched wordlessly as you stumbled back out onto the road a few moments later but neither of them said a word and for that, you were glad. You didn't even want to think about what could possibly be wrong with you right now.

When the fence line came into view, you instantly knew something was up. The flowers outside of the house were dead. Frank would never have let them get to that state. The house looked desolate. It had always looked so lived in before and you shared a look with Joel, a silent conversation passing between the two of you as he stepped towards the gate.

Something was wrong.

"Stay there." He ordered as he inputted the code and entered the town, gun in hand.

You followed Joel with Ellie at your side. Heart in your throat as you studied the house closely. It all just felt wrong. The door squeaked open and you felt your heart leap into your throat as the empty house came into view.

"What the fuck?"

"Bill?" Called out Joel but he was met with silence "Frank?"

Still nothing.

"You stay there." He said to Ellie, before looking up at you "Ya hear anything, you see anything, yell."

"What if they're gone?"

You knew in your heart of hearts that the lack of presence from these two men was a bad omen. There was no way either of them had left this place.

You stepped studied the table and noted the rotten food that still sat there. Frank would die before leaving a mess. You stepped into the kitchen but you were greeted by nothing but the smell of rotten food. The smell was so strong that you ran for the sink, throwing up nothing but bile now.

"Ellie?" Called out Joel and you stepped back into the dining room to see the girl sitting there with a letter in hand.

Joel stood opposite her, a grim expression on his face.

"It's from Bill." She said as she picked up the envelope "To whomever, but probably Joel." She read before putting it back down again "I figured I fell under 'whomever'... Came with this." She said lifting up a car key.

"So they're dead?" He asked, his eyes darting up to you when you gasped at his question.

"You wanna?"

"Go ahead. You do it."

You stood there and listened as the girl read Bill's letter. Silent tears slipped down your cheeks as you started at the paper in her hands.

"I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep..." She trailed off, looking at Joel who then took the letter from her.

His shoulders tensed and you knew exactly what it said. You didn't need to read it to know.

"Stay here." Joel grumbled before stepping out.

"Should we go after him?" She asked you but you shook your head.

"No."

An hour later you were showering and washing the grime of the past two days from your skin. Joel managed to find some clothes for you all. Some jeans, a t-shirt and a flannel for you that now sat on the unit just outside. When you were done, your eyes fell on your pack, mind wandering to the item inside. You were sure you were just sick with stress but you wondered if perhaps it was something more sinister. Perhaps it was best to check.

You could hear Joel and Ellie as they pilfered the house for essentials. So you knew they wouldn't miss you for a little while longer.

You were sitting with Ellie when Joel emerged from upstairs, hair still wet from showering. His eyes raked over you a moment. Your knee bounced as you stared at your pack that lay on the table. You felt sick. Your stomach twisted in painful knots as you unconsciously picked at the skin around your thumbnail.

"Well, don't you look pretty." Ellie teased, pulling a smirk from you as you glanced up at him.

"Shut up." He grumbled, "Come on... time to go."

Ellie got up and skipped outside but you were slower to follow. Grabbing your pack, you threw it over your shoulder and started to make your way out, Joel stopping you when you reached him.

"You okay?" He asked and you nodded.

"Golden." You replied, giving him a smile that you knew was convincing no one.

Because the truth was you weren't okay... Far from it!

And you didn't know what you were going to do.

Next

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I watched this movie for the first time today, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to think about anything else for the foreseeable future.

Please watch it as soon as possible - La Belle et la Bête 2014.

♥️

Things that don't make you less of a writer:

-Writing dark topics/sad or tragic endings -Writing fanfiction -Writing a lot of projects at the same time or just focusing on a single one -Having difficulty naming things -Having difficulty writing dialogue or descriptions or action sequences -Having areas in writing that you find difficult -Only writing in a single genre -Only really covering one topic in your writing -Being scared to branch out of your comfort zone -Never wanting to publish -Being rejected by publishers -Not using clever word play in your writing -Having literal writing style -Writing slower than those around you -Being unable to finish any of your projects you start -Having to take long breaks even though you didn't write a lot -Getting exhausted by writing (it's not that you don't love it, it's just exhausting!)

There are so many more things I can add to this list. Literally every single habit of writers, I could add to this list. These are just some really big ones I've seen people get down on themselves about. So just remember: you are no less of a writer than those around you. Be proud, love your writing. You put the time and effort into it. No one has put the time you have into it, so you should love it more than anyone in the whole world.

Love your writing, no matter what kind of writing it is, no matter how diverse the subjects and genres are... it doesn't matter. YOU made it. You alone.

Daryl: If ya bite it n’ ya die, it's poisonous. If it bites ya and ya die, it's venomous.

Carl: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Enid: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Carl, learn to listen.

Glenn: What if it bites itself and I die?

Michonne: That's Voodoo.

Abraham: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Eugene: That's correlation, not causation.

Tara: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Y/N: That's kinky.

Daryl, throwing his hands up and walking away: Oh m’ god.

This was heartbreaking 💔

He’s so tender. I just want them to hold each other!

