Jackforeman​:

conrad fisher | tsitp 1.06

mmuscles​:

growing up, thad’s family had staff who did the trivial things for them like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, so this little trip to the supermarket wasn’t exactly his idea of fun, or even necessary. his motel room was pathetically barren of anything other than a bottle of wine and some leftovers. he grew tired of having to mingle with townfolk at restaurants each and every time he got hungry, so here he was, begrudgingly picking up some stuff. thad didn’t even know how to cook. his cart was filled with an unappetizing assortment of junk foods and frozen meals. it was worth it to spend some with nancy, he figured. 

sighing, thad pulled his crumpled, chicken scratch grocery list out of his pocket and tried to locate what he had and hadn’t picked out. he was itching to get out of the place, especially after arguing with an employee about melvald’s limited stock. he didn’t understand why the store didn’t carry kale or pate. to him, that was like a bar not having beer. ridiculous. 

right as he was starting to get his bearings, a cart crashed into the back of his ankles, causing him to yelp and snap his head around. he looked at the other with utter disgust, “hey pal,” he began, “i’m trying to grocery shop? do you fucking mind?” he asked. the unaware stranger seemed to be just like everyone else in this town. stupid, reckless, etc. first that moron cole dented his car, then there was that freak on the street with the walkman, and now this wastoid? when was it going to end? he scoffed turning back around, “yeah, i’m sure you’re real fucking sorry…” thad shook his head, then looked back at his list. well, while the other was here, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask, “hey, do they sell like, caviar here?”

Adam flinched as he hit the other person, not usually so clumsy or careless. And typically it wouldn’t matter - the other person would forgive him and move on with their life. But not the guy in front of him. Instead, he seemed really and truly pissed, which Adam felt like was a bit of an overreaction. “I said I was sorry,” Adam repeated, eyebrows pulled together in a frustrated expression. He wasn’t used to this much hostility from anyone, let alone a stranger. 

Adam was ready to move around the guy and get the hell out of here, until he heard the stranger’s question. “What’s...what’s caviar?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice; Adam wasn’t sure he’d ever heard that word before, honestly. “Whatever it is, I doubt we have it here.” It wasn’t like there was another store in town he could suggest, so the guy would just have to suffer or drive up to Indianapolis or something. “But the ramen’s pretty good, not too hard to make or anything.” It was kind of the only thing Adam could successfully make without under or overcooking it. “I can show you were to find it, if you want?” 

scribblcs​:

in most instances, gabe preferred to show his hand, and adam was no exception. he smiled, clearly amused with his apprehension. he didn’t think it unwarranted, or strange, but it was mildly entertaining to see him twist himself in knots over something as simple as his name. while it was endearing in a way, it was also sad. they hadn’t even dug that deep and gabe already had an inkling that adam was in for a brutal awakening once he learned words like self awareness and setting boundaries. so, sure, it was somewhat funny to watch him squirm, but more than anything, gabe knew a warm smile could do wonders, and he hoped if anything it would help adam feel at ease. “dr.gabe is fine.” he said finally, “whatever makes you most comfortable, adam.” he said it in a way where he hoped adam knew that went for anything that went down in his office. 

“gardening is the grooviest.” gabe agreed with adam, watching the wheels turn behind his eyes. he was thinking. he knew that sharing didn’t come naturally to some people, most people, actually, so he bluntly prompted adam to share with the class, “what are you thinking about?” he asked, then followed it up with, “i saw you go somewhere.” he drew a line from his own eyes, straight up to the clouds. he couldn’t be clear enough and reminded adam, “that’s not a demand or an order, just if you feel like it.” if all of his hunches about adam were correct, it would probably be very easy to pressure him into sharing information and that wouldn’t make this process effective at all. it had to come organically. 

he set his pen down, nodding as adam explained that this was his standard day. this cole being up in the ranks with adam’s mother and sisters had gabe raising a brow as he proceeded to prompt him, “oh? tell me about cole.” he picked up his pen again, curiously, but didn’t bring it to paper quite yet. when adam finished disclosing his morning routine, gabe let that hang in the air for a minute before he looked at him very seriously and asked, “so what do you do for yourself? in your day to day?” 

