Hugs4shizu - Memory

☆ 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝗺𝗲 - ,, 𝘀𝗮𝗲

summary: growing up best friends with the itoshi brothers takes a turn for the worst when you end up falling for sae. once he leaves for university, you don't hear from him for a while, but it's been a few years and fate has other plans for you. warnings: gn!reader , cursing , minor angst , reader is a teenager with messy teenage feelings , absolute word vomit , kind of bad writing , not proof-read ! word count: 5.1k a/n: don't ask me what this is im obsessed with sae so. also pls look away from the cringe ass title its a lyric from a niki song guys- anyways i hope this is legible

you haven't seen sae in so long.

it's all you can think about as you loiter in front of the itoshi family home, pacing in front of the door with your hands shoved into the pockets of your hoodie. you're certain your heavy, anxious footsteps are going to leave dents in the wooden paneling of their front porch—it almost makes you feel guilty.

almost only because you really weren't planning on unearthing years of buried feelings on a random thursday afternoon.

when you woke up this morning, muted spring sunlight greeting you with its soft touch, you had decided it was going to be a good day. spring break meant you were home for the next two weeks, with no responsibilities and a lot of friends to catch up with.

honestly, you were planning on lounging around for most of the day, going out to meet a few people for dinner, then coming back home and binging some drama on netflix until you inevitably fell asleep.

so when you went downstairs, greeted with the scent of sweet chocolatey brownies, you wondered what the special occasion was for your mom to be baking so early in the morning.

you shouldn't have asked—if you could go back in time, you would take the chance and stop yourself from ever asking what she was up to. you should have known she would sic it onto you.

that's precisely why you're standing in front of the itoshi home, contemplating ringing the doorbell, a small pastel blue tin full of brownies held in one hand. the other held onto the card your mother wrote to mrs. itoshi.

she's always been a sweet woman, rather sentimental in her disposition, holding onto useless trinkets from when her sons were little kids still and littering the walls of their home with so many photos.

you were up there too, chubby cheeked and missing a few teeth because that's what childhood is like.

you grew up with the itoshi brothers, spending every moment with them because they lived right across from you and when you're kids, the people within walking distance end up your best friends.

you didn't have much in common with them—they were aloof when things were good and stoic when things were bad (as stoic as children can be) and you loved to huff and puff, dramatizing every last thing.

you like to think you grew out of your old ways, but then again, here you are losing hair and probably graying because you're too nervous to hand over some brownies.

perhaps before university, you wouldn't have had an issue with this.

though you lacked similar interests, you remained close friends with both rin and sae. but you were closer with rin. you were the same age and you had the same home room—and he let you copy his history homework if you let him copy your chemistry homework so there was an incentive to remain close.

he was also a good friend when he wasn’t rolling his eyes at you, faking indifference.

plus: looking at rin didn't kick your naive teenaged heart into overdrive.

sae, on the other hand? you avoided like the plague.

around your first year of middle school, you realized sae made you feel...strange. it wasn't an entirely foreign feeling because it was the same way you felt while watching zuko in avatar: the last airbender. that sickening tightness in your chest while your face grew warm, palms grew clammy, until you felt like you were running out of breath.

maybe it had something to do with the night you went camping with the itoshis. you’ve never been the biggest fan of camping, but you went anyway because they’re your best friends. it’s only right. you started regretting your decision when night arrived and all you could think about were the countless horror stories about bears destroying campsites, or crazed hatchet wielding murderers killing innocent campers.

so you laid in the tent you shared with rin and sae, squished between the both of them, fear gripping your heart tighter than vice and making your blood run cold.

“why are you still awake?” you startle at sae’s quiet but firm tone, trying to calm your nerves just enough to respond. “how’d you even know i was awake?”

“you’re breathing way too fast for someone who’s supposed to be sleeping.”

so you begrudgingly tell him all about how you’re terrified after making him pinky promise not to make fun of you and not to tell rin. he’s silent for a moment, before climbing out of the tent, beckoning you to follow him.

and you do, though you don’t really know why. he takes you to a small clearing in the woods you’re camping out in, and you’re scared shitless, fingers curled tightly into the fabric of his hoodie but he doesn’t seem to mind.

he peers over at you, the faintest smile on his face as it points up at the sky, “the stars are easier to see here.” so you look up too, and find that he’s right—that the sky is pierced with tiny dots of sparkling light, too many to count. it’s breathtaking and you can feel your heartbeat slow down, fear melting away to make room for something more serene. sae steps closer to you and you pretend not to notice, but you do and it feels different this time, even though he’s been shoulder to shoulder with you before.

he leads you back to the tent in one piece, you both fall asleep without saying a single word to each other. the next morning, you wake up and rin seems none the wiser to your irrational fear of an untimely demise in the woods.

sae kept his promise and it makes you smile. an unfamiliar feeling sprouts to life deep inside you.

you brushed it off because sae was in high school now, sae was different now. of course you'd feel strange around him—he was older and smarter and cooler. he probably knew things you have yet to even hear about; it's fine, you told yourself, you’d get to his age and you’ll stop feeling this way about him.

but then you were going into your first year of high school and this feeling never went away. in fact, it only grew over time, like a rubber band wrapped around your heart, twisting tighter and tighter every time you looked at sae.

every shared glance, every softly muttered greeting—they built up, growing taller and taller until it all tumbled to the ground, crashing into you without warning.

