This Was So Well Done.

I’m so fucking done with men who the fuck does that I’m so done like I don’t want to have a reputation because if him I hate I hate I hate him I can’t like I just can’t. How do you a man that knows how much I don’t want anything to do with you I have you blocked on everything but you still some how I find a way to post a video of me and you from last summer on your STORY AND IT GETS SENT TO ME he took it down but still how do you find a way after everything to still tick me off.

Tumblr for Werewolves

So… If stiles existed you KNOW he would have had a Tumblr. In this essay I will…

Derek walks over to the dining table to pick up his laptop which Stiles had been researching on. Well, research? He's pretty sure this isn't research.

“Stiles, what the hell is this?” Derek gestures to the open webpage on the laptop.

“It's the internet Derek, I know I've explained this to you before.” The smirk from Stiles is so unbelievably arrogant Derek could slap him. But maybe he could have a little fun with this.

“Yes. I am aware,” he says, completely deadpan, “you took great pains with it. Or caused me pain anyway. But I meant this specifically… This… Does not look like pack research. I don't admittedly know what to does look like, but…” he scowled at Stiles 

“What are you…” Stiles muttered as he came back from the kitchen, looking confused, before barking out a laugh. “Nah, man, that's just Tumblr, I was taking a little break from the research to clear my head.”

Derek put on his best (hopefully) confused and grumpy expression at Stiles’ reponse. “But, what… Is it?” Derek saw Peter appear on the sidelines. His ability to pick up on mischief, whether he was creating it or not, was terrifying.

“Dude! Come on! Tumblr? It's probably older than you are!” Stiles laughed and then seeing Derek's face, he pretended to pout. “Aww, did they not have Tumblr for technologically backward werewolves who only want to scowl? Poor sourwolf, you don't know what you've been missing! The fanfiction alone! The memes! The in-jokes!” Stiles was gesticulating more and more wildly, pacing around the room.

“Oh come on Derek, you-” Derek shot Peter a look and a smirk that made Peter falter just a little as he realised what was going on, but not enough for Stiles to notice. “You must remember Tumblr, Laura was always on there.” Derek sent Peter the slightest nod of thanks, and Peter's eyes lit up in glee.

“Laura had Tumblr? Do you know what her username was? We could find it! I could find it, we could see what she…” Stiles trailed off as he realised what he was saying. “You know, I could try, if you wanted me to?” 

Stiles had stopped pacing, his voice softening and his arms wrapped around himself. This had taken a turn Derek had not expected.

“I guess I might be able to remember… Maybe if you explain it to me, because it just seems so…”

Stiles’ face lit up in response. “Course! I mean, we gotta start with bringing you into the 21st Century sometime, or at least the 19th would help, because the whole Heathcliff lurking in shadows thing is kinda old. We need to get you to understand our references!”

“I know who Heathcliff is, if that's any help?” Derek said, trying to sound a little coward and out of his depth. Stiles could be such an ass sometimes, and Derek would get his own back.

“Of course you do, big guy, of course you do.”

So, Derek sits back and makes Stiles try to explain exactly what Tumblr is, in excruciating detail. And then pretends to still not understand it. Peter has had to leave the room several times so he doesn’t burst out in laughter.

“Derek! Come on! This is not that hard! For the love of….” Stiles flounces around the room, getting redder and redder in the face, and even Derek is beginning to break at this.

“Stiles, what was it you were saying about codes? I think I remember something about that…” Peter asks, distracting Stiles’ attention from Derek for a moment.

“Yes! Yep, codes… It's one of those things so people would say a phrase, and it would identify them to other Tumblr users in the real world, but mean nothing to anyone else… it’s um…”

“Stiles, don’t tell me that great brain of yours has forgotten the code? Wasn’t it about liking something?” Peter was not holding back his smirk.

At that moment, in a moment of weakness, Derek replies “I like your shoelaces.” He screws up his face as he realises what he has just said out loud.

“I fucking KNEW IT!” crows Stiles, spinning on the spot to point the finger at Derek. “I will find you in there, you can’t hide from me, there is no getting away from me now, I will find you.”

Derek sighs. Great. “This isn’t Taken, Stiles. Stop trying to channel Liam Neeson.”

The sound that is emitted from Stiles could best be described as a squark. “But you don’t…. But you….” He flails between Derek and Peter, who is laughing so hard he’s struggling to breathe. Stiles spins himself around so much, he ends up making himself dizzy and ends up on the floor with a thump.

Peter stops laughing long enough to glare at Derek. “Did you HAVE to break him? He’s my entertainment!”

Derek raises an eyebrow.

A slurred "I'm okay" is heard from the floor.

don't fucking interrupt me when i'm reading my x reader fics it's rude

Have fun with these lmfao

This has to have already been posted but just in case

I just need to say I love your work it’s so good and the way you write Joe too? Don’t even get me started. Could you maybe do one where the reader has a bad day and hasn’t slipped in a way and Joe kinda has to help them slip and he’s really sweet to her and kind (very much fannon Joe) by yk Joe being Joe he thinks about what he’s gonna due to the person that made your day bad if you could that would be great! No rush!!!!

A/N: Thank you!!! Again I LOVE getting Joe requests, I put a lot of effort into writing them, there's no sfw content anywhere for him so I take great pleasure in making it for people! Joe's great to write for too because his character is just soooo unique so it makes it easier to get that inside voice he has right if that makes sense. Ok I'm rambling, enjoy!