Adam tried to relax as he sat on the couch stiffly. Adults usually weren’t a problem for him - Adam had always been charming. With a sweet smile, good manners, and genuine kindness, adults tended to love him. Adam didn’t need Gabe to love him - or like him even; he just needed to get through this hour without feeling too judged. Right now, he didn’t feel too bad about the experience, but it was early. “Okay,” Adam nodded, biting his lip as he stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. Whatever made him the most comfortable. In most situations, Adam didn’t know what that was, but at least this was a good baby step. As they went throughout the session, Adam could figure out what else he was comfortable with. 

Wrinkling his nose at the word grooviest, Adam laughed before he could stop himself. Yeah, this guy was old. Younger than Adam’s dad, but still middle aged. Still someone who used words like groovy. As he was called out for not sharing, Adam turned to look at Gabe guiltily. He relaxed slightly when Gabe assured him he didn’t have to tell him where he’d gone, though. “Just thinking about flowers.” He shrugged, since it wasn’t a lie. Specifically, he’d been thinking about Cole and flowers, but Adam wasn’t sure he could trust Gabe with the fact that he had a boyfriend. Adam didn’t know him, but he did know that men of his generation - hell, even men of Adam’s generation - could handle the news that someone was gay poorly. “And about your writing,” He nodded towards the notebook in Gabe’s hand. “Did I say something wrong?” Dr. Gabe probably wouldn’t tell him, since it was about him, but Adam just didn’t understand what about his day was so interesting that it deserved a note. 

When Dr. Gabe asked to hear more about Cole, Adam fidgeted in his seat. It wasn’t that Adam didn’t want to talk about Cole - he would love to. He just didn’t want Dr. Gabe to tell his parents about it, or someone in town or something. “We’ve been really close since high school,” Adam said honestly, not defining the nature of their relationship. “Uh, he’s really smart. He used to be my tutor, actually. We’ve always hung out a lot, especially since I got back.” If Adam were being honest, they’d been sort of attached at the hip since Adam’s sophomore year. He couldn’t imagine life without Cole - he’d changed every single thing about Adam’s life in the best possible way. At Gabe’s question about what Adam did for himself, Adam paused. It...felt like a trick question. What did he do for himself? He sat in silence for a minute, thinking about the answer before glancing back up at Dr. Gabe. “I don’t... I don’t know. Hang out with friends?” He offered, wondering if that was a good enough answer. 

jofcreman​:

what happened? the way he opened the door, so non-chalantly, the way his brows drew together in worry, surely feigned concern for her brother, made jo’s blood boil. she flexed her hands, stopping herself short of letting her palm meet his cheek. no, the neighbourhood thought she was insane enough as is. truly, it was only her position at the post that spared her from their neighbour’s open ridicule. because a girl scoring a job like that, she had to have at least an ounce of sanity in her, right? even if she dressed like that and talked like that and behaved like that.  but god, adam richards’ face did look extremely punchable right about then.

her judgement was clouded heavily by red hot rage, jo exhaled deeply through her mouth a couple of times to ground herself. countine one, two, three in her head. as much as she wanted to end him right then and there, she needed to get to the bottom of this. if not for her sake then for jack’s. “jack’s okay. considering.” brows still drawn together, jo scrunched up her nose in disgust. considering she was standing in front of his best friend and presumed murderer. considering he had died at the hands of who he’d trusted most. this wasn’t right. “we need to talk, richards. alone.” and, with her voice lowered and leaning in, she added:  “about the summer of ‘85. remember? when you killed my brother?”

Jo seemed.... angry. With him. And Adam wasn’t sure why. What had he done to Jack? The last time they’d talked had been at the carnival, when Adam had beaten him at Down a Clown, but this was definitely unrelated to that. Before that, it had been when Adam had come out to Jack and told him about dating Cole - but Jack had seemed fine with it! So Adam couldn’t understand what he had done to piss Jo off in the last few days. 

“Considering?” Adam repeated, raising an eyebrow in confusion. Consider the carnival? He hadn’t thought Jack got hurt - he hadn’t seen him in the hospital. But maybe he had been? Maybe Jack and Jo were made that Adam hadn’t come to see him? “Did he get hurt or something?” He asked. And then he got his answer on why Jo was upset with him. 