Look for the Light - 5

Masterlist

Summary: Four years ago, Joel saved you from certain death. In return, you followed him faithfully. Always ready to do and give him whatever he asked, despite the hurt it inflicted on you, body and soul. Agreeing to go with him to deliver Ellie to the Fireflies… this would be the last time you’d follow him… After this, your debt would be paid.

Relationships: Reader x Joel Miller, Joel Miller & Ellie, Reader & Ellie

Warnings: Like AO3, I choose to give none. Read at your own risk. 18+ (So excited to share this with you. So much to come folks! 🙊😍)

Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

You watched Joel from your seat beside the fire. The stone wall at your back does little to keep back the biting cold. You knew you must be close to where Tommy's last known location was and your mind started to wander as to what the plan was once you found him. Joel was so certain that his brother would lead them to the fireflies and yet believed that unlikely. The man had left them for a reason.

"You two ever going to speak again?" Ellie piped up, pulling your attention away from Joel.

"Ellie." You warned but the teenager scoffed.

"You two have barely spoken a word to each other since..." She trailed off, knowing the subject was still raw for you "You can't keep going on like this."

"I have his back when he needs it and he has mine... we don't need to speak to each other to achieve that."

"He's hurting too." Ellie pushed and you rolled your eyes at her "He is."

"Drop it, Ellie." You grumbled "Get some sleep. Early start ahead."

The teenager didn't push and you were glad of that. The two of you pulled out your blankets and settled down for the night, knowing Joel wouldn't allow either one of you to take the watch. Your eyes drifted to the man whose eyes scanned the darkened landscape, heart aching a little at the thought that he felt even a small semblance of pain to what had happened.

Little did you know, Joel was heartbroken. That day haunted his dreams and robbed him of his ability to sleep. Your tear-filled eyes and bloody hands were permanently seared into his memory, forever torturing him.

Joel fought to keep his tears at bay as he stripped away your soiled jeans. There was so much blood. He feared for your life if you lost much more. He knew that miscarriages could be dangerous when heavy bleeding was involved and this... this he felt fit those symptoms. Your skin was pale and your eyes looked sunken. Like you'd not slept in days and he supposed that to an extent, you probably hadn't.

"Is she losing the baby?" Ellie asked, her eyes wide as she watched the man throw the ruined garment away.

"Fetch me some water." He asked, knowing that the taps still worked in the abandoned motel.

"Joel-"

Just do as I ask Ellie." He snapped, voice wobbling a little as he looked at the teenager with an expression she found hard to read.

She didn't argue then. Rummaging through your pack, she grabbed one of the tins and ran to the bathroom, filling the vestibule with water before grabbing an old towel hanging beside the sink.

"Here." She said when she'd made her way back, handing the water and towel to Joel before sitting down on the bed beside you "You're okay." She said softly as she stroked the hair out of your face "Joel's gonna clean you up and then we'll move you to my bed so you can get some sleep."

"Ellie-" You choked but the girl just hushed you, cradling your head in her arms and pulling it to her chest.

Joel watched out of the corner of his eye whilst he worked to clean away the blood that painted your thighs. He was unable to stop his hands from shaking as he worked. His heart was breaking. Despite how he'd reacted when you'd told him the news, he had since come around to the idea that he was to have a baby with you.

He had started to picture what they would look like. He'd imagined another daughter. His curly brown hair and your eyes. He'd started to picture you, round with his child and how you'd glow. It was a picture that now had burned away. Disappearing in a puff of smoke. He knew you were never going to be the same after this.

And neither was he.

When he was done cleaning you up, he lifted you into his arms and carried you into the room Ellie had slept in that night. He was glad you'd fallen asleep or you would have seen the bodies of Henry and Sam still laying there.

Once you were settled in the bed, he went to work burying the boys. Needing some time away from the devastation inside. Ellie had gone in search of some clothes that might fit you. Your jean were beyond saving. He knew that eventually, he'd need to speak to you about what had happened but he would wait until you were ready.

However long that was.

"Here." Said Joel as he handed you a mug, coffee steaming within.

You nodded your thanks then returned to starting at the landscape beyond, bringing the mug to your lips so you could blow on its contents. Joel lingered a moment, looking at you longingly, praying that you would spare him at least one glance but you didn't. You just sipped your twenty-year-old coffee and paid him no heed.

You had barely spoken to him at all since leaving the motel two weeks ago. He didn't push you to speak to him. Your interactions with Ellie had remained the same but with him, they had ceased completely. He was in agony. The longer you froze him out, the more his heart cracked. He was sure that if this went on much longer it would shatter completely and he would surely bleed out.

You noticed him walk away from the corner of your eye and you breathed a sigh of relief at his retreat. You weren't sure what he wanted from you. He got what he wanted. The baby was gone. Did he expect you to want to talk about it? Join him in his relief? All you wanted to do now was achieve your mission so you could be rid of him. The reminder of what you lost.

"You gonna be pissed at him forever?" Ellie asked as she plonked herself next to you.

"Maybe." You replied curtly, eyes remaining fixed ahead.

"It's not his fault you know." She stated and this grabbed your attention "You losing the baby isn't his fault."

"That's not-"

"You can't blame him for what happened." Ellie pushed and you sighed "You'll need to talk to him eventually."

"I know." You grumbled, scrapping a hand over your face before sipping at the coffee Joel had made you "I will. I just... I need some time."

