Flying-thoughts - Just Derya

I can't express myself like I want because of fear. I want to loose this fear and I will.

From dear Derya to Derya's heart

I don't write to you anymore, I write to myself. because in this story I was the most tired, the most silent, the most understanding.

All this time I tried to understand you, out of a sense of sisterhood, out of loyalty to the family, out of a debt to the past, but now I realise: understanding doesn't mean I have to forgive.

You have expressed your reality many times. but I tried to swallow my own experiences and feelings.

Each time it stayed in my throat. Even in my dreams it sat in me like raw meat, the taste of which still lingers on my palate.

I don't want that taste anymore.

I no longer try to digest the relationships that hurt me.

I no longer silence myself.

I no longer feel guilty.

And most importantly: I'm on my own side now.

You won't have the last word. Because this is not a court of law. This is my life. And only I decide which door to leave open.

That's enough now.

This letter is not about you, it's about me.

I'm liberating myself.

I'm blessing my fragility.

And finally, I choose to hear my own inner voice.

With love,

Derya

Peaceful 🌸🌿

Fountain in the Park Marquayro (1905) by Henri Martin

As I began to love myself 

I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is "AUTHENTICITY".

As I began to love myself

I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it "RESPECT".

As I began to love myself

I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it "MATURITY".

As I began to love myself

I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it "SELF-CONFIDENCE".

As I began to love myself

I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it "SIMPLICITY".

As I began to love myself

I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is "LOVE OF ONESELF".

As I began to love myself

I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is "MODESTY".

As I began to love myself

I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it "FULFILLMENT".

As I began to love myself

I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection "WISDOM OF THE HEART".

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know that is "LIFE"!

✨ Hıdrellez Rhyme ✨🤲🌿

On the eve when spring takes flight,

Hızır walks in golden light.

Wishes tied to branches sway,

Hope will blossom with the day.

Leap the fire, let shadows burn,

Luck will turn as seasons turn.

Dance upon the waking earth,

Miracles are given birth.

Water whispers, winds conspire

Hıdrellez sparks the heart’s desire🤲🌸

"I choose not to respond to these messages.

Because it's a way for me to keep my soul.

Not responding is not disrespectful,

an expression of my self-respect.

The guilt is not mine.

The burden I carry no longer belongs to me.

I want to heal, not fight.

And that's why I hear myself most where I am silent."

A poem by Christian Morgenstern, who would be 154 years old today.

"This goes out to you":

It's for you and me and everyone:

Be more, talk less,

say less, ask less, complain less,

turn the heat inwards more;

keep our tongues in check,

not always repeating the same old

phrases and places,

shy away from phrases and grimaces in everything;

Examine slowly, like to be modest,

avoid all quick prejudices;

suffice ourselves in the indispensable,

Simplify ourselves, reverence ourselves,

one from childhood to old age:

strive to become wise, wise.

**A silent encounter in Ximen's living heart**

The day was long and tiredness had me firmly in its grip. In my hotel room, I didn't feel like going out again - but something inexplicable finally drew me into the evening streets of Ximen. The area pulsated with life: colourful lights, laughing people, the muffled sound of the city. But in the midst of this hustle and bustle, I came across an oasis of calm - a temple hidden modestly between the modern facades.

The red lanterns cast a warm light on the carved wooden gates and the scent of incense hung in the air. I paused for a moment in front of the altar with the *Mother of Heaven* (天上聖母), mesmerised by the peaceful atmosphere. Here, between the whispering prayers and the golden statues, the hustle and bustle of the city seemed like a distant memory.

I lifted the camera and captured a few details: the ornate lettering, the *"Southern Show of the Guanyin Bodhisattva "* (南燕视世音菩薩), the simple elegance of the *Huade Dehua Temple* (华治德化堂). Each picture told of a world that took its time - a contrast to the restless hustle and bustle outside.

As I left the temple, I felt light, as if this chance encounter had reminded me of something important: that there are always places of calm in the midst of chaos, if you are only prepared to see them. The evening ended with a smile - and the certainty that it had been exactly the right moment to leave the room after all.