Wip | Kim Seungmin

COLLEGESLUTS.COM — IDEA 686 | HHJ

Part one of the CSC series. You can find this series’ masterpost here. This can be read as a stand-alone, but you may have questions that will be answered in future installations. Keep in mind this is the intro.

There are three things you hate more than anything: 1. Your english Lit. professor, 2. Frat parties, and last but most definitely not least, 3. CollegeSluts.com and their founders. There are three things Hyunjin hates more than anything: 1. College, 2. Back alley blowjobs, and 3. The frustrating desire to fuck you silly.

PAIRING: hyunjin x f!reader

GENRE: enemies to lovers; smut; crack; angst; college au

WC: 17k…. fear me! (also broke my record!!)

WARNINGS: reader is going through it and will continue to go through it. there’s no development for them at all in this installment i apologize (😭) reader calls skz sex-crazed demons, she’s very confused but not irrational, there’s not many warnings besides for the smut— profanity, alcohol consumption, mentions of alcoholism, annoying characters, insanely inexperienced reader, bet making, one-sided hatred, hyunjin wants to figure you out & thank god for that otherwise this series wouldn’t exist, sexual tension bottled up as hate bc yn is stupid. virgin/corruption kink, loss of virginity, overstimulation, dirty talking, unprotected sex…, creampie, fingering, pussy eating, teasing, breast play, and i think that’s it…

A/N: hi angels, i finished this in three days somehow and even though i didn’t plan on this being my post for 400, we hit it recently so this is it! and it’s fitting since a lot of people are waiting for this series <3 I hope you enjoy the first installment, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, my ask box, or in a reblog! & lmk if you want to be added to the taglist for this fic or my permanent one which is linked below! i hate writing the introduction to a fic and if you feel like this entire one-shot is pointless i promise it’s not 😭 there’s a lot of drama to come soon but i had to establish some things first!

i managed to make a playlist for this series! please enjoy 👩🏾‍💻

mlist; taglist; navi; | ⇦ previous | next ⇨

There are three things you hate more than anything.

Your english lit. professor

Frat parties

last, but most definitely not least, collegesluts. com and it’s founders.

It’s the literal bane of your existence, the reason why it’s so hard for you to sleep at night, and the one thing that makes your skin itch even more than the fuzzy sweaters your grandma knits every winter season.

Maybe if the creator of the site wasn’t such a douchebag, and maybe if the site users weren’t even worse, you wouldn’t abhor it as much as you did. But that’s a lot of maybes— ones that create a reality much different than your own and don’t make you feel much better.

You were first introduced to the hellsite in your second year of college— only made a year before. After you found out, age twenty hanging high over your head and no longer a fresh face in the school system, you’d tried and failed to get it shut down. Multiple times.

Happy, carefree people, would just ignore its existence— get on with their life, allow people to be college sluts in peace, but you couldn’t do that. Only you saw it for what it was, right? A sex site for college-goers to ruin their lives before it even started. Everyone else was too blissed out, a hand shoved in their pants every night as they watched their classmates fuck each other without fail. Only you could really see—

“Hello, can you hear!?”

Your eyebrows furrow at the voice behind you and your shoulders tighten when a finger pokes harshly at your skin.

“What?” You groan, rubbing the section of your arm that was unjustly abused. “Can you just be nice like a normal person?”

“Well, you’re an asshole so why would I be nice to you?”

“Fuck off Seungmin. What do you want?”

The only thing that betrays the fact that he heard you at all is the laugh that echoes behind you. Your chest tightens in response, and you fold your arms over your chest.

Kim Seungmin. A close fourth on your list of things you hate more than anything else. He was one of the users on the-site-that-must-not-be-named. A platinum member actually, a fact that always made your skin burn even in the coldest of weather. He was even friends with the site creators, and you wouldn’t doubt he had a hand in making it completely. He’d never been shy in supporting his use of the site, because nowadays regular cam sites were somehow uncool. He even had shirts with the college sluts logo in big, bold, letters. He was a part of one of the things you couldn’t stand. A big part of it even, but you ignored all that so you could call him your best— and one of your only— friends.

Kim Seungmin is first on the things you love, and that automatically removes him from the list of things you hate. When an arm slings itself across your shoulders you barely react, simply steering you both in the direction of your first class. It’s too early to deal with your best friend, and especially his toothy remarks and sarcasm, but you don’t say so and simply allow him to talk your ear off while you concern yourself with more important things.

Things like Hwang Hyunjin and Christopher Bang. The admins of College Sluts and the cause of the twitch in your brow. Sometimes the amount of hatred you felt for the two amazed you. To others, they were college boys— hotter than most, smart, talented, promiscuous. They had a good personality, a future, and were people a lot of other people got along with (and their other friends but you won’t get into that lest you pop a vessel).

To you, it’s agree to disagree. In short, they’ve got everyone totally fooled. Only sex-crazed low lifes actually managed to create a porn site. It’s one thing to think of it, sprawled around their dorm rooms knocked off their ass and barely sober, but it’s another thing to actually do it— work hard on it, execute such ideas— it’s completely baffling to you. How can no one see how perverted that is? You don’t even know what to call it, but the fire that erupts in your gut is enough to tell you that it’s bad.

There’s a bunch of girls and guys crowding around them, laughing and hugging and touching. Touching as if they were in the privacy of their home and not outside where others could see. It makes your chest heat up, and makes weird maggots swallow up your stomach, leaving a tingly feeling in its wake. You hate it. They’re demons. Sex-crazed demons.

“God, I’m starting to think you’re like anti-sex or something.”

You grunt.

“Literally we’re just walking by and you look like you’re contemplating murder.”

You hum.

“Jesus,” Seungmin sighs, shaking his head before waving over at his friends. More like his sinner acquaintances. Don’t get it wrong, you’re not overly religious or particularly shameful— despite how you might seem— but it’s something about that entire group (Seungmin sometimes included) that makes you feel like breaking something. Choking something? Crying? Screaming? You’re not sure anymore.

When you catch Hyunjin’s eye he smirks and you frown. Just the sight of him is enough to make your head hurt and your knees weak. At least, that makes sense to you. The rest of the student body? Not so much.

You hoist your bag up on your shoulder and tear your gaze away from him. Your building isn’t much farther and if you squint really hard you can pretend you don’t see Hyunjin approaching from the corner of your eye. It’s a hot day and when he sidles up to you, shoulders almost touching, it gets much hotter.

“Hey,” he greets, slapping palms with Seungmin and holding one down low for you. Your hand hesitates, almost greeting him in return before you slap his arm and send a glare his way.

“Bye,” you grit, turning your head away from him and grabbing at Seungmin’s arm. “I have somewhere to be.”

“Loosen up!” He calls, his long legs easily catching up to your fast pace. “I just wanted to say hi to my favorite girl.”

Your breath stutters the tiniest bit but you ignore it, not bothering to grant that remark an answer. Hyunjin is flirty. Too flirty. Stupid flirty. The kind of flirty that gets girls like you all riled up even when you’re supposed to be hating him, even when you’re supposed to curse the very ground he walks on, and it just makes the dreadful maggots in your system start up their annoying fluttering.

Seungmin doesn’t say anything, even when your grip on his arm tightens at a painful rate. You will your heart to stop beating so damn hard and for your entire body to stop reacting so easily to him. You don’t even know him so why does he hold so much influence over you? Someone like him? Someone who spends their time and their intelligence on a haphazard college porn site? No. No way.

“What do you want, Hyunjin?”

The devil with the long brown hair, and soft cheeks, and cute dimples takes the chance to lean close to your ear, making sure you hear whatever it is he has to say.

“Don’t be too mad at me, bug. I just wanted to tell you that you look gorgeous today.” Hyunjin pats your cheek, smiling before he leans away, turning back the way he came.

“See you later.”

And that’s that. The sex demon comes to set your cheeks ablaze and leaves once he’s done, letting you deal with your muddled feelings on your own. Once you start walking again, ignoring the stare boring into your cheeks and the confusing pounding of your heart, there’s only three words on your mind.

Fuck Hwang Hyunjin.

There are three things Hyunjin hates more than anything:

1. College

2. Back alley blowjobs

3. The frustratingly clear desire he has to fuck you silly.

Hyunjin isn’t sure when he realized it exactly. He doesn’t even know why he reacts to you so strongly. If you were anyone else he probably wouldn’t give you a second glance. He’s sure of it. Maybe it’s the desire to want something you can’t have, or the fact that you aren’t groveling at his feet.

It’s not like Hyunjin has any idea of why exactly you’re so hellbent on hating his guts, nor does he really care all that much. So you don’t like College Sluts, that’s your right as is anyone else’s, but it’s not like he’s shoving the damn shit in your face. He minds his business, manages his porn site, and does it all with a smile on his face. You, though? It’s a miracle he’s seen you smile once. And that was when he wasn’t paying attention and knocked into someone carrying a full tray of food.

Chan laughs at him all the time and so does Minho, wondering if he has some weird kink for wanting people who clearly don’t want him back, but more and more he’s thinking that isn’t the case. He’s always been bold, always been a bit flirty even when he wasn’t trying, and he knows he’s easy on the eyes. It’s not a secret, but your reaction to him isn’t one of disdain or clear attraction, but rather confusion, and that confuses him.

He flips the mic in his hands, switching between cradling it and flinging it every which way. The speakers of the karaoke system effectively drag him from his thoughts as the music gets louder and Jisung spins Felix around on their makeshift stage. Whoops and hollers echo from around them, the rest of their friends cheering at the performance in front of them. Hyunjin can’t bring himself to laugh even as a smile threatens to take hold of his features.

“Yo, what’s up with you?” Jisung plops down beside him, slinging an arm around Hyunjin's shoulders as puffs of breath leave his lips. “You’ve been sitting here brooding. What’s going on?”

“I don’t brood,” Hyunjin argues, though he maneuvers his body so he can tell Jisung exactly what has him brooding. “It’s just— I’m still thinking about Y/n.”

“Bro.”

“It doesn’t seem weird to you?”

“Weird that she’s just not interested? This is a new low, Hyunjin. Not everyone is gonna be attracted to you—”

“I know, but that’s not what I’m saying. Doesn’t her whole attitude towards us seem a bit excessive? All over a website.”

“It’s not your typical website.”

“Sung, it’s probably one of the safest porn sites out there because of how exclusive it is. No one but students here can get on it.”

“Does she know that?”

“That’s my point,” Hyunjin sighs, running a hand through his hair before starting again. “If she doesn’t even know the full details of the site, how can she possibly hate it? Hate us?”

Jisung pauses, looking back towards the stage. It’s true that all eight of them have thought about this at least once. They know there’s people who hate the website, who steer clear of it in all instances, but none who have made petitions and gone to the superintendent requesting an audience about it. No one who’s actively been so hateful to them specifically, refusing to look in their direction unless it’s to send a glare their way.

“Maybe there's another reason?” Jisung offers, sending Hyunjin a sideways glance. “I mean, maybe she just hates porn.”

Hyunjin snorts at that. How can anyone hate porn?

“You’re laughing but I’m dead serious. Has she ever even had a partner?”

“How the fuck would I know?”

“You think about her 24/7. I wouldn't be surprised if you knew what she ate for breakfast.”

“Not fucking funny.”

Jisung barks out a laugh, falling over into Hyunjin’s space. “Don’t worry, you’ll get over it soon.”

Hyunjin isn’t so sure but he nods anyway, allowing Jisung to go back to the stage for the next song. Hyunjin knocks back his drink, throat constricting barely at the bitter taste. He doesn’t care. He really doesn’t, but there’s something weird about your behavior and he’s more than determined to figure it out. Maybe he needs to just mind his business but fuck that, he thinks, no one is gonna hate him for no reason. Maybe he’s a little too riled up at that, maybe Jisung is right and this is a new low. Maybe he just really can’t deal with rejection well. Maybe.

Minho’s screeching into the mic does it’s hardest to ruin Hyunjin’s night, but the way the rest of his friends tackle him and attempt to steal the mic just makes him laugh, leaving a warm feeling in his chest. This is all he needs— his friends and a good drink to put a smile on his face. And the college porn site he worked very hard on, of course.

The group only gets through a few more songs before they decide to leave, deciding to ignore the fact that some of them have classes in six hours or that they’ll be nursing a bad headache for the entirety of it. Hyunjin is one of them. He laughs along with his friends as they walk, and he watches them from where he stands in the back.

Jisung has his phone out and is making a concerned face, typing furiously on the device. Either they’re having technical issues or his girlfriend is getting on his ass once again. Minho has an arm slung around his shoulders, laughing at whatever it is he’s typing and whoever it is that’s typing back. Next to them Felix and Jeongin have joined hands and Felix swings them back and forth, giggling as he does. Jeongin pretends he doesn’t like it, like usual, but Hyunjin notices the hint of a smile on his face. He always notices.

Chan and Changbin are quiet on either side of him, walking in the tranquil quiet that’s always rare for their group. It feels incomplete— Hyunjin wishes Seungmin could’ve come. He doesn’t know how the boy manages to be friends with the creators of the CSC and also be friends with its #1 hater. Maybe he’s selling secrets, telling you everything about the site, all its loopholes and glitches. Maybe he’s working against them now, coming up with a plan to shut them down once and for all, though Hyunjin doesn’t know if that’s possible.

Right after those thoughts trickle into his mind, he thinks about Seungmin wearing the handmade “merch” for the site, and doesn’t entertain them any longer. It would be ridiculous— even for him— to think that someone who repped college sluts like it was their brand would ever work even harder to tear it away.

The knot in his throat that’s been squeezing at his airways since earlier that night relaxes just a little. He’s never actually said this to anyone, but just as much as he thinks about why you hate him, he thinks about whether Seungmin will hate him too; about if he’ll lose a friend due to reasons he’s not even sure of. As much as he thinks about why you hate him so badly, he thinks about why he doesn’t hate you right back. He wonders why he— instead of wanting nothing to do with you— wants to know everything about you. Why he wants to understand you when you’ve made no effort to understand him, or worse, made up your own mind about who he is without even attempting to entertain the idea that maybe you’re wrong.

Hyunjin has lived his whole life suffering from other people's ideas of him, from their expectations that they held with no prior consultation with him, from the perfect picture of him in their minds that didn’t correlate with the real Hyunjin. He’s had his fair share of wondering, thinking, wanting. And it’s disappointing to see how even after all this time, since childhood, nothing has changed. He’s always wanted what he’s not allowed to have, but it’s not for lack of trying.

They don’t arrive at their frat house quick enough. As soon as the door opens into the building Hyunjin feels like falling asleep on the couch. It wouldn’t be the first time, but he’s also not sure what last happened on that couch. Between spilled drinks and sex that was too rushed to even make it to a bedroom he’d rather take his chances on an actual bed. Chan doesn’t bother to turn the lights on when he comes in, and the seven of them shuffle around each other, spilling into the living room or into the kitchen to grab drinks and snacks as if they didn’t just come back from eating.

Hyunjin knows he’s been distant all night but he can’t be bothered to care as he sends a quick good night his friends’ way and makes his way upstairs. The house holds eight other boys besides them and he’s surprised none of them are downstairs or hanging around even at the late hour. Though, Hyunjin reasons, most of them have girlfriends and the few others that don’t are seniors and probably pull all-nighters in the library or some shit.

Hyunjin doesn’t want to think about that. The year only started back up again a few months ago, he doesn’t need to be thinking about work anymore than he already does. He makes a good living even without a real job, so he’s taking shit day by day. It’s not like anyone else is much different. Most of his seniors are cramming because they were so carefree. Hyunjin doesn’t think about the implications of that either.

The softness of his bed is long overdue and his body sinks into the plush bedding. He strips off his shirt and pants, not bothering to make his way to a shower or put pajamas on or do anything really. He has five hours before he needs to wake back up and this is nothing if not a power nap that won’t help him get through any lectures the next day. Or, later that day rather.

Hyunjin doesn’t concern himself with that though, because there’s only one thing that’s on his mind when he falls asleep and when he wakes up, and that’s what he’s going to say to you tomorrow morning in the first class of the day.

The first thing you manage to think of when you wake up is how best you’re going to ignore Hyunjin today. You’ve been brainstorming, wondering which response will humble him the best, maybe make him speechless for long enough that you can get away. If only those getaways could last forever, you sigh, pulling a fitted tee over your head. It’s low-cut, makes your cleavage pop just a little bit more, and you add a necklace for that exact reason.

You’re not the sex-crazed demon that the CSC most definitely are, but you do like a little attention every now and again even if you don’t get that much action. Or any, really, and you’re just fine with that. It’s one of the reasons why you don’t like the CSC. There’s no reason to sexify everything, and that’s exactly what they do. People can get by just fine without it.