"Understandable." Ellie replied, giving you a warm smile "Just don't leave it too long."

It was later that night when Ellie had fallen asleep that you had decided to break your silence. Joel was perched on a fallen tree trunk, gun in hand as he scanned the woodland that surrounded you. You sat yourself down at the other end, not wanting to be too close to him, and then you spoke.

"I can take the watch tonight." You piped up, taking Joel by surprise "You could do with some sleep."

"It's fine, you go ahead." Joel replied, shaking his head at you "Don't sleep much these days anyway."

"Joel, you can't keep going on like this." You argued and this grabbed his attention "You have to let us help you."

"You know, that's might rich of you to say." Joel grumbled, turning his body to face you "Seein' as you don't seem to want to speak to me anymore."

"Joel-"

"I know you're hurtin' and I understand but-"

"Understand?" You spat, eyes growing wide in disbelief "How could you possibly understand this?"

"I lost a child once before... remember?" He said, his voice lowered in an attempt to keep this conversation out of Ellie's ears "I understand how much you're hurtin' but you have to let me in."

"You didn't even want it." You growled, eyes cold as you stared back at him "I bet you're relieved!"

"I'm not." He growled, his face hardening at your accusation "But we both know that it was probably for the best." He continued "What sort of life could we have offered them?"

"I would have loved them." You sobbed "Nurtured them. I would have given all I had to give them a good life but that opportunity was taken away from me."

Joel stared at you with wide eyes. His heart ached to tell you that he was just as heartbroken as you. That he had hoped, after delivering Ellie to the fireflies, you and he would find somewhere to settle to raise your baby together. Instead, he watched you as you cried, hand resting on where your child had once rested and he found himself unable to say anything. You scoffed at his lack of response, cementing your belief that he was relieved you had lost the baby.

Watching you walk away, sobbing, his heart broke all over again. He had lost you once and for all.

You admired the river that carved its path through the landscape on your right. The landscape was something you'd read about in the books that had survived the apocalypse.

"Look at that river. It's crazy blue." Said Ellie as she too admired the wilderness surrounding you all "Hey, Joel... what if this is the River of Death?"

This made you a Joel pause. The words of that couple echoed in your brain as you share a look with the older man.

"What's past the river?" Ellie had asked and she had replied

"Death."

Horses whinnying, made you jump from your skin and you grabbed your gun as Joel pushed Ellie back.

"Get behind me." Joel ordered, studying their mounted foes and coming to the conclusion that fighting them wasn't an option "We ain't lookin' for any trouble. We're just passin' through."

"Drop the guns." One of them ordered and both complied, raising your hands above your head once you had "You... take five steps back."

"How 'bout we just talk this through?" Joel said calmly, desperate to placate the situation.

"How 'bout you shut the fսck up?" The man spat and you flinched at his tone, heart thumping wildly in your chest.

"Okay, easy. You'll be okay."

"You been near Infected?" The man demanded and you scoffed.

"There's no Infected out here." You piped up and the group all looked at you.

"The hell there ain't." The man replied before whistling, a dog barking then it trotted into view "Last chance for a bullet. If you've been infected, he will smell it, and he will rip you up.

The dog sniffed at Joel's legs before moving on to you. The animal grunted when it was satisfied that neither of you was infected.

"Like I said... we'll just move on." Joel said as he looked from the dog to the man that owned it.

"Now her." He said, motioning at Ellie and Joel felt his heart start to race. Low growling echoed in his ears and yet he found himself glued to the spot. Unable to do anything but wait for what came next.

"Hi. Hi." She giggled, the dog licking her face and Joel turned to see the girl grinning at him.

The man whistled, pulling the dog back to his side and Joel felt his heart slow again. His eyes returned to the leader of the group.

"You just bought yourself 10 more seconds. What are you doin' out here?"

"I'm just lookin' for my brother. That's all, nothin' more." Joel replied, his expression almost pleading.

"Hо! What's your name?" Asked a woman, pulling down the fabric that covered her face.

"Joel."

"Get them on some horses."

"But-"

"Just do it." She ordered "They're coming with us."

You mounted the horse given to you, Ellie joining you on yours as Joel gets on his own. The three of you then followed the group for a short while. Not a word was shared between anyone until you reached a set of tall wooden gates, flanked on either side by a wall just as high.

The gates opened. Revealing a bustling town that looked like it had never been touched by the tragedy that had torn the world to shreds. It reminded you of where you'd grown up. Just on the border of Canada. The wooden buildings felt familiar to you and you felt safe for the first time in years. Children laughed around you. People sang Christmas carols as they gathered around a tree that stood proudly in the square.

"TOMMY!" Joel's shouting pulled your attention away from the town and you watched the man leap from his horse and sprint towards a man you recognised as Tommy.

He didn't appear to have aged since you'd seen him last, unlike Joel.

"What the fսck you doin' here?" He asked, pulling back from his embrace with his brother to look at him better.

"I came here to save you," Joel replied, the two brothers sharing a look before he pulled him into a hug again.

The sight stirred something you'd thought long dead.

Affection.

