It Keeps Getting Better

that is a different way to make a fort then i learned but it looks comfier then the ones i have made 

Humans are space orcs: adopting a human

Ok ok ok, last humans are the weird ones, I promise! (I am also a god damn liar.)

So this ailien crew is finally retiring their beloved human/orc friend who has thrown them through the ringer so many times they’ve learned all the weirdness that comes compacted in that apex predator from earth.

It’s really sad when they have to let their human go because ofcourse besides being a space-orc their human was also space-glue and made them all love it and want to be friends forever. But their human has a family it wants to get back to and tell all these wonderful adventures they all had together. So its good bye.

But soon after the human leaves the ship and goes to their family on this fringe-y colony planet that all the races in the galaxy agree can’t be settled but humans are sending their fifth colonizing attempt anyways because fuck it, it’s what we do, the colony succumbs to a terrible natural disaster. The ailien crew rushes ba ck to save their friend (and reallynanybody) but alas, all they find is their former crew mates body clutching a small screaming bundle.

A human baby.

Well its only right to take it with them right? Yeah! To honor their friend! To have a new friend! Besides they are EXPERTS in dealing with a full grown human. A baby human has to be a breeze in comparison right? Right!

So they adopt it.

First they name it Clamchowder in honor of the human tradition of naming children in hopes of they having qualities linked to the name. It was very, very carefully selected name.

Then they discover in very rapid and horrible sucsession: Human babies don’t speak Human babies don’t walk or move much on their own Human babies do not regulate their excrement at apropriate intervals Human babies need to be interacted with and physically touched or they waste away (that was a close call untill Clamchowder latched onto Moongah the extremely fuzzy first mate) Human babies need special diet, which does not include bottles filled with engine grease. Another close call. Human babies will put EVERYTHING IN YHER MOUTH OH NO SPIT OUT THE CONTROL BUTTON PLEASE!!! And it never ever ever stops screaming, ever!

Ultimately the crew decides that this is a whole new set of problems, and even gthougb they really wanted Clamchowder to be like their dead parent they eventually realize that this is a complete different adventure.

So they become baby experts too.

Me a genderfluid😊😄

be like Thor, be there to support your loved ones,accept who they are and celebrate them

Ok but aliens reacting to Human Reflexes:

I don’t know if I’m late to this trend or anything but if Earth is indeed a death-world, let’s just say for this instance it is, Humans have developed reflexes because of the constant danger living on Earth imposed. Our world is wonky and dangerous, so we adapted. So imagine aliens surprise when we show up one day on a ship as a new recruit for the team, (Not really a specific job or anything the new Human is around for various reasons. No one knows them all because the keep changing and making more), and all is going as normally as it usually goes with the Humans, and one team got a human that is not easily startled, so the crew makes a game out of who can scare the human. (Everyone is terrified of the human, and are really glad that they are allied every time someone tries to do it) and one of the aliens actually manages to startle the human and they are shocked by how the human reflexes are. Since most of the advanced sentient life forms are probably prey species, [since creatures who have a lot of meant in their diet would probably not get along very well] so, this alien successes in triggering the human reflexes, and this is how it goes down: Alien: *does what their species does to scare off predators to startle the serious human* Human: *Immediately launches a counter attack and almost injurs the alien* “HOLY SHIT ZEKRATEL, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING DO THAT?!?! I COULD’VE HURT YOU. Your really freaking fucking lucky that I managed to stop the reflexes in time.” Zekratel: *their species version of crying & cowering in fear while human is getting of them from holding a knife to their throat.* “W-w-wha-t w-was-s t-tha-at…… Henry…” A different alien named Alezeb: *is helping Zekratel up and recover* What is a ‘reflex’, Henry??? Henry: *standing up* A reflex is a built in thing for humans. It’s our bodies reaction to what it perceives as dangerous, or a threat. That’s what happens when your species evolved on a death world. We don’t control it, but luckily I was able to catch it in time to not hurt Zekratel.” k. CNN. The entire fucking crew (minus the other human) that saw it: “What the fu-?”

Happy Easter y'all!!

the person is a mood

this is so funny

good to know

I, of mostly sound body and spirit, request that if I’m ever to die, someone post a new work on my AO3 that says “sorry, she died, ongoing stories postponed forever” because don’t I want my fanfic buddies to think I ghosted them. Amen or whatever you say in a will.

Magic Marinette

Marinette is Zatanna’s older cousin and can practice magic herself. Her magic is different however. For most low level spells she simply has to think of what the spell is intended for. For a harder spell she needs to chant much like Zatanna.

Marinette practices at home with her Uncle Zatara occasionally visiting with Zatanna. Magic comes naturally to Marinette, she likes to claim that it just flows in and out of her.

Keep reading

about periods

they’re the worst

make sure you have Comfy Clothes

heat packs/hot water bottles? absolute essentials

if you don’t have them, lying on ur stomach helps LOADS

if you’re feeling nauseous, the smell of peppermint eases the nausea. no one likes throwing up. if you don’t have an aroma diffuser, drip a few drops of peppermint oil into a cup of water, smell it if you feel like puking

chocolate !!! especially dark chocolate

hot drinks, like soup,,,,, or tea !!! hot tea is so nice during periods, and it has health benefits !!

ice cream is nice but not great for periods :( TEA IS GOOD !!!!!!

this list goes out to anyone who doesn’t have periods as well. if u know someone who has periods, know that cramps are bitches. help them out.

sometimes the nausea gets really bad, but ALWAYS REMEMBER TO EAT REFULAR MEALS. when u wanna puke eating is hard, i understand sweetie but even a snack. not eating makes the nausea worse.

if the cramps get real bad, remember to BREATHE. unclench your jaw, loosen your shoulders and neck, breathe in for 4 seconds, out for 5. repeat.

if there’s someone to rub ur back or play with your hair, ask them to !!

seriously, it feels better

periods are like small demon babies that bloat your stomach for five days and make u feel icky, you deserve someone to rub ur back for ten fucking minutes goddammit

keep hydrating. water, tea, whatevs. but hydrate.

pee regularly, change your pad/tampon regularly. REMEMBER THIS. set reminders if you need to.

play some chill music, watch a sitcom

REMEMBER THE HOT WATER BOTTLE. THAT SHIT IS A LIFESAVER

i’m lying on my stomach as i type this now and i feel the sweet warmth blossoming in my sad bloated stomach where the bad gremlin period baby is hiding

THIS GOES OUT TO PEOPLE WHO DONT’T HAVE PERIODS

THIS GOES OUT TO PEOPLE WHO DONT’T HAVE PERIODS

THIS GOES OUT TO PEOPLE WHO DONT’T HAVE PERIODS

THIS GOES OUT TO PEOPLE WHO DONT’T HAVE PERIODS

THIS GOES OUT TO PEOPLE WHO DONT’T HAVE PERIODS

THIS GOES OUT TO PEOPLE WHO DONT’T HAVE PERIODS

seriously please help us we are but sad uterus-bearing souls haunted by stupid blood babies

please

good luck period-bearers ily all

oh yea if you sleep a certain way (on your stomach, on your side, etc) make sure to adjust your pad so that you won’t leak

borax is good for cleaning period stains