Just fine? Seungmin would probably jab, but he’s not here right now and he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You are just fine, but the mention of the-site-that-must-not-be-named just fills your stomach with stones and ignites your nerves like nothing else does. To you, that’s more than enough proof that it’s the CSC’s fault— not yours.

Anyway, today is the day you have to see Hyunjin bright and early, which always manages to set your day off to a bad start. No one should have to deal with him at this time of day, or any time of day, and you pity the ones that do. Seeing Chan isn’t rare, but he doesn’t talk to you like Hyunjin does. He stares every now and again, gives you a lazy smirk, and is generally sexy as much as it pains you to admit it, but he doesn’t bother you. Though you know he probably talks about you. His stares are too knowing, way too insightful even when you don’t really know each other.

The rest of the boys you’ve talked to on a few occasions. They aren’t as insufferable, but they are associated with Hyunjin and Chan and are, in fact, involved in the upkeep of the-site-that-must-not-be-named. To you, that’s more than enough reason to at the least dislike them. You don’t hold soft spots for any of them, except maybe Felix who seems way too sweet to be a sex demon, but then again, it’s always the nice ones.

Besides, it doesn’t matter what they say to you or don’t say, or if they look at you or not, or if they even know you exist. It really doesn’t matter. You shake the thoughts from your head vigorously, ashamed at the fact that you spent the first hour of your morning on them. It’s unbecoming of you. It’s good to remind yourself not to actively concern yourself with any of them, and simply fight for the site’s demolition like you’ve been doing.

Seungmin says you have no life, but Seungmin also wears T-shirts with cartoonish, glittery pink boobs and the site’s name in glittery cursive letters. You don’t think Seungmin should have an opinion.

The last time you attempted to do anything about the site was roughly two months ago, a month after school started back. You took your time to settle in, fall into a routine, and get your work and classes in order before resuming your mission. It was arduous, brainstorming and juggling school work, but it was your responsibility since no one else would work hard enough.

A quick shuffle through any of your things would tell people you were a perfectionist— articulate in your placement of items and the way you did things. Even taking the time to plan certain outings to a T, determined to make sure everything goes well. It’s not a secret how obsessive you get over things and how uncomfortable or incomplete you feel when things don’t go your way, when you have to follow someone else’s idea of how things should work. It’s the reason why most people don’t get along with you because to them you’re too controlling, too compulsive and dominating.

When you were a child that fact had bothered you. It was confusing— that was just your nature, and you wouldn’t have survived your childhood without it based on the way your parents lived. When kids would shun you, treat you like something sticky at the bottom of their shoe, it hurt your young heart. You felt apologetic simply for acting the way you always felt like you should act, for doing the things that left you satisfied after. Now, in college, no one demands classmates to get along, no one can shun you in the cafeteria and force you to eat in the library. If they don’t like you it’s fine with you, frankly it doesn’t matter. You have one goal and one goal only, and once that’s over with you can move on.

When you step out of your dorm the sun is blinding, shining down with unforgiving rays of light. All you can do is squint, tilt your head down a little and wish you had a hat. The walk to the Art’s building is long, but feels longer with how warm it is. The heat shimmies its way under your clothes and into your skin, from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.

The scenery on the walk there is always breathtaking though, the pavement that makes up the pathway to the building is closed in by blades of grass that have been cut and trimmed to perfection. Rocks make up the border between them— large smooth stones that vary in size but are more or less the same oval shape. There’s an entire garden full of all types of flowers, Gardenias, Lilies, Irises, Tulips, and even some you can’t name. At the entrance of the building there are bright lights that illuminate at least 25 feet in front of it at night, and wide hedges that have been designed to look like swans, their necks curved in a way that if they were moved next to each other they’d be forming a heart. White flowers grow inside the hedges serving to make the entire scene look more beautiful, and as much as you hate walking there, the view is unmatched.

The Art building has always been your safe haven, Art in general being your home away from home. It took a long time for you to feel comfortable studying it— always caught up in the what if. What if you can’t make a living from it? What if you end up not liking it as you grow older? What if it’s not a sustainable career? Questions that still plague you often, and stop you from putting as much of your heart in it as you’d wish. These classes are somewhat self-indulgent. A way for you to escape from the hectic mess that is your life, away from the stress of work, from the anxiety of what comes next, and from the infuriating instances that continue without your control— away from the things you can’t control so you can run to things you can. So imagine your horror when you found out Hwang Hyunjin was in the same class as you. At the same time. Doing the same thing.

It felt like your escape wasn’t yours anymore, and that the stress from your day followed you everywhere you went. It wasn’t enough for Hyunjin to pester you often— he had to be everywhere you were too.

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves, setting your shoulders and regain the poise you take pride in– carrying yourself with the confidence you wish you had. It doesn’t take long for you to make your way to the entrance of the building, as you walk, having been kissed by the scorching light of the sun and brushed against by dewy blades of grass. It feels surreal and staggering to be outside alone so early in the morning, yet peaceful, for you know that it will be long before you get this chance again.

“Bug!”

Oh no. no no no. You walk faster, hoping to make it inside before Hyunjin can catch up to you. Hyunjin is never this early. He either comes right on time or late to the frustration of your teachers and peers although no one would ever say it to his face. You can hear his feet against the pavement louder and louder as he comes closer to you, catching up just when you take the first step up the stairs to the entrance.

“You didn’t hear me, bug?”

“Stop calling me bug.”

“Sorry, bug,” Hyunjin laughs, putting a heavy arm over your shoulders and bringing you closer.

You roll your eyes so hard it feels like they’re gonna stick. Maybe they should so you don’t ever have to see Hyunjin again. Maybe he’d think you look scary like that, your eyes rolled up forever. Maybe then he’d leave you alone.

Hyunjin is annoying. He always acts like you’re his friend, but you know it’s fake because why would he want to be friends with you, someone who hates everything he works hard on and hates him as well to an extent. It seems overly fake and forced to you, so you don’t ever entertain it. The last thing you need is to fall for it and then be made out to look like an idiot when he eventually embarrasses you.

“It’s too early.”

“It’s never too early, pretty.”

“It’s always too early to be dealing with you,” You groan, wrenching his arm away from where it laid over your shoulders. “Why are you talking to me?”

“Why not?” Hyunjin asks, seemingly unaffected by your attitude towards him. He shoves his hands in his pockets, his shoulders raised up to his chin in a shrug. “I like talking to you.”

You snort, looking up at him with eyebrows raised, “You like talking to me, the one person— possibly in this world— who absolutely hates you, and barely spares you the time of day?” You ask, tilting your head in mock confusion. “I’m sure this is the longest we’ve ever had a conversation, but nice try.” You squeeze his cheeks, hard, and when he swats your hand away you can’t help the giggle that you let out. If his cheeks felt like dough under your fingers you’re choosing to ignore that, wiping a hand on your jeans with way more intensity than needed.

“But see,” Hyunjin starts again, “We’re having a conversation right now and neither of us wanna choke each other.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m barely resisting the urge to punt your head like a baseball.”

It’s silent for a moment before you both burst out into a fit of giggles. Hyunjin braces himself against his knees as he laughs, his hair falling over his face as he does, and you’re not much better— staggering where you stand to laugh with him. It only takes a few seconds for you both to calm down, and slowly the reality of what happened catches up to you.

“Do you even punt baseballs?” Hyunjin snorts, and you just laugh harder.

“I don’t know, Hyunjin, if you haven’t noticed I’m at the arts building not sports.” You wheeze, fighting through another laugh. “Now I’m just imagining your head flying over the gardens.”

Hyunjin lets out another chuckle but shivers a bit at the thought. He waits for you to calm down, your giggles turning into small huffs. A hint of a smile still remains on your cheeks, and the sun shines down so strongly on your features it feels like he’s seeing an angel— like divinity right in front of his eyes. When you straighten up, he can see every movement. The way you position your bag upright, the way a bit of your gums poke out from your lips. Your lips, soft, glossy, and look the most perfect in a smile. He can see the way your eyebrows lose the tension from your laughing fit, the way the crinkle of your eyes lessen as your face relaxes. He can see everything, so he can also see when your lips fall back into a firm line, when your eyebrows go back to that angry stance they always hold when you’re around him. The way your shoulders stiffen, and the grip on your bag tightens. He can see everything, and he reminds himself the only time you laugh is when he’s the butt of the joke.

“I’m going to class,” You murmur, walking the rest of the way up the stairs and into the building without looking back or waiting for him to respond. Though Hyunjin wonders what he would’ve even said.

I’ll come with you.

We can sit together.

No, you both can’t do anything together, and more and more Hyunjin wonders why he even wants to.

“You were laughing with Hwang Hyunjin? The sex demon??” Your friend hisses from next to you, stringing a lock of hair behind her ear. “You?”

“Yes, me, Jieun.” You huff. “I can barely believe it either. What did he do to me? I hate him, I can’t show weakness by laughing around him.”

“Honey,” Jieun laughs, leaning towards you, “You can laugh. Honestly the fact that you ran away after is hilarious.”

“I didn’t run away.”

“You ran away.”

“I didn’t run.”

Jieun settles on you with a heavy stare, face slack, and you roll your eyes. “Fine, I walked away.”

“I don’t know how either of you take each other seriously.”

“I don’t take him seriously.”

“Yeah you do, babe. You refuse to laugh around him. That’s very serious.”

You snort.

“And the fact that he gives you the time of day when this is the dumbest feud possible… I just don’t understand it.”

“It’s not dumb.” You sputter, smoothing your hand over the glossy wooden desk of the classroom. “It’s…” You trail off, staring into the large windows at the side of the room. You cock your head and lean forward, jaw slack when the sex demon himself waves outside. “Oh what a stalker.” You growl, throwing up the middle finger in his direction. “He’s got his little posse following him too.”

When Jieun makes to wave back you smack the back of her head and groan when she gives you an affronted look.

“What was that for?” Jieun exclaims, bringing a hand up to rub against the back of her head.

“Don’t fraternize with the enemy,” You hiss, folding your arms over your chest and staring back at your professor.

“Are you gonna explain the feud—”

“No.”

In your opinion, class doesn’t end quickly enough. You split with Jieun at the entrance, the both of you going in opposite directions, and attempt to reorder your frazzled mind. So you laughed. A lot of people laugh at people they hate. Plus, he laughed too— so why should you be overthinking it? You’ve laughed before, in situations you weren’t supposed to, and this is no different. Now you just need to make sure it never happens again. You nod to yourself as you walk, pulling out your phone to make sure Seungmin is already at the meeting spot.

The sun is still just as ruthless as it was earlier, but a light breeze grazes your skin and rustles the trees along the sidewalk and in the field in front of you. There’s a bunch of picnic tables, some occupied and some of them not. There’s groups of friends sitting under trees, some couples, some of them alone; reading or completing assignments in the nice weather. You spot Seungmin a few tables down, a brown sweater over a collared shirt and cute glasses perched upon his nose.

You take your time walking to the table, letting your skin soak in the warmth and tranquil peace of nature. When Seungmin spots you he shuffles over, giving you some space to sit next to him and you do, mumbling a small hey before knocking your head against the table.

“You’re going to a party with me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Seungmin… Hi, how are you? How was your day? No, I’m not.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“Well, unless you’re going to drag me, no I’m not.”

“I just might,” Seungmin sighs, “Why are you so difficult?”

“Difficult? You’re the one being difficult. I don’t want to go and you’re telling me it’s not a choice.”

“Because it’s not.”

You let out a groan, a long torturous one that has people turning their head to a straight faced Seungmin and you who’s head is still knocked against the table. When people think it’s stopped it starts all over again, a guttural groan filled with displeasure and frustration that loosens your chest when it’s done.

“Are you done?”

“Leave me alone.”

“It’s on Saturday. I can pick you up.” Seungmin says instead of arguing.

“Today’s Thursday.” You whine, just stopping yourself from letting out another groan— one that wouldn’t ever stop for as long as you have to deal with Kim Seungmin and his annoying, snarky, bossy self.

“…. I’m aware.” Seungmin says, and you don’t even have to look at him to know he’s making a face like and so what?

“I can’t stand you, I hope you know that. No type of warning, no preparation… I don’t party. I need at least two weeks to mentally prepare myself and another two weeks to get an outfit.”

“Damn.” Seungmin says, but he rubs a hand against your back, lightly pushing you to lift your head from the table. “Listen, I’ll help you. And it’s being thrown by people I know so you don’t have to worry. I don’t think many people throw college parties a month in advance but I’ll keep that in mind.”

All you can do is nod, waiting patiently as Seungmin finishes whatever assignment he’s working on. You’ve already completed the ones you have, the pro of not having much else to do and being on top of things always. Everyday you both meet up here, either at a table or under one of the trees and talk. Read, finish assignments, or even eat snacks. There have been some times where you meet there and then go somewhere else together, rarely off campus but it happens, and you get something to eat or go on a mini adventure. It’s the highlight of your day and you’re sure it is for Seungmin too, but you’d never admit that to each other. You don’t have to, though, because you’re both always on the same wavelength especially when it counts the most.

Though now he’s given you something else to worry about, that being this sudden party. It’s no doubt being held by a frat house, and you have an inkling which house it is. You haven’t asked, trying not to pop the bubble of secureness that surrounds you. You can go to a party being held by the CSC. You can, and you will, and if it isn’t being held by them then that’s even better. You try to convince yourself you really don’t care at all, but the thought remains. Can you really enjoy yourself at a party being held by them? You don’t know why it bothers you so much or why you feel so uncomfortable having a good time around them, but you just keep repeating the same thing to yourself over and over. It doesn’t matter.

“Jieun told me what happened this morning.”

“Of course she did.” You sigh, staring ahead at the group of squirrels running up a tree. The people under it startle when leaves start to fall over their heads. “We just left each other, how did she find the time to text you all that?”

“She called me,” Seungmin cackles, braces on full display as he scribbles furiously into his notebook. “Every story I hear about you and Hyunjin is against my will.”

“Every interaction between me and Hyunjin is against my will,” You counter, shifting so that you face him. “What did she say?”

“That you laughed with him and it embarrassed you. That you’re confused about your feelings towards him.”

“So are you two my therapists now? I’m not confused. I don’t like the things he does— I don’t like his carefree attitude, how he has no problem talking to me like we’re friends. I don’t like- No, I hate the fact that so many people fucking praise him because he created some crude porn site.”

Your heart rate picks up, your hand gripping at your jeans as a poor attempt to conceal your growing frustration. “I don’t like the fact that no one else sees what’s wrong with it. We shouldn’t have a fucking porn site for college students? I don’t think we should know what we all look like under our clothes and I’m tired of everyone acting like I'm the crazy one. He’s the perverted one, the weird one. Who the fuck thinks of something like that? It’s not just him, it’s all of them.”

Seungmin ponders your words, the grip on his pen tightening ever so slightly. “Hyunjin is a good guy. All of them are, and if that’s how you feel then why do you talk to me? I use the site, I'm their friend, I’ve helped them out when making it. Aren’t I weird and perverted too?”

You sigh, “Seungmin…”

“Help me understand. Because if you can stand to be around me, then why can’t you be around them? Or try.”

“It isn’t the same and you know it. It’s easy to ignore it when it’s you. That’s them. They are the CSC to me. A reminder of everything I hate, what I want to get rid of.”

“But why the hell does it matter? People want to use the site and that’s why they do. No one is fucking forcing it.”

“You guys just don’t understand it. None of you do. It’s like you’re blinded by it or something.”

“We’re grown adults, Y/N,” Seungmin growls, “We don’t need you to be a guardian fucking angel.”

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy, just because all you fucking care about is sex or some college sluts, like can you actually be that shallow?”

“Why is it so hard for you to see reason? Do you see how angry you’re getting at me for asking a simple question? You asked me what Jieun said and I told you.” Seungmin spits, shutting his book with a slam.

“Stop asking me about that site. Stop making me seem like some confused hateful person just because you’re too dense to understand where I’m coming from. I’m not confused, I know exactly how I feel. I try not to bring it up because you like the damn thing so much, and you can’t seem to hold the same courtesy for me.” You stand from the seat, settling a dark glare at Seungmin’s angered form.

“Fuck your friends, fuck that site. Stop talking about me like I need guidance.”

You’re not irrational. You’re not. You have every right to be angry. Seungmin is your friend. Jieun is your friend. They’re supposed to be there for you, not gang up on you. You feel alone, so alone in everything you fight for, in everything you aim to conquer— as if the things you stand for don’t matter. It reminds you of middle school all over again, of high school— having people look at you like you were something from another planet. Someone people had always failed to understand. It’s lonely. You’re not irrational.