The three of you were then led to a canteen-like space where you were served a piping hot meal and the cleanest water you'd tasted in years. Then, after Joel scorned Ellie for her manners and you'd all learned that Tommy was now married to the woman who'd brought you to town. A woman who went by the name of Maria. She then proceeded to give you a tour of the town before Maria took Ellie to the house they'd allocated them and you and Joel went to the town bar to catch up.

You weren't sure why Tommy had insisted you come. You weren't family. You suspected he hoped it would soothe over the grilling he knew he was inevitably going to receive from Joel. You knew differently.

"Been a long time." Chuckled as he stroked the polished wooden bar.

"I've never been in a bar." You teased, surprised at how relaxed you now found yourself.

"Shut up." The brothers replied in unison, making you smirk at them.

"Doesn't seem like you aged much." Joel said as he returned his attention to his brother, watching as he poured you both a glass of amber liquid.

"You, on the other hand." Tommy said, winking at you before pushing the glasses towards you and Joel "Thanks for still givin' a shit about me." He toasted, smiling at Joel before sipping his drink.

Joel's mouth formed a pouty 'O' as he looked from the glass to his brother. A silent conversation passed between the two men.

"Workin' on raisin' some hogs, too. Once we get bacon, I mean, what's even left?"

"Pshoo." Joel laughed "Christmas trees and bacon? Pretty decent setup." Joel said as he stood and walked over to the fireplace across from the bar. Studying the pictures sat on the mantle.

"So, how's Tess?" Tommy asked as his gaze flitted between you and Joel.

"She's fine. All right." Joel replied, taking you by surprise so you opted to keep your mouth shut. The man knew what he was doing.

"Good then. And the kid?" Pushed and Joel once again answered before you had a chance to open your mouth.

"Oh, yeah. She’s the daughter of some Firefly muckety-muck... Try'na find her family somewhere out here. I was headin' in this direction, so..."

"Really? Goodness of your heart?" Tommy scoffed, his gaze drifting to you.

"There's a payment." You replied, watching as his eyes squinted at you. "So you know where they might be? These Fireflies?" You asked, taking a sip of your drink.

"Well, they got a base down at the University of Eastern Colorado. It's, uh, a week's ride south. But it is severely fսckеd up between here and there. Infected... raiders." Tommy stated, his gaze returning to his brother "It’s not exactly an easy trip."

"It’ll be easy for us, seeing as how you can headshot Infected from half a mile away, which is a bunch of bullshit, by the way." You chuckled at Joel's statement, remembering how good a shot Tommy had been back in the day.

"Yeah, I can’t go."

"Oh, come on." You chuckled, sure that Tommy was having you both on. "I made it across the country."

"The two of us can make it from here to Colorado." Joel pushed, brows pulled together as he studied his brother's boy language closely. "What, ’cause your wife won’t let you?"

"They’re good people." Tommy argued "They didn’t have to take me in, but they did. And all they ask is that I follow their rules."

"I’m your brother." Joel growled, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah, I’m aware." Tommy scoffed "They’re very protective of this place, and for good fuckin’ reason." The younger man continued, sipping his drink again "I mean, folks find out we’re up here…"

"No, we heard." Joel interrupted and Tommy sighed.

"Wrong people might show up."

"So is that what we are? Are we the wrong people?" He asked, motioning between you and him.

"Joel…"

"Those things I did, Tommy, those things that you judge me for, I did those things to keep us alive." Joel spat, edging closer to his sibling.

"We did those things." Tommy snarled "And they weren’t 'things.' We murdered people... And I don’t judge you for it." Tommy paused, letting out a sigh as he looked between you and Joel "We survived the only way we knew how. But there were other ways..." He trailed off "We just weren’t any good at ’em."

"If you knew the shit that we've been through... Tommy, tryin’ to find you these last few months…"

"I’m gonna be a father."

This news hit you like a freight train.

You saw Joel glance at you. Felt his eyes on you as you started down into your drink. Desperately trying to keep yourself together.

"Maria’s a few months along now." Tommy continued, smiling as he played with the glass in his hands "So I just gotta be more careful..." He paused, glancing at you and Joel "To be honest, I’m scared to death. But I don’t know. Uh… I feel like I’d be a good dad."

A pregnant pause hung over you all. Joel looked at you before returning his attention to his drink. Downing the last of it before speaking.

"Guess we’ll find out." He said as he poured himself a drink.

“I guess we’ll find out?" Tommy spat, angry at his brother's response "That’s all you got?"

"What else am I supposed to say?" The older man asked, looking at his brother who was now squared up to him.

"Just because life stopped for you… doesn’t mean it has to stop for me." Tommy snarled and you swear you could hear Joel's heart shatter.

With tearful eyes, he glanced at you before downing his drink and grabbing his coat.

"We’ll grab some supplies and be outta your hair in the mornin’."

You watched Joel leave. Tommy called after him before slamming his hand on the counter of the bar.

"We lost a baby." You said numbly, grabbing Tommy's attention.

"What?"

"Joel and I... We found out three months ago that I was pregnant." You replied, eyes locking with the man's as you continued "We lost it after escaping from Kansas City."

"Shit I'm-"

"I'm happy for you Tommy." You continued "But don't expect us to be jumping for joy."

You finished your drink and then grabbed your coat, wanting to be out of this place as soon as possible.

