A Message To Alexander/technoblade

a message to alexander/technoblade

from tumblr’s techno writer, kay

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there’s a lot of words in the world, but none come close to describing the impact you had on my life. i was a girl who was struggling at college, and desperately hoping her family life would somehow get better.

you made things better. you fought dream in that battle and i instantly admired your humour and your skill. you are incredible, and i knew that from the moment i was first introduced to you.

my life has never been easy. i fixate on things to help me forget. but you were the one thing that i felt was constant. the first ‘phase’ of fixation that i felt could be forever. i wanted you to be forever. you brought happiness into my life at a time where i thought all hope was lost.

people always say that loving somebody like this is stupid. but i didn’t love because of that. i loved him because i understood him. and i felt like he understood me, and the rest of his community.

people close to me always joked about how similar we both were. our humour, our personalities. he made me feel seen, that it was okay to be myself. he made me feel special without even knowing it.

and so i decided to write. i hadn’t started fanfiction in years, and yet with him, he made me motivated. i wrote because i understood his character. technoblade is a fascinating man, both in and out of his persona. he’s charming, witty, compassionate— but above all, he was brave.

as somebody who comes from a family that has cancer running through it, i know how hard that battle can be. how emotionally draining it can be. but despite the hardships he faced, he never let it show. in fact, he even went out of his way to assure us that he was getting better, even though he knew he wasn’t. he was dying, and all he wanted to do was put a smile on people’s faces.

technoblade will always be my biggest and greatest love. he ignited my love for gaming, my love for writing, and above all, my love for living. he made each day that little bit easier to wake up for. i dress almost every day in his merch, his plushies line my shelves and my desk. there isn’t an inch of my room that isn’t covered in his propaganda and i wouldn’t have it any other way. he brought so much light into my life, and he will always continue to do so.

the connection i had to him doesn’t run as deep as his friends or family, and i can’t even begin to imagine how they’re feeling right now. the hurt in my body is abysmal compared to them, but i know they’re slowly healing like i am.

when i became the ‘techno writer’ of tumblr, i had no idea just how much it would change my life. his community allowed me to meet so many great people, and i will forever be thankful that i took that risk to start writing for him. i tried to help spread the light he installed into people’s lives, and i hope that i was able to bring you comfort with my work.

technoblade brought me comfort. he always did. whether it was late night rewatches of his videos, random livestreams, writing stories for his character, buying his merch or cuddling with his plushies at night— every ounce of love and attention i put into that man will never be a regret. he is a soul that is beautiful, kind, and powerful.

although i stopped writing for him, i never stopped supporting him. i will always support him. his battle is over, and i know he’s in a better place now. he doesn’t have to suffer anymore, and i know when this hole in my heart finally heals, i’ll be able to find peace knowing that he’s not hurting.

being a technoblade fan has had some of the greatest highlights of my life. the art, the writing, the editing— everything about his fandom has been nothing but supportive and talented. his community was just a replica of him.

alexander ‘technoblade’ was a supportive friend, and a talented being.

thank you for helping me fall in love with writing again.

thank you for giving me comfort on dark nights.

thank you for allowing me to love your work.

thank you for taking on a role model figure for the community.

thank you for being you.

i love and cherish you, in this life and the next.

— kay