You didn’t blow up. You’re not angry. You’re frustrated, yes, but you don’t blow up. You don’t get mad. You aren’t irrational. Anyone else in your position would feel the same, right? Anyone else would be upset because it feels like your friends always take the side of the people you despise more than anyone else. Why aren’t they on your side? Why don’t they believe you? Why don’t they understand? It makes you feel stupid. It makes you feel like you have no right to feel the way you do. It’s lonely.

You’ve never been irrational. You’ve always had a good grip on your feelings. Always. And when it feels like the grip loosens it’s always the cause of something relating to the CSC. It’s proof that it’s what the root of your problems is. It’s proof that the CSC needs to be gone so you can finally go back to normal. So you don’t feel like the odd one out. So you don’t have to feel so upset. Because you’re not irrational. You have every right to feel this way. You don’t get mad. You’re not angry. You don’t blow up.

You control everything, you control your actions, your emotions, and you make sure to hold control over your environment— of how things play out for every second of your life. This feels like it’s running out of control. That the CSC brings havoc in your life no matter what— even when you try to ignore it, it comes running back to fuck you over even further. You’re not irrational. You’re not confused. You don’t get mad. You don’t. You don’t blow up. You control everything.

The sun hides right when you need it. You pretend tears don’t blur your vision, you pretend that the suddenly gloomy environment doesn’t affect you the way it does. You pretend that the once comforting breeze doesn’t feel sharp against your exposed skin. You pretend because when things run out of control that’s all you can do. Pretend you’ve got it handled, pretend that you still have a grip on things, pretend that you understand. You’re not irrational. You have every right to feel this way.

You never argue with Seungmin. Playful bickering from time to time or you two being rude to each other but always playfully. You’ve never cursed at him so maliciously, spoken to him like he was someone random, as if he wasn’t your best friend. You’ve never done those things— but you do when the CSC is involved. You never get pissed at Jieun, even when she’s annoying, even when she acts like the only thing important in life is the new boy she’s talking to— You don’t get mad. You’re not mad now, but you’re something. Something fiery, and everything always goes back to the CSC. You’re not irrational. You’re just the only one who understands.

Right when you see the blurry form of your dorm building it gets blocked by a large body and you slam right into its chest. You can barely see in front of you and you know your face is screwed up into the worst form imaginable, tears falling with no control. Without your control.

“Sorry, excuse me,” You laugh wetly, sidestepping whoever is blocking your way and running up the steps to your dorm. The sooner you fall into your bed and cry this out, the sooner you can forget about it. The sooner you can apologize and move past this weird limbo of feelings. It feels like purgatory, stuck in the in between, not sure which direction you’ll end up going in. It’s full of unsureness, of frustration. It feels like a loss of control. It angers you, makes you feel like nothing is going right.

But you don’t get angry. You’re not irrational. You don’t get mad. You pretend, because that’s all you can do.

Hyunjin is confused.

The last thing he expected to see this morning was you laughing, but now, he realizes the last thing he ever expected to see was you crying. Eyes glossy with tears, a nose rubbed raw, face screwed up into something pitiful.

Hyunjin doesn’t know a lot of things. He doesn’t expect a lot of things, but most of all he doesn’t know how to continue after seeing it. He doesn’t expect to care so much, not after the way you’ve regarded him. After the way you’ve both regarded each other. He doesn’t know why he can’t walk away and say nothing when he knows he should. If he brings it up you’ll get defensive, be embarrassed, be angry. He shouldn’t say anything.

He keeps walking, frowning slightly at the gloomy clouds. It was so sunny less than an hour ago. Things change so quickly, it doesn’t make any sense. He thinks back to earlier that morning, the light that shone on your face with every laugh you let out. He thinks back to just a few seconds ago. How dark shadows fell over your face as tears ran down your cheeks.

The walk is more automatic than anything else. He doesn’t take the time to stare at the scenery, he doesn’t look at the people around him. He barely sees the ground in front of him as he walks, his mind not registering what’s right in front of his face. He’s too caught up in you. Like usual, wondering why you do the things you do, why you feel the way you feel, wanting to understand. What did he do? What can he do to make you feel better? How can he make you hate him any less? He wants to understand, he wants to listen, to talk to you, to be near you. It confuses him.

His phone vibrates, pulling him from his thoughts. It’s chan, texting about the party on Saturday, and he sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He’s so tired, tired of running around for parties, tired of attending to the site, tired of waking up early for classes. He just wants a second to sit down and relax, to not worry about you ruining the one thing he’s worked hard for, to not worry about what class he’s flunking, about what party he’s expected to attend, to not worry about why you were crying in the middle of the afternoon. He just wants a moment to collect his thoughts and free his mind.

HJ: I got it

BC: alr cool, put it in the cabinet with the lock, you know how Hyunjoon gets

HJ: Fuck, is it that bad?

BC: he’s an alcoholic bud, it’s that bad.

Hyunjin laughs a little, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. He wonders if Seungmin told you about the party yet and grimaces, wondering if that’s the reason why you were crying. If it is, he’s not sure who needs to get a grip. You, for hating him so bad, or him for continuing to try and get you not to. It takes a lot of effort for him to continue the power walk back to the frat, but he arrives sooner than later, stuffing the bag of drinks inside the cabinet and locking it shut. He thinks it’s a bit ridiculous that they have to lock the alcohol up as if they have small kids running around, and also wonders the effectiveness when Hyunjoon lives in a frat house and is an adult who can buy his own alcohol.

It’s Thursday afternoon but he finds that he’s not as excited for a party as he should be. Usually, he’d be bouncing on his heels, counting down the hours for it to start, and realizing he’s so caught up in everything else going around he doesn’t feel that normal excitement that he so often does. He makes sure to fix that, shaking the unnecessary thoughts from his head, pushing responsibilities to later. He has a party to prepare for and he's gonna act like it.

The rest of the boys don’t get back till later— they’d given Hyunjin the responsibility of buying cups and drinks and shitty snacks while they went off somewhere else. Hyunjin can’t keep track of what they do especially if he’s not joining, so he focuses on doing what he’s supposed to in order to make this the best party of the year so far. His frat has always held the record of best parties— has always held their winnings in high regard as well, and he’ll be damned if he gets the cold shoulder if he’s the reason the party isn’t as good as it should be. Most of all, he’s thinking about what he’s gonna do during it.

Hyunjin is not shy on having sex— never has been, never will be, and more often than not he’s having it. Sure, that may be expected since he made a literal porn site, but Jisung also had a hand in it and he has a girlfriend. Felix doesn’t have one-night stands often, nor does Seungmin. It’s different for all of them.

He knows there’s a few girls that have been actively trying to get in his pants, knows that he’s been trying to get into theirs, but he can only hope he can focus on them for long enough to do so without thinking about you. If you come, he knows that there’s no chance he’ll think of anything else, and he’ll probably spend the entire night just getting you to laugh again. To get you to explain to him why. why why why. It’s confusing, but he pretends it doesn’t matter.

Thursday comes and goes too quickly, and Friday does as well. The day isn’t over yet, it’s only the afternoon, but the implications of that make you anxious. Make your nerves ignite far more than they should.

Seungmin didn’t answer your calls for the rest of that Thursday. Didn’t read or respond to a single text until you decided to leave him alone. Jieun called, but you didn’t answer. You think the way you felt towards her is the way Seungmin felt towards you. Maybe something worse, so you gave him space and took some for yourself, a moment to really think about what made you react the way you did. You don’t think you’re in the wrong, you still don’t think you could’ve reacted any other way and you’re not sure what that says about you.

You take another bite of your sandwich as you walk down the street from the Art store, your phone cradled in your other hand and a drink poking out from the opening in your bag. It’s hard to mentally prepare for things that you don’t know anything about. You don’t know where the party is, who’s hosting it, how long you’re expected to stay. Thought that’s if you’re even still going. You want to take Seungmin’s silence as an answer that no, you aren’t, but you also don’t want to assume that and then he shows up at your door and you’re not ready.

You don’t want to go, not at all, but if it made Seungmin happy then you would. If he didn’t come to pick you up you briefly entertained finding your own way to the party and cornering him, forcing him to hear your apology before leaving and soaking your pillow with tears. But you don’t know where the party is. You also briefly entertained the idea of calling Jieun and asking her, but you’re not interested in the lecture that would come from that. You still don’t appreciate her words about you to Seungmin and the implication of them. Seungmin is your friend, you can tell him what happened all by yourself. You don't need Jieun to play messenger.

You swallow the last of your lunch and throw the wrapper in the nearest trash can. You want to start a new painting, one that can unleash the frustrations of your life as it is right now, and you can only do that by getting some new supplies. You save up constantly for this exact reason— for the ability to buy whatever your heart desires whenever it desires it. You dip your toes into whatever interests you, and all concepts of Art satisfies you more than anything. Writing whatever you desire, taking pictures of the things you find beautiful, painting whatever you want— it gives you the control that fuels you more than anything else.

The art shop by your university is quaint, always quiet and never very full, yet always filled with high quality supplies and fully stocked. You’ve made friends with the old lady who owns it and her daughter, constantly going there just to buy something in order to catch up with them on whatever has happened since your last visit. They’re like the mother and sister you never had, people who feel more like family than your own. It’s partly for that reason that you’ve made the trek there, hoping to get some advice for the things you’ve been feeling before going to the party that’s undoubtedly being held by the one group of people you despise.

The bells above the door jingle when you step in, and you let the smell of paint, chalk, crayons, pens, and faint air freshener soothe you. It’s just as cluttered as it’s always been— stacks upon stacks of sketchbooks and canvases on one side situated next to the easels and small desks. The paints have a section of their own, oil, watercolor, acrylic, matte, and more— on the opposite side there’s pens and crayons, colored pencils, oil pastels, and sharpeners of all shapes and sizes.

The walls are covered in paint as if before bringing in all the items they’d had fun splattering the walls in color. It’s messy, unruly, cluttered, and barely organized— so it doesn’t make sense to you why it comforts you so much. When you see a small form hobble out from behind a stack of books a smile forms unbiddenly on your face, and the small old lady smiles back.

“I missed you, dear,” She scolds, wrapping you up in a hug. “It’s been too long since you’ve come to visit.”

“I know, I’ve just been busy Ms. Yang. I missed you.” You sigh, rubbing your nose in the soft fabric of her sweater. She smells like paint and flowers— she smells like home.

“Sam will be here soon, she’d love to see you.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice. I need to talk to her too.”

“I can tell, child. You look stressed.” She sighs, shuffling behind the counter and sitting on one of the other seats behind it. “Get what you’re looking for,” She says waving a hand dismissively towards you.” I won’t make you explain it twice.”

You huff lightheartedly, making your way over to the canvases and picking one of medium proportions. You’re still not sure what it is you want to paint, but you know whatever you’re feeling is strong enough that you grab Oil paint, needing something rich and vibrant and something sharper to contrast the muddled and cloudy image of your mind.

It’s before long that you settle on a brand you normally buy, and the set of bells signal someone’s arrival into the shop. You turn your head, expecting to see Sam and her long curly hair, beautiful in its volume and her tawny brown skin, but instead you’re greeted with the sight of straight brown hair, swept behind the ears of a tall man, a mole under his eye and the reason for all your problems. You don’t know why you react the way you do, but with your items cradled in your hand you sprint behind a large stack of sketchbooks and hold your breath, staring with wide eyes at the cans of paint at your feet.

What the fuck is Hwang Hyunjin doing at your shop? This is your safe place— your safe haven. A part of you curses the ground he walks on, hopes that the store is too messy and cluttered for his liking, prays that he proves he’s as shallow as the company he keeps and that he leaves and doesn’t come back. Another part of you hates yourself for being so ridiculous. For letting your personal feelings about him delve so far that you’d think something like that. Sam and Mrs.Yang deserve the business, deserve the money, deserve the customers. You shouldn’t hope for anything different— but it still amazes you how he never fails to intrude on the things you hold dear. To intrude on the things you want to keep to yourself.

You don’t move from the spot you’re in. It could’ve been ten minutes, an hour, even, or maybe it was only thirty seconds, but you only peek out when you hear Sam’s voice ring through the shop. You survey the room, stepping out from your hiding spot when you confirm that Hyunjin is nowhere to be found. Though, you don’t think you could’ve hid regardless by the way Sam calls your name.

“Hi, Sammy,” You smile, coming up to pull her into a hug. She grips you tightly, her kinky hair tickling your cheek and her clothes smelling faintly of vanilla and roses. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, hun,” Sam smiles, albeit a little sadly as she looks over your face. “What’s wrong?”

“Hey, don’t leave a poor old lady out,” Mrs. Yang huffs, “Come over here and tell us both about it.”

Without even saying anything they’ve already cheered you up, your steps feeling lighter as you make your way behind the counter and sit on one of the three seats. You sit between them both, their eyes set patiently but concerningly on you.

“I don’t know, really,” You start, and then, you tell them. About your argument with Seungmin, about how lonely it is feeling like you’re the only one feeling this way, about how much the site angers you— how it makes you feel. You tell them about Hyunjin, about how he doesn’t stop bothering you no matter how much you make it obvious you don’t want his company. How much that frustrates you, as well, and about how the lack of control over the entire situation, and over the CSC’s place in your life makes you uncomfortable, and about how the CSC itself makes you feel things you’ve never felt before and how much that scares you. You can barely describe the way it does, and who else can you blame besides its creators.

When you’re done it feels like you’ve vented a lifelong event, it makes a heavy weight lift itself off your shoulders and the heavy silence that remains doesn’t feel like judging, but rather them trying to understand— soaking up the meaning of every word you said in an attempt to place themselves in your shoes.

“I think,” Sam starts, “That your cluelessness about your feelings towards the site in general turns into anger, and the fact that the boy,”

“Hyunjin”, You offer.

“Yes, I think his attempts at speaking to you only worsen it somehow, like you’re being cornered by this weird feeling that you don’t understand and it makes you even angrier.”

“You said your friend is a part of it?” Mrs.Yang interjects, a wrinkly hand kneading your shoulder.

“Yeah,” You murmur, “He’s good friends with the group and he loves the website.”

“That probably doesn’t help then,” She continues, “If you’re surrounded by people who know what they like or enjoy something you don’t like or don’t understand, of course you’re going to feel angry. You feel like the odd one out.”

“I think more than anything you need to figure out if it’s really anger you’re feeling, and if the only reason why you hate this website is not because of its purpose but because of your lack of control over it.” Sam finishes.

“I can’t say I agree with it either,” Mrs.Yang grunts, “It’s not something I think college students need to be worrying about. Things like that stick with you, but it’s their choice to indulge in it, Y/n, you can’t control that.”

You sigh. You guess so, but you still feel like you need to get rid of it. You’ve been slacking, not paying attention to it as much as you should because of all the chaos it’s creating. It’s been a while since you’ve done a petition or made a list of ideas as an attempt to shut it down, but for now it seems like enough to just hate it. They can’t change your mind. Not Seungmin, not Sam, not Jieun, not Mrs.Yang, not Chan or Changbin or Minho— not any of them, and especially not Hyunjin. You just want to be hateful in peace and you don’t know why you don’t seem to be allowed to do that.

You leave the shop feeling lighter, but also like you didn’t actually get any good advice. Sure they validated your feelings, but that’s it. You’ve been trying to figure out your feelings. You know why you’re frustrated, and even though it felt good to be validated it also felt like a waste. You hold the bag of art supplies closer to you as you walk. The sun is setting, painting the sky reds, and oranges, and purples— and you think maybe you’ll paint that. To represent the end of the turmoil that surrounds you, as something hopeful.

You relish in the soft slope of your shoulders, in the relaxation you so rarely feel nowadays, and walk briskly to your dorm so you can fall into your bed and try to forget about the fact that there’s a party you’re supposed to be at tomorrow.

And as if the thought brought it on, your phone buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out quicker than you’d ever admit and a relieved smile pulls on your lips when you see it’s from Seungmin.

pup: be ready by 9

you: ok!!!!!

you: i miss you

There’s no more responses but you don’t let that dampen your mood. He still wants you to go with him and that says enough. You do feel terrible about the way you acted— the way you’ve been acting— but you know it’s justified. You’re not irrational. Not at all.

If you collapse at the foot of your bed, art supplies sitting on the floor by your feet, and a paper by your head titled #686, no one has to know.

This Saturday has not been a day of relaxation for you. You didn’t have any plans, though instead of enjoying the peace you so rarely received, the day consisted of you running around your room with a frazzled energy following behind like a ghost. At first you contemplated showing up in a sweater and jeans; no makeup, no jewelry, just you and a lazy fit— but realized that would only bring you even more stares than if you dressed as slutily as possible.