“I...killed Jack?” Adam repeated, freezing where he stood on the front porch. “No, I didn’t. No,” He shook his head, taking a step back and running into the door. “No, because I wouldn’t...” No, Adam wouldn’t do that. He would never, ever lay a finger on his best friend. But Adam wasn’t Adam when he blacked out, was he? And there was a whole week of his life in 1985 that Adam had no memory of, except for the time he’d nearly strangled Cole. If he had almost done that to the love of his life, what was he capable of doing to his best friend? “Oh my god...” Adam slumped backwards into the house, leaving the door open for Jo to follow. Without being able to stop himself, Adam doubled over the trashcan, throwing up the contents of his stomach at the thought of killing his best friend. His teammate. The guy he’d spent countless nights hanging out with in high school, the boy who’d come over and watch movies with him or join him at parties. The man he trusted more than almost anyone else, and who should have been able to trust Adam too. 

“I don’t remember doing that,” Adam sunk to the floor in his kitchen, tone almost a whisper despite them being alone now. Head in his hands, Adam pulled at his own hair. “I love Jack. He’s my best friend. How could I... how could I do that?” He asked, knowing Jo wouldn’t have an answer. 

loverboymontgomery​:

Of course Cole wasn’t okay. How could he be? His broken rib was nothing compared to the way his heart was splintering and cracking with every tear Adam shed. Losing him had been the worst pain Cole had ever felt, but sitting next to him and watching him break was a close second. The confusion and fear in Adam’s eyes, while expected and completely understandable, made Cole want to take it all back– say it was just a joke– beg for forgiveness. 

But now, Cole couldn’t avoid it. He couldn’t avoid the truth, and Adam wasn’t going to let him avoid his feelings. Since Adam came back, Cole felt like he was walking around with a bomb strapped to his chest– like it was only a matter of time before he’d be destroyed again. As if he hadn’t cried enough, Cole’s eyes welled up in response to Adam’s urgent tone, the way he was peering into his soul.

“No,” he choked out, wrapping Adam’s hand into both of his. “I thought I was going to lose you again.” Cole’s voice was barely above a whisper, and his hot tears fell onto their hands. Saying it out loud took Cole back to that place– the moment at the carnival when Adam started acting different. The terror in his chest at the thought of attending another funeral for the love of his life. Cole didn’t realize he was having trouble breathing until he felt Adam’s hands on his shoulders, willing Cole’s chest to stop constricting. “I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life. I can’t do this– life– without you… that’s the truth,” he lifted his gaze to Adam’s face and squeezed Adam’s hand tight, as if a tight enough grip would save him.

They shared a contemplative silence, and Adam finally moved closer to Cole. Relieved, he shifted his legs over to give Adam space to occupy, a way to feel his closeness. Cole’s chest felt heavy in an entirely different way than his head; he knew loving someone this completely was the greatest risk he could take. He always knew it would hurt somehow, but never anticipated this– the way his entire life lost meaning when Adam died. The way he didn’t feel like himself, much less like a person, without Adam Richards to look at him with a knowing smile or wrap him up in a hug or laugh at jokes that went over his head. 

As Adam wiped away Cole’s tears, Cole leaned his head against the other’s hand, held him there for a second. He knew with more certainty than he knew anything else that if, when he met Adam Richards for the first time, he could see the future– all the love and all the pain– he would choose him again. 

When Adam started crying, processing the information Cole had dumped on him, Cole instinctively pulled him closer and rubbed circles in his back. He hated that there was nothing he could say to make this better; he hated feeling powerless to help. At Adam’s question, Cole met his eyes and nodded once, confirming Adam’s fears. Cole carded his fingers through Adam’s hair as the other cried into his shoulder. “You won’t. I won’t let anything bad happen,” Cole whispered into his boyfriend’s hair. 

Cole’s stomach dropped; the one thing he wanted to keep from Adam, the moment he wanted to take to the grave, had somehow resurfaced in his memory. For a beat, he considered denying it, but he’d never been able to lie to Adam. Adam always knew. Cole’s hold on Adam tensed and he pressed his lips to Adam’s temple a few times. “I know, baby,” he murmured, “That was before. Right before you died… I know it wasn’t you.” Cole’s eyes welled up at what Adam was saying. “You stopped it from hurting me. You stopped it.”