"I'm sorry you lost your baby." Tommy piped up, stopping you in your tracks "But life goes on. You can't live your life bitter because other people have what it is you want... It'll poison you."

You didn't reply. You simply left, your tears streaming by the time you stepped outside.

You managed to find the house Maria and Tommy had told you about. You'd decided to take a walk on your own for a few hours and before you'd realised, the sun had set and the town was now blanketed in the soft yellow light. Stepping inside you could hear talking coming from upstairs.

"I’m not her, you know?" Ellie said as you came to a stop outside her room "Maria told me about Sarah and…"

"Don’t." Joel warned, his voice low "Don’t say another word."

"I-I’m sorry about your daughter, Joel." Ellie pushed on, ignoring the man's warning "But I have lost people, too."

"You have no idea what loss is." Joel growled, his tone making you shiver.

"Everybody I have cared for has either died or left me." Ellie spat "Everybody, fucking except for you!" She yelled "So don’t tell me that I’d be safer with somebody else because the truth is I would just be more scared."

"You’re right." Joel piped up after a short pause "You’re not my daughter and I sure as hell ain’t your dad..." He paused a moment, and you wondered where he was going with this. Your question was soon answered.

"Now, come dawn… we’re goin’ our separate ways." You felt your blood boil.

You didn't even flinch when he opened the door to see you standing on the other side. The two of you then just glared at each other before you stormed off, leaving a frustrated Joel in your wake.

The words his brother had spoken to him less than an hour earlier after he'd pleaded for the man to take Ellie still swirled around in his head.

"I know you lost another child Joel... and for that Brother I am sorry but you can't keep shutting her out. I know you're grieving... Don't bottle it up."

Making his way downstairs, he placed himself down on the couch and threw his head into his hands. Memories of Sarah flashed in his mind. Of him decorating the tree with her. Making Christmas cookies to hand from its branches. Not that many made it onto the tree.

His mind then drifted to you. How he could have shared that with you one day. How he still wanted to. He knew he had to make things right with you.

He just wasn't sure how.

Next

Taglist form

I just started watching Buffy for the first time.

I’m really trying to decipher what it means that instead of an obsessive infatuation with Angel (cause, I mean, drool…) I somehow found myself here. Daydreaming about the mentor librarian.

I swear I don’t have daddy issues!

Hi me again! 👋🏻

I was wondering if you had time maybe to write a small fic (or one shot whatever you’re comfortable with) where the reader is Buffy’s cousin ( also library assistant or whatever you would like ) and the reader and Giles are in a secret relationship ( maybe smut?? ) and they’re navigating that and Buffy finds out and it’s this whole thing. If you’re busy I totally understand or if you just don’t want to, again it’s okay. I really do enjoy your work 🥰.

Not Unavailable, More Unimpressed

pairing(s): Giles x Summers!Reader

summary: what started out as a short term fling has gotten increasingly complicated when the reciprocity and sincerity of feelings is called into questions. pt.1 of ???

warnings: smut, fem!reader, drinking, hand job, a bit of breast worship, clothed grinding, riding, slight choking, age gap (Giles is in his mid to late 40's, reader is in her late 20s/ early 30s), reader has nipple piercings bc I said so and I think they are hot

an: This fic will contain smut so be warned. You are responsible for your own media consumption, read at your own risk.

The man at the bar was a mystery to you. He didn't quite fit into the bar atmosphere. He wasn't one of the barely legals or illegals who snuck in eager to drink, he wasn't one of the old guys who came to hit on the bottle girls, he didn't smell like a smoker or shoot whiskey like a drinker. He was also British, something that left an odd taste in your mouth.

You couldn't call yourself a regular here, more often than not you found yourself at the Bronze, purely per Buffy's request, which had okay enough booze and slightly better music. Here, some place clearly meant for an older crowd called Jack's, is where the older man sat. Alone, he sat at the far corner, sometimes looking longingly at the stage like he was a performer. He didn't look like a performer though.

He was older than you. He was greyed out and looked like he came from when TVs were still in sepia tones. He looked like Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird, like he was always a moment away from scolding someone. It didn't help that he always looked tired, like a lot of his age came from stress. If that was the case, it still didn't make sense as to why he chose a bar to be his spot to wind down.

It was loud. Not in the way that the Bronze was, a type of loud filled with life. A loud spurred by rowdy souls, people who couldn't let loose at home, so they came to one of the only shitty bars in the small town to drink a shitty beer and watch their favorite sports team lose. Not to mention the countless barely legals who got into fights with the bartenders after they failed to get their underage friends a drink. Jack's wasn't a place to have fun, it was the place to avoid doing something reckless during your midlife crisis. You were only there because of convenience, and after being there for a half hour were already beginning to get a migraine.

Job hunting was rough. When you moved to Sunnydale on behalf of your aunt, she offered to let you stay under her roof, but being a grown woman who got up to grown woman shenanigans, it would be more than distasteful to do it in Joyce's home. You were lucky enough that the housing market was great in the area, with all the supernatural happenings so one chose to move to Sunnydale, but that still didn't mean that a decent looking apartment wouldn't cost you a nice sum of money every month.