you liked sae.

suddenly having a label for these strange feelings didn't make them any more manageable or any less daunting. this label—your crush on sae—only worsened the state you were in.

whenever you'd see sae walking down a hallway—the first two buttons of his shirt undone (despite the fact that the dress code stated they must stay buttoned), afternoon sun draped over his face, letting his long lashes cast shadows against his cheeks—you'd turn a corner, running from his sight.

you started taking a longer route around the school when you left, tired from the day's trials and tribulations, but not tired enough to walk past the field and risk seeing sae in his jersey, sweat dripping down his temple, tracing the curvature of his face before disappearing past the sharp line of his jaw.

you stopped spending so much time with the itoshis, turning down invitations to go to amusement parks and arcades and other excursions because the thought of being close to sae like you had been during that camping trip made you feel like you were drowning.

rin noticed, of course he did. there’s no way he wasn’t going to notice his best friend suddenly avoiding his home, or throwing around dumb excuses to skip hanging out with him. at first, he was certain he had upset you somehow, so he spent a while wracking his brain and trying to remember the last fight he had with you.

eventually, he realized he wasn’t the problem, but his older brother was.

the itoshi household was a fairly calm one. until rin cornered his older brother, fire in his eyes as he asked what the hell he did to upset you.

that’s when he realized the problem wasn’t sae either (because he had no idea what rin was even talking about—sae hadn’t seen your face in weeks), it was you. whatever was going on with you was something you were conjuring up in that overdramatic mind of yours.

so he confronted you, after school near a stairwell after catching you taking the long way home.

“what’s wrong with you?” he asks, deadpanned and you groan, not wanting to deal with this. it’s the tail end of spring and although the flowers are blooming and the grass is a bright green, the heat of a summer to come kisses your cheeks and leaves you unbearably warm.

“there’s nothing wrong with me, rin,” you counter, rolling your eyes. “now, let me go home, i have work to do–”

“you’re avoiding me.”

“i’m literally talking to you right now.”

he clicks his tongue in annoyance and crosses his arms over his chest, “okay, then you’re avoiding sae.”

you like to think you’re something of a convincing liar, and to some degree, you are. you can get away with the occasional, ‘i forgot my homework at home, can i bring it in tomorrow?’ and ‘i don’t have my wallet on me, can you pay?’

unfortunately for you, none of your lies ever work on rin because he knows all your stupid tells, and right now, you stiffen at the sheer mention of sae which only goads him on. “what happened with sae? he said he hasn’t seen you–”

“you asked him?” you almost shout, incredulous at the audacity of itoshi rin. “why would you ever do that?”

“you weren’t telling me.”

“oh my god–” you groan, covering your face with your hands. if sae didn’t already notice your blatant attempts at avoiding him, he was certainly going to notice them now, thanks to fucking itoshi rin.

rin just steps closer to you, unbothered with your deep scowl and the rage swimming in your eyes. “are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”

you tell him to walk with you because it’s a long story (it’s not really—you just want to get him away from the school where sae is, and you also want him near the convenience store so you can bribe him with food before coming clean).

rin finds out about your massively debilitating crush on sae with a pack of plain chips in his hand, standing right in front of the farthest 7-11 from school.

he takes it somewhat well (meaning: he doesn’t try to beat you into the ground), but he makes it known that he doesn’t think his brother is deserving of your attention—not like that anyway.

“yeah well– you think i woke up one day and chose to like sae?” you grumble, stealing a few of the bribery chips from him. “it just turned out that way, okay?”

and then rin awards you with one of his billion dollar ideas, the ones that send you into cardiac arrest from sheer idiocy alone.

“why don’t you just…tell him?”

you turn to look at him slowly, so slowly it's menacing. if looks could kill, he’d have died as soon as your eyes met his. “give me one good reason i shouldn’t punch you for that dumb fucking idea.”

he’s vaguely aware of the fact that he’s riling you up, but he also thinks your dilemma is stupid. “just confess, if he doesn’t feel the same way, then you don’t have to waste your time drooling over him.”

rin walks you home with a bruised shoulder, the bribery chips in your hands after you stole the entire bag away from him for reparations.

by the time sae’s graduating high school, you’re head over heels for him, barely able to contain the way your heart soars at the very thought of him. it’s embarrassing and it’s horrible because sae probably sees you as some extension of his little brother—meaning sae is never going to see you the same way you see him.

so when it’s summertime and he’s packing his things up for college, you wonder if you even want to go say goodbye. as his friend, you know you should. who knows when you’d see him next? you’ve known sae for almost your whole life—you should wish him well on this new chapter of his life.

but the selfish part of you, the part of you that wants to shield yourself away from the thought of sae ever leaving, keeps you rooted to the floor of your bedroom. seeing the packed suitcases and his near empty room will only solidify the fact that he’s leaving.

he’s not going to be around for the next year, or the year after that, and it hurts in a way you didn’t expect it to. after that, you won't be around either, most likely, so then when will you see sae again?

you don’t want to miss out on seeing sae a final time, so you push yourself to go over and say hi, trying your best not to cry because that’s lame and you’re not lame like that.

he seems shocked to see you there, in his presence, instead of jumping through hoops to get far away from him. but after the initial shock, sae seems almost relieved to see you standing there, waiting to bid him goodbye.