Gently, Cole cupped Adam’s face and angled him up, so Cole could see him. He couldn’t stop the smile pushing up his lips when Adam called him Walden. In Adam’s eyes, all of Cole’s fear melted into tenderness and he felt his body relax. It was going to be okay. They would get through it together. “I know you do. And I love you more than anything, Adam Richards. I’ll love you forever.” 

Adam had spent his entire life trying to be good and kind and helpful. He tried to be the perfect son, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect Catholic, the perfect teammates - just perfect. He had made starting quarterback as a sophomore, and that came with expectations and pressure from the town, from his coaches, from his teammates, from everyone. Adam had always done his best to live up to the image that had been created of him after his picture had been in the paper after the first football game he’d helped the Tigers win years ago. 

But somewhere along the way, he must have done something wrong, something worth damning him to being a weapon for someone else. Adam wasn’t allowed to feel sorry for himself, though, not when he was the one doing the hurting. Those who were guilty didn’t deserve pity - the lives they had destroyed did. Five people were dead and countless were hurt, and the forest commune were the cause even if they hadn’t meant to be. Adam shouldered the guilt of what they had done, adding it to all the weight he carried there already. He was a modern day Atlas, it was so deep in his DNA that Adam was afraid he couldn’t stop if he tried. 

But hearing Cole admit he wasn’t okay? That was the hardest thing he had ever listened to. If Adam hadn’t already been crying, that would have made him start. He had always cried when Cole cried, devastated by seeing the scars Cole still bared from losing Adam three years ago. “Baby, I’m so sorry,” He told him. The moment Cole’s breathing starting getting uneven, Adam immediately squeezed his hand to try to reassure him. He felt powerless watching Cole right now; seeing how deeply affected he was by the thought of Adam dying again. “I know,” Adam cried, wiping his tears with the back of his free hand. His heart broke for Cole, because Adam couldn’t promise that he would be okay. He couldn’t swear to still be here with the dust settled. Because if he had learned anything from the last few hours, it was that he had no control over his own life anymore. 

As Adam shifted closer to Cole, he sat in stiff silence. His death had shaped Cole so much more than Adam even realized before now. Of course he knew Cole had missed him - obviously, he did. But the fact that Cole couldn’t live without him? It felt like someone had taken Adam’s heart in their hands, wrapping it tightly in their fists and squeezed it until it stopped beating all together. Cole had to be okay without him; not because Adam planned on dying or leaving any time soon, but because it would kill Adam to know that if something did happen to him, Cole wouldn’t be able to keep going. Adam needed him to, because if anyone deserved a happy, loving life, it was Cole Montgomery. Adam wanted him to find a job he loved, buy a house somewhere pretty and warm, just like they had always talked about. He wanted him to find someone who could make Cole just as happy as Adam did. If Adam couldn’t grow old with Cole, he wanted someone else who would treat him perfectly to get that experience, because Cole deserved a happy ending.

 And as much as Adam wanted it to be him beside Cole, holding Cole’s hand on a porch while they talked to their grandkids, he couldn’t promise him that. Not right now. 

As Cole leaned into Adam’s touch, the grip on Adam’s heart gave one final squeeze. No one in the world deserved the love Cole Montgomery gave to him, that he’d given him since they were in high school. Tears fell from Adam’s eyes as he thought about how much good Cole had done for Adam over the years. If they had never met, Adam didn’t know who he would have even become. Every part of his life had been shaped by Cole Montgomery, and he knew Cole felt the same. 

He cried harder at the love he felt from Cole rubbing his back, thinking about how much he didn’t want to lose this. If he had to, he didn’t want Cole to be alone and broken without him, but... at the end of the day, Adam was still so young. There were so many things he’d never gotten to do. Dying at nineteen meant that he’d lost so much, and maybe coming back now was a blessing. Adam just wished it didn’t come with the condition that he might black out at any time and become a monster hellbent on hurting others. “You can’t control this,” Adam said tearfully, shaking his head at Cole insisting he wouldn’t let anything happen to Adam. 

