“i Can’t Do This Anymore” Says A Girl Who Is Not Only Going To Do It But Do It Well

16.05.24

Raining and warm is the worst possible combination. I feel so gross and sweaty. The plan today is to focus on my Lab Report- and get as much done as possible. I feel confident that I can get a big chunk done. It may be wishful thinking but my plan is to get a first draft of everything but the abstact done. The 'We are all Insane' podcast is great background noise for a psych student.

What I did today;

My data analysis

Revised social influence on obedience and conformity

Chunked my Methodology

Studied transmission within synapses

I definitely didn't get as much done as I wanted, but it's better than nothing.

i made memes as a way to study for my research methods final

21.05.24

[Exams 1/4 done]

I had an exam yesterday- I think it went okay, after though I got some food, went to lidl, then slept all day. So it wasn't the most productive. I clearly needed the sleep, so I'm trying to not be too harsh on myself, but I'm still tired now.

Today I just need to study all day. I went to get breakfast and accidently ran into the cleaner, she was panicking about an inspection she has, so I helped her with a bit of the cleaning.

Revising stats is stressful- I feel like I know NOTHING. I got 48 on my last test- my lowest on any university exam so far. I know that panicking won't help me but I still don't feel good. I have today and tomorrow to learn everything (as well as revising for my other exams)- I'm not confident.

I spent the rest of the day napping and then watching Crash Course Statistics. I am nervous for these tests- I am praying for the 50% I need to get onto my study abroad course.

(I didn't take any pictures today)

if you weren't ready you wouldn't have the opportunity.

if you weren't capable of it you wouldn't have the desire.

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”

— Jim Rohn

16.05.24

(Pics of some blurry bunnies I saw)

Its the weekend! Its a Sunday but work as normal for me- my lab report and first exam is on Monday and I need to make alot of progress on both before I'm ready. There's nothing worse than submitting a piece of unfinished work- or going into an exam feeling unprepared, so I'm trying to avoid both- its definitely a juggling act.

Getting stressed doesn't help anyone, so I'm trying to avoid that at all costs- easier said than done.

I definitely didn't get much done today- my excuse is that I won't be getting much rest over exam season, that's why I was so restful today. I still have so much to do, and it needs to be done soon.

17.05.24

The weather is nice again! I'm glad the rain definitely dampened my mood.

I spent almost the entire day in the library- found 'You will beat this essay' written on the cublicle wall, it gave me the motivation I needed to get a big chunk of my Lab reoprt done.

Today I;

Did the introduction of my lab report

Did the methodology of my lab report

Created the Figures for my lab report

Started to contact the study abroad students I will be travelling with

Studied social categorisation, stereotyping and prejudice

Studied intergroup relations and conflict

I went to the library and forgot my tablet, so I had to walk all the way there and alllll the way back.

27.05.24

[Exams 3/4]

The last exam was terrible, the exam writer was lazy (repeating questions, using questions on the mock, asking lots of questions about a tiny part of the syllabus, etc,) it really knocked by confidence and uspet me. I think I should have done better, and don't see the exam as a true reflection of what I can achieve. In all honesty, after the exam I went back to my dorm and cried- out of both upset and frustration. I hope that despite the poor creation of the test, I have done enough to get the grades I need. I have one test left, and I'm definitely burnt out. Everything got on top of me all at once, I miss my family and my sister has recently had a baby, but I haven't met him due to being in exams. Not being around family during such a momentous occasion has made me feel bad about moving away, and about my plans to move even further for the next academic year.

Not being able to see my nephew is a huge sacrifice to me, so to go through that only to sit in an unfair exam was the straw that broke the camel's back. After my last exam, I will be going out clubbing (not something I'm particuarly excited for right now, but I know it will help my social life), then all I want to do is go home to meet the newest member of my family.

(no pictures)

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)

16.09.24

It's my birthday! I went to IOI mall, for ice skating. I can go in a wobbly line without holing the rail if I go slow enough, which I can consider a win! I also ate at a Texas Chicken store, it was delicious, not exactly traditional Malaysian food though. There was a celebrity appearance from a Korean drama actor, named Lee Minho, and even though I didn't know who he was, the atmosphere of everyone screaming for him was crazy! We then had a wonder around the stores, and bought some bingsu (Korean shaved frozen milk)- I really liked it, it was my first time trying it.

I'm feeling much better today, I'm glad to get out with people, staying to myself all of the time made me feel lonely, so I need to make an active effort to connecting with people.

~ Juune xx