“Your Mental Health Should Be A Priority”

I kinda hate you

I hate that it’s always me who starts the conversation, it’s always my part to show interest and then you just follow up later. I hate that I have to text you first every time and only then you’ll remember that you wanted to talk to me. I hate that it seems like everyone knows you better than me. I hate that you don’t remember what we talked about even though we both had the best of our times. I hate that your friends don’t get along with mine. I hate that my parents always ask about you and then I realize there is nothing I can tell them about that really matters. I hate that I can’t stop looking at you. I hate that you cant even smile at me when your friends are around. I hate that we only connect when we’re drunk. I hate that I can almost remember every single word you said to me since we met. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you. I hate that I dream of you every single night. I hate that you’re the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning. I hate that my heart starts beating faster whenever I think of you. I hate that I can’t stop smiling for a week when you are nice to me for once. I hate that you are nice to me sometimes. I hate that you can’t make up your mind. I hate that I don’t get it. I hate that I recognize your voice through hundreds of people speaking. I hate that my favorite color reminds me of you. I hate that your smell will forever be stuck in my mind. I hate that you drive extra safely whenever I’m on the back of your motor circle. I hate that you hurt me over and over again by flirting with other people. I hate that I can’t live a day without the thought of you. I hate that I get rosy cheeks whenever someone mentions your name. I hate that I can’t control my fingers shaking when I type a message into our chat. I hate the way I feel about you. I hate that I’m in love with you. And I hate that there is no sign that you love me too.

“I’m going to succeed because I’m crazy enough to think I can”

Your love hurts

I don’t know what it is about you

That makes you sabotage it every single time

Ripping craters into earth

Opening gates to what might be called hell

Standing on the edge, balanced

Grabbing my hand

Jumping

Clamped together

I never wanted to fall

Life on the edge was great

But again and again

You need us to hurt

So here we are

Falling

and falling

and falling

and falling

~ honestlywhatfor ~

Missing Home

And again

I am surprised

about how much

a person

can feel like home

even though

they once

made coming home

the worst part about your day

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

„Silence says a lot more than you think“

The story continues to be written but I miss you

I can’t sleep

Every night when I can’t sleep, I imagine you laying right next to me. Your slow but steady breathing, your comforting warmth, your arms around me. I think back to the time when I would watch you sleeping, looking like a human being sent right from heaven itself. I always knew that you’d do the same in the morning when I’d still be asleep. I think back to when my head was placed on your chest and I felt like I could stay like that forever. In these moments all I wanted was to stop time right there so I’d never have to experience what it would be like without you in those sleepless nights.

Now you’re gone and my heart aches but I can’t help myself and still think of you whenever I can’t sleep.

And we figured that it would never work, at least not the way we wanted it to. We knew that whatever our love could bring us there would be something that would break both of our hearts at once. But we were never certain what it’ll be.

Time, it was the time that destroyed our little bubble we built and happily lived in.

Now we know.

Letting go

I am letting go

It feels like I’m burning alive and being frozen at the same time

Withdrawal

Sadness sitting in my bones

Memories flooding my brain

But I need to let go

No one should ever be able to hurt me like that and still get my love

Not anymore

I need to move on

Even though I can only think about the good times we had

and it is breaking me in ways I can’t seem to explain

I need to let you go

Because all you did to me

Would be enough to break ten peoples hearts

And still

You managed to do all that to a single one

My one

My still deeply in love one

Maybe we will meet again in another life and our souls will have learned enough to finally make it work

But for now

Please let me let you go

~ honestlywhatfor ~

I still peak out the window whenever a car stops in front of our house

Hoping it’s you,

Knowing it’s not.

I’m still learning to get over you,

Because life has more in store for me than waiting for your apology.

~ excerpts of me moving on ~