Definitely Divergent... Gosh I Am Dangerooooous!!! I Should Jump Off A Roof :P

He ran to her! HE RAN TO HER! I CANNOT HANDLE MEN WHO RUN TO THEIR LADY TO KISS THEM! YOU DON'T DO THAT TO ME!!!!!!

Alina Starkov & The Darkling Show Me Who You Are | Shadow and Bone

oh Chat~

GUYSSSSS, my awesome French-speaking friend @ruusian was kind enough to translate the elevator scene from episode 14 for me (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU), so I thought I’d share it with you guys. I edited the translation to make it sound a little more natural, so any translation errors are totally on me! 

ps @hchano NOW YOU KNOW.

GRi moments when Jiyong sings That XX and Seungri clings to him, then soon after, they’re holding hands +Jiyong’s reaction after that, look at that smile

I've read the books too many times now, so I thought I was ready for everything on this show, but boy was I wrooooong!

This right here, this! I was not ready for this and it slapped me like a little bitch! It hurts!

All of it.

HIMYM is my ultimate comfort series, so I know the episode that this came from by heaaaart as it is one of my favorite episode. Thank you so much for the inspiration ❤️ In this AU, Baghra did not warn Alina of the darkling, she just lets him do whatever, then here as well Mal moved into the Little Palace as part of the amplifier tracking team then reconciled with Alina and they became a couple. The Darkling’s plan involves having the amplifiers complete before he has his true intentions known. So they have been living in Os Alta for a few years from the first book, Shadow and Bone. Enjoy! :) 

Disclaimer: Some quite graphic scenes here, and a bit Mature as well. Very very angsty.

"Does this mean anything to you?" She asked.

"Yes. Of course, it did." The Darkling answered.

A solemn look passed on to her face.

"Alina. Talk to me."

"Mal." He did not know that the blow would hurt like that. "He is the kindest and nicest person. I can't believe I just did this to him. I am a horrible person”

“Alina.” He did not know what to say. It was true. It was indeed a bit horrible that they did that. Everything passed by quickly last night. At first, they were just talking, as they took a break from finalizing their performance, then the next they were in his room, blazing with fire, urgently all over each other, then one thing led to another, ending up with them waking up next to each other naked under the sheets.  

“I’m sorry.” That was all he can say for now. He did not know if he really meant it.  

She stood up, wrapping the sheets around her body as she picked up her clothes on the floor.  

“This never happened. We are not talking about this.” said Alina.

“Are you going to tell Mal?”  

“I...” she hesitated, then looked worriedly at him. “I... don’t know. I should, shouldn’t I?”

Aleksander sat up, leaning his back on the headboard of the bed. “Why are you asking me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

Alina made a frustrated noise, then proceeded with putting on her clothes.  

“Please, it’s not like I am the only who took pleasure in this, Alina.”

She stopped midway on clasping her blue kefta, then looked at him furiously. “This is a mistake. This should never happen again.”  

“Should?”

“Aleksander.”  

He raised both of his palms up as a form of surrender, but his lips quirked a grin upon hearing his name uttered by her. He remembered telling it to her last night on the heat of the moment.

“This. Never happened. We will perform at the fete like this never happened, then I will be by my boyfriend’s side the whole night after that.”

“If you say so.”

Alina looked at him like she was still about to say something, but refrained herself to. With knot on her forehead, she stormed out of his room.  

This night indeed was going to be very interesting.  

Alina was glad that they were able to wake up before anybody else in the Little Palace. She was glad that Mal was asked to be an additional security in the Grand Palace for the festivities.  

When she reached her room, she hurriedly locked it and threw herself on her bed with all of her clothes on. Her room was cold, quite noticeable that she was not in here last night. She did not care. Her mind raced through the events that transpired last night.  

It was an unusual night. She remembered enjoying the company of the Darkling, being comfortable talking to him, him telling her his real name. She has never expected that kind of comfort with him. He always usually looked cool and collected, but last night, for the first time she saw him laugh. Genuinely laugh, not like the ominous and clipped laugh that he had, making you think if he is planning your demise behind that laugh.  

She has always felt drawn towards him. Before Mal moved into the Little Palace to become part of the team tracking her amplifiers, for a moment before that she felt an indescribable want to be with him. That was until Mal have confessed his feelings towards her, then they became a couple. The Darkling might not explicitly mention it, but his disdain towards her choice was apparent, still he respected it.  

Except for last night, when she kissed him. He was intoxicatingly close to her, he smelled like the crisp winter night. He was laughing at what she said, his head leaning on to back rest of the sofa in his common area. She did not know what came on to her, when she dipped her head and kissed him.  

