Xxix. Blackout

xxxiii. the ticking clock

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CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE ─ the ticking clock.

❛ watch your breeze take over me just like we used to be ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Sunjae waited outside the swimming pool, fidgeting with his hands rather impatiently. The events that had taken place just a few moments prior played in his head over and over again. His entire body was soaking wet, and his shirt stuck to his body. Normally, he would have been freezing, dying to get home and change. He felt a breeze, but the thought of Eunyoung seemed to keep him warm. 

He remembered how much he once hated the rain. How his clothes stuck to his body like a really annoying magnet. How the rain irritated him after a long day at the pool. But one fine day, all of that changed. A beautiful girl with smiling lips and intoxicating laughter had run through the moonlit alleyways with him, holding his hand and dragging him along.

She completely mesmerized him. Not only was she the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on, but he never felt a connection with anyone like he did with Eunyoung. He might have been overreacting, but it almost felt as if he had found his other half. They fit together like pieces of a puzzle. It was just right. She always seemed to know the right words to speak at the right time. How could such a perfect person be real?

Just then, Eunyoung emerged through the swimming pool door wearing his blazer, and even then, she looked as pretty as ever. The oversized piece of clothing hid her hands in the sleeves and the jacket looked evidently too big for her. She still looked cute in it, though. 

"Thanks for letting me borrow this," she thanked him with a sweet smile, "Are you sure you're alright? The wind is going crazy today."

"No, it's alright," he assured her, returning a smile, "You can keep it."

They began walking to the bus stop. Eunyoung's eyes kept wandering everywhere, scanning the road she had taken every day of her teenage life. If she was completely honest with herself, she was freaking out inside. She was wearing Ryu Sunjae's clothes. The fact seemed so surreal to her and in that moment, for a while, she felt like a stereotypical teenage girl with a crush on a popular guy.

As they reached the bus stop, all she could think of was Sunjae sitting near the pool and sobbing his heart out. The pictures of news articles flashed in front of her eyes. "Ryu Sunjae's cause of death: Suicide?" "Ryu Sunjae proved to be taking anti-depressants prior to his death" She looked up at Sunjae. He had no idea what fate had in store for him, and she wanted to protect him more than anything.

💿

As they sat on the bus, side by side, Eunyoung found herself reaching for Sunjae's ice cold hand. The action startled Sunjae as he jumped a bit, a bright red blush appearing on his face. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked, her voice laced with worry and her eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm fine, really," he said, turning away to hide his flushed face, "I don't feel that cold, really."

"Your hands are literally freezing," countered Eunyoung, "But that's not what I was asking about. Earlier, at the pool... what happened?"

"Oh," he muttered, "I- it's stupid."

"No, it's not. Tell me, Sunjae."

The way she said his name just made him melt, "I got a bad grade... and I realized that without swimming, I don't even know what I'm doing with my life, and it really stressed me out."

"It's alright," she whispered, squeezing his hand gently, "It's okay to feel lost. One bad grade isn't the end of the world, trust me. It doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does."

"It was a really bad grade, Eunyoung."

"Really?" she challenged. The determination in her eyes, and her grip on his hand both seemed to be hypnotizing him. She asked him, "How much did you get?"

"Ten out of forty. In math."

Her grip loosened for a moment as she stared at him, trying to process the information.

"See, it is bad," he slowly pulled away his hand because if he stayed that way any longer, he might have exploded right there.

"No," she tried to comfort him, but the insincerity was evident in her tone, "Look you need practice, that's all."

"It's no use, I'm stupid," he insisted, "I don't understand anything, and I'm always dozing off in class."

"I'll teach you," warmth crept up Eunyoung's face as she realized what she just said. There was no going back now. The thought of spending so much time with him made her feel giddy. Sunjae's eyes widened as he tried to process what she just said.

"You want to tutor me?" he confirmed, to which she nodded, "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Sunjae, listen," she turned in her seat to face him, "You had to give up your dream. It's going to be hard to get on track with something else. You're really brave, you know. Not everyone can do what you're doing right now. I want to help you."

"Okay," he breathed.

Then they exchanged smiles, and their eyes communicated feelings that words could have never described.

💿

"Oh dear, look at you," Yumi gasped as she watched Eunyoung, drenched from head to toe, enter their house, with a grin plastered on her face and Sunjae's jacket draped over her shoulders, "Was there a thunderstorm I didn't hear of?"

"It's a long story."

"I have time," countered Yumi with determination, "And that idiotic smile on your face tells me it has something to do with a certain someone."

"You're right," Eunyoung said, still smiling, her face glowing pink, "So I was going to visit Sunjae-"

"Of course you were."

"Let me speak, for god's sake," Eunyoung insisted, the smile never leaving her face, "And I met Inhyuk, who told me he went to the swimming pool 'cause he forgot something. So, I went there, and he was sitting by the pool and sobbing. I tried to comfort him, and it worked- I think. Then, we heard a really loud crashing sound outside and we fell into the pool. It was the scariest thing ever, honestly."

"That's so cute, it's like you guys are in a rom-com," Yumi said with a slight bitterness in her voice.

"Then why does your face look like someone squeezed a lemon in your mouth?" questioned Eunyoung, "Did something happen?"

"I went to the music club today-"

"Of course you did."

Yumi sighed, "Let me finish? So I went, and I waited outside for about a thousand years. I swear it felt like I was growing old standing there. By the time I had lost all sensation in my legs, I saw Taesung petting that kitten- you know which one, and I don't know... the moment I saw him, my mind went blank, and I couldn't speak properly. He looked so miserable... and I wanted to apologize but the words just wouldn't come out."

"I would hug you but then you would be drenched too," said Eunyoung, her smile turning into one of sympathy, "It means you like him. Things will be okay, Yumi. Maybe not now, but eventually."

I don't want to wait, Yumi silently thought to herself.

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nana's notes: i really love the headers where the characters are looking at each other <3

delphi's notes: patience? who's she? yumi doesn't know her...

next chapter: saturday (out now) list of chapters here!

xlii. rain, romance and revelations

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CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO ─ rain, romance and revelations.

❛ but i can't help myself, when you get close to me ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Sunjae and I sat side by side on his living room couch, dripping with rainwater that soaked into the sofa fabric. The couch was large enough to seat at least four people, and yet we sat close together, soaking up each others' warmth, afraid to let go. One of Sunjae's jackets was now draped over my shoulders. My brain could hardy comprehend anything that was happening. He had found me in the rain and kissed me. I couldn't believe it. It was like a scene straight out of a rom-com movie. My heart pounded against my chest, and the rain and chilly breeze couldn't put out the fire inside me.

Sunjae reached for a towel, his movements unhurried and gentle, as if he were handling something precious. He stepped closer, the warmth of his presence cutting through the chill that clung to my skin. Without a word, he began drying my hair, his touch soft and deliberate. The fabric brushed against my scalp, and I could feel the care behind every motion.

My body froze for a moment, caught off guard by the intimacy of it all. My heart stumbled over its rhythm as I became fixated on him—on the way his eyes held a quiet tenderness, the kind that made it impossible to look away. His damp hair clung to his forehead, and I could see the faint shiver in his frame, but he didn't seem to care. His only focus was on me.

The butterflies in my stomach took flight, their wings fluttering wildly at the realization of how selfless he was. He didn't even think twice about his own discomfort, his own cold. His hands moved with a kind of attentiveness that made my chest tighten, like I'd stumbled into a dream I never wanted to wake up from.

Then he paused. His hands stilled, the towel resting lightly against my head. Slowly, he looked at me, his gaze shifting, as if he'd just realized how close we were—how my eyes hadn't left him for even a second. His expression softened, yet there was a flicker of uncertainty, of awareness that hadn't been there a moment ago.

I felt the heat rising in my cheeks, spreading like wildfire. My breath hitched, and I wondered if he could feel the way my pulse quickened, even though I wasn't sure I could speak. The air between us felt charged, delicate, as if a single word might break whatever spell we'd found ourselves under.

"What's the matter?" he asked softly. His voice rung like the melody of a love song.

"You're so sweet," I breathed out after a few seconds.

His face melted into a smile, showing his adorable dimple and his eyes becoming like crescent moons. My own lips stretched into a smile. All I wanted was to see him happy; No matter who he was with. But now here he was, wrapping his arms around my waist, smiling sweetly at me.

"I cant believe you avoided me for so many days."

"I do feel a bit silly now, thinking back," I giggled out, "But you really gave me a scare. I thought you were going away for good."

"I would have," he confessed, "If it weren't for someone making it impossible for me to go anywhere."

"I didn't realize you were so cheesy."

"So what, you don't like me anymore?" he asked, bringing his face closer to mine.

"I still like you," I answered with a laugh, giving him a short kiss. I watched his face and ears turn red in an instant and I couldn't help but chuckle. He's so cute...

Suddenly, the sound of the front door opening startled the both of us. Before we had any time to process what was happening, Sunjae's dad appeared with a blue cloth bag and an umbrella in his hand. He stood before us, paralyzed in a state of shock. I moved a bit further from Sunjae, trying to increase the distance between us.

"Oh! Eunyoung!" he exclaimed finally, "I see... you both got drenched in the rain! Oh, dear, you must be very cold..." He rattled on.

"I'll get going then!" I got up suddenly, waving an awkward goodbye to both of them.

"Sunjae, I'll- uh, return your jacket! Later..."

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

I watched as Eunyoung practically bolted out of my house after muttering out an excuse for my dad. Dammit, now I have to explain myself to my dad. Looking at my father's smug smile, I realized he must have put two and two together already.

"I wasn't born yesterday, son," he said, still smiling.

"I know," I gulped.

"I can't say I'm surprised."

"Oh, you're not?"

"Not a bit," he said rather confidently, "You finally got your act together!"

"So," I began, "You're okay with this? With Eunyoung and I-"

"Okay?! Oh, I'm more than okay!" he let out a hearty laugh, "You have my blessing!"

I felt my heart relax and I let out a sigh of relief. I had my father's permission. He was a stubborn man, and it was a huge deal. I just hope Eunyoung's mother is as supportive.

Narrator's Perspective

Eunyoung, her mother and Yumi sat in the living room for dinner while the rain pitter-pattered against the windows. Everyone was eating in silence- as they often did, but tonight, Eunyoung kept smiling to herself every few seconds while still looking down at her plate. Her mom glanced at Yumi, hoping that she would know why Eunyoung was so happy. 

"We gotta get used to this," she said loudly.

Eunyoung looked up at Yumi in confusion, "What?"

"Why is that?" Their mother asked tentatively. 

"You wanna tell her or should I?" Yumi asked Eunyoung.

"Tell her about what?"

"About your boyfriend."

Her mother's eyebrows shot up, "Boyfriend?"

"Oh," Eunyoung realized, "Right. I was going to tell you after things were official... but I guess since Yumi's already spilled the beans... I'll just tell you. I'm dating this guy..."

"Who?"

"Oh, you know," Eunyoung avoided her gaze, looking at the walls behind where her mother was seated, a red tinge appearing on her face, "It's umm... Sunjae. Ryu Sunjae- you know he lives-"

"Oh," her mother exclaimed, pleasantly surprised, "The guy next door? He seemed nice..."

