WC: 1515
Ships included: Tomzen, Frenrey in background, old men in background
@inkzectz idk if I should continue this, but here's a free trial of university professor x military recruiter. i opened the wiki so much i've learned so much. Forzen is canonly stupid, stubborn, and a compulsive liar
-Story begin-
Professor Tommy Coolatta, early as he normally is, watches as the new recruiter starts setting up his table by the entrance. The previous one, a young man called Corporal Shepherd or something like that, got called back to the frontlines. The new one is dressed in full military gear, something most of the students have probably never seen before. His face has a nasty scar running over the left side of his face, and there’s a notable gap where his left eye should have been. He notices Tommy staring and pulls an eyepatch over his eye, shooting the professor a glare. Tommy, ever the oblivious one, decides to greet the man.
“Hello!” Tommy smiles at the recruiter, holding his box of papers aside so the man can see him better. “What’s your name?”
“Forzen.” The man grunts, unfolding a chair and setting it by his little stand. He takes a deep breath and stands up straight, looking Tommy in the eye. He’s a little shorter than Tommy, although Tommy is abnormally tall.
“Well, hello Forzen! I’m Dr Tommy Coolatta. I take it that you’re the new recruiter here?”
Forzen sighs and glances away. “...yeah.”
“Uhm…” Tommy trails off, his smile turning a bit more awkward. It’s hard to talk to somebody who doesn’t really respond. “What, uh, squad are you part of?”
“Team-S Nice. I’m the only one in it.”
“Oh, that’s cool! You must be highly skilled to be in your own team. Your boss must think highly of you. What rank are you?”
“O-5.” Forzen pauses. “I’m a, uh, sergeant.”
“Alright! I teach Biotechnological engineering in room 404, if you ever want to chat.” Tommy waves. “See you later, Sergeant Forzen of Team-S Nice!”
As Tommy walks away, he reflects on the conversation. That was weird, wasn’t it? What does “Team-S” even mean? And what kind of name is Forzen?
He bumps into Professor Jason Bubby, who snarls out a curse. Bubby had been holding a cup of hot coffee, and was now trying to get said coffee out of his shirt. Tommy quickly apologizes and moves away. Bubby didn’t like anyone, but that’s okay. He’s going to retire soon. Tommy still kind of liked the man, in a weird way. Yeah, Bubby is rude and has very few redeeming qualities, but he’s a very efficient professor. He’s so friendly with his husband, Dr Harold Coomer, that it gave Tommy whiplash the first time he saw them together. Bubby lights up whenever he talks about Dr Coomer, even if the subject is gruesome. Like that time Bubby went into detail about how Dr Coomer needed a colon replacement, and how Dr Coomer uses Biotech legs and forearms.
Tommy shows his school ID to the guard at the door, who lets him in with a disinterested hello (what was his name again? Barrey? Bourey? Oh, right, Barney. Officer Calhoun). Tommy gives Officer Calhoun a quiet hello back, then waves as he sees another guard following a fellow science professor.
“Hello, Mr Freeman!” Tommy calls over. “Hello, Officer Benrey.”
Professor Gordon Freeman and Officer Benji Reymond wave back, calling a greeting. Everybody shortens Benji Reymond’s name to Benrey, the first three letters of his first and last name smushed together. Gordon, despite having a PhD, preferred going by Mr Freeman over Dr Freeman. He says Dr Freeman makes him feel old, which he’s not, he’s only 27. Benrey… well, nobody knows exactly how old he is, or if he’s human. He doesn’t really act human sometimes. Dr Coomer is 69, and potentially has minor dementia. Bubby doesn’t tell anyone his age, sarcastically saying a very wrong answer when he’s asked, such as 6, 420, and newborn. Tommy thinks that he’s about 60 or so.
“Hey Tommy!” Gordon calls, walking over. “Did you see the new recruiter?”
“I did, yeah! I met Sergeant Forzen just a moment ago. Do you think he’ll be around for the whole semester?”
“Yeah.” Benrey leans against their partner. He grins, smiling with a mouthful of sharpened teeth. “He had to fill out a form saying how long he planned on staying, since he requested room and board.”
“He looks kind of like you.” Tommy notes, peering under Benrey’s helmet.
“Huh? What’d you mean? I don’t look anything like him.” Benrey blinks slowly. Benrey has always looked a bit sickly with his grayish skin and yellow-tinted eyes. That shade over his eyes… Tommy had assumed that it was because of his helmet, but his helmet is tucked under his arm at the moment. His hair looks like the color at the bottom of a bottomless pit, matching the shadow over his eyes. Tommy supposes he shouldn’t judge Benrey. After all, he isn’t exactly fully human either.
“I mean, he sounds like you and kind of acts like you.” Tommy corrects himself. If this were a game, Benrey and Forzen would probably have the same voice actor.
“That doesn’t mean anything though?” Benrey stares at Tommy. “I- uh, does he have his, uh… passport?”
“WHAT.” Gordon butts in, his mouth dropping open. “Why would he have his passport??”
“It’s a, uh, rule. Gotta have your passport.” That was true, actually. All staff members needed to bring their passport. It’s a new rule. Good thing Tommy brought his, although it seems that Gordon didn’t.
“Why the F-”
Tommy leaves them to their bickering, instead choosing to continue his way to room 404. It’s upstairs, in one of the smallest classrooms. The dean had told Tommy that he didn’t need a bigger room, because of how niche his class is. Tommy passes Bubby’s class, already starting to fill up, then Gordon’s class (which only has a sleep-deprived looking young adult drawing at one of the tables). He goes up the stairs, pausing only to grab a soda from the vending machine. He greets former students as he passes them.
