Around When I First Started Dating My Boyfriend I Bought Myself This Novelty Blanket That Looks Like

around when I first started dating my boyfriend i bought myself this novelty blanket that looks like a photorealistic tortilla because I am SUCH A SUCKER for novelty shit. when he saw it in person for the first time his eyes lit up, which should have been a warning sign for the indignities to come.

so he’s a first responder and his day shifts start obnoxiously early as far as I, a pampered corporate asshole, am concerned. almost invariably when he’s at my place there will be an alarm at an hour that is downright unconscionable that will make him wake up and roll out of bed to get ready and will simultaneously make me burrow under the pillows grumbling about how surely nobody actually NEEDS their lives saved this early in the morning, after which I will promptly attempt to go back to sleep

he is a clever man and he knows this is when i am most vulnerable to attack.

every single time we do this dance, he quietly dresses, packs up, goes about getting ready to leave, and then when i have juuuust fallen back asleep, he returns with the tortilla blanket. He finds it no matter where I have hidden it.

He then creeps silently up to my side of the bed and uses his superior speed, strength, and reflexes to wrap me up in it incredibly tightly while i am still dazed and sputtering, so that i cannot move my legs or arms and am reduced to humiliating halfhearted magikarp flops that do not deter him from at least attempting to kiss my forehead.

then he goes to my bedroom door, opens it, then pauses, turns around, looks at me, the soft human filling of the facsimile of an enormous burrito he has just constructed, and says in his best romantic lead voice “I’ll see you soon, beans.”

you cannot understand how devastating it is to my ego that i am beans.

More Posts from Giadinaye and Others

1 year ago

the worst is wanting to create and create and create but being trapped in a body that is so so so so tired


Tags
me
1 year ago

Dear Mr. Neil Gaiman

Is there hope?

Signed a Scared teenager

There's always hope. Sometimes it's the last thing left.


Tags
3 years ago
Here’s A Fanart Commissioned By My Friend! He’s My Friend’s Ingame Dofus Character. :D

Here’s a fanart commissioned by my friend! He’s my friend’s ingame Dofus character. :D


Tags
2 years ago

can someone please be proud of me like fuck I’m trying


Tags
1 year ago

lets hear it for transgenderism and faggotry. can I get a round of applause for transgenderism and faggotry

2 years ago

The person I reblogged this from is someone I enjoy seeing on my dashboard.


Tags
1 year ago

God didn't give me a dick cause he knew I'd be abusing that thang. Call me mourning wood the way I'd be fucking trees

1 year ago

Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess


Tags
Loading...
End of content
No more pages to load
  • m0naca
    m0naca reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • m0naca
    m0naca liked this · 1 week ago
  • swizzlevixen
    swizzlevixen reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • swizzlevixen
    swizzlevixen liked this · 1 week ago
  • alonewildbird
    alonewildbird reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • big-naturals-alchemist
    big-naturals-alchemist reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • big-naturals-alchemist
    big-naturals-alchemist liked this · 1 week ago
  • positive-platypus
    positive-platypus liked this · 1 week ago
  • resemblingthegrave
    resemblingthegrave liked this · 1 week ago
  • lecalcifer
    lecalcifer liked this · 1 week ago
  • littlesparkles
    littlesparkles liked this · 1 week ago
  • hazybaconbit
    hazybaconbit reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • sheepwithbraces
    sheepwithbraces reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • toe-stubber
    toe-stubber liked this · 1 week ago
  • sunnyohsotruee
    sunnyohsotruee liked this · 1 week ago
  • alex-86311
    alex-86311 reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • alex-86311
    alex-86311 liked this · 1 week ago
  • hazzardluck
    hazzardluck liked this · 1 week ago
  • ducktoothcollection
    ducktoothcollection liked this · 1 week ago
  • saturniade
    saturniade liked this · 1 week ago
  • galaxypotatochild
    galaxypotatochild liked this · 1 week ago
  • w0rkinpr0gr3ss
    w0rkinpr0gr3ss liked this · 1 week ago
  • waywardfondue
    waywardfondue liked this · 1 week ago
  • lilenoire
    lilenoire liked this · 1 week ago
  • hound-of-heaven
    hound-of-heaven reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • bow-and-beg-before-me
    bow-and-beg-before-me reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • hairjel
    hairjel liked this · 1 week ago
  • fruitseason
    fruitseason reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • briochebread
    briochebread liked this · 1 week ago
  • disast3rtransp0rt
    disast3rtransp0rt liked this · 1 week ago
  • thestarscanalwayslookatus
    thestarscanalwayslookatus reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • randomfandom4091
    randomfandom4091 reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • randomfandom4091
    randomfandom4091 liked this · 1 week ago
  • iconicprince
    iconicprince liked this · 1 week ago
  • bunkettle
    bunkettle reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • bamboozled-and-alone
    bamboozled-and-alone reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • earlofearlgrey
    earlofearlgrey liked this · 1 week ago
  • bamboozled-and-alone
    bamboozled-and-alone liked this · 1 week ago
  • heart-shaped-coffee
    heart-shaped-coffee liked this · 1 week ago
  • subunit-a
    subunit-a liked this · 1 week ago
  • gawain-the-tax-evader
    gawain-the-tax-evader reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • gawain-the-tax-evader
    gawain-the-tax-evader liked this · 1 week ago
  • dirtfacedyke
    dirtfacedyke liked this · 1 week ago
  • quaking-cabinet
    quaking-cabinet reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • fish-that-yells
    fish-that-yells reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • schniggles
    schniggles liked this · 1 week ago
  • fufesworld
    fufesworld reblogged this · 1 week ago
giadinaye - Giadinaye
Giadinaye

a lil artist on the internet ^^ Aro/Ace potato, 21 yo, any pronouns!

78 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags