Okay Because I Have No Idea, How Does House Of Leaves Work?

wondering what the vibe is these days on here

A Small Infodump about Spider Venom

Look, I know the doctor said I need to take it easy and not work myself up but-

Is it really that bad that I'm currently  compiling a list of different spider venoms and their myriad of effects, along with categorizing different species of spiders to what venom they inflict? I believe a wise man once inquired, "Can't a girl have hobbies?" . Of course we all know the big four categories–

There is Phospholipase D, a venom that interacts with different cellular membrane components, degrades phospholipids, and generates bioactive mediators. This can cause damage to the tissue through necrosis, as well as blistering near the bite. The recluse spider is one of the most well known arachnids to have this venom.

Alpha Latrotoxin, stimulates uncontrolled exocytosis of neurotransmitters from nerve terminals, causing paresthesia, seizures and myocarditis, which always brings up the image of the infamous black widow spider, with her striking hourglass abdomen.

The Delta Atracotoxin wielded by my personal favorite- the black sydney funnel web spider (did you know that a sydney funnel web spider is capable of biting through a human fingernail?) slows the inactivation of sodium ion channels in autonomic and motor neurons. This can cause circulation failure as well as excess salivation, nausea and disorientation…

And of course the less talked about PhTx 3-4, a calcium channel blocking toxin that also stimulates the nervous system, causing nausea, hypertension, and change in arterial flow in parts of the body.

 There's just something about insects and arachnids and all of it as a whole that peaks my curiosity, that runs borderline close to familiarity. I mean, how about I turn the topic at hand onto you all– anyone who would like to share their favorite bugs and why, feel free.

Better yet, why not make it a poll?

not sure how to start this right but hi there! im mod star from the non canon kin blog :) i really hope this doesn't sound weird but after reading your ask & your profile i thought you seem really interesting & wanted to share some things in hopes they're useful to you in any way.

from your description & lack of an identified source it made me think you could look into oc kin? i'm kin of one of my own ocs, from a universe i've been creating & expanding on for around 6-7 years by now, so perhaps oc kin is something you could try looking into! i also thought of something along the lines of general cryptid kin & naturally villain kin, i don't know if that's very helpful to you but you know, i'm sorta going for the vibes you give off in the hopes it can maybe lead you somewhere? awfully sorry if any of this feels a bit vague, feel free to ask for clarification if needed!

Thank you for reaching out to me, Star. Again, thank you so much for taking a chance on the ask that I sent you. I have been looking into OC kin more extensively as of late because it was actually suggested that I research it recently by someone else as well. It definitely is a strong lead, so I will take your suggestions into heavy kinsideration.

Holy shit- actually, those first 3 paragraphs plus that stray sentence that technically is it's own paragraph meaning the first 4 paragraphs in reality...

I no longer believe your my demon friend- I think you might be Lord Unknown. (Is only seen once in-game so far outside of the devlog and is from an optional path that gives more content)

And the group of people with only one surviving... That could've been a meeting with 6-Eyes (the cult) and the survivor could've been the cult leader.

Honestly- the fact that it's in a cabin could explain why there was a ritual set up in an abandoned cabin near my grandparents house when we were kids. (Devlog stuff, sorry just rambling)

Yeah, shit. I don't know about anything else for that dream but holy fuck, when I was reading about the first 4 paragraphs all I could think was "yup, sounds like Lord Unknown" and the cult leader

Anyway- uhhh... I'll leave you be now.

-Ashley Graves (the Coffin of Andy and Leyley)

PS: if it'll help at all, I have 2 screenshots of the only 2 times Lord Unknown actually makes an appearance, one in the devlog and the other in the game itself

The group that I saw in my dreams did hold an uncanny resemblance to a cult.. It was rather chilling to see them there, huddled in the shadows, whispering about such awful, wonderful things. Waiting for me. There is.. One small thing though. I’m not sure the men died, they simply vanished from my line of sight, all at once like the light being snuffed out of a candle. Like an illusion. Nevertheless, I feel a pull towards that name. If you could show me the screenshot, if you wouldn’t mind..

am the anon who sent the magnus archives. if it's anything the green you use is similar to the magnus archive's green. i don't personally think it's jon because you're posts doesn't read asshole like he is but well, i don't really know you in real life so who knows.

You know, it's funny. I have gotten a lot of suggestions for the magnus archives as of late, not just on tumblr but in other fictionkin communities as well. I'm going to lay everything out on the table and be completely honest here. I took a glance at the source material, and it felt like it might actually fit what I've been feeling. I made this blog with the intent of getting answers, of righting some terrible wrong that I have felt echoes of my whole life. I should be so thrilled that something seems familiar to me..

So, why don't I just listen to it? A part of me likes how so many people have suddenly come to my dms to tell me their experiences and memories related to their identities, and for a moment it's like we're sharing something together. They were all so nice to me. It feels like a genuine connection, if even for a moment- and I guess the feeling was so nice that I forgot the original thing I had sought after in the first place. 

So I have so many helpful suggestions saying to look into the magnus archives, and I'm scared if I roll the dice and happen to land on a source that I can kinfirm, it'll all go away. Or worse, that after so many people have suggested it, if I go and rule it out they'll be disappointed. 

