SEALED WITH A (HERSHEY'S) KISS ! ; Itoshi Sae > In Which, Sae Hasn't Really Changed As Much As Everyone

SEALED WITH A (HERSHEY'S) KISS ! ; itoshi sae > in which, sae hasn't really changed as much as everyone else would like to believe.

the world had changed a lot since you were 7. you don't really remember much from your primitive years but you recall this very scene- the playground of your childhood- and its bursting beauty.

in your youth, the playground had been colourful and lively, brimming with warmth and the nostalgic sounds of blue springs which were now long gone. the bright red plastic slide was seared into your mind's eye, and so was the feeling of your favourite companion's hand as he helped you stand when you hit the bottom.

you internally cringe at the recollection of your former friend, who was the whole reason you'd returned to the now dismal setting. though, you supposed that you couldn't quite refer to itoshi sae as just an old friend anymore. there was too much history for that, now.

itoshi sae was your childhood best friend. the both of you had met at the playground of your school, and had clicked. he'd always been aloof and just the tiniest bit stuck up, and you liked to think that you balanced each other out quite nicely.

it was no secret to anyone in your primary schools that the both of you liked each other, even though he'd scowl and curse out (as eloquently as a child could) anyone who'd dare suggest such a thing. sae would bluntly reject the verbal concept of crushing on you, but he'd always save you a seat at the lunch table. he'd rather die than even suggest that he could have an affection that was more than platonic, but every day he'd wait for you outside your classroom to walk with you to the playground.

that playground, you think, was more of a liminal space for you, now, rather than a good memory. because you and your maybe-relationship with itoshi sae had crashed and burned when you'd turned 16.

(if you're being honest, you're surprised that it'd even made it that long.)

sae had first asked you to 'be his' when you were 10, in the only way a child could ask. he'd given you a hershey's kiss, and you still remember how his ears tinged red and how he refused to meet your eye. you'd kissed him on the cheek and he pursed his lips as his face contorted in something like shock. the next week, he left for spain.

you didn't see sae again until a year later. he was a little taller, but not much, and his cheeks were still puffy and rosy with youth. he was only visiting for a week, but he insisted on you being there wherever he went. at this point, both of you had contact information to exchange and kept up communication even when he left. the day before he left for the airport, he gave you another hershey's kiss.

you and sae had spoken nearly every day until you were 14 and he came back for a month. then, he'd asked you out officially. you'd said yes. your friends teased you for your infatuation with the boy you'd known since childhood, but it was just that: infatuation. you couldn't see the red lights or hear the alarm bells, not for the life of you.

a few more sporadic visits and daily calls culminated in his planning to fly over to celebrate your 16th birthday with you. but itoshi sae never landed in japan. the day before your birthday, you received an envelope- a brief letter detailing how your relationship was childish and a waste of time, and was to come to an immediate end.

it felt like your world collapsed, just then, when you read those words. you would almost not believe it if it weren't for the unmistakable script that was so messy and so sae, that it couldn't be anyone but him. after that, he didn't reply to your texts. he stopped liking your posts. he never picked up your calls. and that was that, you'd concluded. that was the end of your relationship with itoshi sae.

it still made you sad, even though it shouldn't. you were 19 now, and still couldn't stomach a hershey's kiss. you were 19 and you still returned to this stupid playground with a familiar, heavy heart when you'd heard the news that the itoshi sae had briefly returned to japan for the first time in years.

the tweets with his name on them seemed to be taunting you. the articles with his face screamed at you. the heartbreak was something you could push aside and never escape, and you hated every second of it. if you could take back your childhood solely for the sake of forgetting sae, you think you would consider it before you said no.

"i knew you'd be here eventually."

your heart stalls, and then stops. a tight vice grip takes a hold of your lungs and you exhale sharply. because you knew that voice.

"sae," you greet courteously, as if you weren't about to keel over and die. you couldn't bring yourself to look at him, not when you could almost feel his presence next to you. his aura emanated with that familiar warmth, almost as if it was trying to draw you in again. you felt nauseous.

"you're fucking annoying to track down, you know that, right?"

you huff what might be a laugh. "my bad."

the air is cold and suddenly gets colder as a bitter wind bites at your skin. you would wonder what he's thinking but you're giving your all to not let the resurgence of feelings overtake you.

he opens his mouth behind you and then closes it, like he's struggling to get his words out. you don't need to see him to know- you'd grown up together. you knew how he was.

"it's.. been a while." and now you laugh genuinely, because everyone was wrong about him. they all talked him up like some god, and to them maybe he was. but they didn't know him like you did. itoshi sae is no god- he is awkward, and antisocial, and the same 7-year-old boy who'd changed the rules during games of four-square when he'd lost.

"guess it has been."

"i missed you." now that takes you by surprise. it's spoken like a sin, like he's confessing his darkness to a priest, like he's a malefactor asking for a reprieve from his gods. you finally turn to look at him, and he looks just as confused and conflicted as you feel.

itoshi sae is older but he's hardly taller. his face is slimmer but still tinged pink, and he's outgrown the bangs that you used to like to tie into pigtails to bother him. he still looks like itoshi sae- he still looks like he's yours.

he lets out a sharp breath when he sees you fully for the first time since he'd last seen you, almost 5 years ago now.