“you’re here.”

you nod softly, not meeting his eyes because you know that his emerald stare is only going to coax the tears waiting behind your lashes. “i wanted to wish you good luck…have fun…at college.”

he takes a step closer and you want to take one back, but you don’t. “i will. stay safe while i’m gone.”

it makes you laugh, like he’s been protecting you—as if. but you nod anyway just to appease him and you stare at him, taking in the way he’s styled his hair and the single hoop earring on his right ear and the thin silver chain around his neck.

now that you’re here, so close to sae, all you can think about is how much you’ll miss him. something cracks within the cavity of your chest, narrow but deep like a fissure, and you can’t read the meaning behind his slight frown or the furrow in his brows. you can’t understand the softness in his eyes when he looks at you.

he loads up his things, everyone says goodbye and you dig your nails into your palm so that you won’t start sobbing in front of sae. everyone takes turns wishing him goodbye once more, just alone. you’re the last one to go, purposefully placing yourself last because you’re nervous about being alone with him.

you walk over, fully prepared to repeat exactly what you had said earlier. you take one look at him, sweltering heat making his hair stick to his forehead as the setting sun makes him glow orange, and it's like the fissure cracks and breaks instantly.

you’re pouring out your heart before you can stop yourself.

“sae- i’m going to really miss you,” you whisper, arms wrapped around yourself as the words just keep tumbling out. “and i know you probably won’t miss me as much– or at least not in the same way, because i like you and i have liked you for so long.

“i’ve liked you since i was a cringe middle schooler and i avoided you for months once i realized because i didn’t want to look at you knowing you don’t feel the same.” you take a deep shuddering breath, it takes so much work to not cry. “and now you’re going away and i’m being so unfair because here i am telling you i’ll miss you when…you were right here.”

he’s rendered speechless. you run back into the house and sae doesn’t run after you or even say anything. he doesn’t even text you. you spend the rest of summer buried within your sheets, mouth dry and heart battered and bleeding so profusely, you have no idea how to even begin fixing it.

it takes you one year, six months and 15 days to get over the hurt of sae’s silent rejection. you’re aware you put him in a difficult position, and you weren’t expecting him to return your feelings or anything, but you did want him to say something.

you felt like a bumbling idiot throwing up your feelings all over sae’s expensive shoes, cutting yourself open just so he could see how your heart really only beats for him, only for him to turn away. only for him to leave you in silence, with nothing but the deafening sounds of your own heartbreak.

he’s made you a bit bitter towards love—making you scoff during valentine’s day and making you wince during white day but it’s only a front to hide the fact that deep down, you’re still hurting. you might have cleaned up the blood and erased the stains, but the wounds still remain, refusing to scab over and disappear altogether.

you told rin what you did a week after sae left. he’s shit at comforting people but he took you back to the 7-11 that’s super far from your school and bought you the same bribery chips and told you that sae really didn’t deserve you.

you wish you could make yourself believe it but you’ve found that you’ll always hold a soft spot for sae, even if most of your memories of him are buried under the immense aching of missing him and loving him.

you wait until your final day of your final year of high school to delete sae’s number off your phone. maybe he might text, you think, maybe he might congratulate you on graduating. anything from him would soothe the soreness in your chest.

he doesn’t text and you delete his number with the hopes of forgetting him.

you and rin go to different universities, but you keep in touch. it’s easy to do that with someone who actually wants to keep talking to you. you haven’t seen or heard from sae in a while—almost three years to be exact.

thinking of him doesn’t send a pang of something painful piercing through your heart anymore. instead, he’s more like a dull ache that settles within your stomach, remnants of a time when the sound of his name stung and thoughts of him sliced and drew blood.

it’s a bit pathetic that you’re still kind of in love with the same guy, someone you fell for in middle school when your taste in men is supposed to be god awful. it’s disappointing that you never went through major character development in uni (not enough to finally squash your feelings for sae).

sae wasn’t home for winter break, so you don’t expect him around for spring break either. he probably isn’t home, so you shouldn’t make a big deal out of handing over these brownies and that card. it’s just a simple transaction.

you reason with yourself for a few seconds more, fingers crossed that mrs. itoshi won’t ask if you’re keeping in touch with sae because you can’t bear to tell her you haven’t spoken to him in three years.

silently hoping rin opens the door, you go to knock when the stairs to the front porch creak and you spin around, careful with the tin in your hands.

it’s sae—the itoshi sae, staring at you with his head tilted and something foreign in those emerald eyes.

maybe if you look hard enough, you can see yourself reflected in the darkness of his pupils but you don’t want to look at him like that. not anymore, anyway.

you don’t know what to say, you ran out of things to say to him the moment you told him how you felt three years ago. there’s not much more to share, there’s not much more you want to share either.

your heart still clenches when you remember how hard you worked to get over the hurt, to clean up the blood. they’re like phantom pains, making the muscles of your chest tighten. but they can’t exactly be phantom pains if the wounds are still alive and well.

sae shoves his hands into his pockets, stepping up onto the porch and walking closer to you. the smell of his cologne invades your senses and you fix your gaze onto the lid of your tin, not wanting to look at him.