After Tommy’s class, he heads for the library. He needs to print out some papers, and that’s the most convenient place. Yeah, he could go to the computer lab, but that’s in the furthest building. The library is just one building over, in the English department. He waves hello to Forzen again just as a snowflake hits his nose. The forecast had called for snow, but Tommy had hoped it wouldn’t start until 3, when his classes ended.
“Hello, Sergeant Forzen of Team-S Nice!” Tommy calls over. Forzen wrinkles his nose at Tommy, evidently not pleased by the name.
“What.” Forzen spits out. The sleep-deprived young adult looks up at the sound from where they were scanning over the papers that Forzen had laid out. Tommy doesn’t recognize them.
“Aren’t you cold?” Tommy stops by the stand. He’s not exactly sure what to do. Should he smile? Say something more? He settles for putting his hands in his pockets.
“Why do you care?” Forzen gives Tommy a nasty look. The young adult looks trapped, like they really want to leave but they don’t want to be rude.
“Because I’m a nice person.” Tommy shoots back at Forzen, turning his attention to the young adult. “Hello! I haven’t seen you before. I’m Dr Tommy Coolatta. Are you a freshman?”
“I, uhm. Yes…? I’m… I go by a lot of names. Maybe Fae? No. Uhm…”
Tommy takes pity on the young adult. “How about Sam?”
“Oh, that works!” Sam lights up. Forzen scoffs.
“That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard.”
“Nobody asked you.” Sam snaps, then immediately makes a face of regret. They quickly excuse themself and hurry off, heading for the dorms. Poor Sam.
“Why are you such an a-” Tommy whips his head to Forzen.
“UGH, so annoying.” Forzen interrupts. Tommy pauses, mouth half-open. He sputters out a few offended sounds as Forzen gets to his feet. Forzen’s spine makes a popping noise, which Forzen pauses and grumbles about. Tommy watches, flabbergasted, as Forzen casually strolls away. Forzen pauses for a moment.
“Je ne t'aime pas, même si tu as un beau visage.” Forzen shoots over his shoulder.
“What does that mean?” Tommy, despite being fluent in multiple languages including Latin and Ancient Greek, never learned French. He’s the leading edge in Musica Orationis, or as it’s commonly known at Black Mesa University, “Sweet Voice”. Benrey often spoke with the strange musical bubbles. Tommy had used some of the alien DNA the biology department had to make Sunkist, and Sunkist ended up speaking in only Sweet Voice. This led to the idea that Sweet Voice isn’t actually a language at all, but is instead biological.
Forzen, of course, only flips Tommy off and continues walking.
OH MY GODDESS, I forgot I replied "elf free trial" on a post, and somebody REPLIED.
I was SO confused about what Dollar Store elves were.
I want a list of all the (english) webtoons that don't star twinks with concerningly detailed muscles, PLEASE. Please add to my list if y'all know of any
I'll start:
Return of the Runebound Professor, The Lone Necromancer, Surviving the Game as a Barbarian, Warrior Executioner, The Knight Only Lives Today, Return of the Mad Demon, Bad Ending Maker, Paranoid Mage
Honorable mentions:
Chronicles of the Demon Faction (dilf reborn as twink), I Was the Final Boss (actual goat demon reborn as middle aged man)
Vice.....
The bun jumped onto the seat and immediately fell off and went to cry under the couch 😔
100% canon!
(Also little insect buddy is so cute!)
Inked insect I want you to know that everytime you post I get filled with joy and excitement your art is amazing and real nice to look at. Also everytime I get a notification from The Lambda Archives I also get rlly rlly excited bcuz it's one of the best AUs ever and all you've been doing with it, the symbolism, the entities, everything is real clever and fits so well it's really exciting.
Continue being awesome
AAAHHHH TYYSMM!!! I genuinely cannot express enough how happy I am that people are liking la:ai!! 🥹
Anyways here’s a sneak peek to the TRUE lambda archives ending
So this was the unanswered messages in my ask box a couple of days ago:
and this is the unanswered messages in my ask box today,
and I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who has said such nice things about the season, and I'm sorry to everyone who had emotions they weren't expecting, and I'm impressed that so many of you have theories and don't plan to answer, validate or really even comment on any of them, but mostly I'm just sorry because I probably won't read whatever you've sent, not because I don't want to but because if I was doing nothing but reading Tumblr asks as a full time job I still wouldn't catch up with the thousands of asks coming in.
I'm glad you care.
why do so many people like this
why is this my top post please i made these in an hour
I wanted to practice painting, so I struggled to make @worthlesssix's Courier Six. I know it's bad, but I tried.
Then, I gave up on painting and made my Courier and the crew. (I just realized I forgot Rex, but I'm too sick to go back and fix it..)
The lady who bites my ankles and her more energetic brother who pees on my floor
There's just something about fictional people slowly getting corrupted until they can't recognize who they used to be. Love me some fictional folk.
Eyestrain version:
I am citizen Shaima from Gaza City. I ask you to help me with 30 euros so that I can provide treatment for my little girl, Jourie. Please help me and save the life of my little girl, Jourie. May you be well.💔🙏🙏😭😭😭https://gofund.me/039f98da
May God bless you and your family, Shaima. I hope your daughter gets the treatment she needs. I'd give y'all all the money I can, but I am unfortunately a broke college student. Still, I'll be praying for y'all.
It's a he/they situation. I take commissions for art and fics. I'm not going to respond to anything that's not an actual ask.
99 posts