Adam cried as Cole confirmed that it had happened, that Adam had been horrible to Cole right before he died. He had nearly killed him - he might have, if he hadn’t momentarily been able to stop himself. He pulled Cole closer, tucking his face into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. “But what if I can’t again? What if I’m not strong enough? Cole, I don’t want this,” Adam gasped, shoulders shaking from the sobs racking his body. “I don’t want to do this, be this. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially you.”

Adam couldn’t control this any more than Cole could. Neither of them could guarantee that this wouldn’t end in tears, with one or both of them dead. But for a moment, Adam let himself believe that maybe they could face anything as long as they were together. Maybe they could figure this out, stop whatever was controlling Adam. Maybe it would be alright in the end. “I’ll love you forever too, Cole Montgomery,” Adam whispered, kissing Cole’s cheek feather light, so gently he couldn’t possibly hurt any bruising there. 

NEW GIRL 04.02 “Dice”

WHO: Adam Richards & Anyone !

WHAT: Visiting your hometown grocery store as an adult and Hating It

WHERE: Melvald’s 

Once upon a time, going out in public was fine for Adam. A trip to the grocery store probably meant catching up with the his parents’ friends if he ran into them, and going to the diner included getting one or two girls’ phone numbers ( that he never called ). He was used to the attention - it was always positive. 

Sure, the pressure of being Mr. Perfect got to Adam at times, but it was manageable back then. He knew it wouldn’t be something he’d have to deal with forever, because one day, he and Cole would leave for San Francisco and all of this would be left in the rearview mirror. 

That was before he’d died decided to live in a commune for three years. Now, every trip out meant plenty of questions about where he had been, why he had left, what sort of things had happened there. And Adam was sick of it. But that didn’t mean it could go away entirely. 

Pushing a shopping cart through the aisle of Melvald’s, Adam kept his head low, avoiding eye contact. The sooner he could pick stuff up for his mother and get home, the better. But no matter how much he tried to keep a low profile, it didn’t seem to work. Rounding a corner quickly to avoid his sophomore Algebra teacher, Adam accidentally bumped someone with the cart. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” He apologized, hoping he hadn’t hurt the person too badly. 

jofcreman​:

where: the richards residence

what: adam richards, watch your back.

who: @goldenboyrichards​ + jo.

following the incredibly awkward and horrifying talk the three foreman siblings had had in their basement, jo had wasted no time, grabbing her bag and booking it to where she remembered adam to live. her sister’s words rung in her ears, jack’s mortified face a constant image in the back of her head. ‘adam richards killed you?’ echoing through her skull, the source of a newly surfaced pounding migraine. ‘he said it would be ‘all over soon’.’ 

it was as if she couldn’t tell left from right, right from wrong anymore. she didn’t understand - but then again, maybe it wasn’t for her to understand. all that she knew for sure was that three years ago her brother had died. and now he was back from the dead, claiming that adam had killed him. god, she felt stupid. how she, for years, had discarded all the clues people called into the post pointing towards something supernatural happening in town. as it turned out, it was true - hawkins was cursed.

and jo felt posessed with rage and anger as she stormed up the stairs to the front door, knocking furiously. “adam richards!”, she called out between knocks, chest heaving. “you’ve got some fucking explaining to do, shitbird!”

Adam had gotten home from the hospital not long ago, assuring his mom that he was fine and that Cole and Chrissy were fine ( Chrissy hadn’t even been there, not that his mom cared ). In truth, Adam wasn’t doing so great right now, but he didn’t really think he had a reason to complain. After all, he’d been part of the people who had caused the destruction. He’d helped Billy, Melissa and Heather with the explosives, even if he hadn’t lit the match. Even if he had blacked out - it had been his body doing the task. 

The worst part was the not knowing. Not knowing when the blackouts might come back, not knowing what was causing them. Not knowing what he had done to deserve becoming this. 

He’d switched off shifts at the hospital with Beth, and Cindy was at a friend’s house, so there was no one to complain when he hogged the shower after his parents left to go grocery shopping. Adam smelled like smoke, sweat, alcohol, and antiseptic, a disgusting combination that he was ready to be rid of. He wasn’t sure he ever would be, though; the scent felt ingrained in his memory. Once he’d finally gotten out and thrown on a shirt and athletic shorts, he heard frantic knocking on the front door. 