It’s with a black leather mini skirt and a black, lacy, low cut long sleeve tucked inside that you finally allow yourself to relax. You’re probably dressed way too flashily for a college party, but you can’t entertain any thoughts like that or you’ll spend the next three hours obsessing over it— and that’s three hours that you don’t have. Knee length boots stare at you from the door and it’s with a sigh that you walk to the door and put them on.

There’s more reasons to be nervous than just the party, between the inevitable walk with Seungmin to the encounter you’re most definitely going to have with the CSC and all of its users, you’re out of your element. There’s not enough deep breaths to make you calm down, there’s no method available to help clear your mind. Your heart races much more than should be healthy. It feels like hell, even, and all you can do is let this plethora of nerves run its course.

When your phone buzzes with Seungmin’s ‘I’m outside’ text, it almost feels like your heart stops. Fuck, Seungmin’s gonna ask who you’re all dressed up for, gonna ask why you’re so nervous. Why are you all dressed up? Why are you even going? It’s too much, too much of not knowing, not understanding, not feeling right. What will it take to get you to feel right? Like in freshman year when your biggest worry was whether or not you were passing your classes, now it feels like that's a lifetime ago. Like you’ve encountered way too much to even consider anything like that— not that you need to worry about it anyway. It was supposed to be a carefree year for you. You’re always on top of your responsibilities, always prepared, and nothing ever changed that until you went on that site for the first and last time.

You stop, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath that’s otherwise pointless, and step out the door. You curse the day you ever went on that website. It’s why everything is all messed up now, but you rid those thoughts from your mind. You’re determined to have fun tonight no matter what, and no matter who’s there.

Seungmin waits at the door, A button-down hanging off his shoulders and jeans. His hair is combed back and he’s ditched the glasses.

“Hey.” It comes out meeker than you’d like, a little too timid for what your relationship with Seungmin is.

“Hey,” he smiles, the braces you love so much on full display. Your best friend is beautiful, and it’s with a pang to your chest, it’s with seeing him now— so welcoming and so normal with you— that a small part of you realizes maybe you have been being irrational. Maybe you have been acting too strongly, but then you remind yourself that you’ve never been irrational. Never.

“So I’m guessing we’re going to the CSC’s dorm?”

“You’ll fit right in,” Seungmin laughs, starting to walk. You struggle to catch up to him; it’s been so long since you last wore heels that it’s hard to get used to. You don’t grace his comment with an answer, simply relishing in the soft nightly breeze and the shine of the moon. The stars glitter from above you, light years away yet so visible. So sure of their stance in life. You don’t think stars blow up at their best friends, or feel confused, or feel lonely.

You arrive at the party all too soon. From a block away you could see people drunk, staggering in the same direction, and from down the street you could hear the bass of the music, but the warning signs weren’t nearly enough to prepare you for the actual sight of it. It’s like the typical house parties you’d see on TV, but louder and more nerve-wracking. People hang out in front, the music loud enough for them to enjoy even from outside the building. Lights flash from behind the window, an array of purples, greens, reds, and blues. You can see people's shadows from behind the curtains over the front windows, and you feel like you’re about to throw up.

“Oh god,” You mumble, taking a few shaky steps inside. You can't do this. You’re gonna freak out and embarrass yourself. You can almost feel the anxiety seeping from your pores, and the word no repeats over and over in your head like a mantra.

No no no no no.

You can’t do this, but you do it anyway. Stepping inside the party is a feat in itself, and you can’t tell if your hands are shaking from the strong bass of the music or because of pure anxiety. The music knocks into your body so strongly that your knees buckle, barely able to hold you upright. At any moment you feel like you might collapse.

You can’t do it but you do it anyway, taking one step and then another, and when the door closes behind you, you resist the urge to turn back and run away. The party is full of people— so full that it’s impossible to walk anywhere without bumping into someone, and despite your best efforts you do get stares. Whether it’s because of what you’re wearing or if it’s because it’s you at a party being held by the CSC… you’re not entirely sure. You don’t think it makes a difference. You try to ignore it, act unbothered, and it must work because after a while they look away, murmuring something or the other about what you’re doing there.

Seungmin drags you away from the door and to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge and cabinets like it’s his home. You take in the somewhat chill vibe of the kitchen compared to everywhere else. It’s not nearly as full, but there are couples at opposite ends acting as if it isn’t a place where food is kept.

You take a few deep breaths, reassure yourself that you can do this, and even if you can’t you’ll do it anyway. Seungmin doesn’t say anything, just pours you something sweet and fruity in a red cup and hands it over with a raise of his eyebrows. You drink it way too quickly and you know you’re gonna regret it later, but you need the effect it’ll bring. The faux calmness that’ll help you get through the night. Though with how full the party is you think that you won’t be able to see the hosts anytime soon if at all, and that’s enough to bring your heart to a stuttering stop before it resumes its beating in a much more slow paced manner. You’re still not calm, but you’re doing your best.

“Try to relax,” Seungmin chides, his gaze heavy where it bores into you. “Everything will be just fine.”

You nod, taking a more calculated sip of your drink this time. You let the music relax you instead of startle you— focusing on the beats and the melody— on the lyrics, instead of the volume and how it makes your body tremble. You can do this.

When you finally feel like you’re able to relax, Seungmin parts from you, saying there’s some people he has to see. You’re an adult, so you can handle being alone for a few minutes. Eventually, though, the few minutes turn into something longer. You wonder if maybe Seungmin is still upset with you— you didn’t speak much about it on the walk like you thought you would. Honestly, it was mostly silence, and you didn’t think much of it before but you are now. You hold your drink close to your chest, dubbing it your life line for the night.

You last all of thirty minutes before you feel like you’re getting too hot— the building only gets even more stuffy as more people arrive, all of you packaged like a can of sardines. You take the fleeting burst of confidence to leave the kitchen and go to the backyard, hoping that it’ll be a bit more peaceful (as peaceful as possible considering the music blasting), and allow the fresh air to graze your skin like a soft blanket. You sit down on one of the benches in the backyard, leaning your head back and closing your eyes. What will it take to feel at peace? Maybe there’s nothing you can do. And it’s with these thoughts that you do exactly what you shouldn’t do at a party, wallowing in self pity and confusion. You’re so caught up in these thoughts that you don’t notice when someone else joins you.

“Hey, bug.”

Your head whips up faster than what’s comfortable, and you barely hide the wince that struggles to leave your lips. Hyunjin speaks again before you can respond.

“Don’t leave, alright. Please?” He asks, sitting down beside you and smoothing his hands over his pants. “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“About us? About you? I’m tired of running in circles and I want to know why you hate me— the CSC so much.”

You’re silent for a moment, contemplating, thinking. You should get up, leave the backyard and this party altogether. You should ignore whatever it is Hyunjin has to say because he’s the reason for all this, right? Why is he always pretending he doesn’t know; acting like he wants to get to know you? Acting like it really matters how you feel. Everyone wants to understand, everyone wants to know why, but you don’t even know— but you’ll never admit it outright. You’ll never say the one thing that’s been your driven principle for the past year is something you’re unsure about. All you know is that it’s bad, that it’s made you feel ways that were foreign to you, and in order to regain control you need to get rid of it. No matter how anyone else feels about it, no matter who gets upset with you along the way. You need to do it.

Your voice is soft, but not meek. For once, you’re gonna get this entire experience off your chest. “When I first went on the site in the beginning of freshman year I was curious,” You start, glancing at Hyunjin and feeling the tightness in your chest return when you realize he’s already looking at you. “At first, I was curious, and then I was confused. I clicked on a few videos— I scrolled for a while— and I started to get this weird feeling. The more I watched the videos, the more I scrolled through pictures and posts, the feeling got stronger.”

You feel so stupid, but you continue. If Hyunjin makes fun of you he’s just proving your assumptions correct. “I’d never felt that way before and honestly, it kinda scared me, and it was annoying that I didn’t understand it. I didn’t do anything after that. I ignored how fast my heart was beating, how my body was reacting, and never went on that site again. Slowly, that confusion turned into anger— it’s not normal. The way I felt wasn’t normal, and that’s why I think that site needs to get shut down.”

“Bug…” Hyunjin laughs a little and you want to be offended, but you can tell it’s more shock than amusement. “Bug have you ever had sex? Or.. touched yourself at all?”

Your mouth opens and closes comically, but Hyunjin is patient, waiting and watching carefully for you to speak. “Is that what’s important?” You finally say, your eyebrows furrowed and you’re ready to defend yourself if need be. “No, I haven’t.”

“God, bug this is…” Hyunjin squints at you, “I think you were aroused.”

You splutter, feeling your heart rate spike in embarrassment. “What!? No. No.”

“That weird feeling? That heat in your gut,” Hyunjin says, and to punctuate he lays a large, warm, hand over your stomach. “You were horny.” This time, Hyunjin’s laugh is one of amusement, but you're too distracted by how big his hand is, splayed over your stomach and so warm it feels like it’s burning through your clothes.

“Hyunjin, the feeling— no, it doesn’t make sense.”

“Bug, if you’ve never ever been aroused before somehow, of course it felt weird. Holy shit.”

You don’t say anything, but Hyunjin continues before you can get a grip on your thoughts.

“I can’t believe this is the reason why you’ve hated us for so long, I honestly can’t believe it.”

“Hyunjin… that feeling wasn’t pleasurable. Control is pleasurable. I didn’t have a grip on anything that day and barely regained it on the days following. You can’t convince me that getting rid of the CSC won’t bring back a sense of normalcy. You can’t, and even if you’re right, I think that morally, the site is still wrong, and I’m not going to stop trying to shut it down.”

“There’s so much about the CSC you don’t know about, and there’s so much more to pleasure than control.” Hyunjin sighs, clearly more at ease now that he realizes you’re just confused. You don’t know, really, why you hate them. That’s clear. You’re stubborn though, he can tell, and even if this idea he has works— he’s not sure you’ll stop until you get what you want.

Earlier that day the CSC received an email from the dean, threatening that they’ll start looking into all that their site entails because of how often you keep badgering them about it. It’s starting to create a murmur between staff, and they’re growing increasingly frustrated. All that means to Hyunjin is you’re finally breaking through their resolve, running them down enough for them to consider shutting it down or supervising more intensely. Hyunjin can’t have that. None of them can. When Hyunjin approached you tonight he expected to have to beg— to have to plead with you to stop meddling. The site is bigger than you know, more important than some college stupidity. It rakes in a lot of cash, and he can’t have such petty reasoning stop that flow.

Hyunjin’s voice is husky as he continues and his words send an undeniable shiver down your spine “I can show you that the site, and sex by association aren’t bad at all. Mentally, you’re confused and physically, you’re pent up. We can’t have that can we, pretty girl?”

“No, we can’t.”

Wait. What? Yes, we can. Yes you can. You’ve been doing just fine right? You don’t need Hyunjin’s help. He’s not gonna change your mind because your mind doesn’t need changing.

“You can try to shut us down, but at the same time let us help you.”

“Us?” You murmur, attempting to understand what exactly is happening.

“All of us, the CSC can help you figure out what you’re feeling, right? We can help you decide what to do.”

“…You can help me?”

Hyunjin hums, removing his hand from your waist and trailing his finger along the skin just above the hem of your shirt. His fingers dip over your cleavage, tug at your necklace, up and up until your chin is in his hand, and he turns you to face him as his lips brush your cheek. “I want to see who will succeed first, so let me show you that there’s more to pleasure than control.”

He can help you. Out of all the people who ask you why, who say they want to understand but don’t try, he’s the one who’s offering a solution. As annoying as he’s always been to you, as much as he’s always embodied something you hate— the person who’s embedded such foreign feelings in your mind— he wants to help you. He wants to try, and he’s not telling you to stop your goal either. He’s not telling you it’s stupid, he’s not getting angry. He doesn’t make you feel irrational. You’re not irrational. You have a goal and it’s one you’re gonna complete, but… it doesn’t hurt to try, right? And if you succeed, if you shut them down and Hyunjin fails— if the CSC fails you’ll win. You’ll win and prove that you were right all along.

“Go easy on me.”

“Of course, bug.”

You keep your eyes downcast in embarrassment as Hyunjin whispers against your skin, his fingers gently turning your chin up and over to the point of focus. His lips. Pouty, sinfully crimson, curving upwards so surely, like they themselves know their effect on people. They look so soft, so wet. You want to feel them, and it’s as if Hyunjin’s read your mind because his lips are on yours before you can even blink.

“You just kissed me,” Your voice is airy, breathless, and usually you’d be embarrassed.

“Can I do it again?”

There’s a simmering, boiling tension both of you have been ignoring but you’ve lost the will to care about hating Hyunjin or Chan or the CSC. Momentarily, you’ve lost the will to feel much at all but a burning desire to take away any negative emotion you feel. You’re sick of it, sick of feeling confused. Last night you’d dealt with it by crying your eyes out, before that you’d dealt with it by having a screaming match with your best friend, and now you’re ready to look for something to fix it. This just might be the best way to start.

“Not outside.” You whisper, your hands clutching the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt with such an intensity you’re afraid it’ll rip off then and there.

The trip inside and upstairs is a blur. You’re sure if anyone saw you they stared, wondering what you two were doing together, wondering what you were going upstairs for. It’s a blur, nothing is clear but what you’re going to do at this moment, and with Hwang Hyunjin of all people. Of what you’re going to do in the future, with the CSC of all people, what you’re gonna do to them— what you’re gonna allow them to do to you— that’s the only thing on the forefront of your mind. Not about who’s watching, not about who wants to know. It’s about you. You’re the one in control, you’re the one who gets to decide. You’re the one who needs to know.

Warm. You feel warm all over, pressed against Hyunjin with his thighs spreading yours open, warm in his tight embrace. Your hands are clutching at his clothes, at his arms— It’s so hot, yet somehow the constant cool air of the room makes you shiver.

“W-what do I do?”

Hyunjin chuckles, his voice the softest you’ve ever heard it. “You don’t have to do anything, pretty. Let me handle it.”

Letting Hyunjin handle anything doesn’t sound like a very good idea to you in any instance, but in this case you let him. You’re otherwise clueless in this area and frankly, if you want his help you’re going to have to accept it when it’s given. His mouth lands back on yours, a certain kind of desire running through the kiss. His hands are all over you. Trying to grab at every inch he can, and you try your best to kiss him back with equal intensity— to move your lips against his with the same fervor.

Your heart kicks up an irritating notch when Hyunjin slides a warm hand up your shirt. You can feel the way his fingers ghost over your skin with an unnatural intensity, as if his touch is amplified tenfold. And if Hyunjin had imagined this during late nights, cock shamelessly fisted in his hand as he dreamt of you pushing your panties to the side for him to enter your tight hole, no one has to know.

“Look at me, pretty,” Hyunjin growls, your eyes opening at his command against your better judgement. His pupils are dilated, staring down at you with a foreign intensity. The way he looks at you is an awakening, and with a small burst of confidence, you bury your fingers into the collar of his shirt, bringing him down for another kiss. It’s a little awkward with your inexperience, all teeth and clumsy movements until he takes the lead. His lips feel like heaven and you want them everywhere, want to kiss him forever. You want to sink his soft groans into your skin, keep the taste of him on your tongue for the rest of your days as he licks into your mouth, coaxing feelings out of you you've never felt before— kissing you into blissful dizziness.

"I wonder why you're so pretty, hm? Been torturing me for months, sweet thing," Hyunjin teases, pressing your thighs farther apart, tongue pushing against yours, his lips cherry red. You want to kiss him again. "I don’t think you really hate me, bug.”

Your breath hitches when his hands move to your skirt, slipping under the hem and holding the fabric tightly. God, you feel so bare. Like Hyunjin is looking at you from the inside out. When he pulls your skirt down slowly, so slowly it feels like time stands still, all that’s on your mind is him. His breathing, his touch, his warmth. When your pink, lacy panties come into view the chuckle Hyunjin lets out is so deep it feels like a heavy blanket over your mind, soothing you yet igniting something in you that you didn’t know existed. God, you’re in the demon's bed but you feel like you’ve gotten a taste of heaven, and when those soft, cherry red lips ghost over your skin, trailing over your pelvis, leaving light kisses along your skin, all you can do is jerk in his hold. You’re so sensitive. So, so sensitive.

His hands grip your waist tightly and his lips trail upwards, the bridge of his nose pushing your shirt up until it’s so high your breasts threaten to fall, smothering Hyunjin’s face underneath them. You shiver at the thought, those sinful lips pressing kisses against the skin of your breasts; what would it feel like? Would it feel like this? This feeling that you’re still so unfamiliar with?

