— David Cronenberg, Consumed

— Carol Rifka Brunt in Tell The Wolves I'm Home

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Gentle Spirit

— Khalil Gibran

Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier The Defiant Ones (1958) dir. Stanley Kramer

{Words by José Olivarez from Citizen Illegal /@fatimaamerbilal , from even flesh eaters don't want me.}

Dont be afraid of losing people.

Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone.

~ Coco (2017)

— Jenny Slate, Little Weirds

— Anne Michaels, from "Infinite Gradation," originally published in October 2017

CSM rant. The tragedy of the Hayakawa family

The tragedy of Aki Hayakawa was not only his own, but also Denji's own suffering. What Makima did was to raise a dog. What She did was to build a foundation in which Denji could grow, flourish as a human being, using both Aki and Power as the core of this little dysfunctional rag tag trio, only to rip that away in the cruellest way possible. Destroy his home in front of his eyes, by his own hand.

Home is a person. Aki Hayakawa was already a gaping hole of loss and grief. And Power had no sense of what human connection feels like. They Worked as a perfect beat for Denji to bite into. For Makima, Denji was a dog and Power and Aki were the meat of an animal you fattened up to kill and feed the dog.

What was more disturbing is that, not only did she used Denji's own vulnerability against him, but also Aki and Power’s. She meticulously played her cards and chose those two as they work the best. When you are lonely for such a long time you simply try to grapple with whatever you can get your hands on. For Aki however, it was rather peculiar. He never really managed to cope with his loss. Which led it to fester and rot silently. He chose to keep the wound tender and burning as it would simply fuel his single minded death parade to kill the gun devil. But what he didn't expect was for him to feel so profoundly for each and everyone around him, he was still just a guy. He chose to build walls around himself, wear his cold anger on his face, to put on that unapproachable facade that led people to view him as a stoic jerk. But what he also wore was his heart on his sleeves. And somehow, some people choose to stick with him. Himeno being a prime example. The thing is, he lets people in without realising it. Because somewhere in him, he carves the connection.

And Denji, despite not looking like it, is highly sensible and empathetic when it comes to forming bonds and connection with people. It goes beyond his horniness but rather something that his teenage self also carves, the need for nurture and for a shoulder to lean on. Which is exactly what Aki is. He is stoic, he is a perfectionist and he knows how to take care of and nurture someone and to simply put, he is everything Denji needs in a guardian.

I guess I really want to talk about his sublit but prominent suicidal tendencies too. But let's save that for later.

With Power, it's something else but also not so different. The thing is, fiends also have empathy and feelings, they aren't exactly the heartless nightmare fuel that are often their devil counterpart. Power is kind of a different case then Denji and Aki. In where Denji chooses to shut his brain in order to make himself feel at home, and Aki simply ( trying ) to give his middle finger to establishing connection ( and failing to do so miserably ) Power is surprisingly open about it. She lets her emotions control the best of her. She is willing to bash Denji’s head open and probably get herself killed just to save her cat. And that openness is something that both Aki and Denji get more and more comfortable in. Power is selfish, she's a brat, but she cares. With her you don't have to pretend as she also has nothing to hide.

But Makima actually failed to fathom exactly how DEEP this connection between those three ran. And definitely not the outcome it will lead to.

And Denji himself as a person. Makima underestimated him a big time.

It's lowkey a fucking rant. I needed to proceed with the absolute psychological fuckary Makima dumped on those three unfortunate individuals. So yeah. It's kinda 'yap without any closure on sight ' kinda rant.