I could just work here, was your first thought. You were once a young college student also desperate for money, you had bartended, you could always go back if you lacked self-respect. You had a degree dammit, sure you didn't have a doctorate, but you shouldn't need one to get a nice quiet desk job. Neither option was all that fulfilling, but something told you that bartending in a town when demons just roamed the streets didn't seem like a great idea.

The mystery man looked like he had a nice job. Maybe a nice car. Possibly a nice house. He looked financially stable, and fuck was that hot. What did he do? What was there to do in Sunnydale? You could ask.

You looked at his hands to see if there was a ring or any indication that there was someone waiting for him wherever he came from. Maybe a picture of a kid, maybe a photo of a significant other. Nothing. Nothing.

You slinked over to the seat beside him, not meaning to make your presence immediately known yet he still looked up as he felt the heat of someone else beside him. His glasses perched low on his nose and his grey hair tussled. His eyes were green. He was pretty.

"Hello?" He looked at you confused. He took a moment to drink you in. Younger, gorgeous, clearly bold.

"Hello."

"Are you waiting for someone?" You shook your head.

"No. Are you?" and he'd be lying if he said he was.

☽✯☾

"You know, I don't do this often." He said between the rare breaths that were allowed in between suffocating kisses. Whatever he took up in his free time must've involved a great workout regimen. His hand sat comfortably at your neck, and you basked in the warmth that it provided in his cold apartment. His other held your cheek, his thumb mindless rubbing against it in a way that was hypnotizing. It almost had a numbing affect, your skin not being able to get past the feeling making your brain pause as he kissed your lips.

He tasted like fine wine. He smelled like old books. You half expected him to quote a classic at you, you didn't know him well enough to gauge if he was the type. His tongue contradicted his previous statement. These weren't the kisses of a man out of practice, that or he did it so much in his youth it was impossible to forget. Something like riding a bike.

"For a man who doesn't do this often, you're mighty good at it." He smirked; you could feel it against your lips. You wished you could see it, but he had the lights in his bedroom turned low and you weren't sure you wanted to open your eyes in the fear that you were dreaming. It was warm, he was so warm. So warm it was noticeable when his lips left yours and moved to your neck, hovering under your ears. His breath fanning against your neck was enough to send shivers down your spine.

"You haven't even seen how good I am, darling." The pet name alone made you weak in the knees, but you would be damned if you swooned at someone called you darling. Granted, you couldn't help how your mouth went dry or how your pussy clenched at nothing, but he didn't need to know that. He was going to find out, but he can find out later when your lust ridden brain stopped listening to reason and pride.

"Show me, then."

He dipped his head to kiss you, grabbing a fistful of your hair to tip your head back and you let him, grabbing on to his broad shoulders to stabilize yourself. You were pressed between the wall and him, pressing him even closer as you fisted his shirt to pull him closer, but he was hesitant to oblige. He was teasing, you could tell by the way he smiled into your kisses, pulling away like he needed air while you chased after his lips.

"You having issues breathing, old man?" The hand at your neck squeezed, not enough to choke you but enough to make your head even dizzier. His other hand travelled to any piece of skin he could get his hands on. Feather light, his fingers ran across your arms, then your collarbones, before knocking the straps of your dress off your shoulder. His kisses moved slow, his tongue damn near like languid waves that you were somehow managing to drown in.

Still, you chased after him, and still, he ran. His lips ran to the corner of your mouth, to the skin of your neck his hand didn't engulf, to where your strap lay useless. His kisses scorched your otherwise cold skin, his mouth sucking hickeys and then immediately soothing them.

He was so soft. Soft in how his hands found the back of your dress, soft in how his eyes looked into yours, asking permission without even saying a word, soft like the way the fabric slipped of your body and onto the floor. Soft like the bed he laid you on. Even soft in the way he continued to tease you, his knee meeting the crotch of your panties and him meticulously unsnapping your bra as if you couldn't tell he knew how to do it.

He then paused for a minute, finally coming across something he hadn't experienced before. His fingers took the ball of cool metal between his fingers, and you moaned at how it pulled ever so slightly at your nipple.

"What are these?" You chuckled.

"I got 'em pierced ages ago. Drunk night out with a few friends my senior year." He continued to play with the metal ball, well aware of how you keened and ground yourself into his knee.

"So, I can play with them." Fuck. It was how he said it. Like a nerd you might've messed around with in school because he was a good tutor but also because he had that nerdy charm to him. Like playing with your body was a game of Operations he had been so eager to play and was determined to get good at. It was easy to imagine Giles like that, fogged up glasses, eyes concentrated and focused on figuring out what buttons to press to get a prize. There was the curiosity in his lust-blown eyes, and in your lust addled brain you were fine with being his toy.

"Please do." He didn't need to be told twice. Avid learner he was, he went in, his large hands easily covering your breasts. His fingers pulled at the bars, drawing whimpers out of you the more he prodded. It wasn't too rough, Giles was too soft to ever be truly rough, but the feeling of his gaze, your clothed pussy rubbing against his soft slacks, and his large hands over your chest was getting a bit much. And he hadn't even put his mouth on you yet.