"Pretty girls deserve to know what it feels like to have me right here,” Hyunjin starts, leaning down to press a trail of kisses to your inner thigh. He bites and marks along the fleshiest parts, chuckling at your quiet whimpers and yelps. You didn’t know you could make sounds like that. He slides a hand up between your thighs and rubs between your folds, still covered by your lacy panties. “Did you come to impress someone tonight?” Hyunjin murmurs, before splitting them to rub your clit through the fabric. You feel like falling as he circles between your thighs, a gasp hiccupping at the base of your throat before it gets stuck— you can’t make a sound.

You faintly hear the rustle of clothing and the absence of Hyunjin’s touch, opening your eyes to see him pulling his shirt off, biceps flexing as he does. He’s so big, and fuck, his whole body could cover your own if he really wanted. He towers over you, caging you in and surrounding you from all sides. When his shirt is off and thrown somewhere to the floor, he looms over you, his hands pressing into the bedding at either side of your head, and all you can do is gasp— your eyes widening at his proximity.

“You okay?” He whispers, and you nod.

“Yes.”

It’s breathless. It’s not you. It’s not the person who wanted nothing to do with Hyunjin only a day ago, but you want answers. You want clarity. And right now, you want this.

Hyunjin wastes no time after your confirmation, his fingers slipping under your panties and ghosting over your skin. He lets out a harsh breath at the feeling where you’re otherwise silent, trusting that he knows what to do. When a rush of cool air blows over you though, your legs close instinctively, and Hyunjin hums, “Stay with me, bug.”

“I’m here,” You respond, slowly spreading your legs back wide and allowing him to pull your underwear down until they’re hanging off ur ankle, your arousal sticks to the fabric, but with a flick of his wrist they’re gone. They’re gone. Oh god. You’re really doing this. You take a deep breath, and when a warm hand comes to cradle your cheek you lean into the warmth. It’s okay. You’re okay.

Soft lips press against your skin, tainting the unmarked flesh with bites and bruises. He paints your neck purple and blue, fingers ghosting between your thighs, tracing and playing with the obvious wetness coating your arousal. His mouth travels upwards, pressing against your own as he claims your lips in a devouring kiss. Everything is on fire, hot and burning as lust begins to entirely consume you for the first time.

A small moan slips past your lips as he dips a finger into your slick, warm cunt, and you clench around the digit almost immediately as instinct. The cool air and your nerves make your thighs tremble, but it doesn’t seem to affect Hyunjin— not at all— if the way he keeps eye contact with you while he fingers you slowly is any indicator. Painfully slow. You don’t know if this is to help you or torture you, and you can’t help the way your thighs tense under his ministrations.

The man before you reaches his other hand towards the hem of your top to pinch the edge of it between an index finger and thumb, and pulls the cloth away from your skin.

His eyes bore into yours: “This okay?”

“Fuck, the more you ask me the more nervous I get.”

“Okay, okay. I don’t wanna make you nervous.”

“Just… be nice to me, Hyunjin. Okay?”

Hyunjin smiles, and you exhale, relaxing into Hyunjin’s sheets and letting his musky cologne consume your senses as his touch roams everywhere else.

And then finally— yet all too quickly— the shirt is tugged away from your breasts and they fall freely as Hyunjin eagerly leans closer. His nose presses against one of your hardened nipples, and you watch his pupils dilate quicker than you thought was possible. He’s barely holding back the urge to fuck you dumb, and the finger that still thrusts slowly into your cunt stutters in its movements.

Look at you. His eyes roam over the look on your face, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth, bright eyes glazed over and hooded in a bliss that’s otherwise foreign to you, a particular ease directed towards him. Then he shamelessly let his eyes drop down to your thighs that tremble even harsher under his gaze. The action only forces his mind to run wild. He can’t help but wonder how you do it— looking all innocent— being all innocent but acting like you’re not. Like you’re so sure. You’re confused, god, you don’t know what real pleasure is— and it’s Hyunjin’s job to teach you. Fuck, did he want to be under you, gazing up at your through half lidded eyes, hungrily eating up the sight of you bouncing on his cock like the slut you could be.

He dipped his head down, holding your breast in his large hand and rubbing over your nipples with his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hardened bud. Your hands automatically perched themselves on his shoulders, and he grins, moving the finger thrusting into your cunt harsher, faster.

“Oh, god,” You moan, loud, your grip on his bare shoulders tightening ever so slight. His skin was warm under your fingers— soft and smooth and fuck if it didn’t feel good.

He groans, cock stiffening more than it already had. At this rate he was probably going to cum in his pants untouched, but he held himself back. He wanted to do this right— show you all that pleasure could be. He moved his mouth from your nipple to slip lower, down lower and lower still until he came face to face with your arousal.

“Fuck. You’re driving me crazy.”

“Oh- oh Hyunjin help me, please,” You pleaded, his shoulders too far to grip onto; your hands instead finding his hair, running your fingers through and pulling when he nosed at your clit, groaning heartily when your wetness clinged to his skin.

It’s with a lick to your clit that you wail, your thighs threatening to close, and they would have if Hyunjin’s hands hadn’t reached out to force them down, pushing further and sticking his face into your arousal with more fervor, licking and sucking with such vigor that it felt as if he was trying to devour you. Your thighs trembled with every movement of his tongue, poking and prodding at every inch of your cunt, his nose dug against your clit and for a moment it felt like you were seeing stars. Your eyes fluttered shut, your mouth letting out uncontrollable moans.

You didn’t think it’d feel this good. But, you remind yourself, control feels better. You can’t let him change that— he won’t change that.

The obscene sounds that came from his actions should’ve embarrassed you, but nothing like that came to mind. Hyunjin was relentless, and you couldn’t even think of anything more than the feeling of his hair between your fingers and his tongue slurping at your cunt.

You tried to quiet your moans by clamping a hand over your mouth, but sitting up and watching the way he sucked and licked at your arousal made your head spin. He made the action so nasty. So filthy. He was wild yet careful. But what did you know? All you knew was that it was driving you insane and you didn’t know anything could feel this good.

Besides control, of course. And you assume, the eradication of the CSC would, also.

Suddenly, your stomach tenses, your body locking up, and you quickly cream all over his tongue, shaky moans slipping through your pretty lips. Your thighs shook from the aftershock, trying to come down from this feeling. Afterwards, Hyunjin’s actions felt too harsh. He didn’t change pace at all, but it felt like your body was going to arch its way into oblivion. Unable to ignore the sensitivity of your body any longer, you pushed against his head until he stopped, attempting to catch your breath.

“You okay?”

You hum, begging the beating of your heart to soften, though as soon as it finally did you looked back at Hyunjin and saw his pants sliding down his legs. His toned, muscular legs, and it started its harsh beating once again. That wasn’t it? Of course, that’s wasn’t it, but fuck. You don’t know if you can handle anything more.

The headboard of his bed knocks against the wall as he climbs back up on the bed, moving his body closer this time and instead of only his chest hovering over you, this time his legs cage you in, one on either side, as your heart pounds itself into oblivion.

One hand supported his weight on the pillow by your head while the other was preoccupied, curled around his cock as he stared down at you— something akin to a beast in his gaze. Tip reddened and precum oozing from the slit while he groaned. The tingly feeling in your groin was coming back, similar to the fluttering you always felt whenever Hyunjin would come bother you. It intensifies when Hyunjin wraps your legs around his waist and pulls you closer to him, your body dragging the bedding from under you and you yelp.

He rubs the tip of his cock against your twitching folds, teasing actions feeling more like torture before he finally sinks in. Slowly, deliberately, but you still tense. It’s scary, having something stick itself inside of you.

“Relax,” Hyunjin murmurs, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Stay with me.”

You do your best, forcing your body to relax, as he sinks deeper and deeper still. Hyunjin grunts softly when you clench down on him, and he sighs as you blink dazedly up at him.

Pretty eyes are locked intensely on your cunt, Hyunjin watching the slide of his cock as he thrusts inside. His hair is plastered along his sweat slicken forehead, and he sinks back into your slick walls with another languid roll of his hips.

“Fuck you’re so tight, baby.”

You moan, high and light, your eyes fluttering closed in bliss while Hyunjin’s chest expands with a shaky breath. He rolls his hips into yours— sinking his cock into your virgin cunt saying the filthiest words you’ve ever known before his words break off into a moan, his tone lower and deeper than his playful one. Tonight you’re seeing a whole new side of him— a new persona. This isn’t the annoying Hwang Hyunjin who bothers you and calls you ‘bug’, this is the Hwang Hyunjin everyone else knows. The one you hadn’t met yet.

“Oh, please don’t stop— be nice to me,” You babble, your hands grabbing at whatever you can— his shoulders, his back, his hair; and that’s all it takes before he suddenly takes up a pace that’s a little faster, rougher as your pussy squelches, wet and messy while your arousal smears along your thighs and the sheets.

Your body jolts with each thrust, pussy clenching around him as Hyunjin moans—every twitch and squeeze of your pussy leaving him breathless. “Come on, baby,” He pleads, and you don’t know what to do. You’re too lost in the haze of pleasure that’s taken over you— you can’t hear past the slap of your skin and Hyunjin’s groans in your ear. You know you’re moaning, but you can barely hear yourself. It’s all Hyunjin. Him all over you, surrounding you, making you feel good.

He grunts as you clench down on him with another roll of his hips, sinking deeper into you with each thrust. “That’s it, pretty,” he grunts, “Taking me so well, fuck. So greedy for me.” And again, you feel that strange feeling before tensing up, your body convulsing and arching up as Hyunjin’s thrusts grow more frantic— harsher and harsher as he groans gutturally in your ear with one last thrust long and deep, and when something shoots deep inside, you shiver one last time before your body sinks into the mattress and Hyunjin’s weight cases you in.

You feel boneless, lethargic with your movement. You feel when Hyunjin gets off you, when he closes your legs after slipping your underwater back on. You hear it when he sighs, something light and satisfied, and you barely manage to answer when he asks you how you feel. You can’t do much more than sigh, but it seems like enough for him— like that was the exact answer he was looking for. You succumb to blissful sleep right before the door shuts behind Hyunjin.

“Hear me out,” Hyunjin sighs, a lazy smile on his features even still. You’re no joke even if you might not know it yet. “I think it could really work.”

“You want us to convince Y/n to what? Leave us alone or..?” Jeongin says, leaning against the table in the kitchen.

The party has long been over, there’s a mess everywhere but it’s empty except for the eight boys and you knocked out in Hyunjin’s bed. Jisung sits sprawled on the couch, head twisted ever so slightly to betray that he’s listening to the conversation, Jeongin leans against the table and Chan has his arms folded where he leans against the wall serving as the entrance between the kitchen and the living room.

Minho downs a bottle of water by the sink, and Changbin leans against the fridge, leveling Hyunjin with an intense look. Felix and Seungmin sit on the couch opposite Jisung where they have a full view of everything and everyone.

“She barely even knows what porn is, so I said I could convince her the site isn’t that bad— and is something she could grow to like, if not love.” Hyunjin explains, his eyebrows raising in wait for the retaliation that’s sure to come.

“Why should we?” Minho asks, with a swallow, “If she doesn’t like it, honestly what does it matter.” Heads nod in agreement.

“Listen, they’re starting to consider whatever the fuck she’s selling them at those little meetings, and I got an email about investigation if this keeps up. If we fail to change her mind, we can at least distract her enough for the heat to lessen a little.”

Chan nods, “I don’t think it’s a bad idea.” He shrugs, looking over at everyone in the kitchen. “We change her mind, then we got one less problem to deal with.”

“And if we don't?” Changbin asks, tilting his head at both Hyunjin and Chan. “And if this is just a waste of time?”

“It isn’t,” Hyunjin assures, “Trust me.”

The rest of them don’t argue, but Hyunjin feels Seungmin’s gaze boring into him from the couch, feels his questions burning at the tip of his tongue, begging to be let out, so he leaves before they can succeed.

“We can talk about it more later, but I think it’ll work. It’s a good deed, and I know how much you guys love those.” Some scoffs and laughs fill the room, but Hyunjin is already halfway up the stairs, a plan forming in his mind and a pleasant smile growing on his face.

a note from iris: this chapter was late because of that long ass smut scene so i hope it was enjoyable and that this wasn’t 17k worth of a snoozefest 😭 i’m sorry it’s late!! so sorry but it’s still friday even if it’s 11 pm <3<3 not beta read not nothin so pls.. spare me.. and i hope you liked it !!!

not-so-mini taglist (there’s so many of y’all !!???): @chrisbahng @seonghwatoothless @bubblelixie @199719932000 @imsuchasimp00 @hyu-hl @oddinaryfelix @raspbinniecreme @fa3body @kittykatkrissa @andreaswrld @hattorihaechan @lachinitaaaaa @j-0ne25 @bangchanbabygirlx @ni-sh @green-orangeade @sincerely-skz @exclusivej3ss @elizalabs3 @lili-kims-blog @curiousgworge @midsoulz @sawadabegum @reighlee-greaves @lotus-dly @blcar @impossiblewritingrebel @yourhwngness @idek-at-this-point-lol @multihoe-net @hyun-bun @hwan-g @ughbehavior @rindomo @awesomelycoolworld @springdeity @todolyn @meowminhosblog @hyunelixies @emotionalwreckkk-blog @seungschacco @avyskai @cvfechan @jeyelleohe @vvsmydiamonds127 @chriscentric @simpforpunzngl @be-a-spacequeen @svintsandghosts @myjisung @hanjiesgf

*** if your tag didn’t work make sure your blog is visible! if i somehow missed you when tagging i offer a sincere apology <3

SKZ Jisung Link Masterlist

Letting Ji use your body how he wants

Dom Jisung links ;)

More to come ...

(If links are missing that were there before sadly they do not work anymore, for the Twitter account has been suspended)

NO. I DO NOT YOU BETTER NOT😩🍬

GENRE ⭑ SMUT ! FLUFF ! ANGST !

warnings — mentions of cheating, alcohol, swearing.

WC ☆ 4k+

Teaser

"Are you telling me I'm blind? You saw the picture, Yeonjun. Are you going to try to tell me any different?" you weren't shouting, you sounded simply defeated, eyes puffy from crying. Ignoring your bleeding heart, you refused to shed any more tears. He flinched at your harsh words. You never called him that, it's only ever been 'Junnie'. But you had to be harsh. If you didn't put up this cold façade you would fall into pieces on the floor, unable to pick yourself up.

xxx

He couldn't answer, it was true. Horrified, he watched you zip up your black duffel that you had hastily packed with some of your belongings.

"That's what I thought.", you laughed in disbelief, grabbing the bag off the bed you shared with him for the past year of your three long years together. He followed you out of the bedroom, trying to stammer out some sort of rebuttal.

"I was black-out drunk, y/n. I don't even fucking remember it! Okay, look, I know that's not an excuse. I fucked up. Please, baby, let's talk through this. I can't lose you..", he darted past you trying to keep you from getting any closer to that front door. If you reached the door... he didn't even want to think about the end of "us".

"Don't you dare call me 'baby'! You should have thought of that before putting yourself in a situation where you ended up plowing some bitch the moment she came onto you!", you sighed, you had let yourself get worked up again. It was laughable, about the most cliche thing you'd ever heard. Who hasn't been drunkenly cheated on? Taken aback, by the entirety of it, you never thought this would happen to you. Yeonjun wasn't perfect, yet you could have easily said he'd never cheat before today.

"Yeonjun, even if I stayed. How am I supposed to forgive you? How am I supposed to forget? These hickies on your neck? I didn't make them, someone else did. The humiliation I'll face if I stay with you? I love you, Yeonjun, but I can't. Taehyun will be here for my things.", you stepped around him, not meeting his eyes. You didn't need to, you could hear his crying loud and clear.

"Y/n, please. You don't need to send your brother, you can just... please. I'm begging you..", you heard the thud of his knees as they hit the floor and you halted in your place. Because you would never forget, you couldn't turn around. Because you would never forget, you couldn't look at him. It takes everything not to give in, holding back your own dejected tears.

The notification of a new message; a photo. Tranquil, you slid the lock across your phone screen on the new notification bar. Heart in your throat as you took in the image, your mind was cracking at the edges. Surely it wasn't real. How could it not be? The dumb bitch sent you a selfie of your one and only Yeonjun laying naked, passed out on her bare chest. Hickies adorned over both of them. It was indisputable. She finally got what she wanted.

For the past year, after she transferred in her third year of university, she had her eye on your boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. It wasn't that she liked him. It has been irrefutable that THE Choi Yeonjun was far out of her grasp and she was the type to want something she couldn't have. Something you thought she couldn't have. Somehow, merely one frat party was all it took for her to pulverize everything. The dreadful remembrance overcame the wall that had barely begun to form around your heart. Bitterly, you laughed as your ceaseless tears fell to the floor with each step, leaving everything behind you.