Adam Richards. He knew that voice - one of Jack’s sisters. Shit, had something happened to Jack? Adam wrenched the door open, stepping back in case she reached up to knock on it again. “What happened?” He asked, looking to see if Jack or the other Foreman sister was with her too. “Is Jack okay? Did he throw up the black stuff again?” Was Jack in danger? Adam was worried about his best friend, worried that maybe he had blacked out again and done something crazy. 

zccming​:

max watched as adam danced around her and maybe it was untimely, but she laughed. it was a dry, hollow laugh, one that indicated that she didn’t find him funny, but his behavior ridiculous. from what she had heard about adam, she quickly made an assumption about what this was, and boldly told him, “i’m not afraid of you.” she said it casually, then was sure to let him know, “you don’t have to act like such a freak.” he probably felt guilty, which made sense. max didn’t think he had any reason to and truthfully she hoped her dismissiveness of his precaution would help him believe that. at least a little bit. 

inducting people in the hawkins shit show of supernatural nonsense weren’t exactly max’s favorite conversations, but she calmly, cooly answered any questions adam might have. she might know cole, but she didn’t know him, so even in the wake of tragedy, her walls were firmly up. “it’s probably something new. we’re calling it the doppelganger.” the name rolled of her tongue and left a bad taste in her mouth. if max wasn’t careful, she probably would’ve frowned at adam’s next question. he was so scared. max wished that nobody had to be scared about this shit anymore. “we’ve done it before…” she confirmed, then counted out on her fingers and held up four of them, “four times, but, i wasn’t here the first time. it’ll get taken care of.” it felt kind of wrong to say, she was making it sound too easy, but max was trying to mask her own fears and convince someone else it would be fine. how else was she supposed to do that without a little bit of dishonesty?

apparently i did stuff like this before. adam’s expression fell so far max bit back the urge to say i know. his request was a heavy one, but as her eyes flicked to cole in the hospital bed, max wasn’t sure how she could say no. and more importantly, she didn’t want to. if she had it her way, she’d be in cole’s spot right now. but like life had shown her time and time again, she wasn’t a person who got her way. not over the things that really mattered anyway. max looked back up to adam and nodded, “yeah…” she took a deep breath, “yeah, i got you, totally. you won’t.” the energy in the room was so tense at the possibility of push coming to shove, max tried to cut through it the best she knew how in the presence of a stranger and she made a joke, “i’ll kick your ass, richards. don’t have to ask me twice.” knowing that wasn’t exactly what he asked, max dropped her wall for a split second and offered a more sincere, “i’ll make sure he’s safe. won’t even tell him you asked me either.” she mimed a zipping over her lips, “our secret, if you want.”

Adam blinked in surprise when Max openly pointed out that she wasn’t afraid of him. He wasn’t used to people being so blunt - even Cole had been known to sugarcoat things for Adam from time to time. No one had ever looked Adam in the eyes and called him out on something like that before, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Oh, um,” He nodded, brow furrowing in confusion slightly. “Good to know.” Adam didn’t know what Max had experienced before that made her not scared of him, considering how he’d acted at the carnival, and he was kind of worried to find out. Cole had mentioned she’d told him about the Mindflayer, so she had to know that that was what had turned him into this in the first place. At her calling him a freak, he frowned but said nothing. He’d been feeling a lot like one lately. 

Before Adam had found himself at the center of the fucked up stuff in Hawkins with the rest of the tree commune, he hadn’t paid much attention to it. Back when Cole’s previously unknown brother had gone missing, Adam had been concerned and had done his best to support Cole. It had been a scary time, but not too weird from an outside perspective. Not enough for Hawkins to really seem cursed or that fucked up. But now, Adam was wondering how deep all of this truly went. What had he missed out on over the years? “The Doppelganger?” Adam repeated, nose scrunching up at the name. What did that even mean? Where were they getting these names from? “It’s what controlled us at the carnival?” He asked Max, unsure of how much she knew about this thing. She seemed collected, confident - but he wasn’t sure if that was a façade or not. Four times made him feel better, honestly. That was a pretty decent track record. “Have you all ever lost before?” It was a fair question, all things considered. He wasn’t sure if it would piss Max off or not though. 