It didn't take long for him to realize the feeling of your pierced tits in his mouth was one of the best things he's felt, and it felt even better for you. A wet patch had long since been growing and he certainly felt it too, it egged him on. He wasn't even in you, he hadn't even tasted you, and you were almost there. You were so close.

You grabbed at anything you could, his shirt, his sheets, his hands that held yours as you rocked yourself onto his knee until you saw stars. Then he grabbed your face and swallowed your moans as he kissed and kissed you until you came down. A moment of clarity hit you, and you pulled on his shirt. "Off." you told him simply, and he obliged. You smashed your lips into his, peeling off button after button until the shirt was thrown to the side and his undershirt beneath was discarded with even less care.

"Issues with patience, darling?" You shook your head.

"Not fair I'm practically naked and you were fully clothed." His retort was cut off by your lips as you sat up to meet him, his hands absent-mindedly finding your breasts and yours finding his belt and making quick work of it before he even realized what was happening. You kissed him through it, anyway, still chasing after him as he pulled away to curse at the feeling of your hand around his dick.

"Gods." he muttered, words tumbling out clumsily as you rubbed the tip of his cock. He never had the control to pull away fast enough for an adequate breather, just a second to get a breath out and pray. You were flattered. His hand seemed like it wanted to swat you away, but it didn't have the strength to betray his brain like that. It felt good. Too good. So good he couldn't even think, and Giles never stopping thinking and now he was drawing blanks. He was sure you had mocked him once or twice, which went through one ear and out the other.

He caught himself thrusting into your hand before he caught himself, grabbing your wrist. "Hang on." He choked out, but you didn't listen. Your hand moved up and down his shaft terribly slow, and it was almost worse. Watching you spit on your hand and collect pre-cum from his tip and spread it like some sick simulation of what it would be like to be in you, and yet he couldn't help but watch his hand completely cover yours as you pumped him. Don't cum yet.

"I said hang on." His breath was ragged and his voice was deep. This time he meant it. "There are condoms in the top left drawer. Take one out for me, love." And you did as such. Did it with so much assurance that you slid it on without him even needing to ask you. Slid your panties off and sank down so fast neither one of you was ready.

You both sat there a moment, feeling your nerve endings tingle and burn, like you were both on fire. But you were on fire together. Like you could feel every atom in your body, like it had all been reduced to nothing but water, you were both feeling everything and anything yet absolutely nothing at the same time. So much feeling any nuance got lost in the moment. Just being there, breaths away, with a complete stranger you were sleeping with because he was pretty and looked financially stable.

You kissed him, a real kiss. Spontaneous. One with a feeling neither one of you could decipher and both assumed meant nothing. You rode it out until you had both exhausted each other, you falling on top of him and him catching you.

"Would you like to use my shower before you go? Did you need a ride home?" You cheesed to yourself. And they say chivalry is dead.

"Yeah, that would be nice." You had already rolled out of his bed in search of your dress and waiting for feeling to return to your legs. "I never got your name."

"Giles. Rupert Giles." You giggled as you shook of your dress after picking it up from the floor. Sounds about right.

"And what do you do for a living, Mr. Giles."

"Do these things typically end in interviews?" He made no effort to get out of his bed, he even had the decency to turn away while you get dressed as if he wasn't just balls deep in you.

"No, but I am new to town and would like to not be broke."

"I'm a librarian." Of course, you are. "Have you any interest in literature?" You did. You were a nerd. You had tried convincing yourself you weren't for years, but you majored in philosophy and minored in classic literature; and no one likes philosophy majors.

"I dabble a bit. Got a degree from all the reading I did if that counts." He looked at you like he knew you were trying to make yourself sound cooler. Nerd calls to nerd.

"Well, plenty of places are always hiring. The turnover rate is quite atrocious here." And even new to town, you believed it.

"I just might."

☽✯☾

You did end applying, you even ended up getting the job. Apparently, your little cousin's high school was in desperate need of a library assistant. You also had the pleasure of freezing when you saw Giles again and watching your little cousin greet her favorite teacher.

It was almost worth it for the look on his face, though.

The End Will Justify It All

a/n - Season 7 of TWD, Negan is just... he's so bad but so good. I have a small series in mind to follow this one, but it's a loosely formed plan…more like the whisper of a plan. Trying out third person POV for a y/n story. It might be a stinker. Feedback is welcome!

warnings - gore and death, a little innuendo, some language, Season 7 spoilers

Relationship is Daryl x female reader, y/n

“Wait!” she shouted, as she lunged herself forward and fell at Negan’s feet, halting him in his steps. “Please… take me with you.” She could feel the atmosphere change. Shock tensing the air. She could feel her friends’ confusion behind her. She could barely register any of it, though, the way her mind was racing.

The plan was barely formed, a shadow searching for shape in the back of her mind, but she pushed it away. She would have to work that out later. There was only one objective right now - stay with Daryl. It was now or never, as Negan left them with instructions for the first offering in a week. She’d barely managed to stop him before he walked to his vehicle.

“He’s mine now.” Negan’s claim on Daryl was ringing in her ears, fueling her. Her Daryl, not his. She would not let this maniac have him. Would not let him cut Daryl up. She would not lose him, not without giving her last breath fighting for him. For all of them.