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nana's notes: cute chapter after all the hell i put them thru :P last chapter before my hiatus :( see u in april!

delphi's notes: somebody check my blood sugar this is too sweet-

next chapter: april 1st list of chapters here!

happy late birthday to our wonyoungie! i wasn't active on the 31st, but i still want to say that she inspired me on so many levels. wonyoung motivated me to make a beautiful life for myself, to focus on myself, i began my journey of loving myself thanks to her. i will always be grateful to wonyoung. i will never forget the joy i get from watching her videos. we might be far in distance but you are so close to my heart.

just between us, do you remember it all too well?

like the moodboard? it's a teaser for an upcoming fanfic! make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <33

@the-one-and-only-delphi

; i wonder what you see . . .

. '・ when you see someone like me ( + 🍞 )

( +🥐 ) ｡˚ ִ⋆｡˚ like we were in paris . . . >_&lt; @the-one-and-only-delphi

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE DAZAI KINNIE

edit: LMAOOO IN ALL THE EXCITEMENT I FORGOT THAT IT'S DAZAI'S BDAY TOO ASJKSHFA HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAZAI LOL

i don't think @the-one-and-only-delphi being a dazai kinnie gets any realer than her sharing a birthday with him lmao what a flex

viii. heartbeat

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CHAPTER EIGHT ─ heartbeat.

❛ no proof, one touch, but you felt enough. ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"Huh?"

"Get on the bike," Taesung repeated. Yumi stood completely still for a few moments before asking him again, "Are you sure? Is it safe?"

"Sure, it is," he answered, chuckling at her inquiry, "The offer expires in ten seconds, think fast." He then began counting down from ten to one. Thinking that this was her only option to get home at a reasonable time, she quickly hopped onto his bike, his countdown sounding like a ticking bomb ready to explode any moment.

"Welcome aboard," he announced in a mocking formal tone, "Hold on tight."

Yumi awkwardly pinched one side of his jacket. "It's okay, don't be shy," he assured on seeing her hesitation, "You've never been on a motorcycle, have you?" Yumi slowly shook her head.

He gripped her wrist tightly and without any prior warning. Yumi's eyebrows flicked up in surprise at the sudden urgency. Without waiting for a response, he gently but firmly pulled her closer, guiding her arms to wrap securely around his torso. The movement was swift, ensuring her safety before she even realized the need for it.

"Stay like this until I stop, okay?" Taesung instructed. Yumi's throat had gone completely dry, the ability to speak evaporating into the afternoon heat. He turned his head on hearing no answer. She simply nodded at him.

"Okay, I'll take that as a yes," just after he said this, the engine made a loud, unpleasant growling sound as he twisted the throttle, "I'm just praying you don't have motion sickness."

💿

A soft tapping sound on the pavement sounded in the narrow lane through which Sunjae and Eunyoung journeyed from the bus stop to their homes. At first, awkwardness prevailed as Sunjae's eyes rapidly darted from here to there, wondering what he should say next. On the other hand, Eunyoung's gaze was fixated on the path, her blank face masking the countless thoughts racing through her head.

Like a rude awakening, the sound of a motorcycle engine pierced through the air, shattering the silence and peacefulness of their walk. Without a moment's hesitation, Sunjae's hand clamped onto Eunyoung's wrist, pulling her to the side gently yet firmly as the bike zoomed past them, the smell of gasoline lingering in the air. Her breath hitched, and the pace of the motorcycle as well as Sunjae's prompt reaction sent her heart racing. With her back against Sunjae's torso, she let out a sigh of relief, "Thanks for"

Her voice failed her as she looked up at Sunjae's face, their eyes meeting for a split second before they realised how close they were. The two pulled away with flushed cheeks, "Thanks for that," said Eunyoung with a hint of awkwardness in her voice.

"Don't mention it," Sunjae spoke with a smile.

"That's so dangerous," Eunyoung commented attempting to divert the conversation, "I think they were wearing our school uniform."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Sunjae nodded in agreement, "I think I've seen that guy before."

"You have?" asked Eunyoung as they resumed walking.

"I'm not sure where..."