“why were you just standing in front of our house?”

you sigh, hoping he didn’t catch you pacing. “i was going to knock just now. you startled me.”

he reaches over you to knock on the door and mrs. itoshi opens the door. you hope you can hand over the things and rush out of this awkward situation but she ushers you in, along with her son, and insists you stay for lunch.

you have no idea how to say no to her, so you say yes and stand awkwardly in the living room while sae sits on the couch, scrolling through his phone. the atmosphere is tense—it’s painfully obvious that there are unresolved problems between you both. you don’t want to be the one to bring them up, it’s no longer your responsibility.

you eye him carefully, studying his lidded gaze and the bored frown on his face. the angles of his face have remained basically the same, though you think he’s built more muscle over the years you haven’t seen him. you know sae’s still playing soccer, much like rin, and you know he’s pursuing a career in it.

all this you learned from the news or your mom after she speaks with mrs. itoshi—sae is a soccer prodigy or something like that. you don’t really care about the logistics of the sport, you only care about him.

he looks up abruptly, catching your analyzing stare and it makes your breath hitch momentarily before you look away, turning your attention elsewhere.

this goes on for a few moments more, you letting your gaze wander back to sae, letting yourself indulge in the sharp angles of his face and jaw until he catches you, and then you’re tearing away from him to pretend like you were never looking in the first place.

it’s sickening and you long for the familiarity you once had with him.

every once in a while, you find yourself wandering back to that night you went camping (the only time you’ve ever gone) and every part of you yearns to go back—to be able to stand in the middle of the woods in the dead of night, staring up at the stars with sae standing by your side.

it always reminds you that you’re not fully over him, your love for sae pulling at your hair like an annoying kid. you wish you could swat him away.

you pull yourself from your reverie just in time to find him looking at you, his phone abandoned by his side. you fight the urge to focus on anything but him, squinting your eyes at his unrelenting stare.

he doesn’t look away. you huff and cross your arms, but you won’t look away either.

you don't last as long as you hoped. looking at sae hurts.

he's 20 now, and you're 18 (almost 19 in a few months) and he's still giving you that same silence even when it's obvious he has something to say.

simply being around him is digging up everything you worked hard to bury away, dredging up years of old feelings and memories and naive love and you wish he could see into your mind so he'd understand how much of him still lingers in the corners.

you clench your jaw, hardening your stare as you decide this staring contest is utterly pointless when sae sighs, resigned.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear but still so quiet, you wonder if you heard him right.

"why-" you begin but he cuts you off, standing up and you follow suit.

"i'm sorry for not saying anything to you that day," he clarifies, and his voice is somewhat raspy, slightly deeper and it makes your knees feel weak.

"i'm sorry for never calling or texting and i'm-" he takes a breath, as if to consider his next words, "sorry."

sae isn't good with apologies. you figured that out the day he knocked you off your bike when you were nine, making you scrape your knee in the process. you wailed about it for hours and sae simply gave you a 'sorry that happened.' and that was that.

he bought you a strawberry flavored chapstick after that—a better peace offering.

you still think he's shit with apologies, but this one warms your heart a little.

"you don't have to apologize for that," you reply, laughing to ease the awkwardness. "you don't feel the same, and that's fine. i bombarded you the day you left—it wasn't fair to you."

you hope he doesn't dwell on the fact that you said 'don't feel the same' as opposed to 'didn't feel the same' because you do still like him (as pathetic as that may be).

but this is itoshi sae and he notices everything. at least, he notices everything about you.

when you first started avoiding him in the halls, he noticed, but he didn't say anything. when you started taking the long way to leave the school, he noticed, but he kept his mouth shut because he figured there was a good reason for it.

when you stopped coming around as often, declining invitations to hang out, he noticed. sae didn't know what he did but he didn't like it and he missed you then, missed your face and your voice and the way you used to roll your eyes at his dry remarks.

the day he was leaving for university, he was so surprised to find you in front of him, he almost didn't notice the nerves lighting up your eyes and making your hands shake.

then came your confession—a mess of words and feelings and so very genuine—it knocked the air out of his lungs. he didn't know what to say, couldn't come up with something good enough so he resorted to silence.

he started regretting that the moment you turned away from him.

he didn't think he'd miss you like he did—didn't think he'd still hold onto whatever memories he had of you stored away in his mind. but now he's 20 and he's seated on the couch that you and him grew up watching TV on and he doesn't think there's anyone else in this world that could make him feel the way you do.

sae has a lot of regrets about the way things went with you. mainly, regrets about how he handled it, about how he didn't text you or call you. you deserve better and he knows rin has probably hammered that into you but he hopes you haven't fully come around to believing it yet.

it's selfish of him, and he knows that, but he wants you more than he's ever wanted you.

he’s been silent for so long, you start to wonder if this is the end of this conversation, but then he’s stepping forward, hand grasping your wrist. “do you still feel the same way?”

out of all questions, this was the last one you were expecting. his touch burns, smoldering against your skin and you really don’t know if you want to be honest with him—not when there’s so much uncertainty surrounding him.

sae drags you closer, chest pressed flush against his own, emerald peering into your own wavering stare. for a moment he seems just like you: full of yearning and desire and the fact that his heavy gaze is settled on you makes something stir in the pit of your stomach.

something twists around your heart, tighter and tighter, until you can’t help but be honest. “i do. i feel the same way.” admitting it feels like an immense weight lifted off your shoulders, even if he doesn’t feel the same.

sae doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t do anything but stare for a few seconds.

“i always returned your feelings,” he replies, voice just a hitch above a whisper, only meant for you to hear.

“then, why didn’t you tell me that?”

he shakes his head then, “wouldn’t have been fair to you. i was leaving and we’d be so far apart–”

“you didn’t even call me,” you remind him, frowning, suddenly wanting to twist out of his embrace. “not even during graduation.”