A few somber months passed. Though it took two separate invitations and rejections, you were invited out for coffee with Yeonjun's "ex" best friend, Soobin. Needless to say, you had gotten to know the timid giant over the past few years and still held a good amount of trust in him. It was wrong to punish him for something he had no involvement in: he didn't gain any knowledge on what happened until after you had left. Soobin had been a good friend to you and it was just coffee.

As kind and gentle as ever, he paid for your drinks and pastries, bringing them to a table in the less populated area of the café. Somehow the meek bunny of a man easily drew out laughter and endless chatter from your battered heart. This was the most you've spoken since before.

Halfway through your chocolate-filled croissant, A broad figure stopped at your table, trapping you in.

You'd recognize your ex-boyfriend of three years anywhere. For lack of better words, he looked terrible. Purple dark circles grimly signified just how little he was sleeping. His cheeks had little color and seemed hollowed. He had lost so much weight, anyone else wouldn't have recognized him. You ignored the pang in your chest and the care you felt for him as a wave of furious anger boiled from inside.

"Soobin, what in the actual fuck?! Are you fucking kidding me??!", you scowled at the bunny you had defended in your head.

"No, y/n, don't blame him. I made him do this. Please, I just want to talk.", Yeonjun quickly intervened, preventing you from any further tearing into Soobin, who squinted his eyes shut tightly to brace himself for your rage.

"Get out of my way, I'm leaving." You stood, just about chest to chest with the man who had been the love of your life, looking up at him as if you were deciding whether to slap him or just decapitate him. He felt, either way, he deserved it.

"Please, give me 20 minutes, if after that you don't want to see me ever again I will respect your wishes.", Yeonjun pleaded, you could vaguely see the tears starting to pool, glossing over his eyes deep brown eyes that had lost nearly all their color.

"You have 15.", you hugged and sat back down in your chair, crossing your arms over your chest. Soobin took that as his queue to get out of dodge, bowing in apology before scurrying away so Yeonjun could take his seat.

"I've missed you so much, y/n.", he spoke almost in a whisper. You opened your mouth to cut him off but he quickly interjected, voice soft as ever.

"Please, for now, just listen?", he looked at you through his lashes, eyelids, all of him fatigued from fighting each passing day. Nodding, you agreed, avoiding eye contact so you didn't have to feel guilty, seeing how ruined he was. You could see his fingers playing with each other from the corner of your eye as he fidgeted nervously.

"I know what I did was so incredibly fucked up and I would spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. But you're my other half, I need you.

You don't have to accept right now, I'll give you as much time as you need. I'll never stop waiting for you. I beg you to think about it, y/n. Give us another chance. We can start over, yea? We had over three incredible years together and I fucked it up after I let myself have too much to drink. I will never allow myself to be in a situation like that ever again. I know I don't deserve another chance, yet here I am being selfish. Dragging my friends down with me just to get my sorry ass another shot with the best thing that ever happened to me." He grew silent, gaze caught on the table, tears incessantly streaming down his face.

Your heart throbbed. Never had you stopped loving him. However, while it had healed some, you still had an open wound on your heart that just wouldn't go away. Looking at the broken man in front of you, you yearned to tell him then and there that you felt the same. You may not look it but life without him wasn't life at all.

Thanks to the benevolence of your brother, Taehyun, and your best friend, Beomgyu, you had survived. Even so, there wasn't a day that went by without even the most minute thing reminding you of your lost soulmate.

Maybe the time apart was what you needed to be able to try again. If you were being honest, if he had come to you a week earlier, even. You would have still been too hurt to consider.

However, this was now. In life, you only get one soulmate and he was yours. You retrieved your phone from your purse, pulling up his contact and unblocking him.

He looked absolutely baffled as you typed at your phone for a moment without answering. Was there something on that phone that was more important? He lowered his head once more, heart laying in pieces once again after he had collected each scattered piece to bear to you only minutes ago.

The time you stopped typing matched with the ding he received on his phone, the only reason he'd have pulled it out at a time like this. He sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his wrist, and pulled out his phone to see you had texted him.

"I need a little more time, Junnie.", read the text. Unable to ignore the flutter of hope in his heart, a faint blush appeared over his cheeks, barely distinguishable from the redness that was already there due to his crying session not long ago.

"I understand." He nodded and wiped away the rest of his tears, caring very little at the few stares they were still receiving. He stood and fixed himself up a bit before turning around to leave. Maybe it was too early to have hope but if space was what you needed to be able to possibly make that decision, by god he'd give it to you.

"Junnie?", the desperation in your voice caught his ears and he swiftly turned back around, the gnawing at his heart almost agonizing as he heard you say his name, his nickname.

In the spur of the moment, no longer holding back from the feelings you tried so hard to hide, you threw yourself into your ex-lover's arms. he stumbled back, stunned by the sudden impact, feeling his body tense as you enclose your arms around his middle. the feeling of your body against his a familiar and welcome embrace but one he had not felt in months. Still, it wasn't long until his body relaxed, heart softening and his own arms naturally wrapping around you tightly, not ever wanting to let go.

Yeonjun, to your surprise, was the first to pull away. It was nearly too much for him, fresh tears pouring from his eyes. You blinked back your own tears, taking a step back, your eyes falling to the floor. Embarrassed, you tried to collect your composure but ended up standing there, rubbing your arm awkwardly.

"I'll give you as much time as you need, y/n", he nodded voice coming out broken before backing away gradually, turning on his heel and leaving through the café door, it ringing before he disappeared from your sights.

It took you exactly a week to call him. Only because Beomgyu and Taehyun refused to let you call him that very same night. They were less ready to forgive him than you were and they didn't understand that at first. Watching you experience that heartbreak firsthand, it would take a lot longer to gain their trust back.

"Take me on a date." You had said when he picked up the phone. It was hard to hold back your laughter after hearing the panicked tone in his voice as he said your name, wanting to make sure you had meant to call him. 'Endearing' is the word you would always use to describe him, and it still stuck, even now.

You turned into teenagers in love again. Going on dates until late at night, taking a million silly couples photos for Instagram, getting nervous at each touch of each other's hands and standing at the door when he dropped you off each time, not wanting the night to end. Part of you felt you shouldn't give in so easily, but it seemed like it would be so easy to pick up right where you left off. It wasn't as hard to forgive him and regain trust with one another than you thought it would be.

Eventually, you were letting him pick you up after class again, all was going fine and well until a certain girl took notice.

"I heard you and Junnie are back together, you don't deserve someone as delicious as him." the girl spat, cornering you into the wall next to the girl's bathroom; which you had just exited a few moments ago.

"And you do?" you said back, although it ended up coming out less harsh than you had hoped for.

"Pfft pathetic, do you really think he cares for you ?! When he so easily gave in to his desires and fucked me at the first chance he got?", knowing exactly the right words to get on your nerves. You felt a sharp needle pierce straight through your heart. But you had no time to worry about that, only needing a way to get out. 'Where is he..' you thought, Yeonjun had walked you to the bathroom, so he shouldn't be that far away?

She hadn't taken that into account; wherever you were, Yeonjun was not far behind. Her back blocking your view, you didn't notice that your savior was already coming down the corridor, it didn't take long for him to speed up his pace once he saw what was going on.

"I wouldn't call that desire but a mistake.", he tapped the girl's shoulder politely. When she snapped around, hearing the new voice entering the space, he gave her the biggest, most insincere smile he could muster along with a wave of his hand as rage started bubbling deep inside him.

"See, I can only imagine what fuckery you're spouting to my baby, but I didn't think you'd have the guts to come around after you jumped my bones while I was intoxicated, knowing it was the only way you could ever get to me after all the times I've turned you down.", the man waved his hands around in exasperation. Only then did his sarcastic smile fall.

"I don't deserve to be with HER. And YOU don't deserve to be in her presence so I'd like you to take whatever ever bitchy bullshit agenda you have and crawl back into whatever disgusting hole you came out of like the naked mole-rat that you are. You have nothing on her. Come on, y/n", he wrapped an arm over your shoulder, His glare livid as a supervolcano about to erupt, his actions unpredictable, any wrong move, and he could blow up and take the world out with him. He was pissed. at her. And most importantly at himself. She was a reminder of what he did, what he allowed to happen, that ultimately ruptured your relationship.

"I'm sorry she's still bothering you. I can promise you that she'll have nothing to do with us ever again.", he lowered his arm after turning the corner, praying he didn't make you uncomfortable. Consequently, you were still a little shaken, only nodding in response. He slowed his pace, giving you a moment to ground yourself.

"Is it okay if I hold your hand?", he rubbed both his sweaty palms against his dark-wash jeans anticipating your answer. Appreciating how he cared enough to ask, you nodded and held out your hand so he could intertwine his fingers with yours.

The interaction made anxiety burst out of your chest, moving hastily throughout the whole of your body, only settled by the way Yeonjun stood up for you; like he always had. a reminder that he always loved you, back then and now. He could be a ruinous wildfire to the world, but for you, a soft, warm breeze passing through a meadow filled with flowers of blues and pinks, a trickle of cool brook a delightful sound to your own ears, a safe place for you and your heart.

Both of you itched as you awaited your fourth date, he picked you up after your last class of the day, whisking you away in a taxi to the little mom and pop restaurant that had been both yours and Yeonjun's favorite all that time you lived together.

A fleeting thought; you remembered how the apartment you shared so many memories in was only minutes away. You stayed late talking to the owner, and Yeonjun denied a drink when offered a complimentary soju bottle. He didn't drink anymore. By the time the two of you were leaving, scattered drops of rain grew into a steady downpour.

"Do you remember the first time I said 'I love you?", he turned to you as you looked out into the heavy sheets of rain, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear and letting out a soft chuckle.

Unintentionally, he had blurted it out first. He didn't know when he started feeling that way but now, for weeks, every time you spoke he could feel the words on the tip of his tongue.

Five months into your relationship, he walked you home from a much-needed, stress-relieving evening out.

Haplessly, it had started raining. Your brother's place was in running distance, but it started pouring so abruptly. There was no choice but to take shelter underneath (something). Howbeit, you still ended up soaked from head to toe, feet squishing in your shoes, marinated in rainwater.

Through laughter, chaste kisses, and shared eye contact, he drank in every little feature of your face and it slipped.

You nodded, reminiscing along with him for a moment, the sugary taste of nostalgia coated your mind until you noticed the distance closing between you and the 181.5 cm, fox-eyed man. The curve of his plush lips continuously held your attention and he took notice.

"Can I kiss you?", he whispered softly, if it hadn't been for his face merely inches from yours, you might have missed it. Another nod was all he needed to take your lips in his own in the tenderest of embraces. A quiet sob escaped your lips but he took it all for you, tears now falling like raindrops on stained glass, mixing with his. Callused thumb gently brushing away a freshly rolled set of tears, whilst he brought his other hand to the side of your face to cup your right cheek.

And with that, you gave in. Letting him take you home. His hands were gentle, treating you as if you were the most delicate bubble ever blown. Any harsh moves and you would pop in front of him at any second. So you kissed him harder, showing him you were okay, that you wouldn't break.

After not being intimate in months you were completely parched, you thirsted for his love, his touch, more than ever much like the dry valleys of Antarctica thirsted for a single drop of water, kept from them for nearly 2 million years. Yet, he was still timid, removing your drenched clothes piece by piece and lowering you back onto the bed you once shared. Admiring you as if you were a hand-painted portrait, he took his time leaving the lightest kisses on every inch of your body. Flowering them all over your collarbones, and trailing softly down the valley of your chest, only stopping at your tummy to press his forehead against it.

"You are so goddam beautiful, my love" he murmured into your body. He was finally feeling your skin again. If he thought about it anymore he'd surely cry, and now wasn't the time for that so he made his way further down past your hips, ghosting a kiss over your heat. His breath made you shiver, made all the thoughts you once had disappear, replaced by overwhelming need. Was he seriously teasing you right now?

"Junnie, please.", not caring how needy you sounded, you pleaded with him, needing to feel him, taste him, smell him, breathe him.

The sound of desperation in your voice, all for him, finally sent him over. Gentleness shrunk away, as he pulled you by your thighs to the edge of the bed. Kneeling on the hard floor, he threw your legs over his shoulders, diving hungrily into your wetness. Looking up at you with piercing eyes as he licked voraciously at your swollen clit, lapping up your dripping cunt. He loved tasting you but he never seemed this desperate to take you in the taste of your arousal before now. Your hands found their way into his hair gripping tightly as he sucked and licked at your cunt.

"J-junnie. Want you inside...", whining, you failed to push his head away, not wanting to wait another minute.

He moaned into your wetness kissing your pulsing clit before pulling away. His hand moved, thumb gathering your slick and rubbing it over your clit at a frustratingly slow pace, your eyes glossy as you quivered. Your head fell back, wet hair fanning over the sheets.

"You want me, baby? What do you say??" He spoke in a low alluring tone, his voice teasing you like sweet honey, licking your lips, you craved for him.

"Yeonieee, please...", he stood, wordlessly stripping himself of his underwear, his hard dick slapping against his stomach. He pulled you closer with one arm, his other hand taking his cock and pressing his head to your slit, pushing it up and down to coat it in your arousal, making you whine. Leaning down he placed wet open-mouthed kisses from your jaw down to your neck, leaving you completely breathless.

"Good girl." He whispered, as he slowly pushed himself into you until you met his hips, the both of you moaning in pleasure. Filling you up nicely, you could feel his cock touching the sides of your inner walls, you moan as you shut your eyes tightly, even now you still weren't used to his size. He started slow, rocking his hips into you, allowing your body to accommodate him, and watching as his cock disappears inside you and returns coated in your slick. Reveling in your warm tightness wrapped around him so nicely, he put one hand in your hair, leaning down to kiss you deeply.

Kissing back passionately, his lips tasted of cherry, oh how you missed these heated moments where nothing else in the world mattered apart from how he was making you feel. Breaking away the kiss, "Ahh... J-junnie." you felt around frantically for one of his hands, him taking it into his own, and intertwining your fingers. While leaning his body over you, pressing a soft kiss on your shoulder. Your arms wrapped around his neck in an attempt to feel his body even closer. 

"Junnie... please." his low thrusts coming to a halt. 

"Please, what, baby girl?" he asked, teasing you. "Please fuck me" and that's all he needed to hear from you, "Anything for you, baby." moaning against your neck, as he slid his cock out, the tip brushing against your g-spot, before pushing in again. Building up pace little by little, you could feel him twitch inside you.

He slid his cock out, the tip brushing against your g-spot, before pushing in again, taking his time to fuck you slowly, building up a pace little by little. Reveling in your warm tightness wrapped around him so nicely, he put one hand in your hair, leaning down to kiss you deeply. You turned your head slightly to pull away.

"Junnie, please go faster." You begged, he smirked at your desperate pleas, more than happy to comply. He followed your request, snapping his hips into you roughly, slamming past your g-spot and into your cervix repeatedly. Making you cry out, you were seeing white.

"So deep..." you whimpered. He growled in response, leaning back, gripping both of your hips tightly letting his nails dig into your skin as he pulled you to meet each uneven thrust. Skin slapping wetly as he fucked you harder, you dragged your nails down his biceps making him hiss out lightly.

"Baby, you feel so.... so fucking good. I love you....love you so much." He groaned, running his hand up your body and firmly grasping your breast as his gaze full of fervor locked with yours,  "so beautiful..."

"L-love you, Junnie. Love you... gonna cum. Junnie I'm gonna cum."

He reached to rub over your clit, sending your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you moaned loudly.

"That's a good girl. Cum on my cock, baby." He could feel you cumming around him, squeezing him tightly.

Rubbing your thigh softly, he rutted into you with jagged thrusts as he came deep inside, cum spilling out onto the sheets with each slowing thrust. He leaned over you, head falling into the crook of your neck.  Both of you breathed heavily, coming down from euphoria. This bliss with him was saccharine, it was healing. He was healing.

He stood, grabbing his discarded shirt, and started to work on cleaning you up. His touch was gentle once again as he wanted nothing more but to cherish you.

"Stay tonight?", he asked still a little breathless, only making fleeting eye contact as he tried to hide how badly he hoped for a yes to pass your lips.

"Yeah... I'll stay."

𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐒 — banner made for “I’ll Stay” by @kuroppiz all rights reserved to them. "I'll stay" written by myself, do not copy, repost, translate, or moderate any of my works. Editor; @kuroppiz I sincerely couldn’t have done this without you, babe! I love you and your amazing brain!