He was surprised but he was quick to respond to her kiss. No one attempted to sever the connection, no one dared to stop.  

Shame surged through her whole body. She grabbed her blankets and buried herself under it. She did not bother removing her dirty boots, she just wanted to be enveloped by the darkness for now.  

She was woken up by the urgent knocking on her door.  

“Alina. Are you there?” It was Genya, still knocking at the door as she spoke.

She threw the sheets away from her and was startled with the sunlight entering her room. Still rubbing her eyes from the sleep, she dragged herself to open the door.

“What happened to you?” said Genya as she entered her room.  

She felt terrible so of course it was apt that she looked horrible.

“Also, why is your room so cold?” She headed towards the fireplace and lit it for her.  

She just sat on her bed quietly, not knowing what to say either. She wanted to tell Genya, but she also had to tell Mal if that was the case.  

“What time is it?” She just asked her.  

“It’s after noon now.” Said Genya as she stood up and came to site beside her on her bed. “You missed breakfast. I figured you slept in, since you were out late last night preparing for today. Then I became worried when I did not see you downstairs for lunch.” She eyed her rumpled kefta. “I guess I was right to be worried. I asked some servants to bring you lunch here, so that we can immediately start preparing you for tonight.”  

She just nodded to agree.

“Is something wrong Alina.” Now Genya sounds extremely worried. This was her chance to tell her. She trusts her with everything, for years now she has been her confidant. So why does it seem like she is unable to tell her this. Was it shame?  

“I am just spent.” She opted to say to her, which was not entirely false.  

Genya paused, looking at her face, trying to figure out if she is going to ask more. “All right.” She just said to her.  

Of course she knew that she was keeping something, but she was thankful that she did not press further. It was a horrible feeling keeping this from her, not being able to ask for her comforting advices, but she knew she had to do something first. She had to tell Mal.  

The ballroom was full of people. He despises it, but he knew it was necessary. The Etherialkis are now preparing for their presentation. Blue keftas, differing from the color of their embroideries are organizing on the stage. The orchestra is now tuning their instruments.

He caught a glimpse of her walking towards the back of the stage. Her presence has always illicit murmurs from the crowd, most especially now that a gathering for her sainthood have grown larger over the years. A living saint. He wondered what her congregation would think of her if they knew how she shouted his name, urging him to ravish her, settling him to a brink of insanity.  

He headed towards her direction, finding her alone in the dark. Genya outdid herself this time. Her brown hair was extravagantly pulled up, gathering at her nape, perfectly showing off her amplifier collar. His eyes landed on the sensitive spot on her neck, a memory came into his mind of the sweet taste of that crevice, and a moan from Alina.  

She turned around, cutting him off from his reverie.

The Etherialkis are now being introduced on stage, then the music started.

“Are you ready?” He said as he approached her.  

She visibly gulped and just nodded. She was distracted, looking and searching the crowd.  

“He is stationed at the gates.”  

She looked at him. “I need to tell him.”  

Surprised by her decision, he said. “You think that is a good idea because?”

“He trusts me, I did him wrong, he has the right to know.”  

“The right to know? You also know that there is a possibility that he will leave you if you told him.”

She looked away, now watching the Grishas on the stage.

“I know.” She said, that made the Darkling raise his eyebrow.  

“Why does it feels like that you want him to leave you?”  

“That is absurd. Why would I want that.” She said defensively.

“You are intentionally deciding to sabotage your relationship, Alina. Why else are you telling me that you will tell him about what happened to us?”

She abruptly face him, fury on her face. “It’s about trust.”

“That you have broken.” He reached out to cup her cheeks, it was red and it was warm. “Admit it, Alina. You wanted me and you still want me now. I have given to you everything that your otkazat’sya can’t. I will never look away from your light, from your brightness, from your power. You knew that and you want that.”

“You do not know what I want.”

“I do. I can see it in your eyes, I can feel it in your touch, and I can hear it your voice. You may not shout it, but it was there. Last night, you have let yourself go, remember on how that felt good?” He smiled as the fury from her face was replaced with confusion. She was thinking about it, and it made her blush even more. He moved closer to her.

“No matter what we do, we will always be connected Alina. I tried my best and now I am just tired to pretending of not wanting you. We can stop pretending now. I want to want you as much as I can.”

Her eyes became soft, and her lips parted. She was looking at his lips as well, and as he was about to bow to meet her lips, an applause roared in the ballroom.  

She quickly stepped away from him and stood by his side to make way for the Grisha leaving the stage.

It was now their turn. They took on the stage. They were introduced then the music started. He opened his arms, letting the room be engulfed by the shadow in waves, shadows dancing above the head of the guests like water. When it reached the other end of the ballroom, everything was pitch black.  