Worth It

Pairings: Cg! Joe Goldberg x Fem! Little!reader

Word Count:1.1k

Warnings: usual warning for Joe! Language, reader is called stupid (not by Joe), implied violence.

Joe's waiting for you when you come home from work as always. He likes to wait for you with a homemade meal or simply a warm smile. You have a stressful job and he helps you relax afterwards because that's just the kind of boyfriend he is. Usually you come home stressed, giving him a weary smile and a kiss before heading to the shower to wash off your long day. But not today.

He can tell somethings off when you walk in. You're biting your lip anxiously, not giving him your usual loving greeting. Something's up with you.

"Hey baby, you ok?" He questions softly, moving towards you for a hug.

Before he even gets to you you break down into tears. "He was s-so mean to me!" You cry, clutching on to Joe when he pulls you to his chest.

"Who was baby?" Joe questions, a hint of panic lacing his voice. "What happened?"

Who hurt his girl?

"My boss." You say, voice breaking as you say it. "He literally s-screamed at me in front of everyone. He made me feel so stupid." You sob, burying you face into his shirt, body shaking with the impact of your sobs. Joe brings his arms around you, kissing your head while shushing you. He's incensed.

What kind of low life fuck gets off on making a pretty, smart little thing like you cry? When all you do is work your ass off to please him? This is not gonna fly.

"Oh baby I am so fucking sorry. Why would he do that? You've been working so hard recently."

You shrug your shoulders, shaking your head. "He s-said my work wasn't good enough n that I-I didn't try hard enough but I did Joe I promise." You look up at him, your oh-so-innocent eyes now bloodshot and puffy.

Oh this fucker has to die. Of course you tried! You always try you're his, he loves you because you try- ok Joe gotta focus. She needs you.

"Oh baby I know. You've don't have to explain to me I know you've been trying. It's not you're fault that your boss is an idiot."

"Was so mean." You mumble. "Do you think I'm stupid Joe?" You look into his eyes with that borderline puppy-dog expression on your face and you look oh so sad.

You just need his reassurance. Your dumbass boss doesn't get to make you feel like this. He's going to make sure it never happens again. After he makes you feel better.

He brings his hands up to your cheeks, cupping your face. "Of course not baby. It's your boss who's stupid. He doesn't know how good he's got it."

You sniffle, shaking your head. "Bad day."

Joe nods. "I know." He coos, wiping stray tears from your cheeks using his thumbs. "But you're home now. Daddy's here baby."

You don't know when you started slipping but it's happening. Joe can always tell, he's good with things like that. "Gotta get changed." You mumble tiredly.

"Want some help?" Joe offers with a slight smile. You respond by simply holding your arms out towards him. He picks you up swiftly and carries you into the bathroom, grabbing you some pjs on the way.

He places you down onto the granite counter top beside the sink, turning on the warm water and wetting a cloth before helping you wipe your make-up off. When it's all off he rinses it out and puts it under cold water.

"Close your eyes, good girl." You do as he says, letting out a muted whine as you feel your eyes instantly cool as he places the cloth on them. After a minute he lifts the cloth back up and you feel him put something cold on your face. You open one eye, keeping the other screwed shut, looking up at Joe.

He chuckles. "It's just your moisturizer baby, don't give me that look."

This makes you smile, closing your eye again as you let him rub the moisturizer into your skin in small, languid circles.

"There's that smile." Joe murmurs, finishing up with your skincare and tucking a few loose strands of hair behind your ears.

You open your eyes, feeling thoroughly smaller now.

God. You're adorable. How could anyone purposely hurt you ?

"You want me to help you get dressed little one?" You nod your head, thumb drifting up to rest on your lips, dangerously close to slipping into your mouth.

Joe gently takes your wrist and pulls it down. "Uh uh" he reprimands quietly, lifting you down from the counter and helping you into your pjs. You lift your hand up to your lips again but you stop when you see the look Joe's giving you. You can't help the little frustrated whine that escapes you but Joe is quick to soothe.

"Shh shh, I'll get you your pacifier soon, ok? C'mon, let's fix your hair."

He softly pulls a comb through your hair, detailing the knots and putting it up into a bun.

"There." He says when he's finished, booping your nose, smiling when you giggle at him.

"Beautiful baby."

You blush at the attention, burrowing your head into his shoulder.

"Alright, c'mon kiddo" he says, sweeping you up into his arms yet again and bringing you into the kitchen, not before grabbing your pacifier from your bedroom. He makes you a sippee cup full of hot chocolate and gives you a snack.

"Thank you Daddy" you say in between bites, looking up at him with a smile, mouth covered in hot chocolate.

Joe's heart clenches. Even when you're small you're so polite. You just want to please. That's all you ever want to do. His minds starts spiralling again at the thought of your boss. You worked overtime! You clearly put huge amounts of effort into that project, just needing some recognition and your he called you stupid? The jackass with a comb over called his little girl stupid? No wonder his wife left him, guy has the emotional intelligence of a fork.

He's roused from his thoughts by your voice.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah pumpkin?"

"Colour now?"

Joe smiles. "Of course sweetheart." He cleans off your face with a napkin before pulling out your colouring books and crayons to let you scribble happily beside him, occasionally calling out to him so he can see your masterpieces. As the evening wears on you slow down, pacifier in and colouring abandoned, breathing slow and even as you sleep in his arms.

Two weeks later your boss doesn't show up for work and you never see him again. Joe seems to share your slight worry but that's immediately overshadowed by the fact that you were promoted to your bosses old position.

That night Joe falls asleep with a smile on his face.

Worth it.