THEY MEAN SM TO ME
Do you ever think how Neil was trained to react to danger quickly? How it was ingrained into him since birth, to act on instinct, to act immediately, and still Aaron beat him to it?
How when it came to Andrew, Aaron didn’t even need that split second Neil took to assess the situation before he went for the kill? There was no hesitation, not when it came to him.
Aaron, who usually watches conflict from the sidelines. He’s not familiar with those instincts, his body doesn’t have that same muscle memory associated with violence.
And yet:
“Neil sees too much blood and too much skin. He knows what he is seeing, but can’t believe it yet. That doesnt stop him from leaping at Drake.
Aaron is faster.
Aaron barrels past Neil and brings Neil's racquet up and around in an underhanded swing so hard and fast air whistled through the tight strings.”
Faster than Neil.
it if I had a nickel for every YA book with two deeply traumatized and touch starved characters exploring their intimacy behind a closed bathroom door during a critical turning point in the plot while their friends are chilling outside I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice
idk smth about them reminds me of the other
I think Andrew's desperation to live is a little overlooked in the fandom. It's not explicitly stated in the books, other than his SH scars, but I honestly think it is so important to understanding him and his motivations.
Did Andrew ever plan to live past graduation? Before Kevin came along and promised his life would have worth? Did he plan on disappearing when Aaron eventually walked away from him? Believing nobody would notice if he was gone?
He clung on purely for Aaron, to make sure Aaron had a bright future ahead and could go live without him. To make sure that Nicky could go back to Erik without worry.
Before Neil, Andrew didn't believe he had anything to live for. He made a very one sided deal with Kevin to find something, anything, to build his life around after graduation, believing his brother would leave him alone once again.
Because at the heart of it all, Andrew doesn't want to die. Not really.
Andrew has chronic depression and he is suicidal. He sits on the edges of roof tops to feel. He puts his life on the line again and again with little regard for his own safety. He makes promises that put him at a severe disadvantage.
His promises are what keeps him alive, what forces him to live. Dying would break his promise, and Andrew has suffered enough from broken promises.
He doesn't want to die. He wants to survive those who beat him down. He wants to move on. He wants to get better. He wants to live.
He just doesn't know how.
Minuscule fox pile 🦊 🧡 🦊
cemetery drive
Forwards, beckon, rebound
I'm so soft for it every time a character calls their lover "angel" or "sunshine" and their lover is literally a dark edge lord self-destructive menace to society who has committed more crimes than countable
the sexual tension between me and unread books on my bookshelf
honestly i haven’t seen much ppl here talk about this but FUCK TOM WHATEVER THE FUCK IS HIS SURNAME MANS WAS SO FREAKING IRRITATING GO ADAM!