TAGLIST ⭑ @kuroppiz @junnieboyo @sweetiehyuka @yjs6x @bakubae000 @yakusoku0 @billiondollarworth @imanerdychubbyqueen @hwxngjins @sweetiehyuka @chaemoa

Fr😳😳

!TWT PRN LNK!Imagine brat beommie sending y/n this while they're at work</3

I am so invested in this series rn oml. You should be too person who sees this🧍🏿‍♀️🧍🏿‍♀️🧍🏿‍♀️

You Just Put the Dick in Your Mouth - Part 2.52

Yang Jeongin x Kim Seungmin

Word Count: 1885

Contents: innie’s self deprecating thoughts, cuddling, hurt / comfort, seungmin crying, best friends to lovers

Previous | Next

Jeongin was trying. Really, he was. But when he saw Seungmin he was just a little jumpy, just a little bit flustered and stuttery. He laughed a little too hard at Seungmin’s jokes while staying just a little too far away from him. He was sure at this point anyone who saw them interact would think he was a freak.

But he was trying his best and Seungmin seemed no worse for wear. If he noticed it, he was merciful enough to not call attention to it and let Jeongin sort himself out. It made Jeongin wonder if he had done this often with his friends. Did he have that much practice fooling around and then being utterly chill with people as if their dicks hadn’t become acquainted with the other’s tonsils?

He wasn’t in love with all of them.

Keep reading

can u give us some hyunjin twt links, please? 🫶🏻

Hyunjin Hard Thought Visualizer

After a long long day of teasing your boyfriend like a brat, hyunjin decides to treat you like a brat. And brats, in hyunjins head, don't get to cum on his cock but instead on a vibrator. And he won't do any of the work. You'll get yourself off with your pretty pink toy while hyunjin will get off on your soft hands pumping his cock. Of course he can't deny you kisses though<3

Sorry this took so long! I hope this is okay!!

-

If you like my content and would like to support me you can tip me! Or just like my post! That works too.<3

AYO THIS IS SO GOOD 😩

share you with the boys

Author's note: i tried to fulfill this ask but i got too carried away with writing the foreplay lol maybe there will be a part 2! who knows? i hope it's what you envisioned, anon! enjoy :)

Warnings: Smut. Spitting, exhibitionism, daddy kink, cliffhanger that's gonna probably make you hate me

Characters: OT8 x Reader (Chan and y/n is in a relationship but this time Chan wants to share)

Everyone’s in the living room, somehow the dance practice review that’s supposed to be at the studio changed venues to 3racha’s lair, and you can hear noises waking you up from your slumber.

Chan already told you about it last night as he pounded into you like an animal, but he didn’t mention anything about being discreet. So, now, still in your little headspace, all you wanna do is go out there and greet your Daddy.

See, you and Chan have an understanding with Changbin and Han. You’re practically the fourth tenant in their dorms, so some rules had to be presented.

It’s not that you’re messy or noisy or anything of the sorts but you and Chan just have a particular interest in letting it all go once you get to a vicinity that no outsiders can have access to.

The dorms is where you and Chan get to unwind and most importantly, indulge in you active sexual lives. But how do you do that with two other roommates being around so often?

Well, you let them watch. Or listen. Or both. Depends on how they prefer to partake on that day.

At this point, Changbin and Jisung are used to seeing Chan fuck you anywhere in the dorm. Kitchen, living room, the hallway and even in their rooms a couple of times – name it, Chan has definitely fucked you at, in and on it. And it’s only infront of Changbin and Jisung that you’ve ever referred to Chan as Daddy.

“Is Daddy still at the studio?” “I miss Daddy so much.” “Will you drag Daddy out of the studio early tomorrow? I have a surprise!”

To which they would always indulge and play along, answering, “Yup, your Daddy is still at the studio, little one. He’ll be back soon.” “Oh your Daddy misses you so much too. We saw him sporting a boner, so you better be prepared now, sweetheart.” “Of course, princess. We’ll drag him out early. We can watch too, yeah?”

Chan loves and appreciates how Changbin and Jisung dote on you. He’s been enjoying the new living arrangements, not because he doesn’t like the other boys, no. But because he knows Changbin and Jisung would not throw away the opportunity to watch you get fucked on a daily basis, to hear your moans every chance they get. So, it works.

Today’s a little different, though. He wants to share his goddess with the rest of the boys. He told you about it when he was busy pounding his cock into your tight cunt, informing you that the other boys would be coming over for the first time with you around, but he didn’t specify anything. He would have told you to be discreet but he didn’t.

So, he isn’t surprised to see you walking out of his room, face washed and hair still a little messy, still clad in his satin shirt from last night. From the looks of how your nipples are showing, you didn’t bother to wear a bra and you’re definitely not wearing pants because your legs are all bare for him to look at.

Or for all the boys to look at.

Because sweet, polite Jeongin is the one to greet you good morning yet he only got to say “Good-” when he chokes on his own word, eyes frantic, not knowing where to look because he knows he shouldn’t be looking at you like this. You’re his hyung’s girlfriend but the way your tits are clinging to the shirt is making it hard for Jeongin to think straight. And the other boys aren’t any different than Jeongin. Seungmin and Felix are looking away, pretending to monitor the dance practice video while Minho and Hyunjin horribly fail in trying not to stare at you. Jisung and Changbin are the ones blatantly staring, chirping a cheery “Good morning!”.

Chan appreciates the boys’ sensibility to not look at his sexy girl but that’s the thing. Chan wants them to look. Chan wants them to look at how pretty his girl is in his clothes. The way his shirt is too big on you but thin enough that they can still see the outline of your curves, the way your hair is still a little messy probably from the way he pulled on them the night before and the way you’re standing there, still processing if you should go back into the room and change, looking all cute and fuckable – Chan just can’t believe he’s the lucky person who gets to have you.

“Daddy’s not in bed,” is what you say, gaining the courage to openly refer to him as ‘Daddy’ in front of the other boys. And the way you say it in such a cute voice with that cute little pout? Chan can’t help but feel his cock stirring in his pants.

“Daddy has to work, princess. Why don’t you come here and join us?” he tells you, patting his lap, signalling you to come over and like the sweet, obedient little thing you are, you do.

And Chan chuckles to himself when he sees you walking in the tight space between the members who are on the floor and on the sofa. You could have walked over from the front but no, you just want to torture the boys sitting on the floor because they can probably see your cute little baby pink panties.

“What’s Daddy doing?” you ask shyly, trying to not focus on the eyes that are definitely on you, choosing to focus only on Chan, carefully sitting on his lap, making the shirt ride up a little.

Your heart is pounding from excitement. You like to show off for Chan. You like showing people how good you can be for him.

And you definitely like the attention you get from the boys right now.

“I feel like we shouldn’t be here..” Hyunjin speaks up, clearing his throat, probably ready to sprint out of the dorm.

Hearing that, you pout. You turn to Hyunjin, give him your prettiest puppy eyes and say, “I promise I won’t bother Daddy and his friends while working. Just wanna be close to Daddy.”

Needless to say, the boys are smitten. Chan’s short comment of “You guys can look all you want” definitely changed the stakes.

Now the dance practice monitoring session is long forgotten. Who can focus on that when Chan is slowly rubbing your nipples over his shirt that you’re wearing, when you’re mewling like a cute little kitten, when your hips are subtly grinding onto Chan’s thigh?

Who in their right mind would pass up the opportunity to watch this heavenly scene in front of them?

“Da-daddy.. Your work,” you try to remind him but your mind is filled with how good all this feels, having Chan touch you while his members watch. You’re used to Changbin and Jisung, but the others? It’s a whole new experience having 8 men look at you like you’re their last meal.

“But Daddy wants to take care of his princess. The boys don’t mind waiting, right boys?” Chan chuckles, amused how quiet the boys are, eyes dark as they look at your beautiful being. “Daddy needs some help though. Maybe Hyunjin can help me,” Chan speaks, calling Hyunjin towards the two of you on the sofa.

“Yeah?” Hyunjin sounds breathless and it makes you feel so shy that you have your head buried in the crook of Chan’s neck. “Don’t be shy, baby. Daddy needs you to turn around, can you do that for Daddy?”

And turn around you did. Now you’re greeted with a heavenly sight – seven boys staring at you, bulge evident and none of them care to hide their erections.

“Spit on her tits, Hyunjin. Make the shirt wet,” Chan instructs the long haired blonde so casually he nearly trips on his way near you. Seungmin and Felix who are sitting a bit further away can’t help but scoot nearer. All of them wish they were Hyunjin right now.

Hyunjin has his face near your tits and it’s taking all of your might not to arch your back into his face. You know Chan wouldn’t approve because no one can touch you but him.

The blonde man gathers his spit as he looks at Chan and you interchangeably, wanting the green light to spit. The nod from Chan and the needy look you give are all he needs to follow through, slowly letting his spit drip onto your right tit, his hands holding onto the side of the sofa, so he won’t touch you.

The sight makes you moan. And the feeling of his warm spit coming in contact with the fabric of the cold satin shirt makes you shiver, hands holding Chan’s as Hyunjin gives you some time to compute that another man just spat on your tits in front of your boyfriend and six other men.

“You like it, baby?” Chan asks, clearly loving how your nose is cutely scrunched as you try to calm down from the littlest stimulation.

“Fucking hell,” Felix curses, swallowing his own saliva as he watches how Hyunjin’s spit is leaving a drak spot that beautifully showcases your pretty nipple. Oh how he would die to just suck on it right now.

Your attention goes to Felix when Hyunjin walks back to his spot, sitting with the other boys as he stares at you. But Chan’s finger rubbing your wet nipple over the fabric grabs your attention again, making you arch your back into his touch, moaning softly when he lightly pinches it.

“My princess likes that, hmm? Like having other men’s spit on her?” Chan teases, kissing the side of your face softly. You nod absentmindedly, eyes closing as you melt into his touch, forgetting about everything else.

“Daddy, please,” you moan, you don’t even know what you’re begging for, you just need something more.

And more you got.

Now you’re spread wide on Chan’s lap, his clothed chest rubbing against your back as you try so hard not to buck your hips up while the boys take turns to spit on your pussy. You managed to stay still when the first two boys, Jeongin and Felix, did it but the way Changbin is looking at you with such confidence and the cocky smirk of his, you could just cry in wanton.

“What a pretty cunt,” Changbin says before he spits rather messily, different from how softly Jeongin and Felix did, and the way his warm spit comes in contact directly on your clit makes you shake, the unintentional bucking of your hips nearly buries Changbin into your cunt.

Chan chuckles at your little movement, knowing how hard you’re trying to be good for him.

“Daddy,” you whimper, almost crying at how difficult it is to stay still when you can feel the boys’ spit trickling from your slit.

“Shh baby. Daddy’s got you. Just need Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin to spit on your pretty pussy next, then Daddy will fuck you, hmm? You can do that for Daddy, yeah?” Chan speaks, voice soft and assuring, you find yourself nodding again and again, spreading your legs wider, ready for the four remaining boys to spit all they want so that you can have Chan’s cock.

Minho makes his presence known, licking his lips as he stares at your pussy and you nearly cry at the intensity.

But you really cry when your boyfriend spreads your pussy lips wide, the boys whistling and groaning as they watch intently how the mixed spit from Jeongin, Felix and Changbin get to finally find their way into your cunt.

“Maybe today the boys can touch, what do you say about that, baby?”

♡ Chan's Social Butterfly Class ♡

Author's note: Thank you for 600+ followers. I would love to hear your thoughts on my fics ♡ hope this makes your Monday better!

Characters: Chan x Y/N

Warnings: Smut, filthy dirty talk (lots of 'em. love it), unprotected sex, wall sex, slight cockwarming, petnames (baby, babygirl, cutie), a bit of silly jealousy, praises, softdom and slight harddom chan, shy y/n, slight strength kink, big dick chan, slight tit play

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Taglist: @luvsungiie @cheesytangerine @drhsthl (lmk if you want to be added/removed)

full m.list | series m.list

Chan has always known that you're shy. The first time he ever met you, you literally didn't even speak a word to him other than a soft little "Hello". But Chan never judged you for it, he never took it personally and that's really one of the very reasons he got to wiggle his way to your heart - he never forced you to talk. 

It's also one of the main reasons why you decided to talk to him about your worries. Being a celebrity, talking to people is one of Chan's jobs and frankly, he actually enjoys it. What better way to learn than from the master himself, right?

But what you didn't anticipate is how he is going to teach you. 

And apparently, Chan thinks you're the best student when you're under him, all needy, naked and aroused for him.

"Baby, you're doing so well. Just five more questions and you'll get what you want, okay?" Chan coos, clearly enjoying this little quiz he came up with while he has his thumb slowly circling your clit - a reward for answering his previous question right. 

He's given you a convincing set of tips and tricks on socializing - even made cute little flashcards for you - but it's been a little hard concentrating because on one hand, you love the rewards but on the other, your brain is accustomed to getting whatever you want just by looking at your boyfriend.

Chan spoils you. A lot. In and out of bed. And the most amazing thing is, you never really voice it out. Chan's just really good at reading you and as Changbin puts it 'whipped for the quiet angel who has Chan hyung by the balls'. 

So when you're here, having to 'work' for what you want from Chan, your brain malfunctions. But in the best way possible. Because it means that your mind is occupied with trying to answer his questions correctly to get the rewards, and you don't feel as stressed out about the whole orientation. 

"Now, what questions do you ask someone for small talk, baby?"

Has Chan always used his soft voice with you? You never noticed until now. So soft, his voice is so comforting and soft. 

Chan chuckles at how out of it you are right now. You're his baby, his everything. He'll give you anything you want. Anything. But sometimes, it's just so fun watching you not knowing how to function. You're always the prim and proper princess, and he loves you so much for it, but watching you going all shy, whiny and struggling to answer his questions makes him feel good on a whole new level. 

"We've learned this, haven't we? You know the answer, baby. Tell me, hmm?" he prompts again, hand slowly coming up to slap the side of your boobs, kind of like your personal wake up call. 

"Can't just be staring at the ceiling, cutie. Gotta answer me. You want your reward, don't you?"

You nod at him, wanting to let him know that you're still there, alive and definitely trying your best.

Chan's definitely amused. He's seen you going cockdumb before but he never denied you of his dick, so this, this is something new that he absolutely enjoys seeing. 

Being able to witness you fall apart because he's doing the bare minimum is turning him on beyond belief. He's so fucking hard for you right now. Usually, just a shy needy glance from you, he'd already be scrambling to fuck you like you deserve. The boys aren't wrong when they say he's whipped for you. 

It's equally distracting to him too - the way your wet slit is just begging to be impaled, the way your tits are moving with the rhythm of your heavy breathing and the way your lips are quivering because of the little touches he's emitting onto your cute clit. 

You're so fucking gorgeous and all for him. 

Alas, he can't forget the main reason you both are doing this. You need help to socialize,so he's going to be the best boyfriend there is and help you. 

"Gonna make it easier for you, baby. Give me three. Just need three, cutie." 

Your eyebrows furrow, trying hard to concentrate on the task. You have to be good. You want to be good. Want Chan to be proud of you. 

"Mm- name. Major.. house. Where they- house- home. Live," you try, earning a low chuckle from the man. 

Chan is now on top of you, thumb no longer playing with your clit but his strong legs are splitting your legs apart, making sure they're wide open, your wet slit being greeted by the cold air, making you shiver.

"Looks like I've been spoiling my girl so much, she's even giving me the wrong answer, hmm?" Chan tuts, pretending to scold you a little. You whimper, not understanding what part of your answer is wrong. 

"Where's their house, baby? So if someone comes to you and asks where you live, are you going to tell them? Hmm? Tell them that you live with your boyfriend? Tell them the number of our apartment so they can watch you get fucked everyday like a good little girl on the kitchen table? Invite them here everyday so they can see you drool over my cock like you are now?"

At this point Chan's just enjoying your struggle, enjoying the power he holds over you. The way you're whimpering and whining his name makes him feel so good, feeding his ego and making him bask in the wonderful feeling of teasing you so much that you're stuck in your shy girl mode, not knowing how to respond when he gets all dirty with you.

Chan is generous with his praises. But it also means that when he's in the mood to talk dirty, he's going to really show you what dirty is. 

He catches your shy gaze, your grabby hands playing with his fingers, thinking that it'd save you from the one punishment you know Chan will give you - the one punishment Chan knows you hate the most when you're this needy.

Cockwarming. 

"Get up for me, baby. You know what to do."

You're about to cry. You're now struggling to sink onto your boyfriend's cock. You're helpless when Chan isn't guiding his dick in you like he usually would. Putting his cock into you by yourself is something you rarely do because Chan would usually ram inside you, just how you like it, just how he knows you need it.