“i know, i’m sorry,” he says again, so soft with you like that time you went camping. you almost wish you were under the stars once more, instead of standing in his living room. “i made some fucked up decisions.

“but the way i feel about you has never changed.”

you let out a shuddering breath. sae brings your hand to his face, pressing a chaste kiss to your palm, staring at you through the fan of lashes. “i’ll take whatever you give, as long as you’ll have me—if you still want me, that is.’

you wrench your hand away from his and he falters, but you step forward and grab that thin silver chain he’s still wearing and you close the distance between you both, pressing your lips to his because it’s the only thing on your mind.

you take him in like he’s oxygen, his hands firmly planted on your waist, sliding down to your hips; he takes your breath away. sae has this impossible need to have you closer, close enough so that it becomes impossible to tell where he ends and where you begin. he tilts his head and deepens the kiss, teeth nipping at your bottom lip but he turns soft immediately after as if to soothe the slight sting.

you taste like strawberry—like that chapstick he bought you years ago. sae feels electric and warm and the feeling of him bursts like fireworks within your chest. sae feels like years and years of loving in silence, like shared moments hidden away from prying eyes, like staring up at the stars in the middle of the woods in the dead of night.

you pull away and hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling his chest vibrate as he laughs softly. sae places a hand against the small of your back.

“i really missed you,” he says, his breath warm against your ear.

sae feels like reuniting with your other half—destined in the stars. “i missed you too.”

what even was this i just stopped studying for finals + decided i HAD to write for sae like....

1K notes View Post

hugs4shizu

2 years ago

CONGRATS NATSUNN, ONE OF MYFAV OOMFIES OMG !! YOU MADE IT <333 I'M VERY PROUD OF UUU

who wants to be the 400th body in my basement

9 notes View Post

hugs4shizu

2 years ago

ik ur in ur reo phase BUT HEAR ME OUT EARTH ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS

rin ACCIDENTALLY publicizing ur relationship bec mf got jealous as hell when ur face appeared in the kiss cam IN HIS GAME??????? WITH A RANDOM GUY AND WAS HE FUMING??? YOU AND I KNOW HE WAS THROWIN HANDS

thats all

I'M HEARING YOU OUT. warning for unrealistic scenario, i wrote this in like 20 minutes so it's unedited :p apologies for any mistakes.

imagine being rin's secret partner, the one he keeps behind closed doors because he values you too much to let the invasive eyes of the internet see. he values your relationship too much to let it get tarnished by social media, so he hides any affiliation with you like his life depends on it, only to come home and shower you with the adoration and affection he wishes he could show to the rest of the world.

in the spotlight, he is itoshi rin, japan's prized striker, their golden player, but when he's out of the spotlight, he is your lover. the man who drapes himself over you when things get too rough and he needs a breather. he is yours to cherish, where you have to change your phone wallpaper every other week because there's so many good photos of you two. he is yours to love, he is yours to go to when you feel too lonely, he is yours.

but also imagine, itoshi rin's jealousy and possessiveness no longer being able to rest at bay. it'd been accumulating for the past few weeks, this desire to show you off and boast that it's him who gets to know you like no other.

then the cup overfills, his jealousy tearing him by the seams that he loosely stitched together to withhold this carnal beast resting within him.

all because of a damn kiss cam.

you had been sitting in the vip section of the stadium- where special members are granted tickets, and even though you tell rin that it's fine for you to just sit in the general area, he refuses and tells you that he's bought you the ticket anyway. leaving you with no room for arguments. well. not that there was any to begin with.

anyways, you'd just so happen to sit next to someone who bought vip tickets with no affiliation with any blue lock members. you think he's just a die hard fan, so when he asks you if you like them, you lie and say that you won these tickets at a raffle.

the guy wasn't the most favourable person ever, in fact, you found yourself awkwardly responding to what he was saying, sometimes giving him short and succinct replies because of how... weird... he was. not to be disrespectful but you did not like his vibes. you just hope these 90 minutes can be over quickly.

yeah well, how funny is it that the kiss cam lands on you and the insufferable guy beside you?

you're mortified when you see it on the screen but the person beside you doesn't warrant the same reaction. immediately, he turns to face you, anticipation heavy on his features. in fact, he looks rather... excited...

"no, no, i have a boyfriend, i-" you begin abruptly as he leans in and you have no choice but to helplessly lean back, evading his lips and delaying it as much as you can. you even try rejecting him by frantically waving your hands, panicked and unsure of what to do.

until you hear him.

"back. the. fuck. off!" comes a shout from the pitch; the voice very familiar to your ears that you can't help but instantly relax from hearing it.

your seat was relatively close to the field which meant that those around you could hear the distinct voice of itoshi rin ripping through the air, fury evident and baring its fangs as he all but punches the barrier with each word.

however, everyone in the stadium could see itoshi rin as all cameras pan to him, witnessing his wrath as he shouts from the top of his voice. everyone around you is silent and you don't know whether you want to shrivel up into the ground or run to him and embrace him as tightly as you can. to find sanctuary in his warmth, away from the pushy guy who can't wrap his head around the idea that no means no.

itoshi rin decides for you, effortlessly jumping over the (considerably high???) barrier and making a beeline for you, skipping some stairs. thank goodness for a side seat because he comes to a stop before you, adrenaline still coursing through his veins as he looks at you with heated passion, huffing and puffing.