She didn’t seem shocked by his admittance; Cole must have told her either before he came back or after. He was just so scared of hurting Cole again, of not being able to stop himself like he had the last time. Adam didn’t even know how he had stopped himself, just that he hadn’t squeezed the life out of Cole despite the dark, twisted voice in his head telling him to. Maybe the next time that voice took control again, he wouldn’t be as strong or as lucky. “...thank you,” Adam told her quietly, looking sadly at Cole lying still in the hospital bed. His heart monitor was beating steadily, and that calmed Adam down a bit. “Yeah, good,” He laughed in surprise at Max threatening to kick his ass. “Just make sure he’s alright. And yeah, please don’t tell him I asked.” Adam glanced back over at the younger girl, glad she was offering not to tell Cole. Maybe they should - but Adam didn’t want him to be upset with either of them over the request. 

colemontgomeryx​:

Cole’s heart leapt into his throat at Adam’s pleading tone. He wished he hadn’t said anything, and just let Adam go on believing that he’d gone away to a commune. But Cole had never been able to lie to Adam, nor did he ever want to. He knew that, although it was entirely too much to understand, Adam would want to know. Maybe he even needed to know, so he could stop punishing himself for ‘leaving Cole.’ But only when he was ready, only on his own terms– Cole felt a pit in his stomach as he remembered Max’s description of the Mindflayer and how it possessed its victims. Something akin to rage flared up in Cole’s body thinking about it hurting Adam, but he buried the feeling for now. That was something to ask Max about later.

Meeting Adam’s eyes, Cole shook his head. “Please stop apologizing,” he said, brushing a stray tear off of Adam’s cheek. It made his chest physically ache to hear the pain in his voice.  “I don’t blame you. I know it wasn’t your fault.” Cole’s eyes welled up again as he offered Adam a smile. “I’m just so glad you’re here, that you’re okay. I love you. I always will.”

Cole paused again, barely resisting the urge to kiss away his questions. “I might have some answers… about what happened. We can talk about it, whenever you’re ready,” he promised, taking Adam’s hands and squeezing them for comfort. Distantly aware that they were still on the Richards’ front porch, but unwilling to leave Adam, Cole tugged on his hand. “Want to come over to my place?” he asked, knowing that his house afforded them more privacy, as it was only him and his mom. 

Adam wasn’t ready to process something like that. How could anyone ever be? Being faced with your own mortality - knowing that you’d died - it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t possible. Adam couldn’t believe it because it just couldn’t be real. Dying and coming back three years later wasn’t something that could just happen. 

He knew it had been summer, the last time he really remembered anything. Adam had been working at the pool with Billy Hargrove and Heather Holloway. He remembered talking to Billy after work one night, something he wouldn’t usually do, and then... then mostly nothing, until he woke up in the woods a few days ago. A brief flash of a fight with someone, maybe. Adam didn’t remember. 

It was the not remembering that scared him the most, besides the thought that he could have died. How did someone forget three years of their life? 

Before he could spiral too far, Cole was grounding him back to reality. Whatever had happened had happened years ago. Right now, in this moment, he was safe because he was here with Cole. And Cole wanted him to stop apologizing for leaving him. Adam leaned into his touch, choking back a sob when Cole forgave him. I know it wasn’t your fault. It didn’t fully relieve Adam of all of his guilt, but it did make him feel a bit better. “I wouldn’t have left you.” He agreed, slumping against Cole. “I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t mean for it to.” Adam pulled him close again, needing to know that this was real just as much as Cole. “I love you too. I always have.” 

They could talk about it when Adam was ready. But... what if he was never ready? He hoped to be at some point, but right now, he just wasn’t. He had never been the sharpest knife in the drawer - his teachers had never accused him of being smart. But this just wasn’t something Adam could rationalize. He couldn’t understand it. Maybe Cole knew people who could, and maybe they should talk to them. Just... maybe later. Adam squeezed Cole’s hand, nodding his head. “Let me tell Mom,” He replied, pulling Cole with him to the front door. 

“I’m heading over to Cole’s. I’ll be back,” Adam promised as he ducked his head back inside the house, ignoring the panicked look on his mother’s face at the mention of him going anywhere. She was so scared he’d run away to the woods again, Adam knew. He hated that he’d ever made her worry that much.