Are We Sure He Doesn’t Have Mommy Issues

Someone should make a where’s Waldo Tony Hawk edition since his life is already basically where’s Waldo

why do 90% of all medicines sound like cool wizard names

Is it band then album or album then band

this bot that generates metal band names and corresponding album art is fucking incredible

a ravnican tag yourself with illustrations by yours truly

Cool universe

A DEATHWORLER'S WAR PT 1

Hunanity's truth universe

From the memiors ambassador Gruxalon of the vanai-ashti.

We were, at the time, the newest members of the Galactic Alliance, the 97th race to be admitted.  Upon our admission myself and my fellow ambassadors were invited to the alliance's primary meeting ground, a massive spaceborne station in a system officially owned by no one, meant to be a nuetral ground.  Here we were given an orientation of sorts that lasted several weeks, this was understandable as this orientation included detailed dossiers on each of the 96 species as well as the history of the Alliance itself and the responsibilities and laws we would be expected to uphold as a member of it.  During our time there we were greeted by ambassadors and congulated on our appointment to the council.  Most were cordial, but clearly unhappy with our new position.

This was expected, we had asked to join solely to seek military aid against the Xinali, a hostile race that had made it their mission to drive us to extinction because we were amphibians and they believed amphibians were an unnatural abomination.  We were not close to that looming possibility yet, but it was clear that Xinali had superior numbers and firepower to our own, and our war, if left unaided, would eventually become nothing more than delaying the inevitable.

As to the reason we were inducted despite our less than diplomatic purpose, it was our communications and kinetic barrier technologies, they were far and above better than anything anyone in the alliance had, except the humans anyway, THEY had blown science fiction energy shields, but they had steadfastly refused to share that technology with the alliance.  They were a bit distrusting and isolationist as I understood it.  I remembered their dossier fairly clearly for two reasons, firstly because they were considered the strongest and most disciplined military power in the galaxy, secondly their homeworld had come up when discussing the concept of "deathworlds."

"Deathworld" was a designation granted to any habitable world that housed significant dangers to habitation by sentient species.  About 12 of the now 97 member species hailed from deathworlds.  Deathworlds had a classification system that went from category 1 to category 10, I don't remember exactly how they differentiated the categories, but i do remember that the larger the number, the worse the planet, I also remember that of the 38 known deathworlds in existence only one rated above a category 4, the human homeworld of Terra was a category 9.  Sentient species that evolved to become dominant on such worlds are usually aggressive and militaristic, and they are ALWAYS predatory, humans added isolationist and closed off, to that list of quirks.

As a result it was considered normal that the humans did not always send delegates to alliance meetings, most of the time the topics to be discussed had little to do with them, at least from THEIR perspective.  So it came as quite a surprise when I first met one.

We were pleaing again for the Galactic alliance to send military aid and were receiving the typical nonchalant disapproval, these proceedings continued for done tine before the human delegate stood and addressed his camera.  Everyone fell silent, it was known that the human delegate was not often present, and when he was, he rarely addressed the council, I had, to that point, never heard him speak.

"What the hell is wrong with you people!?" He opened aggressively "What's even the point of a council if you're not going to act on the behalf of a member.  It wouldn't even bd all that difficult or resource intensive to help them!"

I was taken aback I had certainly not expected support to come from the absentee and isolationist human delegation.  In truth they had a reputation for not really wanting to get involved in the affairs of others, it had been the primary reason we made no attempt at diplomacy with them.  

"Perhaps for you deathworlder, but for most of us a war is a very serious affair!" Another delagate answered.

"And you believe it is not one for us?" The Human diplomat replied. "Do you think it easy having such power at our fingertips?  Do you think we wish to abandon diplomacy and turn a prestigious place like this to dust, simply because we can?  We are NOT so petty.'

At this point the Consulate rose in the center platform of the space, placing himself between the two arguing races.

"Enough with this consternation." He said "I think we all know the true reason the humans are so adamant about this.  This is about the Cithir incident, isn't it ambassador?"

The human hung his head low, he looked remorseful and defeated "yes Consulate, we have waited a long time for such an opportunity."

My spines rattled a bit at that statement, opportunity for what?  His race would not be used for some dark deathworlder experiment.  

"If that IS the case, then i suggest leaving the issue of military intervention in the hands of the humans, the ambassadors in question may hash out the details between themselves."  This was met with raucous applause.  "In the meantime!" The consulate continued silencing the crowd "we will discuss the sending of foodstuffs and supplies to the Vanai-Ashti, because if i can speak plainly ambassador Orillion had a point, we DO exist as a community to help one another, and if we are unwilling to do so in any capacity, then we will have failed as a community AND as a council, we are responsible to do at least this much, agreed!?"

Less enthusiastic applause this time, but nearly twenty ambassadors offered to sue for aid from their homeworlds.

I was nearly swallowing my own throat afterwards, I had never met any deathworlders much less the apparent worst of them.  These were predators, powerful predators, I acquainted myself with their dossier as I waited for their ambassador's arrival at our diplomatic suite.

They averaged a meter taller than us, they possessed shielded, gun covered ships, their homeworld's gravity was five times our own, and they were, apparently, nigh unkillable monsters.  Their bodies produced something called "adrenaline" under stress, it essentially reversed the function of going into shock, rather than killing them this caused them to become numb to pain and unable to feel fear, it gives a burst of energy and sharpens their senses.  This substance is the reason the Galactic alliance is able to treat shock, i single litre of it can treat over a million people, and humans trade it for information, technology, passage through territory rights etc.  It is SO potent that they can refuse to share their shield tech and still make more money than nearly any other member species.

A tapping at the door caused me to jump out of my seat, i put away the dossier and answered, as the human looked down at me i must've have done poor job of concealing my fear.  Because he knelt down to my level and assured me he meant me no harm.

"Maxwell Orillion," he said, "nice to meet you."

"Gruxalon of the house fùrl," I answered "it is likewise nice to meet you." 

"So what kind of creatures are these…" he tapped at a screen on his wrist "...Xinali?"

They are an Avian race." I answered keeping information short.

"Not to sound unhratefull, but you and Consulate Grak mentioned something called, 'the Cithir incident' and you said humanity has waited for this opportunity.  What exactly do you plan to DO with us?"

"What do you mean DO to you?" Ambassador Orillion looked genuinely confused.

"Well I don't expect you intend to save our asses with no compensation." I replied a bit indignantly.

"What…?" Orillion stared at him in bewilderment for a moment begore something clicked behind his eyes "oooooooooh, you're new, you wouldn't know yet, I'm terribly sorry I'm just so used to everyone knowing." He said.

"Knowing what?" I asked.

"Uh… hmm… this is rather delicate, understand, it's kept out of dossiers for a reason."

"Okay…" i said.

"When we tried to colonize outside our home system for the first time, we ran into and insectoid race called the Cithir, to simplify matters a bit oyr people were split in how wanted to handle the Cithir, the larger group wanted to make contact and attempt peaceful negotiations, the smaller, but more powerful, and rich group wanted to kill them off so they could divy up the planet and sell the land to the highest bidder.  That group succeeded, we eventually caught them and made them face judgment.  But the fact that humanity genocided an entire race, doesn't sit well with us and we have been looking for an opportunity to atone."

I took this all in, it was a lot… it took me a few minutes, no wonder everyone was so afraid of them. I cleared my throat.

"So if i understand this… you committed genoside and by stopping the Xinali, you see that as like… undoing that?"

"No… what we did cannot be undone." Abassador Orrilluon said, "but we hope it can be forgiven." 

Evil biology facts that fill me with Fear :)

hey, I heard y’all like evil biology facts like knowledge about horse blood types.

well! today I was researching alternative biochemistries extraterrestrial life could use and. man. I think Earth life is fucked up enough for me thanks

biological dark matter. WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY BLOOD HAS DNA IN IT FROM NO KNOWN SOURCE. YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT COME BACK HERE

One specific cave that has been sealed for 5.5 million years and has developed an ecosystem completely dependent on chemosynthetic bacteria.

Was anybody going to tell me that bacteria have decided iron is yummy and are eating the Titanic, or was I supposed to just read that myself

Terrible Berry (yes, that’s what the genus name means). This whole thing is so fucked up. These scientists were testing whether radiation could be used to kill pathogens in food, so they dosed a tin of meat with enough radiation to kill any known living organism (as one does) but guess what, it still fucking spoiled because of THIS BASTARD FUCKER.

(seriously, why is it like this? WHY has a bacterium evolved to chill in radioactive waste like it’s a soothing Jacuzzi tub? What does it know that we don’t know?)

(ANSWERS. I WANT ANSWERS, YOU CHERNOBYL ASS BITCH.)

Cursed worm, which has no mouth or digestive system and depends entirely on five (5) different species of bacteria, which consume hydrogen sulfide, hydrogen monoxide, and carbon monoxide, for food. How do you, a worm, even...figure out how to do...all that?

Bone worms. At least they like their bones already dead. I still could have gone without knowing this was a thing.

“Oh, parasitic plant, that sounds c—WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING”

I am like half convinced this is made up. Seriously, bacteria grow their own electrical wires and we just let them?

that’s not ominous at all

I love subtitles to but am I the only one who has a problem where, even when I hear the dialogue i still look at the subtitles and get distracted then go back to actually watch the characters

Scion=What if Superman was a murderous space whale instead of immigrant?

Superman= Superhero who is coded as an immigrant/alien that is the subject of controvery because he supposedly 'doesn't belong'.

Brightburn= What if Superman's people were evil and despite growing up with a loving family, found out about his origins and relented to his nature?

Homelander= What if Superman was evil, and didn't grow up with a loving family but rather seen as an experiment and weapon and not as a person or individual?

Omni-man= What if Superman was raised on his home planet and was a colonizer and supremacist, rather than an immigrant?

holy fuck universal gaslight god is terrifying but the fact the press secretary is so scary is so good, and the best part he might not even realize it

like i’m 50/50 does he know what he’s doing or is Shrews whole area actually just way more fucked up than inner Glottage and those threats don’t really exist in Glottage