“I will tell Mal by midnight.” Alina suddenly whispered to him.  

Then one by one small twinkling lights suspended in the air appeared, giving a soft light to illuminate the awe of the audience. The room looked like a night sky full of stars.

He looked at her. She was looking in front of her, focusing on their creations.  

“Can I expect you to come to me afterwards?”  

She nodded, still not looking at him.

The shadows and stars swirled around the center of the room. The shadow engulfing the stars with it, until a sphere of shadow was in the center of the room. Slowly the shadow was peeling away from the sphere, dispersing around the room, little by little it revealed a ball of light it have covered. With some shadows still dancing around it, and a pale light emitting from it, it looked like a moon. Then with a wave from Alina’s arm, the pale light was replaced by a searing bright light that was immediately spread to the whole room from the ceiling. The ballroom basked under a sunlight in the likes of a summer day, a comfortable warmth and delight was seen from the audience’s faces as they gave them their applause.  

“One does not shine without the darkness.” He heard her whisper.  

He was restless. He was never restless. A few more minutes until midnight. He was waiting for her in the war room. He tried sitting down, but he was buzzing with an energy he can’t quite comprehend. He was pacing the floor.  

He cannot believe that finally his patience paid off. He has been patient with her over the years. He was bidding his time to complete the amplifiers before truly trying to gain her loyalty. He knew he needed her loyalty; he knew that he had to earn her trust, and he was successful in doing so over the years.  

There was just one thing that he did not anticipate, the pull that she seemed to have on him. He regretted bringing in the tracker in Os Alta, but he was the one who found the first amplifier for them, and he knew once they have set out to find the second one, he is the one who will be able to find it.  

He had to endure his presence until all of the amplifiers were complete. He had to endure seeing Alina in his arms, when all he wanted to do was rip them away from his shoulders so that he may never wrap them around hers. He needed to be in their good graces until he can get what he wanted.  

The tracker might leave the palace.

An annoying thought found him, and he knew it to be something that might happen. But he did not care for it anymore. He just wanted Alina. He just wanted to kiss her again, to touch her again and be in her embrace.

Suddenly there was an urgent knock in the door.  

“Moi soverennyi.” It was Ivan.  

“Ivan, did I not instruct everyone to leave me alone for tonight?” he said annoyed.

“Moi soverennyi. It’s...” Ivan repeated. He stood up straight feeling the tense on Ivan’s voice, he seemed scared to say what he wanted to say.

“Come in.”

Ivan entered the room, his red kefta and hands stained with blood.

“What happened?” he asked, scared of what he was about to say.

“It’s Alina.” He was struck on his place, afraid of what he might say next.

“She was stabbed. There was an assassin in the palace grounds.”

“Who was it.” He heard himself say, anger bubbling up inside him, worry for Alina was mixed in with the fury on whoever dared to do this, and he was going to strike them piece by piece until there was nothing left of whoever did this.

“It was one of the Apparat’s priestguards.”

He gripped the edge of the table in front of him, aware of the shadow spilling from his hands and feet. He knew that the Apparat have tried to take Alina to be on his side. With her sainthood’s popularity growing more and more every day, he knew that it was an opportunity for him to take advantage of the naiveté of its followers for his own gain, but Alina, stubborn as ever, refused to support the Apparat’s cause, she found it to be vain. The only way now for the Apparat gain the sun saint’s followers was to stage her martyrdom, and now he really dared to do it even if he knew it would incur his wrath, and his wrath he shall receive.

“Bring him to me. Bring the Apparat as well.”  

Ivan left immediately, then he also made his way out. As he reached the grounds, he noticed the party in the grand palace was still continuing and he despised everyone in the room for it. Their saint was dying and he cannot stand the people in that room continuing on to their debauchery. He wanted to snuff the light out of the ballroom, cut them all up, but he knew that it was of no use. His rage had to be directed somewhere, to someone that deserved it.  

He saw Ivan along with some of his oprinchinkis and corporalnik dragging a frail man, hands covered with blood. Alina’s blood. It made him furious. He had the audacity to spill an important blood, now he will saw his petty and unimportant blood spill right before his eyes.  

Behind him the Apparat was dragged along, he was still trying to fight the grips of the grisha beside him, even if he knew that it would no use. He was spouting nonsense and threats at them, but the corporalnik did not faze.  

“There is no use on trying to slip away.” He said when they have reached him.  

“The King will hear about this.” the Apparat said, but he just laughed at him.

“Oh, I do intend to let him know. Was he behind this as well? Did he asked for Alina to be killed?”

“No. He had no part on this.”

He reached his hand out to the priestguard, his shadows swirling around his neck, until it brought him higher, his eyes widened with fear as he looked at him choking by his shadows.  

“Tell me if this is true.”  

“It is.” he managed to croak out.

“Tell me again. Does the King have a part to kill Alina?”

“No, he does not. It was the Apparat’s plan for the longest time. He also asked me to keep it from the royals.” he said desperately. “Please.”

He was disgusted on his pleading. He had no right to plead for his life when he willingly took Alina’s. He turned his palm up then closed him hands, choking him tighter. The priestguard writhed, his legs flailing above ground, as he tried scratching the shadows on his neck, but it was of no use. His choke on him grew tighter and tighter until he stopped moving. His limp body hung, lifeless and pale. He lets go of him and watched him fall carelessly on the ground.  

Suddenly Genya was running towards them, her eyes bloodshot and face tear stained. He saw the priestguard’s corpse on the floor, there was a quick shock and concern that passed on her face, then an anger, when she saw the blood-soaked hands.  

“Was he...?” Genya asked.

He just nodded.

“It’s Alina. She’s asking for you.”

“Bring him.” He instructed the corporalnik holding the Apparat, then they rushed to the infirmary.

When they arrived, she was in bed lying on the corner of the room, still wearing her black kefta. The tracker was beside her, his hand holding on to hers. When he saw him, he stood up and without a word left her bedside. He quickly came to her side.  

“Aleksander.” she breathed out, visibly struggling.

“Save your breath, love. You need to live. I need you.”

She reached her hands out to him, and he quickly caught it, their hands intertwining.  

He looked up searching for Genya. “Do something! Save her! You have to save her.”  

Genya was crying again, tears streamed from her eyes to her cheeks. “We did our best, the wound was too deep in her heart, the knife was also poisoned.”  

“Aleksander.” Alina said again, more like a whisper this time.

“No. No. No. Don’t let me be alone Alina. I have waited for you for too long. I cannot just lose you now.”

Her other hand reached to wrap the other side of his hand. “Aleksander. I will be always be with you.”  

He felt something tugging inside him, reaching out, he met it, suddenly power surged through him. His eyes widened.

“Alina, no. What are you doing?”  

She smiled, even though it pained her. “I am yours. My power is yours.”

She continued to push her power to him. He was drowning in it as it pools all over him, getting stronger and stronger, until there was none. There was none left on her. She gave him his powers.  

Alina has her eyes closed now, and her breathing was labored. He places her other hand on her cheek, and felt her slowly fade away, slowly get away from his grasp, until she exhaled her final breath.  

It played slowly on his head syncing with the feeling of his heart dropping in his chest.

He can hear the clock ticking, it ticked three time before it stopped for him. The room went still. Sometimes hours can feel like minutes and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime. For Aleksander, the second that would never end, was this one.

“Sankta Alina. Her martyrdom is now complete.” The Apparat shouted. He looked at him feeling his hands buzzing with his new found powers. He swept his arms up. Using the Cut on him with flash of searing light.  

His balance now gone, there was nothing left to do but to tip everything over.

Thank you for reading! I know it’s a bit dark. It’s actually a first for me writing something like this. I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you!

Sometimes hours can feel like minutes and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime. For Aleksander, the second that would never end, was this one.

this is definitely heaven for me 

one of my fave actor and my one of my fave rapper

in a one movie totally heaven!!!

This song has been out only a few days, but it have really helped me a lot. Whenever I am alone, I used to think a lot of what has happened to me the past month and how depressed and hurt I was then up until now. So now, when that happens I would start humming to this and sing it on my mind. It would happen that I forgot the melody so I would either play the song or recite the lyrics until I am singing it out loud. then I’ll take a deep breath and suddenly I feel much lighter and composed. Whenever I feel depressed or when anxiety kicks in, this episode would come into my mind, and it reminds me that it’s fine to think about it and be sad about it so I can move on from them. 

I don’t think I can thank Rebecca Sugar and the whole Crewniverse for creating this song, this episode and this show. This show is not just entertaining, it is also reaching out to its audience, teaching them valuable things on the issues that our society has been turning their heads from. Thank you so much Steven Universe. 

I DONT CARE IF YOU LIKE STEVEN UNIVERSE OR NOT

If you suffer from Anxiety, Depression, Disassociation, Intrusive thoughts, or any number of things that take you away from a healthy head-space then this song is for you. This song is a template for a coping mechanism. This will walk you through a legitimate method of addressing intrusive thoughts and working through them in order to ground yourself. I cannot express how important this is- for people like me who suffer from these moments all the time this song is so important.

what eunji would do if any of her big bang oppa’s kissed a female live