"rin?" you whisper. he doesn't hear it, looking up at the various stadium screens to see if the kiss cams were still on you. smirking in satisfaction when he realises they are, rin all but pulls you up from your seat and kisses you with so much intensity and fervour that you feel lightheaded. very much so.

the stadium is cheering but you can't focus on it, not when rin's holding you to him so closely, practically trying to meld you to him. not even trying to push him away is enough to snap him out of whatever primal instinct has taken over him, so you grab his face and jerk away from him, not wanting to get too carried away.

before you can utter a word, rin looks behind you, and the coldness in his expression says everything you need to know.

he doesn’t care about dignity at this point. he just needed the world to know that you were his.

"you're dead if you try that again, you lukewarm fuckface," he then turns to you. you shiver from the intensity of his gaze. "i'll kill him next time," he promises before hugging you close to him once again, practically glaring at the cameras. "i'll kill anyone who tries to get to close."

THANK YOU FOR THIS ANON would u believe me if i said i'd been waiting for an opportunity like this? well i'm speaking the truth and i'm so glad u gave me the opportunity i've been waiting for AYEEEEEEE COME BACK ANY TIME YOU ARE SO WELCOME ON THE EARTHTOOZ BLOG, PRETTY <33

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hugs4shizu

2 years ago

[ DEAL ] ITOSHI SAE.

sae’s strict.

his schedule’s packed and his time is precious and he doesn’t waste a second on the clock. you’re pretty sure his body doesn’t need the blaring alarm in the early hours of the morning—you’re almost certain he can wake up on his own.

and it’s dreadful, it’s downright torturous when you’re pulled from the clutches of sleep by the shrill noise of his phone—but even worse is the warmth of his chest being peeled from under you, his body slowly climbing out of bed and leaving you alone.

“no,” you whine, “sae, it’s cold.”

“there’s a blanket here for a reason,” he mumbles—and he doesn’t even sound tired, doesn’t even sound like the achingly long hours of practice and the few hours of sleep bother him in the slightest.

“it’s not the same,” you say woefully, staring up at him. to your credit, you try, you really do. you try to give him your best pout, tugging his wrist gently to convince him back into bed.

but sae’s strict—he doesn’t skip a single thing off his schedule, and he doesn’t waste a single second in the process.

“don’t be dramatic. it’ll keep you warm,” he insists. he flicks your forehead gently, pulling the covers over your body and tucking them under your chin. “good?”

“no,” you huff.

he gives you a blank stare, eyeing you before moving to leave the bed again. but you have other plans, much more important plans than the stupid morning jog he insists on every day. you’re already clinging to him before he can fully rise, face buried into his back as your arms wrap around his waist.

“sae, i’ll die. do you want me to freeze to death?”

“it’ll be silent at least,” he grumbles, pulling a gasp from you. and you don’t see it, but there’s a twitch of his lips, a small fond smile painting across his features at the way you huff at his statement.

“you’re rude,” you grumble, “just give me like…fifteen more minutes, please?”

“five,” he bargains.

“twenty.”

“that’s not how that works,” he raises a brow, making you giggle as you curl into the sheets. he stares, watches the traces of sleep linger in your eyes, watches as the sun pouring through the cracks of the curtains makes them a shade lighter, watches as you throw him that sickeningly sweet grin.

and then he’s back under the covers—and it happens before he can even register it, before he even fully understands what he’s doing. sae’s not sure why he lets you have your way, but his body’s tugged before he can even lay down properly, your cheek snuggled against his bicep as you hug his arm.

he thinks maybe he doesn’t mind it as much as he should.

and then he looks down at you, sees the way you give him that giddy smile, “i knew you’d cave. thirty more minutes, kay?”

“we agreed five,” he says flatly.

“sae, we did not.”

“okay, seven—”

“i raise you a great offer,” you cut him off, “twenty and i’ll even make breakfast.”

“it’s your turn anyway.”

“you’re a terrible business partner,” you pout, and he chuckles—in that soft, quiet way he only does around you, in that way where his eyes are crinkled and his smile is fond and his chest rumbles.

itoshi sae is beautiful like this, under the morning sun against your skin, when he lets you lace your fingers with his as his eyes soften just a little.

“ten,” he mumbles, “that’s my last offer.”

“fifteen and i’ll wash the dishes,” you plead. and you’re a cheater, he thinks, using dirty tricks as you lean up and press a delicate kiss to his cheek, trailing them along his jaw so convincingly, he closes his eyes and forgets for a moment about that strict schedule of his. he forgets about his morning run and practice and that match that’s coming up—because you’re here, and your lips are gentle and your voice is sweet as it murmurs, “i love you.”

“you’re cheating,” he mumbles, hand tightening its grip on yours. you smile, brushing a few strands of hair from his forehead as you press a delicate kiss there too.

“‘s not cheating,” you hum, “it’s called good business tactics.” and then your lips hover over his own, and they’re so agonizingly close, so close that he can practically feel the soft press even as they don’t close the gap.

he waits for you to fill the space between you, aching for a taste of you, aching for you to press against him and complete every part that’s missing.

and almost like you know, almost like you know he’s waiting, you pull away, denying him what he craves so desperately.

there’s a grin on your face with just a hint of trouble in your eyes as you whisper, “twenty. deal?”

