*STAIN*

Thoughtful and deep

A Letter to: Him

Dear You,

I hope things are

w

e

l

l.

Like when you said you were happiest in my arms,

And it didn't hurt when you

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e

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l

So hard in love for someone you didn't want.

Because let's face the

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c

t

s:

You wanted to have utter control over someone,

But I wanted to keep my

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r

e

e

d

o

m.

I didn't ask you to love me, I didn't want to stay in one place.

You acted like I was the one that hurt

Y

O

U,

But you don't seem to remember all that I gave up:

The things I would have traded for a

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m

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t

Of rest that you wouldn't allow me.

Have you ever felt it?

Days where…

It feels like a constant struggle to push forward. That even if you put your best foot forward, it’s like you might as well be bringing both off the edge of a cliff.

Maybe…

Times where you genuinely and painstakingly question the meaning of life, of existing on this planet, of being around.

You know that you should keep going — because surely, everyone has a purpose or something to at least try to strive towards — but at the same time more thoughts keep weighing you down with why it might just all be in vain.

Am I unwanted? Unneeded? An unnecessary obstacle or burden to those who cross paths with me?

If you’re growing under the wary eye and disapproving glare of an emotionally unavailable parent, does that mean you’re just another mouth to feed, another disgusting waste of space that only regains clarity or becomes redeemable when you’re needed for something, or are useful to the objecting person in question?

Surely not. Surely if you hypothetically could surround yourself with a lighter crowd of people who appreciate you for who you are inside and outside, for what good you can bring despite your setbacks and flaws and mistakes and imperfections and bad decisions…

Surely you would realize you mean a lot to someone out there. To at least one other person living on this planet.

It’s hard to fully regain sense and your bearings during times like these.

Days where you can barely imagine the future of five, ten years ahead — heck, even a week or a month ahead — when just this one day feels like a mountain crushing you from the inside out, and then back again.

Over and over and over.

If you can piece together moments like these from your own life, maybe you’re going through something similar. Or have, for that matter.

I want to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. That no matter how many times I get crushed and broken down little by little, that no matter how many times the same wounds get ripped open and abandoned with salt freshly poured to sting and burn at my core, at the crux of who I am or who I think I am, that something good — surely! — will come about.

And that every bad day brings me closer to the good day that will eventually become a good period, and finally, a good, consistent period of life.

Once and for all.

Maybe that’s why I continue reading so much, even as an adult now.

Because for whatever wishful thinking might result, some part of me desperately wants to believe — even if I can only vicariously feel it right now — that those stories of characters overcoming family abuse to find love, peace, a home among those who truly and unconditionally love and care about them…

Can actually become a reality.

For me. For you.

For everyone.

Because at the end of the day, I still have to remind myself…

Ending it all — by my hands — would only cut short a life that might be wonderful on the other side of this tunnel.

No matter how dark and horrid and painful it may be right in this moment.

He had the power to reside in heart of every soul he ever met.

He was divine and serene like Himalayan waters.

His body was ephemeral but his soul was immortal .

Never knew falling in love will be all about tears falling down every night.

Everyday but more tonight!

Heyy !!

So the sauce can be of your choice (white or red). I prefer to have that creamy texture so I make both and then mix them.

First, boil your pasta by adding one tbsp of Olive Oil and some salt. Make sure you keep an eye on how it's holding up otherwise it might get soggy and start breaking.

Now to make white sauce:

1) add one tbsp of butter on a hot pan and then add one tbsp of maida and mix them until it is combined well. Now, add milk (one cup) and mix vigorously. Make sure you don't have any lumps. If you have, just try to mix them. The consistency of the sauce should be thick but not too thick. (This can be adjusted by adding more milk).

2) Now add some salt and black pepper and keep the sauce aside once you think it has reached your desired consistency

--> Add Italian Seasoning and Salt as per your taste and at this point your white sauce is ready. Just add some grated cheese and mix your pasta in it if you prefer White sauce pasta.

To make red sauce :

1) Add one tbsp of olive oil on a pan and once it is hot add one tbsp of ginger+garlic paste.

2) wait till it is golden brown add tomato puree (1 1/2 tomatoes are more than enough for two people)

3) Add your veggies ( I prefer spinach, capsicum & corn). Add your Italian seasoning, some black pepper and some salt. Cook them until the oil is separated.

Now, on a low heat mix your white and red sauce. Check for salt and if it's fine just add your boiled pasta to it.

Now start plating, click a picture and upload on Tumblr 🙃

Let me know if you have any more questions :)

Thank you so much , you are so sweet 🥺 ..... I will try soon and let you know ... Thank you once again ✨✨✨✨✨.

I want to stop it

I want to control it

Just want it to end

Maybe I can do that… maybe not

Whatever it is something will eventually end

Either of us.

I give up!

How to calm yourself? Any suggestions please.