I Cannot Begin To Explain To You The Disappointment I Felt On Finding Out That “match My Freak” Was

Fuzzy's January 2025

I listened to three audiobooks this month, which is two more than I usually do. I also read academic books, articles and more, as well as blogs, stories and news online. This has brought a lot of amazing ideas and concepts to my mind and inspired me to write and blog more. It has also made me feel anxious, but the latter is more due to the current state of the world. It's been a January, you know.

Great Queer Provocation

Queer, recognition-based envy is a pendulum swinging between one’s own wish to unfold freely as an individual, and the overwhelming greed/need to be valued for conforming.

I can feel this quote.

The desire to be completely normal remains unfulfillable in queer existence, and yet it’s a concept that some want to chase after forever—or feel they have to.

The chapter refers to the individual striving to be normal as in conforming to current societal norms, i.e. cis-hetero-allo-normativity. It's an individual urge/need as opposed to being different and striving for a collective normalization of queerness.

The model of a queer, recognition-based envy is the theoretical attempt to explain why certain queer individuals refuse an apparently logical queer solidarity.

Think of those queers who ostracize other queers in an attempt to conform to the society as it is today, instead of striving for normalization for all queers. That's what this chapter is trying to explain.

Recognizing queer others means reducing one’s own capacity to conform to the norm, and reduces the appreciation shown for the subjugation presented.

Goessl, M. J. (2024). Great Queer Provocation: The Seriously Playful Recognition Game. transcript Verlag. https://www.transcript-publishing.com/978-3-8376-7385-2/great-queer-provocation/

Knowledge

intellectual work, such as research (the creation of new knowledge) and learning (the creation of new knowledge within oneself)

Jonsson, B., Nunnally, T., & Cuir, G. D. (2001). Unwinding the Clock: Ten Thoughts on Our Relationship to Time (Unabridged Edition). Audio Literature.

Touch Grass

Lesson 13 got me thinking. It has a lot to do with physicality. Snyder summarises it as follows:

13. Practice corporeal politics. Power wants your body softening in your chair and your emotions dissipating on the screen. Get outside. Put your body in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people. Make new friends and march with them.

I'd summarise it more like this: Touch Grass.

On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons

Which lesson would you like to know more about?

Do not obey in advance.

Defend institutions.

Beware the one-party state.

Take responsibility for the face of the world.

Remember professional ethics.

Be wary of paramilitaries.

Be reflective if you must be armed.

Stand out.

Be kind to our language.

Believe in truth.

Investigate.

Make eye contact and small talk.

Practice corporeal politics.

Establish a private life.

Contribute to good causes.

Learn from peers in other countries.

Listen for dangerous words.

Be calm when the unthinkable arrives.

Be a patriot.

Be as courageous as you can.

Snyder, T. (2017). On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century. Crown.

Queering Libraries

While libraries have always been queer, libraries have not always been openly queer. And they still aren’t, although we’ve made some small strides.

What do you think it is that makes libraries (openly) queer?

[...] the white cishetallopatriarchy that continues to be the accepted norm in libraries, despite the harm it causes.

What are your thoughts on how we can change this?

Smith-Cruz, S., & Howard, S. A. (Hrsg.). (2024). Grabbing Tea: Queer Conversations on Identity and Libraries. Volume One. Library Juice Press.

My thoughts

What is it that makes libraries (openly) queer?

It's the diversity of collections, the tags and classifications used to make collections accessible, the way collections are presented, the way libraries present themselves, the way libraries and librarians engage in reflection on societal norms as well as their own, and the way they speak out to support and care for the most vulnerable communities they serve. The line between being queer and being openly queer seems to be blurred. For some it's already being open to actively use queer tags. For others, it starts with reflection and open engagement. I certainly lean towards the latter. It's about self-reflection, engagement and using their institutional voices.

How can we change this?

Firstly, you cannot do it alone. Not as a single library, not as a single person. You need a community. You need communities. Not just to make change happen, but to understand what needs to change and how. Secondly, you need to listen to those who raise their voices on issues and aspects where your first reflex is to say that cannot be considered at the moment, or not until other issues or aspects have been addressed. It's not about doing everything at once, it's about adjusting plans, taking into account multi-faceted and multi-layered perspectives, planning ahead together and giving everyone a say. Third, don't let differences of opinion divide your community. Don't let differences of opinion divide your communities. Look at the bigger picture together. Care for all vulnerable communities. We are all human beings.