Everything that had happened was on a constant slideshow loop, flashing through her mind, in sharp, horrible detail. The thump of the first blow of the barbed wire wrapped bat and Abraham’s ginger hair turning a morbid shade of red. Glenn’s eye, then his guttural promise to Maggie. Rick’s strong defiance exuding from him as he swore to Negan he would kill him. His posture now, bent and broken, no trace of that promise left in him. Daryl being dragged off and thrown in that van like a captured animal.

Her knees were stiff and aching. They had been pushed into the gravel for the last several hours, supporting her full bodyweight on the sharp rocks. As the images played again in her head, and the weight of Negan’s words sank deeper into her, she couldn’t think of an alternative – or not one she could live with, anyway. She pushed through the pain, willing her body to move, and sat back on her heels to look up at Negan with pleading eyes.

“What is this?” Negan chuckled as he peered down at her, his bloody bat hanging near her ear, filling her nose with a nauseating metallic tang.  “Have you been here the whole time? Has she been here the whole time?” He directed the second ask to his men. He got amused smiles and shrugs in return.

He looked back to her, eyes beaming with something she couldn’t quite name, but recognized its malicious nature. “Why exactly would you want to leave your band of merry men and come with me?” He asked, as he swept that damn bat in the direction of the half circle of her people.

“I – I can’t go back with them,” she stuttered out, bracing herself as she prepared her explanation. It was going hurt. He raised his brows in question at her words. “I didn’t see it before but now I see how weak Rick is. I thought he was someone who could protect his people, but… after this,” she gestured to the two messes on the ground where her friends' heads should be.

“I can’t follow him back.” She let her mind picture every man that had ever let her down before, every person who had been too weak to protect her, or to even try.  Her father in the old world. Her fiancé as the chaos descended. The “friends” she’d made in the months following, before she’d found Rick’s group. All their memories making her stomach turn and filling her eyes with rage and disgust.

“Anyone who can bring him to his knees like this, break him like he is broken now… and inspire this kind of loyalty…” she tilted her head in the direction of the large group of Saviors around them, “that is a person I can follow.”  Awe, and a bit of intrigue, was the look she forced on her face as she met his stare again, trying to shut out the knowledge that the people she loved had heard every brutal word.

Negan’s eyes raked her from head to toe, taking in every inch of her with an animalistic gleam. She was wearing what she referred to as her tactical leggings, a skin-tight pair of pants with enough pockets to carry any knives she’d need outside the walls (and space for condoms if she was with Daryl), a belt that made the pants perfect for tucking in handguns, and they were thick enough to keep her warm in the early fall weather. She couldn’t deny her favorite feature was that they made her ass look fantastic.  “Ya can’t wear them pants,” Daryl had once told her while they were preparing for a run together, “when ya wear ‘em the only place I can look is at your ass. ‘at’ll get me killed.” She wore them anyway. He never complained. She’d put them on when she left this morning with Michonne, Glenn, and Rosita to track Daryl, hoping they’d be an asset in persuading him to give up the hunt for Dwight. The fitted long sleeve shirt she wore - made of a sweat-licking material for athletes in the old world - clung to her form in a way that didn’t leave much to the imagination. Her curves had filled out a bit in the last month, now that she was eating three square meals a day, softening the harsh angles that months of traveling and near starvation on the road had given her. She wasn’t a vain person, but as Negan worked her over with his eyes, she knew he’d like what he saw.

“I’m willing to… pay for my admittance,” she said with enough emphasis on the word pay to convey her meaning, but she threw a suggestive glance at his belt as she bit her bottom lip to make her offer clear. She fought back the bile creeping up her throat as her brain worked out what this implication might bring later. She knew it wouldn’t matter, that she would do anything to keep Daryl alive. This world needed him. Their family needed him, especially with what was lost today. It would be a small sacrifice in comparison, and one she wouldn’t think twice about if that’s what it came to.

Negan searched her face as he contemplated. “You hear that, Rick?” he asked, throwing a cocky smirk at the exhausted man in the gravel, “This – what’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Y/n”

“Y/n wants to know what a strong leader looks like. I think I’m gonna show her.”

A couple of Saviors took her by the arms and half walked, half dragged her to the double doors of the van that now caged the man she loved.

“Now you can’t leave ‘em all without saying goodbye, can you, sweetheart?” Negan heckled from behind her. She half-turned to look back, sweeping across the faces of the group before reaching Rick’s. Fury. That’s what she read on each of them. Fury, hatred, rage, a twinge of heartbreak as she met Carl’s glower. She found Rick’s eyes, and had to stifle her surprise. In them she did not see so much as a hint of the anger she expected. Instead, in his bright blue gaze, she saw understanding. He nodded at her, and she gave the most subtle dip of her chin in return. Then she narrowed her eyes, and turned, climbing into the van without another word.  

¨ ¨

The Saviors had been gone for maybe three minutes, but it felt like thirty. Everyone sat in silence, still on their knees on the hard ground, processing the horrendous events of the night. Sasha broke the silence. “What the fuck?” she breathed out. “Y/n?” 

Rick turned to look at her. “It’s okay.”

“What do you mean, it’s okay?” Michonne asked, indignant.

"She's with us," he replied calmly. "She's gonna bring Daryl back."