"you missed me?"

he breaks eye contact and you almost smile at how he's still so shy, after all these years. "you don't get to miss me, y'know."

"i know. i'm.."

you raise an eyebrow, silently urging him to continue. "i'm sorry."

you grin. "that's good," you muse, feeling kind of insane because how is any of this real, "you probably should be sorry."

he looks back at you, a familiar intent flashing behind his gaze. "i know, i-"

"you don't know anything, sae." he's silenced by the sharpness of your tone, and you can hear every beat of your heart as you continue. "what was it you said? i'm a waste of time? that we- that i was just.. unnecessary?"

all of a sudden, you feel very, very small. your voice wavers and cracks at the end of your sentence, and you cross your arms over your chest and step back. the burst of anger you'd felt had dissolved into something like despair, and you wonder why you can't bring yourself to walk away.

"you wrote me a fucking letter," you say, quieter this time, "on my birthday."

sae's expression would be unreadable to anyone, but you weren't just anyone. you recognize the conflict, the wild tumult of emotions, the remorse- you can't look any longer.

you force yourself away, turning so you're facing the playground again. it's silent for a few heartbeats before he speaks again.

"i think that was the biggest mistake of my life."

you don't reply. he continues.

"i was- i'm in love with you. since i met you, i've been in love with you."

you feel a sinking feeling in your chest, because this is all too similar to all those times he'd told you he liked you, not in words but in actions, and you fight to keep up with the grief hanging heavy in your mind's eye. this was the first time itoshi sae had told you he loved you, years after it'd all ended, and you hate yourself because a small part of you wishes that it won't be the last.

sae moves to stand next to you, and looks at you over his shoulder. from the corner of your eye, you see his gaze grow misty.

"so why did you leave me?"

he turns to you fully, and you look at him. his eyes are almost pleading as his whispered words are almost lost to the cold winds: "i can't. i," he moves to take your hand, and you let him, "i don't know. i can't."

there is a new darkness in his eyes. a world of unspoken words, a lifetime of hurt that you don't recognize. it's then you realize that he was different, in that sense- there was a bleeding wound invisible to the naked eye. he lets go of your hand and there's something left in your palm- a hershey's kiss.

"you won't forgive me," he says, "but i'm sorry."

he is about to turn and leave, and you're staring at the familiar treat in your hand when you grab the sleeve of his jacket and tug him back. not expecting the sudden impact.

in a flash, you're kissing him. your hands search for purchase anywhere they can- they're under his knit sweater and on his stomach, his back, his sides, his hair, his cheeks, and you're desperate with your movements, as if he was the only cure to your sickness.

it's fervent, almost, how he kisses you back, closing the nonexistent distance as if he's trying to melt into your warmth. he's greedy, his buzzing, he's warm all over, and he feels just like he used.

when you part, the both of you remain close. you move to untangle yourself from him, recalling how sae was never one for public affection, and this was a public park despite no one being around. his arms hold fast around your waist, keeping you in place. his forehead rests against yours and his hair tickles your face.

"are you sure you love me? i couldn't tell," you tease, voice raspy and breathless. sae presses his lips to your temple, "don't make me say it again."

"what if i want you to?"

"i'm in love with you," he deadpans with no hesitation.

you laugh into his skin and you know he's smiling without looking. "i think i need you to say a little more. maybe like, 'oh, the love of my life, i am so madly in love with you and i have been since we met because i am just so sad and lonely. and in love with you.'"

sae scoffs and pinches the skin on your hip gently. you hum, "don't pretend like that's not all true."

"it is true. you made it easy to fall in love."

for the hundredth time that night, you're taken by surprise, looking at sae and seeing a familiar smirk pass over his face, and you're sure that he fought past his inability to express his feelings just to get a reaction from you. "do you need me to prove it?"

his lips are on yours again, and everything feels right. there are 5 years worth of unspoken hurt and damage, and dozens of scars and open wounds, but those can be dealt with in due time. right now, you and sae are being the stupid teenagers you almost never got the chance to be, kissing in the park during the middle of an autumn night.

the world has changed a lot since you were 7, and it will continue to do so. the park will never regain its colours and you will never be able to be a child again, but that didn't mean things couldn't get better.

you weren't a kid anymore, but you could still feel the same giddy spark that you used to be familiar with. you weren't a kid anymore, but blue spring could return nonetheless.

you weren't a kid anymore, but here you were kissing the boy you've liked since you were one. you weren't a kid anymore, and you think that's okay.

(somewhere on the playground floor, the hershey's kiss lies discarded.)

✄ written for the mitsies 3k follower event using the prompts "it wasn't hard. you made it easy to fall in love." + getting ‘married’ in elementary school. reuniting by chance and getting asked out in the same fashion.

[⇥ 3K EVENT MASTERLIST] [⇥ 3K EVENT INFO]