"You don't ask people where their house is, baby. You can ask them where they're from, that's okay. Yeah? Got it, cutie?" he tells you, eyes intently watching how you're struggling to put his dick in, even when he's holding it up for you.

A pillow princess like you just looks so cute trying to do things by yourself. 

"Asked you a question, baby," he taps on your ass, awaiting.

"Mm, no home, no home," you tell him quickly, voice squeaky as you finally sink all the way down, moaning his name. Chan lets out a pretty moan, making you rub your face onto the side of his neck, clinging onto him like you're afraid he's going to go away.

Chan can't help it. A praise slips his tongue, telling you how much of a good girl you are, how good you feel around him. To make up for the sudden softness, he pinches your right nipple, alerting your brain that he's not exactly happy with your progress now, no matter how good your pussy feels clenching around his cock.

You stay like that, unmoving for a while, brain accustomed to Chan being the one controlling the pace and movements. But when he's not even moving an inch and instead is now emitting little gasps from you because of his soft spankings, you whine his name.

"Channie," you call out for him, hands unconsciously bringing his from your ass to your waist, to the position he would always put his hands at whenever he's fucking you from below.

"What do you think you're doing, pretty baby? Think I'm gonna fuck you now? After you got the wrong answer?" Chan raises his eyebrows at you, amused at how you're so desperate for him when the class isn't even half done.

"You already know you're gonna cockwarm me, baby. You hate it, don't you? Hate having to stay still on top of me with my cock inside you?" 

You nod, sweat forming on your forehead as you try to stay still. 

"Hate it," you tell him, voice weak. 

"Hate it, yeah? My girl hates not having me fuck her, hmm? Fuck," he growls when he feels your walls clench when you take a deep breath. 

"Spoiled baby," Chan chuckles, biting your cheeks jokingly. "Okay, I'll make it easier. I'll ask you one question. One question and I'll fuck you if you get it right, kay?" he promises, earning a happy hum from you. 

"When someone asks you if you're in a relationship, what do you say, baby?" 

Chan's question puzzles you. It's not in the flashcard he prepared for you… how are you supposed to answer this? 

So, you go with the logical answer. "No telling," you say, knowing that you can't reveal your relationship to anyone. 

You thought he'd be satisfied with your answer. But his tone says otherwise. "No?" 

Chan's voice is low, his hand travels up to your hair, giving it a little tug, so you'd look at him. "Hold on tight," is all he says before he's standing, your legs wrapped around his waist as he walks to the nearest wall and slams you on it, one hand at the back of your head to make sure you're not hurt. 

"No? You sure bout that, baby? You don't need to tell who your boyfriend is. Or are you gonna let them flirt with you? Hit on you and think that you're available?" he asks in a voice that he only uses when his patience is tested.

You whimper, shaking your head 'no'. 

Chan decides to ignore that, wanting to drag this out a little. 

"One glance at your pretty face and sinful body, they're all gonna be all over you, baby. And your cute shy attitude? Fuck, they're gonna wanna have you, you know?" Chan growls into your ear, making you shiver.

Not even a second later, Chan starts fucking you. 

Hard. 

He's pushing his hips up, hands locking your body on the wall, his cock drilling into you from below and all you can do is take it. The sound of your soaking pussy and his slippery cock rubbing against one another fills the whole living room and it makes you shy away from his intense gaze.

"Fuck, you're such a shy little thing, hmm? Can't even look at your- ah fuck baby so tight-"

"Your boyfriend's fucking you. How can you say you don't have one when your pussy is molded for my cock, you cute lil thing?"

"Fuck, babygirl. My pretty girl. Shy baby. Can't even look at your boyfriend while he fucks you, huh? This is all you wanted, isn't it? Needed me to fuck you from the beginning of the class?" 

"I have to spoil you everyday so you remember to tell every fucking person there you have the best fucking boyfriend- just like that, baby, take it. You're pussy is doing so well, so well, fuck you're so slippery baby, so tight and slippery for me."

All you do is moan. Your back arches, legs about to give up from hanging around Chan's waist. He's fucking you so hard, so fast, your tits are bouncing with every thrust. Your hair's a mess, sticking to your face and shoulders from the sweat trickling. 

"Chan, Chris, oh my god," you nearly scream when he starts rubbing your clit while he sucks on your nipple. The position definitely uses up a lot of his energy and it's so hot seeing your boyfriend not even stopping to take a breath.

"S'strong," you mewl at him. "S'big Chris," you praise him, not being able to say anything else. "My boyfriend."

That earns you one messy kiss, the man in question clearly satisfied with what you said.

"Please," you squeak when Chan lets go of your now bruised lips. Chan groans, not being able to contain his weakness that is your cuteness.

"Gonna cum, aren't you? Can feel it baby. So tight for me. For your boyfriend. Fucking hell, you're squeezing me."

Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.

"Can't handle my cock, can you? Big for you. I'm always so hard and leaking for my girlfriend- ah yeah, that's it baby."

Snap. Snap. Snap.

"Your boyfriend's fucking you so good you can't even talk, yeah? Hmm? Always need my cock, don't you? Such a shy little girl but always so ready for cock- my fucking cock. My good girl, my good fucking girl. Cum."

And you do. You moan his name so loud as your walls spasm around his cock that it makes Chan himself shoot his load into you. 

"Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou Chris," you whisper to him, always expressing your gratitude to him. He's giving you his cum, lots of it. The least you can do is thank him for giving you the one thing you didn't think you'd get today.

Your legs turn to jelly, releasing themselves from Chan's waist unexpectedly. You would've fallen butt flat on the floor if Chan's not fast enough to grip his arm around your waist. 

"Clumsy baby. Tired already?" he chuckles, giving you little pecks on your cheeks. 

You hum in agreement, burying your face in his chest as he holds you up. 

"But we're not done with the class yet though," he tuts and you whine quietly. "Seems like all you learn just now is that I'm your boyfriend, baby." Chan laughs, picking you up bridal style, bringing you to your shared bedroom. You know very well your mixed cum is all over the floor now - something Chan loves doing so he could take photos of. 

"Five more questions, baby. Gonna use my cloned cock that you hate so much. Not as warm as my dick, yeah?" he says softly, giggling like he hasn't just said the filthiest thing. "Gonna use the whole week to train you to be a social butterfly, baby. Get ready for more of my cum. My little baby butterfly needs it to grow, doesn't she?"

You're definitely gonna tell everyone that you're a spoiled girlfriend owned by a very charming, social butterfly of a boyfriend who teaches so well with his cock. 

just one yesterday - lee felix

» summary: He‘d loved you more than anything. Where you couldn’t pick yourself up, he would do it for you and never ask for anything back. In your mind, you pictured him by your side forever. Until one day, he’s no longer there.

» pairing: lee felix x reader

» rating: pg-13

» genre: angst, best friends to strangers, soulmates

» warnings: unhappy ending

» words: 2,283

» part of the you're the one series...

“Still won’t wash it huh?” if it were anyone else, you’d assume they were judging you, but Felix never really did. He’d been your best friend for years, seen you at both your best and worst yet never expected anything out of you in return.

Sometimes you wondered if you weren’t doing enough, that he was putting in far more than you, but you’d always attempt to make up for it with sporadic movie nights and dinners if your part time job had paid a bit more generously than expected.

Felix never complained about it either. He loved you and you loved him, but there was something to be said about two people never being able to love each other equally.

“I just… don’t want to,” you take the jacket from his loose grip, and it falls almost violently into your arms from your pull. He just smiles, for he knows the story from the last winter the two of you endured in this cold town, the memory of Seungmin was now a few months old, yet sometimes still lingered like a fresh wound.

Felix is turned away from you now, focused on the game he’s playing on the TV whilst you’re left to do what you want. It’s usually like this. You go over to his apartment and he leaves you to roam as if this place is your own. A lot of what you own is here anyway, just like how his hoodie is currently thrown over your desk chair back at yours, and some of his notebooks and books are laid out over the bedroom floor from late night studying.

Your lives were deeply bound but you didn’t mind it. It was nice to always have someone there, even if not physically, what he’d left was your reminder of him.

“Let’s go out,” the game is paused, something you hadn’t realised until he spoke up with that familiar deep voice that anyone that met him even just once could pinpoint for its uniqueness.

“Go where?”

“Dinner? I can pay this time,” you’d paid last time, but oddly this offer didn’t sit well with you. Felix did pay for things, but he never verbalised it out-loud. His offers were usually unspoken, said with his behaviour rather than words.

Felix’s relationship and love for you was built heavily around how he acted, rather than what he said. If you were sad, he didn’t reassure you with overused sentences that anyone would say. He’d hug you, with hugs that were specifically his, he’d kiss your forehead with a lingering touch of his lips that were truly his, and no one could replace those gestures of reassurance.

Anyone could replace words.

“Alright, I’ll just change shirt,” agreeing with Felix was always easy. His smile was the problem and you were weak to it. It’s how he’d gained your friendship in the first place, with a grin and certain charm that you couldn’t say no to, even if that particular day had tested your patience.

Felix always knew his way in through any obstacle. It could be infuriating.

There’s no trace of snow left on the ground now that spring has hit, but the air is still cold and fresh and cuts your cheek with harshness that causes them to blush. Felix links his arm with yours and the two of you walk silently through occasional crowds of people before everyone disperses down separate, less busy streets.

“You ever see him again?”

“Nah, but I’m done looking. There’s nothing I can do. It’s okay,” and it is, so all you can hope is that Felix believes you.

“You’ll find someone anyway. I wouldn’t worry.”

“It’s not that I’m worried,” you’re just worried you’ll never feel that particular pull again.

“I mean, worst comes to worse you can always date me,” his words make you stop walking, tugging him back as a result. Felix looks down at you now, and you must look so incredibly lost for he laughs and ruffles through your hair, causing you to huff. You’d spent ages getting it to stay somewhat neat, clearly in vain, “I’m kidding. Don’t take me so seriously.”

Maybe you should listen. Maybe taking it seriously is your undoing, but it’s like his words cause something to snap, and suddenly Felix takes on a new meaning to you. It’s impressive, how one sentence can alter your entire view of a person, open your eyes to something else, whether positive or negative.

It’s crazy to you, how the very idea dangling in front of you, just out of reach, is presented to you by your best friend.

And it’s crazy to you how quickly you want to jump into that notion, the idea that maybe you and Felix should.

Dinner isn’t awkward, but it’s new. You’d eaten dinner with him so often, but suddenly you’re so self aware of how you eat, what you order, how you behave. It’s never happened before, and Felix isn’t blind to it either, “you’re acting weird.”

“Am I?” the young man before you has always been attractive. You knew that with the way he’d turn heads on the street or with the amount of valentines cards that fell out of his locker when he was younger, but to you, he’d always just been Felix. A genetically gifted friend, sure, but still just Felix.

Sitting here, suddenly understanding those glances his way, was terrifying. Realising that your heart raced just seeing him stare back at you, that was the very pull that unraveled the thread to your once solid foundation of friendship.

You wished he’d never said it. You can always date me. For it led you to your next heartbreak when you realised he had feelings for you too.

Suddenly it made sense, why Felix had always given more than he took. The nights you called him at three in the morning because you were afraid or lonely, he came by without question, whilst the nights he did the same, you slept through almost every call.

You were selfish, and you knew it, yet he somehow loved you anyway, and the entire situation seemed so incredibly unfair.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” it’s the immediate regret in his voice, the way he steps back from your frame that you know nothing good can come from it. Felix had told you he loved you before, but it had been friendly. At least you had assumed so for the tones in his voice went unnoticed by you, as did the longing glances and the way he’d hesitate to reach for you, just because he desperately wanted to feel your touch underneath his fingertips.

It was unrequited, until it wasn’t entirely anymore, but even then, when he said it, actually said it, your words caught in your throat and you wondered if maybe, you weren’t ready to admit you loved him too.

For whilst you did love him, and whilst you saw him differently now, you weren’t sure if it was the same. Something bound you to feelings, his friendship with you ran so deep and meant the world to you, but now there was a set distance that you weren’t sure what to do with. You didn’t know how you felt, and before you had the chance to figure it out, Felix took it all back.

“Forget I ever said it,” but you didn’t. You couldn’t, even if you’d tried.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Your once horrid but occasional nightmares were replaced with desperate echoes of his voice, and every time the result was the same. Felix walked away and you couldn’t tell him to stay.

It hurt you to wake up, alone and hovering over the contact name that was so familiar, but he no longer picked up. The rock in your life wasn’t there to take your every call now, to hold you through every fear and it was only now with losing him that you fully realised that you really loved him too.

When Felix had told you he loved you… well and truly was in love with you, you weren’t sure if your love could be matched. Now, as twisted as it was, you bet your love rivalled his, if he even felt it at all anymore.

“I love you,” but he’s not there to hear you. You’re whispering to an empty room, and the only remnants of his are the hoodie you’re wearing, torturing yourself with and the scattered textbooks that he didn’t bother to get back from you. For he was never coming back. It hurt him too much, and he much rather avoided the realisation that you didn’t love him back than be faced with it for some books he could buy again.

It was not lost on you, how ironic it was. But each message you sent went without response, each call was met with silence, and every time you passed his apartment, there was no one to let you in.

Maybe it was naive to think that he’d open the door to you anyway. Though you’d assumed with how close you’d been, he’d miss you enough, just enough to come back to you. You just wanted him to hear you, listen to you like he always had, yet you heard nothing.

You were back to being unfair, maybe selfish, as spring turned to summer and summer became autumn, and it is only as the leaves fall in an array of dark colours that you decided that you couldn’t hope like this anymore. Felix wasn’t part of you anymore, and maybe you wanted to blame him, make it his fault for ever changing anything for you that one day he’d invited you to dinner, but you knew better.

If only you had known you loved him before he let you go.

It’s raining, the early morning winds being harsh on your frame as you hold a box, heavier than you’d like for it to be, but you know you can only make this trip once. Not only is it physically exhausting, but mentally you’re drained too.

You wonder if you should ring the doorbell, but given he hadn’t let you in for a while, you doubt there’s much point. Instead you wait, not for him but for anyone just so you can put his things down. There’s a note with his name, written as neatly as you could manage with a purple pen, a heart underneath though you wonder if that’s too much.

“You waiting for someone?” someone’s holding the door for you, though it takes a moment for you to register enough to look up at the stranger in question. He’s handsome, with dark hair going over his forehead and eyes to match. His smile is playful, rather beautiful too and your heart skips a bit, “you okay?”

“Huh?” he laughs, amused as he leans against the front entrance, holding it open for you though you make no effort to step inside. His voice is almost aggressive, but his presence is almost warm, a contrast to the cold and the way he speaks. It’s interesting, to say the least.

“I’m in a bit of a rush. In or out?” he doesn’t seem angry, though his impatience is evident in how he’s bouncing on his toes in anticipation. You realise he just came from inside, that he’s not heading in, and you wonder if he lives here too or was simply visiting someone.

You’d never seen him before, and given how often you’d been here, that surprised you.

“Yeah, in, thank you,” you push past him, ignoring the way he so obviously reads the name taped to the letter on your box of things for Felix, and you miss the familiarity of seeing the name in his eyes.

Maybe it’s best that you do. And maybe it’s best that he says nothing, only leaves you be once you’re inside.

It takes everything in you not to knock on the front door when you’re outside Felix’s door. You hear him move, know he’s there and it’s pure agony to do nothing. Yet you know if you knocked, and you know that if he answered, everything would fall apart again.

It’s best to leave it as it was now. A memory you loved and cherished, for the years with Felix holding you close had mattered so much to you. And sure, maybe if he opened the door, he’d hold you again, but he could just as easily break you more.

You couldn’t handle that now.

So you put the box down, knock on his door only once before you pull yourself away, down the stairs and back out into the rain.

When Felix opens the door, it’s to all his things he’d left behind. Everything but you, and he wonders if he’d catch you if he ran out to find you.

Something stops him. Perhaps the reminder of how long it took for him to get past it (not that he was even now), or maybe because he knew Changbin would kill him if he had to come over just one more time, to tell him that he’d be better off.

When he finally opens the note you’d left, he decides that he wants to hate you, for you’d selfishly told him the words he’d always desperately wanted to hear, but now was too late for. Even if those very words made him want to run back into your arms and forgive you for it all. At the end of the day, you were still his one best friend that he had placed above everything else.

I love you too Felix, I do.

i’m not sure if this was maybe a bit confusing on how they stopped being friends and why etc… it makes sense in my head, but any questions, feedback or comments kindly let me know x

the more I write this series the more i think i’ll be making alternative endings for each member that ends happy cause i can’t deal…

series masterlist

I know my moots are thinking the same thing as me... 🤒