“you said—”

you peck the corner of his mouth, so close yet so far from where he needs you, “twenty and i promise i’ll let you leave on time tomorrow.”

“that’s a lie,” he snorts, “that was yesterday’s deal.”

“you keep agreeing,” you shrug.

“fine,” he sighs, “twenty. this is the last time,” he warns.

“kay, deal,” you nod. and it’s never really the last time—he knows you’ll tug him back into bed tomorrow too, just like today, just like yesterday, just like always.

sae’s strict, but maybe not so much with you. he’ll keep letting you have your way—he’s not entirely sure why, but maybe he understands a little when your lips finally press against his, firm and gentle at the same time, slow yet so desperately needy.

i love you, he says through extra morning cuddles and slow kisses and fond flicks to your forehead. i love you, you hear through the slow circles he rubs against the small of your back, through the blanket pulled over your shoulders and tucked under your chin, through that soft look he only has around you.

“you’re so annoying,” he grunts.

“you’re just mad because you suck at making deals,” you giggle.

“yeah? hope you have fun washing the dishes,” he smirks, and because he’s every bit of a cheater as you, he flicks your forehead as you whine, that quiet chuckle rumbling from his chest again.

2K notes View Post

hugs4shizu

2 years ago

obsessed with bed.. i love bed. obsessed with pillows blankets and such literally love sleeping

145K notes View Post

hugs4shizu

2 years ago

— ੈ✩ DISTRACTIONS !

# 04 - requiem for a dream

— MLIST ;; did u guys know? i rlly like otoya

WARNINGS !! smoking, explicit mentions of smoking marijuana; NSFW, mentions of masturbation + otoya wanting to have sex w/ reader

the practice on the following day bored y/n quite a lot. there were no friendly practice matches and no one paid her much attention except for karasu, who'd try to flex his muscles and his soccer skills for the girl every now and then but would get immediately stopped by kenyu.

nagi would sometimes plop down next to her, asking her if she's got any games on her phone since reo took his but he'd leave as fast as he came due to the purple player dragging him back to the pitch.

what y/n found the most peculiar was rin. the black-haired man hadn't paid her any attention ever since she came. well, he didn't do that yesterday either but ever since her argument with him, (and the twitter conversations) she expected him to say something to her or at least look at her but much to her dismay, he didn't. he was far too focused on scoring to care.

y/n was practically dying of boredom just 30 minutes into the match until her daydreaming state was ruined due to the loud entrance of eita.

eita looked worse than he did the previous day. his hair was messed up, his beanie was nowhere to be found, there was evident blush and sweat decorating his features—he also had a lopsided smile.

what surprised her the most however, was the familiar scent of marijuana that echoed throughout him—it was obvious to anyone who looked at him for more than 2 seconds to realise that he had been smoking.

she was the first to greet him, she rushed quickly towards him before anyone could question him.

she wrapped him into a hug—an action that was happily reciprocated by the taller man.

she leaned her face into the crook of his neck, her lips close to his ear and mumbled 'meet me in the parking lot after practice, kay?'

eita froze, he didn't say anything but slowly nodded at her after she pulled apart—the same smile plastered across his features yet his eyes told a different story, his eyes looked as if he'd accomplished something extraordinary.

the pair of teenagers—specifically y/n were unaware that a set of teal eyes had been staring at them since the man's arrival. rin didn't know why but ever since y/n hugged eita, he was desperate to punch something or someone.

but those thoughts left as soon as they came. once y/n pulled apart, he quickly removed his eyes from her figure and began to play as if nothing had happened however, he knew couldn't shake away those thoughts.

he looked at eita again, he was smiling—other than the effects of the drug, just what did y/n say to him that made him like that? he wondered but he knew he didn't have time to dwell on such mundane matters so instead of questioning or hypothesising, he took his attention back to the ball that placed near his shoes.

he'll just ask eita another time.

eita was joyous, to say the least. not only did the drug make him feel as if he's been walking in clouds but the realization that y/n —someone he'd pinning for (at least) a day now—had asked to meet him somewhere private yet happiness was short-lived since her father—the coach, finally noticed him and began to scold him for being so very late.

karasu took this opportunity to walk and sit down next to y/n on the benches and question her about what she could've possibly said to eita to make him look so joyous.

once he asked, y/n just shrugged—not even bothering to elaborate. he tried to pester her further but all his attempts were futile. he didn't lost hope though but was forced to give up once he heard his coach calling for him.

at last, a good thing came to y/n’s day after all. she couldn't wait to meet eita in the parking lot.

once the practice nearly died out and most of the team was busy getting rehydrated. y/n slipped out carefully from the benches to make her way to the parking lot but not before sending off a wink in eita's direction as an indication and reminder for their activities.

otoya wasn't a bad a person—no, far from it; he was a good friend, a good brother and an amazing soccer player.

yet there was a field in which he lacked—romantic relationships. he wasn't ever the one to involve himself in the world of dating, he'd rather prefer to hook up with someone once or twice and leave them be.

but he wasn't a heartless creature, he'd make sure that the other party was aware of what they were getting themselves into and if the other ever caught feelings? then that's on them. besides, he stayed friends with numerous people he hooked up with—including karasu, that's how they had met and now? their hookups were long forgotten and they were simply just friends.

otoya wasn't a perv either. well, he sort of us was but there was a side to him that would scream out in guilt everytime he ever had lewd thoughts or did something unacceptable by society.

so when he saw the coach's daughter entering the gym, he couldn't help but be infatuated by her. maybe it was the way her breasts looked or her thighs? he didn't know. all he knew was that he wanted to get a taste of her, no matter the cost.

a part of him felt guilty for feeling such a way towards his coach's daughter but all sense left him when he realised the effect she has caused to him.

that night, when he arrived late at home and sore from practice; he rushed to the bathroom, not to shower but to get rid of the seemingly unnoticeable yet uncomfortable problem that he had.

he let the predictable movement of water dull out the sounds of his groans and grunts as he began to take care of his problem, all while wishing, imagining that she were the one doing it for him.

so when today, she requested him to meet him at the parking lot, he couldn't help but let his imagination wander but, he knew that he still had practice and should focus on it. ultimately, he chose to slack off instead—i mean, he was already high and maybe he'd get a memory to treasure so it was a reasonable trade, no? just one day of practice for a lifetime of lewd imagery that would bless his mind.

he was excited, to say the least. when she winked in his direction when he was busy drinking water. the unnoticeable action did wonders to his lower half and he couldn't wait to get rid of his frustrations soon.

he walked a few moments later, nodding goodbye to his team as he made his way to the parking lot where he saw her standing so innocently in the parking lot which was now mainly empty except for a few cars that belonged to other club members.

'hey eita,' she called out to him. the way his name fell out of her tongue made him wish to completely destroy her to the point where his name was the only one she could mutter.

'please, call me otoya,' he spoke, in turn. ''kay, 'toya, do you have a car?' she inquired.

a devilish smirk appeared on his face, 'no but we can narrow tabito's, i'm sure he wouldn't mind, why?'

'well... i just need some of the stuff,' she spoke, 'y'know? i smelled marijuana from you today.'

oh. so that's why she wanted to meet him. right, no girl like her would ever want to meet someone like him for anything but weed. his disappointment was immeasurable but nonetheless, he responded to her in hopes that maybe once she'll allow him to get his way with her.

'yeah, got a whole stash,' he said, trying to not make his disappointment evident. 'you smoke?' he asked as he lead her towards tabito's car.

'mhm, yeah. tried to stop before moving here and was successful 'til i met you and now i want to feel it again,' she explained. 'then, y/n, you're going to love what i have.'

the walk towards tabito's car was short-lived. he opened the door as fast as he could with his already stoned state. he was careful to not get caught by any teachers or club members here nor did he want tabito to interrupt them.

the two teenagers finally sat themselves in the car with eita on the driver's seat and y/n on the passenger's.

finally, eita reached into the dashboard of the car and removed his stash of marijuana. the plant was welcoming y/n, she was desperate to smoke it.

eita noticed her eagerness and stifled a chuckle, he took the drug out of it's container and began to roll a blunt for her as efficiently as he could.

eventually he succeeded and placed it in the teenager's mouth; after doing so, he made one for himself as well.

y/n allowed the drug to intoxicate her senses, robbing her of any sense she had earlier. she felt light, as if her worries had been drained and removed from her body with the smoke she exhaled. there was a sort of peace that came with this. so what if she was harming herself? as long as she could feel at such an ease, she'd willingly sacrifice herself for it.

'how do you feel?' eita asked her with a grin on his face. a smile had found it's way onto her features as well, 'better than i felt all week.'

'that's good to hear,' he said as he turned to look at her, 'you should smile more, makes you look pretty.'

she ignored him as she took another inhalation of the plant. she felt happy, giddy, light-headed. she couldn't get enough.

she looked at the man next to her, she felt a sort of admiration for him. 'thank you for this 'toya,' she said. the man next to her looked at her in shock as if his ears were deceiving him.

'for what?'

'dunno. guess for the weed? most of my old friends wouldn't even let me near the stuff since they were scared for my health,' she explained, starting to feel bittersweet over the remembrance of her dear friend, kunigami rensuke, who'd always look out for her health.

y/n began to talk again, explaining her old life to the stranger next to her. maybe it was the effects of the drug but she felt so at ease that she was willing to tell him everything about her life even though she only met him yesterday.

eita, too, felt the same way. maybe the drugs but he didn't mind telling her about his familial life or any of his problems either—things he didn't even tell tabito, his best friend.

they spent a few hours in the car, talking, smoking and getting to know each other better. by the end of the night, otoya dropped her off at her house as he bid her good bye but not before asking her if they would ever do that again, to which, she had just said 'we'll see.'

otoya didn't care anymore. all the lewd thoughts he had about the woman were lost like the exhalation of the smoke that penetrated and destroyed his body.

he didn't care anymore, he didn't care about whether or not he had sex with her. honestly? he'd prefer talking to her than having sex. he'd gladly chose her over any other thing, if promised to recreate such an evening.

with one last look at her white, mundane house, he went back to his car, scrolling through a few photos he took of her and him today. he smiled a bit—it was a genuine of smile of happiness.

even though, most of his time spent with her consisted of him being high, he was sober enough to know that he really enjoyed her company and desired to spend more time with her, sober, without the effects of drugs.

it wasn't a crush nor was it him wanting to get between her pants, no, far from it. he just wanted to get close with her since he believed that she understood him better than anyone else.

it was a messed-up, intimate relationship that otoya enjoyed. he smiled thinking of a few memories of the day, he really did enjoy her presence.