💿

"Thanks for dropping me off," Yumi said to Taesung as she got off the bike.

"No worries," he replied, smiling after removing his helmet. An awkward silence followed it since neither of them could think of anything to say.

"I guess... I'll see you around?" Yumi attempted to break the silence.

"Yeah, sure. I should get going, then."

"You can go ahead, then," she replied politely, "Just one thing before you go─ don't talk to anyone on your way back."

"Okay," he said in confusion. 

"Hey! It's you!" a voice accused. As the two turned to look at the person, Eunyoung stood before them, "You too were the ones on the bike?!"

Yumi avoided her gaze, looking at the ground, while Taesung stood staring at Eunyoung, oblivious to the cause of her agitation. 

"Yeah, why?" he asked. It was as if a cloud of misfortune had started following Yumi everywhere. She sighed in an attempt to rationalize with Eunyoung, "Look, he was just dropping me off. The bus strike is today, remember?" Eunyoung's expression momentarily softened, "That's right," she realized.

Turning to Taesung, regaining her composure, she said, "Thanks for dropping her off; But don't ever drive like that again, I'm warning you─ especially when Yumi's with you.

"Got it," Taesung gulped, "Sorry about that." With a bow, he hurriedly departed with his motorcycle, wanting to run away as soon as he could.

Once the sound of the obnoxious engine revving sounded in the air, Eunyoung turned to Yumi, who was trying to sneak into their home without her sister noticing, "Where are you scurrying off to? Where did you meet this delinquent anyway?! Don't you dare hide from me!"

"He's in Inhyuk's band, actually," Yumi informed her.

"Really?" the harshness in her voice subsided, "No wonder he was kicked out. He doesn't seem like too great of a guy."

"You don't even know him," Yumi defended him, not understanding why she did so.

"And you do?" Eunyoung retorted.

"This is stupid, let's not fight," Yumi diverted the topic, "Let's be friends again."

"Fine," Eunyoung said, trying to stifle her smile.

Entering their house, Eunyoung noticed the blue umbrella sitting by the door. Her gaze lingered on it and she called out to Yumi, "Listen! I'm going to return Sunjae's umbrella. I'll be back soon!"

"Okay~" Yumi yelled back from her room.

Skipping down the flight of stairs, two at a time, she made her way to Sunjae's house. Not long after her short journey, she was faced with a blue gate. Her fingers reached out to ring the doorbell. Clutching the umbrella, patiently waiting for someone to open the door. Sunjae's father emerged from the front door, advancing to the outer gate. Smiling on seeing Eunyoung, the iron gate swung open as he unlatched it, "Oh, it's you! Tell me, what brings you here?"

"I just wanted to return the umbrella I borrowed the other day. Sorry for not bringing it back sooner; It completely slipped my mind."

"Oh, don't worry about it," he waved his hand in front of his face, as if to fan away Eunyoung's apology, "He's gone to the swimming pool just now; I'll return it to him once he reaches home. Thank you for bringing it back, dear."

"Oh, that's alright. It wasn't a big deal," she smiled appreciatively. Turning back to go home, she was attacked by a sudden heavy downpour, which caught her off guard. 

"He'll need the umbrella while coming back," Sunjae's dad thought out loud, mostly to himself.

"I'll give it to him," Eunyoung offered generously.

"Are you sure?" he asked to confirm, but he had already handed her the umbrella, "Thanks a lot!" He said, running off into his house.

So, Eunyoung was off toward the school swimming pool.

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nayoung's notes: eunyoung's animosity towards taesung has begun 👀 i just love wonyoung's expression in the header. that's her judging taesung. hope you liked this chapter!

delphi's notes: eunyoung the original knight in shining armour. the long legs make her work easier.

next chapter: friday! (out now) list of chapters here!

◎﹒⊹ ﹔ . . . feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine.

like the moodboard? it's a teaser for an upcoming fanfic! make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <33

posting this in light of gojo's birthday yesterday!!