I wasn't expecting to make friends, when I created this blog. Maybe it's selfish of me to want things to stay the same, or maybe this isn't even making any sense, but I really do appreciate everyone who has written to me. Does anyone else feel this sort of anxiety when they interact with sources they could possibly be from? Feel free to reach out.

Does Your Fear Guide You in Your Discovery of Identity?

I find the neurobiological response to fear so incredibly intriguing, especially seeing what things affect individuals versus others. There's such a wide variety to choose from- just search up any old list of phobias on the internet and you'll clearly see that. 

It’s fundamental, a deeply wired reaction in our bodies, evolved over the history of life as we know it in order to protect organisms against perceived threat to their integrity of existence.

The amygdala and hippocampus are mostly responsible– the hippocampus processing the perceived threat, and the amygdala givinging that adrenaline rush that we all crave so desperately. This high arousal state can be both from fear or excitement. I don't think it's that much of a leap to suggest that fear and excitement are both connected and therefore can both derive satisfaction. 

More importantly, fear can actually help aid your memory. This is of course only to a certain extent, as prolonged distress of high quantities can actually lead to memory loss in self protection, but I would like to theorize for a moment that the reason that so many of those that have contacted me so far, have had memories after viewing the more high tension scenes from their source material is because of the stress neurotransmitter norepinephrine, promoting the formation of fear based memories by stimulating inhibitory neurons in the amygdala while we are so engrossed in the content. 

The fear feels familiar because it is. It's been living dormant inside you all along. That being said, I would like to inquire about the most distressing moment for you when viewing your own source material? How did it relate to your identity, and did it lead to memories related to said scene afterwards? 

And of course, my dms are always open..

Ocean Eyes

There is an eye at the bottom of the ocean, belonging to an old god whose name has been forgotten, but still leaves echoes in the memory of man. It's there, under the rolling waves and aquatic life. In a constant staring contest with our sun that's dripping crimson with the blood of so many who have given into their fears, the eye gazes not just on that sun but through every life that has ever lived in this reality we've found ourselves in, and so many others.

 When it finally blinks, the world will end. This is a fact. The Earth will begin to swallow us whole, and nature will take back what we've stolen from it. Bridges collapsing and headlights careering into the star filled glinting sea, into doors that were never meant to be opened. Fear and panic in the air, do you feel it too?.. and when that eye blinks, our sun will too. I want to look down into those depths just so I can reassure myself it's fine. ‘It was just a dream, a terrible, terrible dream that you had because you went into cardiac arrest,’

But it's still wriggling in my brain, pulling in and out of my periphery like a tide. So I think..

I'm going to run a little experiment. I've mentioned my urges- 

My fixation with hearing others experiences and memories, my drive to feel that connection, and to pick at the more distressing details of said memories. I would like to stop completely, just to see how uncomfortable I'd get. I want to document how long it takes until my resolve cracks, just to get a sense of how trapped I really am in this cycle.

So, if I don't post for a while, my blog isn't dead! I'm simply trying not to fall into a pattern that I've been feeding into for the past 3 months. I will post the results when I feel I've gotten satisfying results.

I Have Never Been A Hero

I’ve had time to reflect upon my dream, and it has led me to some revelations about my own nature, and what lines I’m willing to cross in order to find the truth I’m so desperately craving. I think that the reason the dream bothered me so much is that I don’t know if I would’ve done differently if I had another chance. I have never been a hero. 

I wanted to once, you know–

Even before I had so many wonderful tumblr users trying to help me find my identity, even before I put it out there into the universe with absolute certainty that I was a villain, people have always compared me to the antagonist of the story. 

It's a vibe I'm giving or something I'm doing, maybe it's the sins I carry on my back. 

I remember reading all these books as a child, and even when I outgrew them and I'd be loathe to admit to what would indefinitely ruin the academic image I have so painstakingly built up around me like a shell-  the classic fairytale story always held a special place in my heart. 

I would sit there with my eyes scanning over every line, rereading the best parts, the ones that really made you feel like you were there with the protagonist, and I would think, 

‘I want to be the hero. I want to save the princess from a tower and defeat the big bad and live happily ever after!’ …but I don't think I'm that. These things that I do, digging into the depths of people’s anxieties, and breathing them in as if it were my own.. I don’t think it’s a noble cause, to tear into other’s fears in hopes of finding my own closure. So I’m not a hero. 

People seldom are, it's rare to find that kind of excellence out in the world but even with all the signs pointing that I'm a villain, or a monster, or god forbid a world ender– it is flattering that so many people reached out to me, when my mood has been so low. There is something about hearing about so many wonderful stories of others that keeps me tethered, and for that I'm grateful to all of you. The beauty in your experiences is what makes everything worth it- both your triumph and strife. So please, bare with me. Even if I am a villain.

the magnus archives?

Hello anomalous speaker from the void, I appreciate you reaching out to me as a guiding light. I actually have had this source recommended to me before by someone, so I will certainly take note of it, and look into the content at a later date. I have the time now, seeing as I'm not allowed back into work until I've recovered..

HAPPY IDES OF MARCH, JULES!

well. maybe not so happy for you.... 🗡 🗡 🗡 /silly

Tis the season, I suppose. In any case, it's nice to see you again Fallen.