Mothers & Daughters

“Always defend your right to heal at your own pace. You are taking your time. You are allowed to take your time.”

— Unknown

“I think one of my favorite feelings is laughing with someone and realizing half way through how much you enjoy their existence.”

— Unknown

dandelions

the dandelions are back

spring still feels so far, but the dandelions are back

the world may be bleak

but the dandelions have returned

last year i made a flower crown

there aren't enough yet, but at least they're there

yellow peeking out in the corner of my eye

at last, the dandelions are back

At times

I am ashamed

Of how messy I am

Of how broken I am

Of how much I need

And want

And scream

Into voids of people

That don’t seem to care

And despite increasing

Self-awareness

I appear unable to stop

This pattern

Of continuous unraveling

Of traveling a hundred

Different roads

Desperately

And aimlessly

All to wind up at

The same dead end

At this point, I can no longer deny that the only common thread Is me

i find

home

in the

silence.

"solace."

d.b.a

the emphasis of nothing.

i wld peel my heart like an orange for u if only u wanted it !

personality

who would i be

if you took me apart

stripped me down to my bones

and then polished them until they gleamed

what would be running through my veins?

a hint of humor, a glimpse of girlhood

who would i be if you took out my brain

who am i if i'm not smart

an overachiever

always looking for some way to get ahead

if you dissected my heart, what would exist there?

am i anything at all?

i used to have a personality

i think

but now i am just a hollow shell of a person

it's what tiredness does to a person

stripped out my essence like the machine in fahrenheit 451 replaced mildred's bloods

see

see how i can't even write without hints of my schooling sneaking in

what have i ever been if not smart

and who will i be

when even that

is taken away

Recognition

one day i will be

able to see myself in

the mirror again.

anxiety

my mother told me i had to go to the dentist on monday

cue the instant anxiety attack

you would think

my parents

who love me

would take my anxiety seriously

"stop complaining"

"you're pitching a fit"

"i don't want to hear it"

"you have to go"

they treat me like a child

throwing a temper tantrum

i've had anxiety my whole life

and they don't care

and now im crying

i emailed my teacher to get an extension on an assignment

(all that's left to do is color)

and the email sent prematurely (just without a closing)

and now that's just making my anxiety worse

and im spiraling

spiraling

spiraling

spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling

...

maybe i should just go to bed