Universities these days

Faculty members hold more power than many realize. Without their labour, research and expertise, universities cannot function.

Unfortunately, universities that no longer function are part of the goal, aren't they?

The US administration might hope that academics will remain siloed, too consumed with their own work — or too afraid — to resist. However, if faculty members unite across institutions, they can become a force that the federal government cannot ignore.

Hopefully, STEM will not abandon the humanities.

But words won’t be enough. Faculty senates must formally call on universities to refuse compliance. Such resolutions aren’t just symbolic — they create a record that can be cited in lawsuits, the media and advocacy.

If thinking about all of those who already lost, is not motivation enough, think about those who will see what you do now or in the distant future.

If faculty members are to take a stand, universities must back them up — protecting academic freedom, defending academics against retaliation and refusing to cave in to intimidation. [...] For some, organizing against this directive would not be just an act of resistance, it would be an act of professional and personal risk.

Hoping that universities, states and local communities will support their researchers and institutions.

Global institutions must also take a stand.

Don't forget that

[...] it’s not just in the United States. Rollbacks are also taking place in parts of Europe, for example.

And after all and most importantly:

This anti-DEI directive is not just an attack — it’s a test, a probe to see how much resistance universities will muster. Staying silent will not prevent more attacks. The only way to win is to act — together, decisively and now.

This is not a drill. It is a defining moment.

Calisi Rodríguez, R. (2025). ‘Silence is complicity’—Universities must fight the anti-DEI crackdown. Nature. https://doi.org/10.1038/d41586-025-00667-2

Research and Simplifications

Simplifying gender and sex into binaries can make research easier. However, scientific research is not the pursuit of what is easy.

This quote came to mind after someone I was talking to told me that they were now including women in their research designs. They were obviously expecting a reward or a pat on the back. Then they remembered who they were talking to and added that this made things complicated enough and dismissed anyone outside the binary. I can hardly put into words the inner fury I felt as I stood there and listened to their justifications.

Orthia, L. A., & Roberson, T. (Hrsg.). (2023). Queering Science Communication: Representations, Theory, and Practice. Bristol University Press. https://doi.org/10.56687/9781529224436

Consensus and Privilege

Consensus is produced by privileging particular perspectives.

Haslam, S. A., Alvesson, M., & Reicher, S. D. (2024). Zombie leadership: Dead ideas that still walk among us. The Leadership Quarterly, 35(3), 101770. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2023.101770

My name is Fuzzy

Hearing someone say my Twitter and Tumblr username out loud is pretty much a spiritual experience.

Oseman, A. (2018). I was born for this. HarperCollins Children’s Books.

I can't overstate how much this quote means to me. So many years ago I came up with the username Leapfrog for a wiki page. It's based on a method used in numerical analysis and it is used in numerical weather prediction models, which is what I was working on at the time. Not much later, I started my first public social media profile, but Leapfrog was already taken. So I added Fuzzy. It's based on fuzzy logic, so again something I was just learning about. Whereas Boolean logic is based on only two truth values,

Fuzzy logic [...] is a special many-valued logic which aims at providing formal background for the graded approach to vagueness.

Novák, V., Perfilieva, I., & Močkoř, J. (1999). Mathematical Principles of Fuzzy Logic. Springer.

That is how I became FuzzyLeapfrog, or simply Fuzzy.

Both words capture my nature and soul very well. I always try to find a numerical solution, while acknowledging that the world is more complex and vague than that.

So I've been called Fuzzy online for over a decade now, but gradually Fuzzy has also found its way into offline interactions. It's not just about me though. So many people I meet offline are people I met online and we very often address each other with our online names anyway. This has brought me so much joy and probably caused a lot of confusion for people who are unfamiliar with our online names or even the concept of online names.

Anyway, it doesn't matter how often I hear it, having someone acknowledge our online connection by calling my Fuzzy loudly offline is an endless source of inner joy. I am Fuzzy.

The Enemy

The Professors Are the Enemy.

So, according to J.D. Vance, I am the enemy. For people like him, education and knowledge are almost as frightening as empathy and compassion.