(psst... @the-one-and-only-delphi she's defrosting)

xlii. piercing through my soul

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO ─ piercing through my soul.

❛ i wanna hold you just for a while

and die with a smile ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

The chatter and buzz in the interview room rekindled after the cameraman's "Cut!" People switching off all the extra studio lights, packing up their things and chatting with each other. The tense atmosphere that previously hung over the room while the filming was ongoing was replaced with a new friendliness and lightheartedness. Words of encouragement and several people saying "Good job!" seemed to raise everyone's spirits. 

I heaved a quiet sigh the moment the cameras were out. During the interview, I felt as if I had been holding my breath the whole time. Never in my career of doing interviews for famous, influential personalities had I ever felt so nervous. At the same time, I knew I was obviously holding myself back. Every cell in my body wanted to drop all formalities and throw my arms around him and tell him how glad I was to see him. 

His experience writing 'Sonaki' was something that pricked me from inside. His words constantly echoed inside my mind. He met her on a rainy day. It was dangerously similar to how I met Sunjae. A part of me- the hopeful part, wanted to believe desperately that it was me. Despite wanting to hold onto the hope, an anxious and worried voice inside me told me not to get excited over it. It was too good to be true. Him writing a poetic masterpiece about his first love who was none other than me? It sounded impossible. I was also afraid. Afraid of being wrong after thinking it was about me. At the end of the day, I'm nothing more than his fan. And to him, all he's going to remember me is as a distant memory from his teenage years.

I gave in to all my temptations as I stole a glance at Sunjae, sitting across from me rummaging through his bag and talking about something or the other with his manager. I nearly smiled seeing his relaxed posture and radiant glow. Something about him had changed in the best way possible. He looked happy, and that was enough for my heart to be content. For a split second, our eyes met and I tore away forcefully and unnaturally, probably making a fool out of myself. It was too much. Seeing him again uprooted so many repressed feelings.

Soon, he was telling his manager to go on without him and saying that he would be out soon. Watching his manager leave the room, I found myself thinking- Am I really going to be here alone with him? It hadn't even been that long since I'd last seen him, yet my heart pounded in my ears like a thousand drums.

"Hey," he began once he was sure everyone was gone. I nearly jumped out of my skin hearing his voice, "It's been a while, huh? How've you been?"

"Hi," I answered with a small smile. So he remembers me... "Yeah, it's been ages. I've been good. How 'bout you? How's everything?"

"Good, you know. Life's full of surprises," he answered, smiling.

"That's nice to know; You...look... good- like you've been well," I stuttered like an idiot, "This is awkward, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he agreed, sounding disappointed, "It's been too long, I guess."

"Yeah."

An uncomfortable silence filled the air as we both looked here and there, thinking hard about what to say next. It seemed like both of us had a hundred thoughts racing through our minds, but no words nor courage to express them.

"You don't have any like... illness or anything lately, do you?" I asked slowly, afraid of the answer.

"No, not at all," he answered, sounding confused.

"I read some of the articles you wrote," he said after a few more moments of silence.

"About Eclipse?" I asked, sounding a bit too eager.

"Yeah," he replied, fidgeting with his clothes, "And other things. Your writing's as good as ever."

"Thanks," I cracked a real smile, "Should we go? Your manager must be waiting."

"Yeah."

We made our way through the door and into the elevator. I had never realized that our building elevator had no mirror. Or music. I stared at the ground, soaking in all the silence between us. The awkwardness sent a chill down my spine. I wanted to do something. I wanted to tell him that I missed him. But that would make things even more awkward and I would die of embarrassment.

Gosh, were elevator rides here always so insufferable?

The elevator finally stopped at the ground floor after what felt like a million years, and we exited the building, still completely quiet. Standing on the pavement looking onto the highway, I looked up at Sunjae, who was already looking. My face felt hot as I forgot what I was about to say.

"So this is it?" he said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"We should keep in touch this time," I blurted out too quickly. Why was I so jittery? "You can get my number from your manager."

"Yeah, let's do that," he said with a smile, finally showing his beautiful dimples. I returned his smile, feeling my heart swell up at the very sight of a happy Sunjae.

"My manager's car is over there across the street," he said, looking at the black car parked on the other side of the road, "I'll see you?"

"You will," I said with conviction, the smile never leaving my face.

I watched as the made his way across the zebra crossing, going further away, but in that moment, he felt the closest that evening. The soft glow of the streetlamp and the dim starlight seemed to give me a glimmer of hope. That this was the beginning of something new. Something special. Then, as if to throw water over all my happiness, I loud crashing sounded, like a huge truck suddenly stopping. My eyes went wide as my body seemed to freeze from shock. I felt my blood go cold.

Time seemed to splinter into fragments, each one more agonizing than the last, as I watched the massive, green truck barrel forward, unstoppable. There was a horrid screeching of brakes, but it was too late—the impact was thunderous, like the world cracking open right before my eyes. Sunjae's body collided with the force of the vehicle, a sickening blur of motion as he was thrown to the ground, his form limp and unmoving.

A piercing cry escaped my throat, one I barely recognized as my own. My chest constricted, an unbearable ache tearing through me as if the impact had shattered not only him but every part of me, too. For a brief, surreal moment, I couldn't move; I was paralyzed, bound by the horror of what I'd just witnessed, by the helplessness sinking like iron into my bones.

I stumbled forward, heart hammering wildly, tears blurring my vision as I rushed toward him. "Sunjae!" I cried, my voice trembling, desperate. My knees hit the ground beside him, the unforgiving pavement scraping through the fabric of my jeans, but I barely registered the sting. All I could see was his stillness, his face pale and serene in a way that frightened me more than any amount of pain ever could.

A sob broke free, raw and guttural, as I reached for his hand, cold and heavy in mine. Memories flooded my mind—his laughter, his warmth, the look in his eyes when he talked about the future, a future I suddenly couldn't see. It was slipping from me, unraveling like sand through my fingers, and I was powerless to stop it. The sight of him lying there, broken, filled me with a heartbreak so deep I felt hollowed out from within. I could feel my heart shattering, piece by piece, each shard lodging painfully within me.

"Please...please, Sunjae," I whispered, voice breaking as I clutched his hand, unable to stop my tears. The world had collapsed around us, reduced to this one horrible moment, to the unbearable thought of losing him.

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nana's notes: sunjae's death breaks me in every timeline.

delphi's notes: here we go again.

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxvi. those eyes

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX ─ those eyes.

❛ we got nothing else to do, and nothing else to lose ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Time seemed to be rolling by as I tried my best to help Sunjae with algebra. His dread had considerably reduced, and I thought it was good enough. I had given him a few problems to solve on his own, and I was sitting with my back turned to him. I couldn't help but stare at the pictures on the shelf of Sunjae at his swimming tournaments. So many of them decked the walls. It made me realize just how huge his swimming career must have been. I could almost feel his hurt when he was forced to quit. It filled me with a strange determination and protectiveness. I wanted to save him so desperately.

Then there were other, rather trivial and silly thoughts racing through my mind. Even with wet hair sticking to his face, he looked as handsome as ever. The teenager inside me seemed to be staring at his astonishing figure. I had never realized how incredible his proportions were. Wide shoulders with a torso that tapered towards the waist. I quickly looked away, hot-faced.

I shifted my gaze to my bedroom window which I could see from Sunjae's window. They were so close by. My mind couldn't fathom how all these years, I had been so close to Sunjae; If I had just opened my eyes and sought him out...

Fate had brought us together by some miracle that even I couldn't explain. It was magic. Like some kind of supernatural forces were working to bring us closer. My heart yearned to hold onto the hope that destiny would do it's part and Sunjae would get the happy ending he deserved. Every night was me shutting down the self-doubt that I didn't have the power to change anything.

My eyes fell on the clock, and that was when I realized we had been studying for more than two hours. I quickly shifted back to where Sunjae was sitting, and found him sleeping silently with his head resting on his hands. A smile surfaced on my face. You've worked hard, Sunjae. I placed my two hands on the space next to him and rested my head in a way that I could look at him. My eyes examined his features, as if I was trying to memorize every little detail on his face. His eyes were shut softly, his face showing no signs of discomfort or pain. This is how I wished him to be forever. At peace. The moment my gaze landed on his lips, it was as if a magnetic force prevented me from looking away. Perfect, pillowy... they looked so soft. My mind wandered back to the time we had almost kissed- maybe that was my imagination? I had no idea.

Then, his eyes opened slowly, blinkingly. I was taken aback, but I remained motionless, unable to divert my gaze. At first, I witnessed a confusion in his eyes and then we seemed to melt into each other's gaze. In that moment, our eyes seemed to be delivering professions of love our mouths could never have the courage to voice.

To shatter the moment, the turn of the doorknob sounded in the room, and we weren't nearly quick enough to pull away when Sunjae's dad entered the room. We were suddenly jerked awake, back to reality in an instant. I sat up completely straight, blinking rapidly. 

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry, I-" Sunjae's dad trailed off, a smirk appearing on his face. He backed away, closing the door, leaving me and Sunjae in a state of awkwardness.

"Talk about bad timing," Sunjae muttered, in response to which Eunyoung forced out a chuckle. Did he really have to walk in at that moment? 

"I should get going then," I said, rubbing the back of my neck and gathering my books, "It's been, what, two hours? Let's continue next time?"

"Yeah," he said. Neither of us seemed to know what to say or how to act, "What about the practice problems?"

"Homework?"

He laughed, and it almost sounded genuine. I smiled at him.

"Thanks," he called out just as I was leaving, following me down the staircase, "Thanks for doing this for me."

"Anytime."

When we came down to the living room, it was almost as if his dad had been waiting, smirking this whole time. I didn't have it in me to say anything to him, so I gave him a quick bow as I made my way to the front door, Sunjae close behind me. Just before I went home, our eyes met once again. Our lips stretched into a smile, as if it was instinct. And then I was off. 

Despite my evident embarrassment, the moment in Sunjae's room had made one thing astonishingly clear. I was in love with Ryu Sunjae, and there was no going back.

💿

On reaching home, I was met with a full on interrogation by my mother. Her flushed face and eyes wide with rage made me realize that she must have fought with Yumi. A sense of guilt washed over me because I couldn't help Yumi as much as I hoped to.

"Where were you?" she asked me, her voice irritable.

"I was at Sunjae's house," I explained calmly, "I'm helping him study."

She went quiet, and sat down on the couch. I took the seat beside her and grabbed her hand, "It's not Taesung's fault, you know," I said gently.

"I know..." she whispered.

💿

I sat in my room, deep in thought as my mind replayed todays events over and over. I had the most trivial anxieties racing through my brain. I sat staring at Sunjae's window, trying to make sense of the mess in me. I could practically see Sunjae's eyes staring into mine. I didn't want to get my hopes up by thinking that Sunjae replicated my feelings. At the same time, the fear of losing him crept in my mind, gnawing on my self- doubt.

I scribbled another note on a piece of paper- "If you ask for flowers, don't be surprised if it starts to rain. The hardships you're facing are only temporary. Happier days are coming."

The moment after the paper airplane landed on Sunjae's window, my phone buzzed, interrupting my train of thoughts. It was a text message from my father.

Eunyoung, I want to meet you, I've missed you.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: this chapter was a whole rollercoaster ride tbh

delphi's notes: someone check on yumi pls

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!